Your Views On 'Smacking' children.

reply to post by getreadyalready

I let my kids get away with quite a bit, but once I speak, they mind. I am proud to say they are the absolute best-behaved kids at karate class, and baseball, and in any restaurant you will ever see.

Wow, all that trouble, threatening, physically striking them...just so that they come across as polite and do not upset too many other, totally irrelevant people in their lives...in sports or god forbid, at the restaurant, where all parents dress their kids the nicest and want their kids to behave like a friggin' robot.

I hope it was worth it, because your children will NEVER look upon you as they did at one point before you started hitting them. They will never forget it.

And I'm going to stop there because some things you will find out on your own. But it's all fine and dandy as long as other people think you are raising your children properly, right?

There is a HUGE difference between abuse and a disciplinary spanking. Kids today, their attitudes, and behaviors are a direct result of the discipline they receive when misbehaving. No punishment for doing something bad..... they will continue to do the bad thing. No consequences to their actions.

Example. I was at the store the other day with my own three kids. My boys play around and misbehave a little, but are generally well controlled and remain respectful when out in public. We go down the cereal isle and find a mother with her two boys. Mom was on her cell phone laughing and having a good ole' time with someone while her two nasty little devil spawn were running around knocking things off the shelves, and literally throwing cereal boxes from one end of the isle to the other. One box almost hit my baby, and if it had of, some Sh*t was going fly. Mom didn't bat an eyelash.

When we left the isle my oldest son asked my why those boys were being so bad and I told him that their mommy doesn't love them enough to smack their butts when they misbehave.
Those kids behavior was a perfect example of "spare the rod, spoil the child". Although it was also clear mom didn't give two beans about those kids, I am pretty sure they are meal tickets.

The point is, you don't have to abuse a child to make them listen, but when a child does something that needs to never happen again, A tap on their little behind lets them know who the boss is, and in my house it's me, and they know it. Being a parent means being in control. If you have a wild and ill mannered child that misbehaves ALL the time, then you are clearly not in control. It's my job to be their mom, not their friend. You become your child's friends when they become an adult. I want my children to be respectful, well mannered adults when they grow up. Not prison inmates.

Time out is a joke to a child, a smack on the butt means business.

reply to post by ALOSTSOUL


Not that I ever did as I had a better game plan but...
Sometimes kids just need to have the hell beat out of them.
What I did instead was worked them out, it hurts and gives them plenty of time to think about this all happened.
I think the world was a better disciplined place when folks beat their kids.
But we are softer and gentler nowadays...

reply to post by InfoKartel


It has nothing to do with what anyone else thinks. It has everything to do with them being respectful, and polite, and minding when they are told.

I use the examples of karate, and baseball, and restaurants, because they are good comparative examples. There are other kids there to compare to.

Wow, overly sensitive huh? Is it because you were beat, or because you were not beat?

Children push MANY boundary's. They do so as they grow and learn.Unfortunately,many children know the laws,and create problems for their parents.If they dont like a certain rule to follow,or are in their "rebellious" teenage years,they can often threaten a Parent with a simple phone call. A simple call from the children "claiming"Verbal abuse or physical abuse, can be punishable with CPS or even Jail time.


Seriously,the World is to Politically Correct,when it comes to spanking.MHO

BTW,I never have had to spank my Oldest daughter.Not once. My other two children? Yes. It all depends on the child,and the seriousness of the infraction.

Maybe it's because I'm old school, but "let's discuss this" was never an option! When I screwed up I felt it! And it made me tougher, more respectful to others and it makes people learn to FEAR consequences.

Because life ain't no pony farm!! The quicker you learn that, the better.

the problem is some people think thats how you raise a child, by spanking them when they do bad. And thats where their parenting ends. A child learns by imitation. You have to be the best person you can be, so he learns that. providing a loving environment is the most important though. and then if the child does bad, spanking isn't even necessary. maye just an explantation

reply to post by ALOSTSOUL

Speaking as a child who was smacked (well, they attempted it, they might have landed one at best, I could scream, shout and squirm like the best when cornered!) for due misbehaviour...I can say it has not had an adverse affect on me, made me violent, paranoid or...whatever. I do completely understand how social attitudes are changing but one contribution to this is single-parent families. Looking after a child is tiring with two, never mind keeping order. The UK has one of the highest rates I think but it does seem to be a general western trend too.

There is a difference between a smack and a beating. A smack is usually just enough to get one's attention, a beating can often result in losing consciousness. I'm just sayin'.

I use the British definitions. Smack is open hand and painful but not physically damaging. Beating could be with a fist, an iron bar, a hammer...

reply to post by greeneyedleo


Haha no you don't.

I do commend your ways but every child is different. Me an my brother for example; we had a good life (for a working class family) my parents were loving but we were really, really naughty (I mean really). For years we got told off, sent to our rooms, grounded etc...etc but nothing really work except smacking. If we were doing something bad and we were smacked we stopped.

Maybe it's cause were boys?

ALS

reply to post by ALOSTSOUL


I have 3 boys and another on the way.

I have to smack/spank. Timeouts only work for so long. There isn't always a whole lot of time to dedicate that attention AND the child shouldn't be getting that attention if they are misbehaving. If they continually misbehave while in timeout you need to give more attention to try and rectify that behaviour.

Rule of 3

1. Verbal Warning
2. Timeout
3. Physical punishment.

If my children touch things they shouldn't, I'll flick their fingers. Hard enough to shock and imprint a negative memory to that action. Sometimes I don't have to. Like touching a hot oven but guess what? It is the same principle. My youngest, despite so many warnings, looked me in the eye while slowly pointing his finger to touch the oven.....I'm standing there warning him, telling him it's ouchies, it's hot, but he looked me straight in the eye and did it anyway.

He learned his lesson. The hard way. And sometimes that's the only way kids learn.

Pain = memory imprint = permanent memory associated with specific action = think twice about performing that action again.

Each child is different but physical punishment isn't evil. It's just TPTB want us to be out of control.

reply to post by ALOSTSOUL


My brother and I were total opposites when it came to punishment. My brother was younger, and he could entertain himself for hours. When my Mom put me in timeout, I would go insane, it was horrible, but for him, he could sit there for hours. He always managed to have a toy or two stashed away everywhere also.

When I got in trouble, she would tell me I couldn't go outside, and it was cruel and unusual. When he got in trouble, she would make him go ride his bike, and he thought it was torture, LOL!

He probably got spanked twice in his whole life, I don't think I went a day without a spanking until Jr. High, LOL!

But, guess what, both college grads, he has Master's Degree and is trying to get a job with the US State Department at the Moment! We both have wives, and kids, and good lives. We both felt loved, and we both love our parent's dearly.

reply to post by LightAssassin

You raise a painful memory with me.
My Dad musta been...clever? I asked him once (I'm 5 or so) if it would hurt if I stuck my finger in the light socket in the fridge (the bulb was gone due to being faulty and in the slow process of being replaced). He just told me to stick my finger in and find out so I did. It DID hurt and I never tried it again. My finger also turned a light brown colour due to some kinda burning if I remember rightly. I hope he felt guilty and my Mum gave him hell!

reply to post by ALOSTSOUL



during my childhood ive had the following done to me by my parents:

*mother attempted to drown me
*been locked in a closet for about 30min-1hr at a time
*was threatened with a knife
*i was smacked in the face
*whipped with a belt
*have had finger nails dug into me while at the supermarket
*have had my hair pulled
*have had objects thrown at me
*finally when i was fed up i decided i wanted to run away at the age of 13, when my mother (to test me) pushed me out of the house and locked the door...needless to say i was knocking at that door for about 10 minutes begging to be let back in.

my point is....i never hit my parents back, i never called the cops on them, i never murdered anyone..

i did good in school, i had good friends, now im grown up and have kids of my own....i grew up to be a fairly "normal" person, with no trauma of any kind....

should kids get smacked? hell yeah..maybe not everything that happened to me...but smacked?...lol gimee a break..


oh p.s.... i still love my mom and step dad

reply to post by getreadyalready

No, not simple enough. A parent is a parent. Let them try to put me in jail for some BS like this. I know people that like to call the Child Protective Services over BS just to get each other in trouble..... a very trashy form of entertainment for some low-class people, and I've made them all aware that if anything even remotely affects my family, they will be going on a one-way fishing trip with me!

Alright, so here you went from what you inflict upon your kids to what others interpret it as and could report it as, proclaiming it as "trashy entertainment for low class people" - whom you do not share the class with but you live close enough to them for them to know what you're doing ( you made them aware by half assly threatening them ).

The real world has painful consequences. Parents can teach those painful consequences without doing permanent damage. You can tell a child 1000 times that a stove is hot, but they only have to touch it once, and they get the message! A smack is similar.

No, because when they touch a stove they learn about the stove on their own. When you smack them they are only learning about you. How to not get you mad.

You give a smack to make the connection between some bone-headed idea and pain.

Yes because obviously that works! Why not go for electroshock therapy while you're at it? You'll only need to press a button and you can adjust the pain levels so that it "won't inflict that much pain".

It is a natural consequence and a natural way to learn.

It's outdated and frankly, suits sociopaths well.

Also, the world has bullies, and bad guys, and real consequences. We are raising out kids to think none of those bad things exist, and then we wonder why they aren't ready to be adults at some magical age.

Good point. And you teach kids that by hitting them how exactly?

I'll put my 5 year old up against any of the moddy-coddled 12 and 15 year olds any day. He is already more mature and savvy than most of the kids entering high school these days.

Isn't that great. Your 5 year old is like a 15 year old. Hoorray. Why not dump him in a war zone someplace? I hear war adds years to a persons life like nothing else.

People like you simply do not understand that there are psychological consequences to your actions. It's not just physical pain you're inflicting...but like I said...I'm stopping here.

I have a friend who was completely anti-spanking like some of you are. At the time she only had 1 daughter, and you could simply LOOK at that child and she would obey. Time out was sufficient to make her remorseful when she was in trouble. Her 2nd daughter was the same way.

Then, when she had her 3rd daughter, she realized that not all children responded the same way. A quick spanking was necessary from time to time for that daughter, as she absolutely would not stay in time out or be reasoned with any other way.

As a mother of 2 boys, sometimes a quick spanking was the only way I could get their attention. I remember when the oldest was around 3. We were at a restaurant, and he was acting up. I asked him if he needed a spanking, and he said, "yes!" We went out to the car, he had a spanking, and when we went back inside, he behaved himself. Heck, even HE knew he needed a spanking!!!

My point is, all of you who have kids who responded well without spankings...you credit that to your superior parenting skills...you were able to get your kids to behave with your techniques. Perhaps you just had the types of kids like my friend's first 2, who were never spanked, ever. They didn't need it. Those of us who had kids that needed a spanking from time to time aren't abusers, and our kids certainly don't think so, either.

You really shouldn't judge everyone against your own situation. I have learned that as a parent. What works for one doesn't work for all.

Originally posted by k1k1to
reply to post by ALOSTSOUL

 

during my childhood ive had the following done to me by my parents:

*mother attempted to drown me
*been locked in a closet for about 30min-1hr at a time
*was threatened with a knife
*i was smacked in the face
*whipped with a belt
*have had finger nails dug into me while at the supermarket
*have had my hair pulled
*have had objects thrown at me
*finally when i was fed up i decided i wanted to run away at the age of 13, when my mother (to test me) pushed me out of the house and locked the door...needless to say i was knocking at that door for about 10 minutes begging to be let back in.

my point is....i never hit my parents back, i never called the cops on them, i never murdered anyone..

i did good in school, i had good friends, now im grown up and have kids of my own....i grew up to be a fairly "normal" person, with no trauma of any kind....

should kids get smacked? hell yeah..maybe not everything that happened to me...but smacked?...lol gimee a break..


oh p.s.... i still love my mom and step dad

I got all that, too expect the drowing part.. And I bet you can say that without that you would be in a much worse situation right now.


reply to post by InfoKartel


Get real!!

reply to post by getreadyalready

It has nothing to do with what anyone else thinks. It has everything to do with them being respectful, and polite, and minding when they are told.

It has to do with fear.

I use the examples of karate, and baseball, and restaurants, because they are good comparative examples. There are other kids there to compare to.

Because that's what you should be doing huh, comparing your kids to other kids in sports and restaurants. All the other parameters are obviously the same, it's only you that's physically punishing your children. Great logic sir.

Wow, overly sensitive huh? Is it because you were beat, or because you were not beat?

It is because I know ;-)

There's spanking and abuse, and I'm all for spanking. Not every kid needs it, but most do at least once in their life. I'm glad my parents put me in my place when I needed it. And they would tell me afterwards why I was spanked and don't do that anymore and I usually took the hint. Like chris rock said" Beat your kids ass, it helps" lol

reply to post by Hellas

Get real!!

You're telling me to get real?

Before you agree with what just anyone puts on the internet, read about Stockholm syndrome and feel stupid.

reply to post by k1k1to


To be honest a lot of that sounds like straight up abuse not discipline. I'm mean drowning? What's the lesson there?

ALS