Confessions Of A Dark Sorceror, page 3

As this thread gets weirder and weirder, my impulse for pouring out my own benighted thinking on these matters grows proportionately. Interesting. I wonder about that.

Here I speak of people pushing memes while I myself push memes. Hypocrisy? Well, I’m not really complaining about people pushing memes, just observing. I’m not sure we can communicate at all without “pushing memes”. In fact, I am certain we cannot. So if it’s an evil, let’s consider it a necessary evil.

I have mentioned that I talk to God. I am also fairly sure that such discussions are self-illusory. Indeed, I have asked God about that and the answer is “Yes, but…”, with the “but” being a very big “but” (does my “but” really look that big?).

The “but” is this: I cannot understand God “in the raw”. There is no foundation for such understanding. Thus my own consciousness limits my understanding of God, is the best I can work with for now (and forever, I suppose), and that is why God must speak to me in my own voice. There is simply no other way.

I have meditated on this many times in the past, and decided to apply my natural (“God-given”?) empathy to seeking to understand God’s condition in the hope of better understanding Him.

My primary frame of reference for understanding God comes from western religious sources, so I suppose that is a caveat. However, in discussing my notions of God with my mother, who is much better-educated on these matters, she has pointed out that there are many cross-cultural agreements with my “findings”.

So with a nod to the usual caveats, and with a tacit agreement that words are but the crudest tools for work such as this…

In The Beginning

Consider what it would be like to find yourself aware, but without any memories or senses. You cannot see, hear, smell, taste or touch. You cannot perceive anything except that you exist. You are utterly alone, and have no frame of reference whatsoever.

You only know that you are thinking, self-aware, and that is not really something you understand except in a very fundamental sense, with no definition for it, or anything else.

But who are you? There is no one, nothing outside of you. You have no body, only consciousness. There is no time or space, or even concepts of these things at all. There is nothing around you, nothing to be perceived. Not even darkness.

I don’t know about you, but personally, I find the idea absolutely terrifying. Imagine what that would be like, and you can perhaps have a glimpse of what it would be like to be God “in the Beginning”.

So what do you do? What can you do? You think. But you think without the benefit of any frame of reference outside yourself. You don’t even have a basis for what we would consider “basic thoughts”, since those are typically found outside ourselves.

“Time” passes, except that there is no time. There is no past or future, only the Present. No cause and effect. No constraints except one: you are utterly Alone.

Something Happens. It happens not due to any volition on your part, it just happens. In fact, it happens instantly, so fast that you are unaware that it had not already happened.

What is it? Your mind explodes.

From the keystone of a single thought, multitudes of thoughts break out, building upon one another, defining one another, creating new thoughts in every manner.

It is an explosion of thoughts, an instantaneous rush of every possible concept gushing through your mind. They regenerate one upon another, so that more thoughts beget more thoughts which beget more thoughts without any limit. It never ends.

The explosion of thoughts composes all that you are, it is inherent to you and inseparable from you. You have defined Yourself. You have become God.

Let There Be Light

This explosion of thoughts, which is an explosion of being, is Creation. God created God. God is “real” only within Himself. There is no concept of Outside, it cannot be known.

Within God’s elemental consciousness, which itself is the source of all things, thoughts coalesce into structures. These structures in turn coalesce into other structures, guided by the basic “physics” of God’s thoughts, the rules themselves self-defining as thoughts pour forth, by God’s Will.

Structures of thought are built upon one another, until one structure becomes self-aware. God has “reproduced“ consciousness within Himself. Now an explosion of structures of self-aware thought occurs, each building upon one another, interacting and regenerating. As at first, they grow without bound, unlimited.

God’s consciousness has thus Evolved, from a simple, fundamental, individual viewpoint into a congeries of ever-changing, ever more complex, ever-dynamic perspectives, each but a tiny effigy of the original Consciousness that gave birth to them.

This is the Mind of God. These are the spirits, and these are our souls.

Light and Darkness

I feel that I am pushing the limits of a discussion forum thread, so I’ll cut off here with some notions.

To use analogies, the creation of thought is Light. The destruction of thought is Darkness. Life, Death. Positive, Negative. Yin, Yang. All analogies for creation and destruction. Existence and nonexistence. Each dependent, one on another.

These are definitions of things that we may choose or discard. We are unable, as conscious beings, to perceive anything without the mechanism of symbols. They are the foundations of our thought.

Thus our perception of Absolute Truth is inherently limited by both the fact that we use symbols, and the nature of those which we choose.

The Path

It seems that my spiritual quest has come to a point of choosing not only a spiritual paradigm, but more profoundly, choosing the very symbols upon which that paradigm will rest.

But I see more. Perhaps, if my focus is clear, I can -- with great care -- select the very symbols which are the foundation for my thoughts themselves.

Perhaps by doing so, I may better come to understand That Which Is.

I am long past caring for whether or not there is any “power” in this. There is something much, much better to be found here!