Your Views On 'Smacking' children.

reply to post by greeneyedleo


To me it seems pain isn't the intended result but rather the shock and association of the smack with the deed.

Also I don't think the criminal argument sticks as an adult already knows better were as children are still learning.

ALS

reply to post by ALOSTSOUL


You don't need to ask why I am against it. I'm a nobody to you. Instead, observe for yourself.

Originally posted by InfoKartel


Because I see kids who are ahead of their age all the time and not a single one of them has a peaceful home situation. They HAVE to grow up, because otherwise they keep getting beaten, cussed at etc. etc. while they have by their nature, kind hearts.

And I see plenty of children that are rude and what everything handed to them by their parents because they have never been smacked.

Kind Heart = Smacked

Rude = Not Smacked

No but seriously kids need to grow up fast if not they sit in your basement for 20+ years playing Call of Duty wasting their lives.(Not agreeing with excessive beating just some beating)

Originally posted by ALOSTSOUL
reply to post by greeneyedleo

 

To me it seems pain isn't the intended result but rather the shock and association of the smack with the deed.

ALS

Right, because there is just no other way. A parent is unable to control their child w/out smacking them?

So it is ok then for a cop to do it to another adult? Awesome. I will remember that if I ever become a cop or if I see all the threads on how horrible "pigs" are for hitting a civilian. Not to hurt them but to shock them and make them associate the hit with their crime.

reply to post by InfoKartel


I agree on the sound part. In fact, I think the sound is probably more important than the smack. When they are young, and in diapers, the diaper makes an awesome pop, and there is no real pain, but there is shock and fear, so it gets the point across. The same with a smack on the hand, I always try to make sure it gets that nice slap sound, I wouldn't want to just "hit" them, and cause pain or a bruise, without the sound. It is the "slap" that makes it effective. If I am not within reach, I often smack the table top, or clap my hands to startle them and get their attention.

I also very, very rarely hit them after the fact. I only use it if I can catch them in the act, and I am close enough to do it right that second. I don't actually believe in spankings just for the sake of spankings, although I have occasionally done it just to follow through on a threat. When I have to do it in that capacity, I usually give them a lecture first, and make sure they understand why they are getting spanked, and how they had an opportunity to avoid it, and then the spanking consists of one swat just for the sake of following through, and it probably doesn't even hurt.

I did leave bruises on my son once, but it had nothing to do with punishment, and it still got me lectures from mother-in-law, and my own brother. We were playing in the pool, and I was tossing him up in the air and catching him in the water, and he ended up with finger marks around his upper arm where I was catching him, and it looked like he had been grabbed very hard, which he had been, as I was catching him falling back to the water. We often have pool parties, and the next day, several people were over playing, and they saw the marks around his arm, and I caught hell over it twice! I'm glad my family is close, and bold enough to say something directly to me, and concerned enough to risk whatever backlash they might get, and say it anyway. That is another part missing from many children these days. They need to have close extended family that will also look out for their well-being, even if it means tense conversations. I didn't rebuke any one of them, I explained (which they confirmed with my son), and I told them thanks for being concerned. Now, if any of them had been cowardly, and not confronted me directly, and got some authorities involved on stupid allegations, the results would have been much different, for them and I both! That is another reason it is so important to NOT get authorities involved.

reply to post by Hellas

We're not talking about smacking a stranger...

We're still talking about smacking a human right?

"No officer, you don't seem to understand...I know this guy I just beat the hell up, he's not a stranger!"

As in all things, opinions will differ. No one rule of thumb can fit everyone. In my opinion if a spanking is always the first resort, then it might not be a good thing. I had spankings from shoes, wooded spoons, hand, ruler, etc.
If my mom lost control then it was chair throwing, 2x4 or head to the corner of some piece of furniture. I never lost control with my kids, and a spanking was always the last resort when nothing else worked. I would give them fair warning and if they didn't stop they had to come to me drop trouser and bend over all on their own. It was only 2 or 3 spanks, not with full force, but a quick snap. It was just enough to get the message through. It worked. 1 child needed 3 spankings total, the other only 2. In all their youth. It was enough just giving them the warning after that. I respect those who choose never to spank, but please do not tell me that I abused my child or was a bad parent for having done so. If it is done with restraint and only as a last resort, it can be a useful tool.
My kids do not hold it against me. Now that they are older we have talked about it. Abuse is one thing, a well placed spank is quite another. This is just my opinion. Yes my kids do have respect for their parents and elders in general, as did I back then.

reply to post by InfoKartel


I'm simply asking so I can better understand your argument. At the moment it seems to me your arguing without cause.

ALS

reply to post by InfoKartel


So you smacking your Child and smacking a stranger is the same?

reply to post by InfoKartel


Crooked banana, I like that.... Nice

It goes waaay more in depth into that issue. I have prayed, dealt with friends and family, interventions.... I had no other choice, that 1000$ put me on the streets for a month, when you live in Alaska friend, $100 can make or break you, and until you are in my shoes, keep your mouth shut when trying to give me advice like I was in the wrong.

No threat intended.


God bless and pray for me.

This is a very emotional issue for me
and I had to leave and think before
coming back to post. I will make it
short and simple - my childhood was
filled with mental and physical abuse.
I suffered with the torment of the memories
most of my life and have just recently
found some comfort. I am now a senior
in age and my feelings remain the same
as they have all of my life. Children
were not put here to be striken or abused
by parent or anyone else, ever!

reply to post by greeneyedleo

Can you imagine if the law was that cops could smack people for disobeying them and the law.....after all criminals need to learn a lesson and some wont learn it w/ just a talking to or alternative means!

Actually, that was acceptable not that long ago, and those were better times!

Go back and watch Marshall Dillon!

Even Jailhouse Rock has a great scene where the guy is following Elvis around the room saying, "Just come here, you know you got it coming, quit running and come get this beating."

Times used to be better when things made more sense. Say something stupid, get your lip busted, and move on. There is a country song on the radio right now talking about how where he grew up people could have a fight and nobody worried about the cops getting called.

There was a time when people could settle their differences, reach some agreement by any means necessary, and then got on with living. If I call some cop a pig, and I get a smack for it, but I don't go to jail, then GREAT! Learn a little respect and stay out of jail, win/win!!

reply to post by getreadyalready

Now, if any of them had been cowardly, and not confronted me directly, and got some authorities involved on stupid allegations, the results would have been much different, for them and I both! That is another reason it is so important to NOT get authorities involved.

I couldn't agree more.

More times children are worse off in the hands of authorities than not.

By the way it doesn't sound like you're actually hitting them so stop being overly defensive. If someone had slapped my hand away from that stove I would have a scar less (and a few girls' interest less as well, mind you ), nothing wrong with that kind of intercepting action. It's not like you slap 'em straight in the face then literally kick them out of the kitchen...that's what I consider too far and I'm sure the majority of well thinking human beings do too.

Originally posted by getreadyalready
reply to post by greeneyedleo

 

Can you imagine if the law was that cops could smack people for disobeying them and the law.....after all criminals need to learn a lesson and some wont learn it w/ just a talking to or alternative means!

Actually, that was acceptable not that long ago, and those were better times!

Go back and watch Marshall Dillon!

Even Jailhouse Rock has a great scene where the guy is following Elvis around the room saying, "Just come here, you know you got it coming, quit running and come get this beating."

Times used to be better when things made more sense. Say something stupid, get your lip busted, and move on. There is a country song on the radio right now talking about how where he grew up people could have a fight and nobody worried about the cops getting called.

There was a time when people could settle their differences, reach some agreement by any means necessary, and then got on with living. If I call some cop a pig, and I get a smack for it, but I don't go to jail, then GREAT! Learn a little respect and stay out of jail, win/win!!

ok. I dont care about what used to be. We are talking the here and now.

They used to also take you out to the town sqaure and hang you.....I suppose we could try that! I bet if we did for whatever crime, they wouldnt do it again!

Originally posted by greeneyedleo

Originally posted by ALOSTSOUL
reply to post by greeneyedleo

 

To me it seems pain isn't the intended result but rather the shock and association of the smack with the deed.

ALS

Right, because there is just no other way. A parent is unable to control their child w/out smacking them?

So it is ok then for a cop to do it to another adult?

Awesome. I will remember that if I ever become a cop or if I see all the threads on how horrible "pigs" are for hitting a civilian. Not to hurt them but to shock them and make them associate the hit with their crime.

I fail to see how your analogy fits with this issue. The polices job is to protect and serve the people from criminals and their deeds. They are not there to teach the criminals a lesson, that is for the courts. A policemans jobs is simply to catch said criminals.

A parents job is many things, carer, chef, protector, teacher etc etc. And each will have there own methods to those tasks.

No one is saying that there is a magical way to being a good parent but it should be a right for parents to implement there skills as they see fit (within the confides of sanity and law).

ALS

Originally posted by crazydaisy
This is a very emotional issue for me
and I had to leave and think before
coming back to post. I will make it
short and simple - my childhood was
filled with mental and physical abuse.
I suffered with the torment of the memories
most of my life and have just recently
found some comfort. I am now a senior
in age and my feelings remain the same
as they have all of my life. Children
were not put here to be striken or abused
by parent or anyone else, ever!

But there is a massive difference between abuse and a small disciplinary spank. I think this is a lesson we all must learn.

ALS

reply to post by AK907ICECOLD

It goes waaay more in depth into that issue.

Really? Deeper than the fact that you are supposed to know who to befriend and who not to befriend?

I have prayed, dealt with friends and family, interventions.... I had no other choice, that 1000$ put me on the streets for a month, when you live in Alaska friend, $100 can make or break you, and until you are in my shoes, keep your mouth shut when trying to give me advice like I was in the wrong.

The beautiful part is that you cannot be wrong. However, could you have avoided the issue altogether? Probably yes. I'm arguing from that point of view. You see, that "best friend" was the crooked banana...

reply to post by ALOSTSOUL


It has been my experience, that children need limits are actually
asking you to make those limits. They realize when they are out
of control and want you, as the parent, to step in and take control.
On the other hand, children can be just as happy controlling you.

That said, I can remember spanking my children maybe once
when they were very young (sure it hurt their feelings more than
anything) but I established who was in control and then all that
was needed was the word. The mother on the other hand was
never on the same page!

reply to post by ashtonhz8907

And I see plenty of children that are rude and what everything handed to them by their parents because they have never been smacked.

Because these parents are not parents. Not because they didn't smack their kids but because they are simply NOT parents. Period.

Trust me, when you learn to parent yourself get back to me.

reply to post by InfoKartel

By the way it doesn't sound like you're actually hitting them so stop being overly defensive.

I am a little overly defensive on this subject. Not on my own behalf, but just to be the other voice when everyone gets overly-zealous to stop all forms of physical punishment like the OP says has happened in the UK.

People get so emotional over this issue, and they jump onto the bandwagon far too quickly, and it is bad for the society as a whole. Of course I don't support beating children. But, some people will say any type of strike is a beating.

In my opinion, and someone alluded to their own abuse earlier, but in my opinion withholding Love, or chastising, or destroying a child's ego is FAR WORSE than a simple strike, followed a little later by an explanation or a lecture, and always followed by lots of love and acceptance!

In fact, conflict resolution is another VERY IMPORTANT skill that needs to be taught as early as possible. I often ask my kids if they are mad at me, and sometimes they say YES. When that happens, I tell them it is OK to be mad at me, and I understand, and the most important thing is that even when we are mad at one another, we still love each other, and we work it out. I try to take every punishment time as also a time for them to learn that I'll never give up on them, and I'll never leave them, and I'll never stop loving them, and that no matter how bad things get, we will all be here for one another.