Your Views On 'Smacking' children.

reply to post by ALOSTSOUL


I held off spanking for a while with my daughter. Wasn't till after I tried spanking that she decided to hit me when I did something she didn't like. The comedian Louis CK made a really good point about how screwed up it is that the only people (in the U.S.) that you are allowed to hit are the ones completely at your mercy who are supposed to trust you and love you unconditionally. And finally I never remember getting a swat that made me think, "You know, I really should modify my behavior to please my parents." I just got really pissed.

Originally posted by imnothereru

Originally posted by addygrace
Yeah, even putting your finger in a kids face should be illegal. Really yelling too loud should be illegal, you could scare them. Any form of punishment, should actually be outlawed. If kids don't know any better why should they be in trouble by another human that also makes mistakes. For example my oldest son punched my youngest son in the face, so I said, hey if you don't punch him anymore I'll give you money. He said, "Ok Dad." He stopped punching him all the way until the next day. Now, every time he punches him I just give em money and he stops.

Are you for real, your teaching your son about blackmail?? and you think that is good parenting, wow im amazed.So now your son thinks that if he goes round punching people he gets money to stop.......... do you see where this is leading?? you heard of bullying do you agree with it because that is what you are promoting , i was shocked by this responce. You totally think its not ok for people to give people money to stop them hitting you , but you are against even shouting or pointing at your child?

What is the world coming too , im so glad my kids dont go to school with yours!!!!

i hope this was a joke post btw

edit on 29-1-2012 by imnothereru because: (no reason given)

It was a joke. I was just trying to point out, how absurd the whole thing about spanking is. Kids need a whoopin'.

A very effective punishment for boys is push-ups and flutter kicks. If you are consistent and never punish while your enraged, it's much more effective. In reality it's hard to be consistent.

reply to post by ALOSTSOUL


I for one don't believe violence is ever acceptable when it comes to children. I am a single father with two toddlers and have never smacked either although i can say i have felt like it many times. There are many alternatives like timeout, taking their favourite toy, knowing what they want and using it as a negotiation tool etc.. One example to show how easy children are to train, i live on a large block on a main road with the house towards the front, the road scares me when my kids are concerned. Both kids started walking at around 1yr old and love to play outside. I made a rule that the kids can play as much as they like in the back but never walk past the back of the house towards the front yard. Day one outside my son not knowing the rules walked down the driveway, i said "dad says no its dangerous" and brought him back several times until i knew he understood "no" but still didn't want to listen, then i said ok if your not going to listen you can go inside, put him inside the back door by himself and held it closed from the outside for 1 minute, he was obviously upset and crying etc. After no more than 6 of these 1 minute timeouts that same day he 2yrs later has never walked past the house since then without me going with him to check mail etc. Worked for my daughter to who is a year younger. 1 minute seems short but is a long time for a baby who just wants to play outside. I believe there are people that will only get the point with a smack in the mouth but they are generally adult males with issues and certainly not children. To hit a child is to make you feel better and to vent your anger and not to benefit the child. As a parent you are your childs idol and they mimic you. Monkey see monkey do. If i were to scream to loud when angry at my son or smack him that would surely be teaching him that he should scream at and hit his younger sister when he is angry at her which would not be healthy or practical. As for the mp's comment i think it is a lack of meeting the childs emotional needs from the parents than a lack of discipline. Society is becoming to focussed on both parents working and fulltime daycare for kids, economically speaking this is great as 1 daycare worker looking after 15 kids means that 15 at home mums + 1 daycare worker now contribute to the economy working paying tax but its certainly not meeting the childrens emotional needs.

Originally posted by Deebz
Because it is the job of the parents to deter their children from poor, or sometimes even outlandishly wild, behaviour and the odd time - the ODD time - a smack is the only way to get the point across. As adults it is not our job to clean up after the poor parenting that was used with the adults we are surrounded by.

...

If I am at work and some 30-something year old man wants to take a fit with me because his parents didn't teach him how to conduct himself in a mature manner, well I would think it's far too late to start laying down the spankings, but you can guarantee probably the first thought that goes through my head is that he needed more of them growing up

On the point you made of, for the ODD time, that a "smack" is the _only_ way to get the point across I 100% disagree with you. Smacking is the result of a parent loosing control - some may call it snapping /stress related and others may call it calculated (for the good of the child of course) - I call it abuse. In my mind there is no legitimate reason to hit a child. May I respectfully suggest you watch the TV show "Supernanny" (it's an aweful programe but the message it contains is important) for alternatives to smacking ?

With regards to the 30-something going off on you and you not hitting them - Too late you say for it to make a difference ? So what's the cut off point (even if it is the ODD time) - 21? 18? 12? 6? Or in your circumstance you would infact seek the assistance of HR and allow the employee to face the consequences in a non voilent manner ? The same principle should be applied to children - just because they are half your height and perhaps have lesser mental facaulties doesn't mean they don't appreciate consequences especially if you are consistent with your approach.

See above (Kickstarts post) on alternatives.

Growing up my Father and Mother would spank the crap out of me any time I would get out of line. They would always speak to me about the wrong I had done and then explain to me that I had to be disciplined for what I had done. They would NEVER smack my face or any other part of my body besides my booty (It'd be pretty hard) and NEVER with anything besides their hands. As compared to a lot my friends I feel I have a lot more respect for people, their property, their beliefs. I stole a pack of gum once and only once due to the fact that I got a good ol' spanking! If you go to any grocery store in the states you will see bratty disrespectful kids. You know why? A lot of these parents don't believe in spanking their children. Honestly, their approach doesn't seem to be working. I can only speak for myself but I believe that spanking (with good communication) is a vital tool in bringing up a good, respectful, honest human being. Don't get me wrong there might be some alternatives to spanking that might work but from what I have seen. . . not really.
If I lived in the UK I would still spank my children. the government has no say in how I raise my child. Am I the only one that has this view?

reply to post by CCLLCCLL

I think that's a distorted point of view. Read my above post and tell me what you think bro. . . or sis! hahah

I got hit with this when I was kid.



Grandparents called it the strap(strop?) it was on the behind and I was being a little Sh*t and it only happen once. My grandparents used it mostly as a ultimatum. The would first sit me down and talk to me and explain and try and make me understand what I did was wrong first and if it escalated ect ect. It wasn't just random hitting.

EDIT: Forgot to say how I feel about I hate judging myself, but I think I'm a pretty decent person. As wither or not I believe in hitting kids? I think you should always try to explain to them first and educate them and not go straight for the barber belt. It also depends on the kid, sometimes they do bad things and like to be punishment just so they can get attention. Teaching kids wrong from right is more than just carrot and stick I believe, it educating and guiding them to be the best person they can be.

I was spanked as a child. I grew up just fine without any problems. I believe in spanking yr children if they are being bad. I'm not talking about out right punching them or beating them. My parents used a belt on me and sometimes I had to pick out a switch from a tree to be whipped with. Absolutely nothing wrong with it in my eyes.

A friend of mine who lives not far away doesn't spank her child and her child walks all over both the mother and father. She acts like a hellish little brat and thinks she is the ruler of the home. I guess my friend thinks just because she was abused in her childhood thinks that it's now wrong to discipline her child when she does something wrong and that's quite often that she does something wrong. I cringe everytime I go over there to visit when her child goes on a rampage and destroys the house and is only told to "stop" and nothing else.

TL;DR - Spank yr children. They will grow up to respect not only you but other people as well.

www.youtube.com...

this pretty much explains it all ....

Originally posted by Unclerayray3000If you go to any grocery store in the states you will see bratty disrespectful kids. You know why? A lot of these parents don't believe in spanking their children. Honestly, their approach doesn't seem to be working.

If you had said that "all" the parents of these kids didn't beleive in spanking your statement would have been significant. As it stands you are coming to an illogical conclusion - a lot of the parents may not spank their kids but equally they may not be good parents. Spanking is not a pre-requisite of being a good parent - for all I know these parents may not care about their kids and let them do as they please in the house and let them stay outside for all hours. Perhaps these kids hang around with the wrong kind of kids and through peer pressure pick up bad habits that maybe they dont do at home. (I smoked with my friends for instance but never at home so my parents never knew) Who knows.

One thing I know is that most parents do their best for their children and if for them spanking worked then you in turn will most likely also spank your kids but this cycle does not have to continue - there are alternatives

reply to post by ALOSTSOUL


I dont think it should be illegal to spank your child-in the United States they're trying to turn parents into nothing but glorified babysitters for the state-we're responsible for all the things our children do but we're not allowed to discipline them. Ive never had to spank my daughter but to me it's not the spanking itself thats abusive but the way a parent goes about it. If it's done in anger (like the Texas judge who was cussing and threatening and getting obvious enjoyment out of it) its abusive but if it's done as a set consequence thats spelled out in advance and the parent isnt yelling or cussing out the child I dont think its abuse. I was spanked as a child for certain things such as lying and I knew if I lied I would get spanked it wasnt done in anger etc I dont feel I was abused

Originally posted by AK907ICECOLD
reply to post by InfoKartel

 

don't like it fellow people put a gov't official in my home 24/7.



Good day

edit on 29-1-2012 by AK907ICECOLD because: grammer

edit on 29-1-2012 by AK907ICECOLD because: (no reason given)

be careful what you ask for they might actually put one in all of our houses.

Originally posted by FissionSurplus
As some other posters have pointed out, it does depend on the child. My kids are grown now. Did I spank them? Yes, but it was an open-handed smack on the bottom, and the infraction had to be bad enough to warrant it.

When kids are really small, a smack doesn't do much, they can be controlled easily. Slightly older, but too young to reason with, a smack works wonders. It doesn't have to be hard, but it is the shock value that makes it effective.

An older child (7 and up) can be reasoned with by taking away something (TV time, dessert, playtime outside).

Both my girls were the type of kids who could have grown up to be vicious little tyrants if I had let them get away with stuff they did. They were willful and hot-headed, and their fights were worthy of WWF smackdown sessions. I never backed down, always left the bottom-smacking for the last resort, and always showed them that life has consequences for their actions.

The older one is now an officer in the Coast Guard who graduated magna cum laude from college. The younger one is a dental assistant (she's only 19 and has been doing it for a year). They both grew up to be kind, caring people who understand personal responsibility and how their choices affect their lives.

I did not spare the rod, but I did use it sparingly. It depends on the psychology of the child. Spanking can be used judiciously.

As a child I was whipped with an electric cord until I bled. Times sure have changed, haven't they?

This is exactly the point. It depends on the kid as to how discipline affects them. My eldest daughter has rarely been smacked, and I use the word smacked as an open-handed reminder that dad, not she, is in charge, and not the word beat as many people seem to be throwing around a little too freely here. Removing her priveliges seems to work better than any other punishment, so that is what is used. My youngest daughter, much like my brother and I as children doesn't respond to loss of privelige, and sometimes the only thing that works is that smack. All kids get out of line, it is just their way of testing us to see what they can get away with. Nipped early, the corrective action is quickly learned, even if that means sometimes a slap on the bum is warranted.
Others are right though in the fact that threats can damage a kid's head more than any form of discipline. Follow through, don't make empty threats or promises. Kids sadly have little respect for anything these days, flame away but look around it's pretty obvious. I hire and work with a lot of teenagers 14-18 in my position, and the senior staff always comment there has been a slide in simple respect from younger generations, and the lack of discipline is clearly seen in these kids attitudes. I recently broke up a 12 year old who was pushing my 9 yo daughter, and when he was told to get lost and pick on someone his own age he pointedly told me to # off and said he was going to get a bunch of friends and come back and kill me. A 12 year old! I was flabbergasted to say the least.
All it comes down to is correction. Like any behaviour, if right from wrong is not shown from the outset, there is no discerning what is right and wrong, and whatever behaviour is accepted is continued. If that takes removal of privelige or even a smack from time to time, then that's what it takes.

www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net...

The sucker punch. Just ask the question "hey, what's that on your shirt?" and when they look down, bust their lip. You need to do this every now and then to keep them guessing. Don't ever let them off the hook. Just because they're not doing anything wrong doesn't mean that they didn't do something wrong earlier that you weren't aware of.

The one-two shut-the-hell-up. This is priceless when you're shopping and your kid won't shut the hell up: "I'm hungry, I want toys, I need my Insulin..." etc. First smack your kid (the 5 across the eyes technique works). Wait a few seconds for your kid to start crying, then smack your kid again to let him know that you mean business. This usually shuts them up because they see that the amount of crying is proportional to the amount of beatings.

Seriously though, I went through physical and emotional abuse for most of my childhood. It actually made me a far worse child and extremely rebellious teenager, and I really think there is a very thin line between productive physical punishment and abuse. Although I would never hit my daughter or allow her to be hit, I'm not the kind of person that calls the cops if I see a parent spank or smack a kid.

At the same time, I see my brother in law spank my 18 month old niece and scream at her like she understands what is going on and I can't control myself and usually have to leave. At an age like that, hitting is not warranted and is either a result of bad parenting (check), being too immature to have a child (check) or flat out stupidity (check).

As for the gov't being involved, that's BS. If your kid responds to an occasional spank, do it. If the gov't has anything to say, I'm sure there's a precedent set somewhere that could be used in your defense.

reply to post by ALOSTSOUL

I ahve raise for sons, and when they got out of line they knew that their actions would result in a smack on the butt. My boys are all teens now, and are the most polite well mannered kids in their school. they have good grades..never was one for the all As..I think a child learns at their own rate, and even a C is okay..they come home with A to C on the report cards. Ds and Fs mark a falure to try and is not welcomed.

I have 12 years military service and was raised by parents born in the 1930's so I had a strick upbringing. my boys have too, but they are now a great bunch of young men. They clean, and know how to cook a range of meals. Two of them have part time jobs and one is serve in the national guard that is paying for their college. the other is going to swear in on thursday for the Guard for the same thing. I have twin 15 years olds that serve in the Civil Air Patrol and serve our community and plan on join the air force like their mother and I did.

Spanking your child when they when they break the rules lets them know that their actions will get negitive results..that the world is not fair, no matter what their teacher say and they learn to be respectful to others.
my boys are good young men, and will be great fathers when that time come because of the manner I taught them to be men.

It has been 20 years in Australia since they have banned (try to) smacking and just look at the kids today.......
No respect for anyone, don't care about the consequences of their actions and basically are brats that will turn into criminals....... I'm not saying they are all like that, but i can guaranty the one that that are not like that are PROPERLY disciplined.

Kids should not be belted.... A little smack teaches a kid what is right and wrong.

It is simple. Be naughty, get a smack......... Before you know it they will act like a normal person

Ok after going through (most) of the posts I missed it seems we have reached a stalemate. So I leave this thread with this comment.

This subject will always be a lively one, children stir the most basic, and most powerful emotions that we as Humans have. It is in our nature to nuture and teach the next stage of humanity but it is also in our individuality in how we (as parents) choose to do so.

It seems in many case both techniques work. It is all down childs own personality.

I would like to thank everyone who participated, as a new Father I really didn't have a clue what I was to do about this issue and now I have the knowledge to make an informed decision.

ALS

reply to post by ALOSTSOUL


Don't listen to any of the Psyco-Babble about spanking kids. We all got spanked as children (or most of us)
Spanking kids is a perfectly acceptable form of punishment (up to a point) ...2 point actually.
1. Spanking correctly is NOT abuse !
2. Spanking is only effective up to a certain age. (You wouldn't want to spank a 15 or 16 old per se)
Spanking a child after a certain age (Different with each child) will only cause resentment, and worsen the situation. I personally think anywhere after 10-12 is a good time to stop. May be different for boys and girls even.
Spanking should be administered correctly...Paddle or Belt or Hand to the buttocks. Must be administered with enough force to hurt, but not enough to injure. (Slight bruising OK, blood running down legs not OK)
Once a "good" spanking has been dealt, the child will more than likely not need very many more in his life.
Good Common Sense should suffice when choosing method of punishment. I agree that spanking isn't always the right method. But once I have decided that spanking is appropriate, I have a few rules.
1. I never spank the child in anger.
2. I inform the child that he is to receive a spanking.
3. I then wait at least 10 mins until I administer the spanking. (I know, Anticipation right?)
4. I ask the child if he fully understands why he is being punished.
5. After the spanking, I tell the child that I love them, and only want them to do better in the future.

A spanking can be done in a loving way, and CAN be effective.
My Dad always said "This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you" Yeah Right ! =)
Let's think "Correction" instead of "Punishment"
Just leave your anger outside of the old Woodshed, and everything will be fine.
My 4 boys turned out allright....and they even say they still love me...Imagine that.

Noro

In the last 20 years things went bad. Kids who didn't get their but wooped are now making the laws to stop theiw equals doing it.
I'll woop! Heck yeah I do woop! Hell I got wooped. I don't like wooping because I know what a real wooping is! But hell yeah I woop! When they need it. The more I woop the less they need it. The less I woop the better I feel. The better I feel... GREAT!