i agree with you on the unintentional anger part, some people are simply having a bad day and do not mean to direct anything to anyone specific, they
just lash out sometimes.
'm sure you would agree ha no one is perfect. look at all he ways that people can destroy things for others by nitpicking their mistakes and adding
amplification. a lot of this is not even important stuff but it is tactics used. People must learn that they cannot judge others by the clothes they
wear, a joke they might have cracked, a moment when they became upset even if no one really knows the reason for hem being upset... but they do it all
the time. i promise you that. I am currently sitting inside of a neat little box of facts, figures and files that was meant to discredit me from the
time I was very small... and I'm telling you, they damn near won.
i do not feel i should have to 'make it' among others that I want to be nothing like.
let me give you a example. i had been abused by a friend and i was deeply confused about it because he had some people on his side. this gave me the
one option of internalizing it. I tried telling others but he was ahead of me in discrediting me. after having to swallow this, i tried going about my
business and got upset about it to the point where i was hospitalized. i was very upset and angry at a few members of my family for taking his side. i
LIVED with these people... i had nowhere else to go and did not know how to survive on the streets. This made me want to die. I felt i had no reason
in this world to live because i could not access any hope. everyone was against me.. even strangers thought I had surely brought this onto myself by
being a stupid girl, by being a shallow girl, by being a careless girl, by being a girl who does not know what is good for her.... NONE of these
people can show me a better way than to suck p and compromise... even if it means laying down for an unworthy man.
seeing how upset i was and having no understanding because he was a doctor with no real time to spend with his patient, he insisted that I remain in a
cold sterile environment that was in no way trying to get to the root of my issues but was only trying to convince me that the problem was MINE... and
that i needed to fix it.
i need to fix NOTHING.
I need to adjust NOTHING.
...but that doctor told me i wasn't going anywhere until i stated taking his meds... so i did and started puking my guts up. thanks doc!...
fortunately i didn't die from the allergic reaction.
i will not compromise when people are doing very wrong at the very root and causing all these other things to transpire... i will confront it head on
because there is no game to win. I'm here... that means I already made it.
they try to change me but I want to be nothing like them in their misery because i was fine until the put their claws in me.
maybe I could be more creative with my lashing out, but until some get ahead of this game that others cast upon them from birth the moment they become
a number in this system... people are going to have to understand that sometimes you don't have time to think it out when someone gets up in your
business without warrant to do so, you have to grab a hold of their attention and make them smell what's on the breeze.
i agree that you can block it in positive ways... absolutely. Sometimes you just don't have time to back off your own energy they PUT IN YOU... you
just have to bounce it right back in their face. if you don't think fast enough and just have to walk away... it gets inside of you... it's a living
energy, it can do damage inside of you. it can convince you to be just like them. that is why so many now that the whole system is screwed up but they
remain loyal to it.... it's programming. i am more afraid of that programming than "not making it" ... i don't want to make it if that's what it
means... to subscribe to their mindset.
broken promises... if you don't make people see your side and are meek... they will walk all over you.
they will make you work, they will enslave you for several decades pacifying you, making and breaking promises to keep you subdued.
On the other hand, if i have done nothing wrong compared to a conglomeration that is responsible for COUNTLESS mistakes because they have taken
responsibility and control unto themselves.(like trying to overcome the system by becoming a part of it) then that system would have to change *for
me* I'm afraid. My spirit is just fine, my methods are not far reaching and invasive like some. I need make no compromise for the sake of winning
because that is just selfishness from my perspective. It's subscribing to the lie for the sake of gaining, when in fact- nothing truly belongs to you
in the first place. Not one bit of it.
edit on 20-11-2011 by BlackSatinDancer because: (no reason given)