Your Views On 'Smacking' children.

reply to post by getreadyalready


Reading this is beyond frightening to me. By creating a constant environment of turmoil you're keeping your children in a constant state of uncertanty about their decisions because they do not have clear boundries for reward and punishment. This is further compounded by your activly trying to keep your children guessing.

Sadly this type of environment is probably the most detrimental thing child can grow up in because they never establish a internal sense of confidence, as well as a terrible ( or none at all ) self-image.

Most personality disorders are triggered by variations of this type of environment. I would implore you to reconsider your parenting methods, as i grew up in that type of environment and cannot form deep relationships now because of it. I sincerely doubt that's the gift of life you wish to give your children.

My thoughts here are as follows, I really recall my Dad driving us up North to our cottage and it was a long drive.
I got smart ass in the car and Dad said " if you don't knock it off I am going to start swinging here"
Myself and my older brother laughed out loud and continued doing what you do to piss off the old man.
No doubt he was full of bluster and what could he possibly do to us while driving on the highway.

We forgot the fact that he was a retired gunner for the Canadian Navy and was out of the service for only about 22 years or so since WW2.
He pulled over and got swinging big time for sure, damage to me and my brother was nil, the scare factor was off of the scale and we never screwed around in the car again.......I mean never.

It had no ill effect on me because I learned a good lesson there, when you piss someone off and know you are doing so, expect repercussions.

It worked for my dad and myself and brother.......every trip after that to the cottage was quite peacful.
Regards, Iwinder

If deserved they should get a whack from time to time. I believe it humbles a child a way wordss can't, especially if a child is cocky enough to get in your face. They should be taught at a young age that people don't stand for that #.

Originally posted by Magnificient
reply to post by ALOSTSOUL

 

I think a parent using their hands to punish a child is the result of them lacking the mental ability to control and discipline their children.

Had you the mental ability to control a kid like I was you'd move mountains which your thought... I deserves some foot up my ass and I got them... I can show you a bunch of kids that didn't and they turned you by far lower on a social and economical point of view...


If you choke your kid all his live and over protect him he's going to suffocate and soon as he'll turn in age he's going to doing crazy stuff in clubs and taking all the dope he/she can put their hands on... Give them lots of leach so they can make errors on their own and when they deserve give a good pull on that choker...

Wasn't it no more than 3 months ago that a "help specialist" kid shot herself? Tell me she didn't have the mental capacity and ability to control she had a paper trail in that...

reply to post by Evil_Santa

By creating a constant environment of turmoil

I don't know what you've been reading, but we have anything but a constant environment of turmoil. The kids have very good routines, very clear guidelines and rules, along with plenty of playtime, and lots of love. They are doing extremely well in school, and in sports, and they rarely get in any trouble.

Perhaps you took my suggestion of punishment by giving them what they least suspect as turmoil? I think you misinterpreted it. If they screw up, and they know they screwed up, and they come tell on themselves even before I have a chance to notice, then they get a small lecture, and a large amount of praise for being honest. If I catch them in the act of doing something stupid, they get anything that could range from a silent stare until they see me staring, and they know they are in trouble, all the way to a quick pop on the hand or butt before they know I am there. In this way, they get the same shock, surprise, sound, and a little pain and it all is equated with whatever bone-headed activity they were in the middle of. When they think they are going to get a timeout, and they are fine with it, instead I make them do chores. When they think they are going to apologize and move on, instead I give them a timeout. I don't want them deciding some form of punishment is an acceptable risk and doing something anyway.

For instance, my 5 year old is extremely smart, also a bit of a know-it-all, and he will readily admit that he thinks he is smarter than his mother, and he is constantly calculating things in his mind. So, he might intentionally disobey something she says, because he has figured out that it usually gets him a timeout, or he might have to apologize to his little brother, or me might not get to watch TV, but he decides to do it anyway. If I can catch him in the act, I can smack him and he doesn't expect it, or if I can see by his smirk that he got busted, and he's ready to accept the penalty, instead I make him do something he wasn't expecting. It is quite comical sometimes, and even he will laugh about it by the end of the punishment, because he knows what he did was wrong, and he knows the punishment was deserved.

There is certainly no "environment of turmoil" at my house. Someone said it earlier, but it is a shame we can't all spend time with each other's kids to really get a chance to see results vs. methods and see what works and what doesn't.

reply to post by Iwinder

It had no ill effect on me because I learned a good lesson there, when you piss someone off and know you are doing so, expect repercussions.

What?? Repercussions for stupid decisions? No one to blame but yourself? Personal responsibility?

What are these things you speak of? These are not part of parenting in the new millenium. There is no call for personal responsibility, when instead we can have a blameless society and a nanny government. This is heresay you preach! Down with you witch.

Originally posted by getreadyalready
reply to post by Iwinder

 

It had no ill effect on me because I learned a good lesson there, when you piss someone off and know you are doing so, expect repercussions.

What??

Repercussions for stupid decisions? No one to blame but yourself? Personal responsibility?

What are these things you speak of? These are not part of parenting in the new millenium. There is no call for personal responsibility, when instead we can have a blameless society and a nanny government. This is heresay you preach! Down with you witch.

Laughing here, yes I know these so called "repercussions" are only available on ATS or the back seat of my Dad's 67 Chevy with my mom looking out the front window humming a jingle that said something like you had it coming boys.
:-)
Regards, Iwinder

reply to post by InfoKartel


A swat on the rear is NOT a beating. A beating is with balled fists, a bat, a brick, a chair, repeatedly hitting the head against the floor or wall. Making the skin break and bleed. Rendering the person unrecognizable. Knocking them out. Putting them in a coma.

None of which a swat on a hand or rear will result in.

I'm very against child beating.
A child hand/rear swat is totally fine.

Good grief.

Guy's! Watch this (Below) , funny and truthfully, LMAO

I know! leave it to the one of 5 major media outlets in the G5 to spin the truth!

This is typical inflammatory rhetoric coming from a puppet parliament. blame the youth for their behavior, while the damned Monarchy and her ministers in the "union" avoid accountability? sounds like media lies.

The State is known for disrupting the home in my Country. The people in power are the ones that create the opportunities in your place of residence. Dont blame the disenfranchised...

They do the same in america by focusing on welfare and the poor and unemployed, while Corporate-Govt (yes, its fascist) make those figures seem pretty petty.

In these parts, we call that propaganda.

Originally posted by InfoKartel
Simple:

You do not lay your hands on a child. Do so and go to jail.

Simple enough yeh?

I'm willing to bet that virtually every single one of you that are against spanking children were spanked as children yourselves.

And you would be lying to claim otherwise.

Yet you all turned out great people, did you not?

There's a difference between spanking and abuse, knowing the difference is what makes you a good parent or an abusive one.

If you don't know the difference, I daresay you are an unfit parent, and questioning those who do know the difference makes you look incapable of raising disciplined children.

reply to post by yourignoranceisbliss

WOW this was the most sane statement yet imo!

the paddle is not about causing physical pain, its about knowing you just lost respect and trust from your parents, that hurts more. It can last a lifetime. You may even spend the rest of your life trying to be better. I know from experience.

I grew up with a step father who would smack me around for little to no reason at all. The only things this accomplished were distancing me from my mother, a lack of respect for authority, and a complex where I felt that everyone disliked me.

As a father I have given my daughter everything that I can. I treat her well and explain things the best that I can. If she gets out of line I will simply remove something that she wants. I've never had any need for more. I believe that it is a failure of the parents to resort to screaming, spanking, and acting like a fool. I've very little respect for anybody that lays a hand on their child in anger. People are welcome to do as they choose it is none of my business, but it really does disgust me. It's reinforcing a bad habit that will carry on to yet again another generation of your family tree.

Originally posted by Troofseeker

Originally posted by Kryties
reply to post by Troofseeker

 

Nobody at all in this thread has indicated that smacking a child for being naughty should be taken to the extreme that you describe that woman doing. In fact, those of us who support smacking as discipline have made it explicitly clear on multiple occasions that smacking too hard, anything beyond a slight sting, is too much and not acceptable.

Did you deliberately ignore our many multiple posts to that effect? Or we're you simply blinded by your zeal to get on your high horse and make a statement?

No, I didn't ignore those posts. But there are also posts that detail being hit with leather straps and pieces of wood. There are even posts that detail hitting OTHER PEOPLE'S kids! "I spanked my nephew" etc. And they don't see anything wrong with that.

So how about getting down off your high horse?

Lol, OTHER PEOPLE'S KID, but in this case i who had spanked my nephew have full authorization from his mother and father to do it if necessary, so you have to talk that with them and not with me.

Originally posted by amazed

Originally posted by blaastaaz
The way I see it.

If a child does not believe that a cigarette lighter in the car is hot.
*Do you explain it to them that it's hot?
A lecture is nothing more then a lecture. It proves little in the mind of a child................
They learn very quickly through spankings what is right and what is wrong,............

Sorry but you are wrong on this one. I taught both my children that the stove was hot and could hurt them without hitting them or causing them pain or allowing them to burn themselves. They were both under 1 year.

What did I do? Instead of using the "instant gratification" demand method of hitting, I used the "take a few extra minutes" technique of thinking of a way to teach them and followed through. I held a piece of paper over the stove and slowly moved it closer to the burner with them watching. When the paper burned I yelled HOT HOT OUCH OUCH DON'T TOUCH! I used my facial expression and body language to CONVEY to them that fire demands respect.

Neither one of my children had to be hit, neither one had to be hurt, neither one had to be put into fear of me hurting them or pain to learn that important lesson.

So, I made it work, how come other parents believe that the ONLY way to teach this lesson is to use pain by either letting the child get burned or hitting the child?

Lol, in my case it didn't work until i get burned, when i was a child my father explain me several times why i shouldn't touch the cigarette ligther of the car, he even burn stuff to show me but i still tried, i only stopped when i put my finger in it.

The same with fireworks, they told me not to use them, they told me why, they didn't give me money for them, they explain, they show me photos of other kids with injuries, and until i burned myself i didn't stop.

Maybe is a pattern in my family, my nephew just the same, my mom, me and his parents had explain him a lot in different ways why he cant touch the stove, he tried and tried until he decide to cook and put his hand in the stove, now he don't try to "cook" anymore.

So you see, is not hard to understand, not every kid is the same, some obey easily and some not, and with those who doesn't obey is not uncommon to get to that point where a injury is necessary.

I live in a karate household....My kids punishment = muscle failure; push ups, sit ups, jumping jacks, katas over and over etc.... Sometimes a quick painful butt smack if necessary to get their attention, chores, time out or taking away games, tv etc....Very rarely have I ever spanked using a belt. If I am so angry that I want to spank, I will send them to their room. My children know that my husband and I don't play games and they are usually well behaved. Whatever the punishment, it must fit the crime.

Since I also home-school, they listen well to my lectures and by the end of the conversations they are able to explain to me in their own words why they are in trouble and why it was wrong. With the exceptions of my 6 yrs old, I rarely ever have to re-lecture. My kids are smart, honest, funny, giving and humble...We are a loving family and hugs and kisses go around and around. I wouldn't want it any other way.

reply to post by ALOSTSOUL


Never got hit but was threatened when needed.

For example I was around 6 or 7 and was messing with the burner on the gas stove turning it on and off. In walks my grandpa who grabs my hand and says " So you want to play with fire little man" and proceeds to push my hand closer to the flame. He didn't get it close enough were I felt it but I certainly didn't mess around with any kind of fire after that.

I got to admit when I see kids out of control in public and the parents acting oblivious I want to throw the parents a beating.

I will be the first to agree that excessive spanking is borderline abuse, What I'm talking about is using spanking when it is the last resort to correcting behavior that is detrimental to your child's well being. If you slap your child all the time, of course it will have a negative effect on them and it would lose it's effectiveness for correcting bad behavior. The ATS members who are comparing spanking your child to the likes of physically assaulting another person are just plain stupid. I'm sure they don't realize just how stupid they sound, otherwise they would never post such arrogant, tree-hugging, granola eating, pablum puking, idiotic drivel.