Confessions Of A Dark Sorceror

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posted on Aug, 19 2004 @ 04:30 AM
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First off, I wish to offer my deepest thanks to LadyV for setting me straight on a matter of great importance about which I have been gravely and tragically mistaken for over twenty years. I had, until recently, wrongly believed that Wicca and witchcraft are synonymous. They are not, a distinction I can now appreciate in greater depth than perhaps most people can.

For it was over twenty years ago that I dabbled in Wiccan magic for a period of about six months as a “lone wolf” before leaving that craft in the wake of an unfortunate incident.

While I am generally quite reserved about sharing personal details over the Internet, I think some explanation of all this may be in order, particularly as I pursue a new spiritual awakening.

I am also hopeful that sharing this information may serve as a cautionary tale for those who would seek power before wisdom, as I so foolishly did.

Lastly, for those with whom I share opinions and insights on the boards, knowing about this aspect of my past may help shed additional light on where I’m coming from in general, and why, though I am a neophyte in every spiritual sense of the word, I feel I can speak knowledgeably on certain topics.

The incident was, I believe, due to what can only be considered at least negligent misrepresentations to me regarding what I was doing in working with candles and the salt pentagram. I was working out of a book called The Magic Power of Witchcraft by Gavin and Yvonne Frost. Not in itself an evil book, but they really should have been more upfront about just what some of the rituals they describe actually do, if you understand my objection.

To be fair and honest, however, I cannot blame the book or its authors, because in truth my downfall was brought about by me, and me alone, though many times I have tried to deny this in the courtroom of my conscience. Even the book warned plainly against pursuing power for its own sake, but being young and ignorant, I paid no heed in the end, and sought power for its own sake. Just one of many, many things for which I must bear eternal shame.

Also, lest I misrepresent myself, I do not wish to indict Wicca or its practitioners as being wrong or “evil” simply because of my own personal folly and shortcomings. Many good people practice that craft, and though I pray I will never lose my inhibitions regarding the summoning of spirits to serve my will, I know that there are those who might very well do so without doing ill. I expect that this is especially true of those who practice in covens, where rash actions on the part of one member might be properly mitigated by the wisdom of the group.

Prior to the incident, I had spent five months learning various ostensibly Wiccan practices (according to the book, anyway): meditating on the pentagram, seeking good fortune and enlightenment, focusing the will, chanting and incantations, learning the building of spiritual beacons and psychic power, fashioning and anointing my own robe, enchanting items, and many other things. I could feel my insights, will and power growing, and became very “into it”. My wish was to practice that which I deemed good and benevolent, but ultimately, I fell into terrible darkness.

One evening, after a day of bitter quarreling with a co-worker, I came angry to the pentagram. Without realizing the full consequences of what I was doing, I poured my anger into the pentagram, envisioning my coworker and wishing great harm to come to him. My anger grew as I did this, only later did I come to realize how disproportionate and insane my emotions became as I gazed into the glowing symbol.

Surprisingly, at the time, but not in retrospect, my anger found a channel. All I experienced at the time was hearing what sounded like a very short buzzing, like a mosquito that lands in your ear, but coming distinctly from the pentagram. At that exact same moment, all my anger seemed to drain out of me, seemingly into the pentagram. I was left with nothing but a bad feeling that I had just done something terribly wrong. I closed the pentagram and noted the time: it was a little after 11:00 PM when this happened.

The next morning, my coworker did not arrive at work on time, and no one had heard from him. He finally arrived over three hours late, limping, in obvious pain, with a terribly bruised face, many bandages and one arm in a splint and sling. Needless to say, we were all very upset to see this and asked what happened.

“Last night, about eleven o’clock, I was walking home when out of nowhere, this huge guy just walked up, without saying a word, and just beat the crap out of me!” I didn’t get it right away, having been rather busy that morning with many unrelated matters.

Believe it or not, it took a long while for me to make the connection. He was unable to identify his attacker for police, he said the guy just left him unconscious in a pile, and did not take anything.

It wasn’t a mugging, just a beating! He had spent the night in a hospital, after waking up from a concussion. When I finally made the connection with a literal slap to my head, it was clear to me that it was not a coincidence. To this day, I am certain it was not.

Did I quit? Oh no! Now I knew I had power! I subsequently did many other things, including things which I later was to learn had cursed me in certain ways, but will not go into further detail on them, other than to comment that, in retrospect, I had clearly come under the control of Darkness.

There is a seductive joy in wielding dark power that is difficult to resist, and difficult to explain, but in the end, it will consume you, as it consumes all things, for that is its nature. As far as I know, none of what I did was technically “illegal” in the criminal law sense of the word, but that matters little in the court of the soul.

So why did I finally quit? The protests of my wife at the time. She began complaining about seeing shadows in the daytime, scary shadows. Of course, I dismissed her complaints as being due to ditziness or suggestibility. It wasn’t until I myself saw a shadow one fine day that I finally understood.

It passed across the living room wall, not too fast, not too slow. It was plainly and undeniably visible. It looked like a profile of a man with a pigtail -- sort of like Thomas Jefferson on the nickel, moving across the living room wall from right to left for perhaps three seconds.

It was totally unexpected, and there was absolutely nothing that could have caused a shadow like that to appear -- physically, anyway. At last I understood, for the first time, what I might really be getting into. They were in my apartment -- and with me all the time, I just hadn’t noticed.

So did I just throw everything away? No, that didn’t seem wise. I knew my days of practicing witchcraft were over, but decided I needed to send off the spirits and shut things down “gracefully”. In retrospect, dubious about all that as I now am, I’m glad I had the presence of mind to do those things, lest more than my conscience haunt me in subsequent years.

During my last session at the pentagram, I recanted and rejected the evil I had done, and bid the demons to return to their appointed place, and come to my home no more. I also did a purification ritual involving sprinkling sanctified salt and incantations at the corners of the apartment. It seems to have worked, because we never saw them again after that, and I know my wife would have definitely let me know if she saw another improper shadow.

To those who would read this and say “cool!” thinking to run out and try it, I urge you to carefully consider what is involved. I carry deep shame for this and other acts of evil as scars on my soul. If my coworker had died, I do not think I could live with myself.

Nothing is free, and though I have paid a heavy penance in shame and guilt over the years, I know that ultimately my karmic debt to my victims is still unpaid. Whatever “gains” I may have made are vastly outweighed by the tremendous sorrow that comes with walking in Darkness.

Since that time I have rejected all witchcraft as synonymous with Wicca, and generally eschewed all forms of free spiritualism as dangerous. This is ultimately untrue. These practices are neither inherently dangerous or inherently evil, although I have decided that Wicca is not the proper path for me to take as a person. But again, that is not an indictment of Wicca on my part, just a preference.

Even all you good Christians out there can appreciate that there have been those who have used the teachings of Christ for the advancement of evil (remember Jim Jones?). Does that mean that Christianity is evil? Obviously not! So it is with any form of spiritualism. They are what you make of them.

Now, it seems that finally, over twenty years later, a spiritual reawakening is upon me, and it is time to greatly expand my horizons in the mystical arts. Hopefully, with some painful lessons behind me, I may find myself following a wiser course moderated by such wisdom as the passage of time has granted me.

I now seek knowledge before power, and know that responsibility comes with them both.

I do not know which way my path will lead, but I pray that I will not be led into darkness again, unless that truly be my proper destiny. I hope it is not!

Whatever the future holds, I wish you good health, wealth and happiness borne of wisdom.


Edit: Changed name of article from “Confessions of a Former Wiccan” to “Confessions of a Dark Sorcerer” for two reasons:

1) More pizazz!

2) Because I do not want to blame Wicca for my dark sorcery. I see myself trying to blame the book, blame the Craft, etc. and that’s not right. It was all my fault.

Edit: Changed name of article from “Confessions of a Dark Sorcerer” to “Confessions of a Dark Sorceror” to satisfy a personal affectation of spelling.

Edit Note: It seems like, subconsciously, I am still trying to blame Gavin and Yvonne Frost and Wicca for my foolishness, and that’s just plain wrong. I just wanted to reiterate that, and hope you can excuse it in the text.


[edit on 8/20/2004 by Majic]




posted on Aug, 19 2004 @ 10:24 AM
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Originally posted by Majic
I cannot blame the book or its authors, because in truth my downfall was brought about by me, and me alone, though many times I have tried to deny this in the courtroom of my conscience.


I'm just noting that I really like that terminology, 'courtroom of con.'


I closed the pentagram and noted the time: it was a little after 11:00 PM when this happened.

The next morning, my coworker did not arrive at work on time, and no one had heard from him. He finally arrived over three hours late, limping, in obvious pain, with a terribly bruised face, many bandages and one arm in a splint and sling. Needless to say, we were all very upset to see this and asked what happened.

“Last night, about eleven o’clock, I was walking home when out of nowhere, this huge guy just walked up, without saying a word, and just beat the crap out of me!” I didn’t get it right away, having been rather busy that morning with many unrelated matters.


How is this even possible? The very next day he came into work with this story? Have you had any other events like this? What sort of neighborhood does he live in, I mean, is this an unusual event for him and his area? Do you know what he was doing out at such a late hour?

I am wondering if the fight you and he had made him go somewhere he wouldn't normally go or anything like that.



posted on Aug, 19 2004 @ 11:00 AM
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Majic,

I am sorry to hear you learned you lesson the hard way. Unfortunately, many young Wiccans (fluffy bunnys or rebel teens) do this very thing. It is a good lesson to learn, unfortunately, a bad way to learn it.

I am glad you realize what you did was not right. Unfortunately, you are now in a karmic dept. Hopefully the gods are easy on you.

YOu raise a very good point. What is power without knowledge? To have ultimate power, but not knowing what to do with it, or how to use it correctly, will inevitably lead to things you have experienced. I hope any young wiccan/witch/shaman will take heed of your warning. There is great pwer to be shared by all in this world, but using it wisely it the key. You must first gain wisdom before using the power.

As for Gavin and Yvonne, they are great authors. I have read many of their books. I have read the one you noted. They do give very well written warnings. As do many of the better authors on these subjects. Unfortunately, most of the time the warnings are over looked.

Wishing you all the best in the future, and all the best on your new spiritual journey and path.

Blessed Be
Whitewold





Nygdan


Originally posted by Nygdan
How is this even possible?


NEVER underestimate the power of magic and the mind. There are things in this world that cannot be easily explained, but there is also no such thing as coincidence.

My take on Majics' story is this. Majic was to learn from this first experience. However, instead of learning the lesson, Majic learned the power. And instead of using this power for the betterment of themselves, used it for the darker reaches of nature. Thus bringing themselves to a spiritual downward spiral.

I am glad Majic was able to pull up before crashing.

Blessed Be
Whitewolf



posted on Aug, 19 2004 @ 11:12 AM
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I grow up with Santeria, voodo, spiritism I guess this things are different depending were you are from. I had great teachers.

My experiences has always been fine not problems. No that I believe all the stuff just some but not all and I can only talk by my own beliefs.

I am sorry you have a shaky start.



posted on Aug, 19 2004 @ 12:01 PM
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Excellent post..

Its a very good moral that hopefully others will learn not without having to go through it themselves.

The same kind of thing happened to me when I first got into it. I call it "power greed".. The universe only gives so much for free, then it takes it toll.

With Wicca/witchcraft/spiritualism/whatever, you gain power.. but you also gain the responsibility to wield that power in a positive (or neutral at worst) fashion.

Magic is both useful and dangerous, because of its nature..



posted on Aug, 19 2004 @ 12:18 PM
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Originally posted by Nygdan
How is this even possible? The very next day he came into work with this story? Have you had any other events like this? What sort of neighborhood does he live in, I mean, is this an unusual event for him and his area? Do you know what he was doing out at such a late hour?

I am wondering if the fight you and he had made him go somewhere he wouldn't normally go or anything like that.


Many questions, and I can assure you, I have had much time to ask many of my own. In the passage of two decades, some things have become clear, but some confound me still. Without getting into details that may be sufficient to identify me, I’ll see what I can provide.

How is this even possible? I can say that I know that dark spirits, or demons if you prefer, do exist. They are the agents of darkness, and do the bidding of others. But even the spirit world has labor laws. No one works for free. Woe to those ignorant of the terms of employment!

The very next day he came into work with this story? Yes. Like I said, I didn’t get it right away, because my mind was in “day mode” -- I didn’t go around thinking about witchcraft all the time, and had pretty much shrugged off the previous night’s oddness when I woke up the next morning. The pouring of emotion into the pentagram seemed to drain me of hatred -- I felt great the next day. The timing of the previous night’s events was anything but coincidental, but that fact didn‘t register when I saw him that morning.

Have you had any other events like this? As far as I know, that was the most physical harm I caused to another human being through such means. However, I am certain that it is not the most harm I have caused through dark communions, and physical harm is by no means the most harm one can cause to another. Once I had confirmed “my” power, instead of taking time to realize what I was doing, I embraced the powers of darkness and began to use them against others around me, like an absolute fool. I can plead youth and stupidity, but they are frail defenses. That was certainly not the last time I bent my thought to unwholesome tasks.

What sort of neighborhood does he live in, I mean, is this an unusual event for him and his area? Do you know what he was doing out at such a late hour? He lived in a part of town that was neither very nice nor very bad, as the downtown of our city was not the seething den of corruption most are. He was fond of visiting the local watering holes after work, and staying out late on a weeknight was hardly unusual for him.

It was as he was walking home from a local club that night, as he had done hundreds of times before, that he was accosted by an assailant that he was never able to describe for police, except as “big” and male. Someone he did not recognize in his own neighborhood, who simply, without word or fanfare, stepped out of the shadows and summarily beat him almost to death, left without taking anything, was never seen again and never caught.

It just so happened that, across town, at the same time, I was wishing great harm upon him as I gazed into a pentagram. Salt under candlelight has a natural glow to it. That night, the symbol seemed to glow even more. I reveled in the fact at the time, sensing the energy that was building. When I heard that brief, insectile buzz, and the anger and hatred poured out of me like water, though I did not know exactly what had happened, I knew full well at that moment that I had done something bad. I now know that I had dispatched a demon.

While the precise specifics of who, or what, attacked my coworker that night elude me to this day, my longstanding theory is that the demon I dispatched took hold in the mind of some poor soul who was weak in spirit, but strong of body, and easy prey for demonic influence. Under the guidance of the demon, he made his way to the ambush point, did that which he was inspired to do, left and may very well not have remembered what he did.

Believe me, I considered all sorts of things to relieve me of guilt. After all, he had angered me by sabotaging me at work, hadn’t he? No doubt he had simply ticked off the wrong guy and got what was coming to him. It was a coincidence, nothing more! Yeah, that was the ticket! But that was only the beginning.

Were that the only thing I did, such rationalizations would probably hold -- if I would have had the good sense to stop then. But I did not. Subsequently, I was able to make the pentagram glow even more wildly in my meditations, as I used the symbol itself to scry events -- and before dispatching my so-called “servants” to their tasks. Incredibly, I never really saw myself as “doing evil” then. It was all about “justice” to me. The bastards.

I began using blood magic to imbue items with power, coating them with my own blood while willing special abilities into them, including my own wedding ring -- an act of incredible stupidity which I was later to realize cursed my marriage. I took actions on the basis of information provided to me by my dark spirit guides. Oh and so much more, because summoning was clearly my gift.

The simple, no-nonsense idea that I was, bottom line, actually summoning and communing with demons never occurred to me as such then -- strange, I know, it seems obvious enough to me now. They tricked me into believing that the power was my own. But it was all a deception.

As I spent more time with them, I became more like them in my mind. It was like a dark, wonderful dream. At last I had found power! Me! A great magus! A wizard! My dreams of grandeur knew no limits, and my insights into dark chaos grew at ever-increasing speed as my lust for power grew without limit. By day, I was a menial worker making paltry wages, but by night, I was a sorcerer! And I was aware of a great many things that others around me were not. Fool that I was, I thought it was I who was in control.

The feeling of empowerment was intoxicating, and addictive like a drug. I was a beggar king, commanding dark forces to my whim. They know me now -- know me very well, indeed, and they never forget an ill turn. As I write this, I can feel them calling to me, calling me back to them. Not even I know how far I went into the abyss, many memories are lost to me. It was like I had become two different people, one by day, another by night. Had my wife not shaken me loose of my madness, I might have never returned.

I have come to realize that there are many, many of our brothers and sisters who, for so many different reasons, are potential receptacles for demonic influence. After all, I was! Only arrogance allowed me to foolishly believe that I was in charge, when it was them all along. There are many ways by which they can take you, but the doorway always lies in despair.

Little more of that period do I care to discuss publicly, or privately for that matter, and could not tell all if I wished, as toward the end, I started losing memory of the deeds of the night. It truly was a descent into madness, into the gaping maw of that which consumes all. I wonder that I could survive with any shred of my being intact. I still wonder.

Even now, knowing what I know, a part of me wants to believe that I am wrong, that it was me, that I have the power. It’s a lie. It was always a lie, a sinister illusion to ensnare my soul.

I’m sorry, but the pain of reliving those days is strong -- I did not sleep well last night after making my original post, and though I will go ahead and post this, it is with the misgivings of knowing that I am revealing far more than I had ever intended. Even now I can feel the darkness pressing in on me, the familiarity of it. These things cannot be recalled without sorrow and tears.

But if anyone can learn anything from this, and perhaps make more enlightened choices in the path they follow as a result, then this public self-flagellation may yet prove worthwhile.


Edits: Formatting, grammar, spelling and clarity.


[edit on 8/21/2004 by Majic]



posted on Aug, 19 2004 @ 12:33 PM
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You mentioned scrying, what future events did you see?


It truly was a descent into madness, into the gaping maw of that which consumes all. I wonder that I could survive with any shred of my being intact. I still wonder.


I do have to ask if oyu considered the possibility that you were the one who attacked him and perhaps reworked the memory in your own head to block it out, or blacked out and acted irrationally or something like that. I should think this very unlikely, because the guy would've recognized you.

Have you ever thought of recording in some way some of these occurances? Or manifesting something that can be caught on film? These sorts of events have no rational explanation, and being able to demonstrate them, whats more, rationally study them, would be a very important thing for the human community.



posted on Aug, 19 2004 @ 01:08 PM
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Originally posted by Nygdan
You mentioned scrying, what future events did you see?


The future? I was far too interested in the petty doings of those around me, and acting upon them. But it was all lies. Lies used to trick me into doing evil. I remember being entranced as I gazed into the pentagonal center, hypnotized by things I cannot recall, and do not wish to recall.



I do have to ask if oyu considered the possibility that you were the one who attacked him


I was clearly psychotic in those days, and the thought has crossed my mind. But my wife would have noticed had I left the apartment in the night. As far as I know, when I performed my practices at night, I never left the apartment, and my wife --who had no interest whatsoever in any of this magic business -- never gave me cause to think otherwise.



Have you ever thought of recording in some way some of these occurances? Or manifesting something that can be caught on film? These sorts of events have no rational explanation, and being able to demonstrate them, whats more, rationally study them, would be a very important thing for the human community.


This was many years ago, and I can only pray that they were nothing more than a manifestation of mental illness, although I have studied the matter somewhat since then, and received extensive and excellent professional counsel and treatment over a course of some years. Ironically, because of all this, I cannot satisfy myself that it was a mere matter of my being psychotic.

As for attempting to repeat any of that stuff again, if you’ll pardon the pun, there’s no way in hell I would consider doing so!

You cannot know (God I hope not!) how seductive and fiendishly clever the “dark side” is. It calls to me still, even now as I write this. As I write of my foolish misadventures, I feel my “dark self” within me, smirking, probing for weakness, whispering of dark majesty to me. Though only a small part of my life did I willingly give over to him, he grew very strong, very fast. Oh, he knows he’s cool! Dashing black sorcerer of power. Bah! A fool!

Over twenty years have passed, and as others far wiser than I have noted, my karmic debt remains unpaid. I hope to repay it somehow by doing good deeds and giving what love I have to those around me and to the world.

Though I try to choose not to feed darkness with fear and despair, I have worried many times that eternal damnation may ultimately be my fate, no matter what I do. But that is not true. There is always Hope, and any who would have you believe otherwise is themselves doing the work of Darkness.

For just as Fear can feed upon itself and grow, so can Love. These things are antithetical, you may counter one with the other. I have seen this in others, and have seen it in myself. These things are potent spiritual forces, elemental in nature, limitless in that they can spring seemingly from nowhere and without bound.

Each of the two, Fear and Love, are those things that you gain more of by giving away. Thus they are infinite in potential and power. Respect them both.

As there will always be Darkness, so shall there always be Light. And always shall they both dwell within me.

For now, and as long as the choice is mine to make, I choose Light, and Love.



posted on Aug, 19 2004 @ 01:18 PM
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So, this was 20 years ogo, or took place for 20 years or what? At first I expected you were young, but now I am placing you much older than I first realized.

It appears you did this for nearly 20 years, and it was 20 years ago. Sorry for placing an age, but I am picking up much, and just trying to place myself in the right state of being here.

You are definitely wise, and again, I send my best blessings to you. You are correct. There is hope. You surely will not be placed into eternal damnation, yet, you will likely have to relearn many lessons to put yourself on the right path in your next life.

Blessed Be
Whitewolf



posted on Aug, 19 2004 @ 01:37 PM
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It took a while to “come out of the broom closet”, and this is the first time I have ever done so on any public forum. Most of my relatives have no idea that I was ever into witchcraft at all -- I only recently told my father the “overview“ version, and I‘m not sure exactly how he took it, to be frank. My siblings remain, as best I can tell, oblivious for now, though I think my sister has intuitively suspected in the past. The right time for such discussion will eventually come.

More distantly, I have devoutly religious relatives who would positively start break-dancing and talking in tongues if they knew that it was I who had posted what I have posted here. It would freak them out irrevocably, I think, God bless them.

And I know for a fact that none of them, including my ex-wife, have any idea how far down the rabbit hole I ended up going. Even I do not know. So probably best to keep this anonymous, for the sake of others if not my own.

If you read my intro post and other posts, it should become obvious that there is far more to my life than a six-month dabbling in witchcraft (yes, all this happened in that short a time) by which I can define myself. This was just one adventure in many -- sometimes I remind myself of Little Big Man: “…and that was the end of my Witchcraft Period.”

To those who wish me well and can forgive my youthful stupidity, I am grateful.

For those who would follow the path of Darkness, I urge you to consider very carefully what such a thing entails. Yes, you will have power -- or more accurately, the illusion of power -- but it will come at prices far higher than you will likely ever wish to pay.

Your ultimate price will be bondage and servitude in a kingdom ruled by Fear, and populated by Hatred, Lust, Hunger, Loathing, Misery, Despair, Greed and uncountable other emotions and traps that will no doubt in the end rob you of every last shred of that which we consider human.

In other words, IT’S A RIP-OFF! Mind my warning well!

Now, enough of this darkness. I think I’ve gotten enough off my chest to be able to move on, and it feels good.

Outside, the sun shines brightly in a blue sky, and gives me great strength. It is a beautiful day!

To all who may read this, please accept my unconditional and enduring Love!


(And yes, Whitewolf, as a great -- if fictitious -- teacher might tell me: "Much to learn, you still have!")

(And as for my age, I’ll leave the math as an exercise in guessing.
)


Edit: Important clarifications.



[edit on 8/19/2004 by Majic]



posted on Aug, 19 2004 @ 01:42 PM
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Hmmm.. It gives me an interesting theory. The main part of most sorts of magick (chanting, singing, sacrifice etc...) is for generating energy (chi) to help in speeding up the operation.

Now Karl Welz has a formula for all kinds of magick.

A structural link to the Target (T) + A structural link to the Result (R) + Energy (E) = Magick (M)

T + R + E = M

Now let me take a part of your text:



I poured my anger into the pentagram,


=E


envisioning my coworker


=T


and wishing great harm to come to him.


=R


The next morning, my coworker did not arrive at work on time, and no one had heard from him. He finally arrived over three hours late, limping, in obvious pain, with a terribly bruised face, many bandages and one arm in a splint and sling. Needless to say, we were all very upset to see this and asked what happened.

“Last night, about eleven o’clock, I was walking home when out of nowhere, this huge guy just walked up, without saying a word, and just beat the crap out of me!” I didn’t get it right away, having been rather busy that morning with many unrelated matters.


=M

You're magick went exactly as the formula!!

Now... Because the emotional energy you gave off to the pentagram was negative in nature, and that somehow it was enhanced. It became enough for it to attract negative entities. It is said that some of these beings feed on negative energy in the same way that we have to eat food in order to survive. It's just food for them, and trying to survive IMO. Nothing more... Now, when a group of beggars see someone sharing free food, they run to get some of course... Same with these entities. And then they'll keep begging for more. And trying to get you to do more negative things so they can feed more.

Another one of your quotes

You cannot know (God I hope not!) how seductive and fiendishly clever the “dark side” is. It calls to me still, even now as I write this.


In other words (IMO of course) all they're doing is begging for food.

Anway, this is just a theory and I may be wrong, but it still is interesting.

[edit on 19-8-2004 by TheBandit795]



posted on Aug, 19 2004 @ 07:03 PM
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For a few things, but for the first, I am sorry for not reading your post all the way through... did anything return via the Rule of Three? I'm thinking perhaps the shadows your wife saw (but like I said, I didn't read all the way through, but will later).

I am sorry that this had to have happened... from your other posts, you seem quite... knowledgable (?), and it is a shame that this had to happen. Even if you intentially wanted to cause harm, well, I know others who later regretted their actions. There is a lesson to be learned, though... in any action, go about things with a clear head and level mind... but sometimes, it is this that is the hardest lesson to learn.

I am glad that you have found a path that best fits you. I have known too many people who walked on the path of magic (be it Wiccan to Pagan to more... arcane aspects) who clearly did this because they thought it was 'cool' or they were pretenders who wanted to appear bigger than what they were. Those are the foolish ones... you, from what I have read so far, were not one of those who was attracted to magic for its glamour and appeal. With you having moved off the path... well... I am sure, as you may already know, there will be things that will continue to follow you (good or bad), and I wish you the best in luck with those matters. Hopefully, and it sounds as if it is true, you have found a path that better suits you.

Though the path I walk upon leads to ways most... unclear... I can understand your reasons. I cannot give you forgiveness (for that is for you to do), I can give you a heart-felt "wish-well".

Do not feel badly about the choices you have done... everyday is full of new experiences, some good, some bad. It is what you learn from, and what you do with them, that makes you who you are.




posted on Aug, 19 2004 @ 08:51 PM
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Formulae

TheBandit795: Seems to me like Karl Welz has the math pretty much figured out. Of course, the devil, as they say, is in the details.

Each variable in the equation can have an infinite range of values, each of which can have an infinite range of attributes, which can interact in an infinite number of ways to produce an infinite number of possible outcomes. Of course that’s true of any basic numerical formula where the variables are unconstrained, but worth noting in the magical models.

Food

As for the “begging for food“ aspect of spirits, I like that analogy It certainly fits my own observations, and matches the behavior of dark spirits to a tee, in my estimation. They do indeed seem to feed on fear -- a good point to bear in mind when feeling frightened, or when someone or something seeks to frighten you. The only thing to fear is fear itself!

I have less experience with light spirits, but am rapidly gaining some. I have many with me now. Indeed, they seem to “feed” on love, although their doing so does not seem to actually consume it, but bolster it. A regenerative process that makes for some interesting calculus.

As I ponder this analogy, it occurs to me that just as “angels” are attracted to but do not consume Love, neither do “demons” seem to consume fear. Indeed, each seems to increase the amount of these things, like an aura around them. Perhaps there is a clue to the nature of spiritual energy in these observations?

(Thanks for the applause, by the way, I love my Caribbean fans!
)

Forgiveness

soothsayer: I’ll interpret “sorry” in the sense of sympathy, as opposed to culpability, for most assuredly neither you nor anyone but myself is responsible for my misdeeds. And though I am seemingly doing just fine these days, no reassurance from others will ever go unappreciated by me.

As for the Rule of Three, it is very hard to quantify sorrow. I can say that while there has been no shortage of sorrow in my life, I’ve actually had it pretty good. It’s been no cakewalk, and who knows? Maybe that karmic payback is just around the corner.

I can say that I have lived a great deal of my life in fear, but that started early in childhood, so I can’t pin that upon my misdeeds -- unless they were anticipated and I am on sort of cosmic monthly-payment plan.

Though I would not wish to encourage karmic check-kiting, my sense is that there truly is justice in this world, and that the punishment tends to fit the crime. In other words, there is, in all things, Balance. Thus I prefer the rule of “What goes around, comes around.” It seems to fit my biography so far, as while there has definitely been some blowback, I cannot claim that life has treated me unfairly.

God truly is Just. I have no complaints about God whatsoever -- not a single one, bless Him! **

While prying open old scabs and fessing up to things I had tried hard to forget has been painful to some degree, it has also been cathartic. Perhaps more importantly than both of these things, it has been instructive for me, and hopefully will be for others.

For without a doubt, though the tuition was costly, I did come to learn many things from my errors. Also, a life without challenge is a life not worth living.

I am forever grateful for all the challenges that have been set before me, and all that are to come, even -- and perhaps especially -- those that may defeat me.

Have I learned anything? Yes, yes I have.

When singers sing of Love, it will always mean much more to me than just “ooooh, baby baby!”

That can’t be a bad thing!




** Or “Her“, “It“, “Them“, all are used pretty much interchangeably in such texts as the Torah, for example, which I consider of supreme significance. I use “Him“ for convenience, per western conventions, but know that God (the Creator, that is) has no inherent gender.



posted on Aug, 19 2004 @ 09:10 PM
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After having reread this thread, your latest posting, and your link to your introduction... it is all I can do to stand back and just stare in awe over your tone, word usage, and... humility? humanity? Truly, my thoughts on you are justified (and, apparently, they echo throughout other members).

One thought lingers, though... let me refresh my memory first (and read the thread opener)

...

Okay, I can see being led off course, and the eventual turning away from... but coming back, albiet in a different direction...

Are you able to say where it is you stand? Or are you still figuring out? And may I ask when this 'awakening' took place (or the whys)? You'll have to forgive my inquisition... there's more to the questions, and I think you probably already know that... so I'll understand if it is considered a private matter.



posted on Aug, 19 2004 @ 10:00 PM
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Originally posted by soothsayer
Are you able to say where it is you stand?


Well, first off, I really like your line of inquiry! These are very good and apt questions, which I will try to answer as candidly as possible. As for privacy, if I do not wish to answer something, I’ll be polite but firm about it, or simply not give a reply, so don’t worry about that.

Where I stand today:

1) I know where the Path of Darkness leads. It leads to being consumed like fodder, then being discarded like an empty husk. It is a confidence scheme to rob you of all that you are. It is nothing less than the Path of Death. Through dumb luck more than anything else, I somehow got the memo before I hit the end of the road. And my oh my what a short road it can be!

2) I know where the Path of Light leads. It leads to growth, fulfillment, harmony and happiness. It is the only way I know of to ultimately become one with the Creator. So sure, maybe those on the Dark Side see that as Death itself, but I do not. I love Life, and I love Love. It is likewise through dumb luck that this has become apparent to me. There is no apparent end in sight to this path from my vantage point.

3) Thus I choose to follow the Path of Light.


Originally posted by soothsayer
Or are you still figuring out?


It is so tempting to simply say “Nope! No worries here, I’m all set on the Path o’ Light and that’s all she wrote!”

But it’s not all she wrote. The truth is that many challenges still await me, and I walk forward into the future with a stained garment. A heavily stained garment (thank God I didn’t kill someone!). Darkness still beckons to me in moments of weakness, and it always will. That seems to be my fate.

And though I will it not, I am no longer so foolish as to dismiss the possibility that I may yet again fall into Darkness, perhaps never to return. That may be my fate.

It is by no means unusual, I am truly sad to say, for people to fall forever into darkness, and it is heartbreaking to contemplate the fates of my fallen brothers and sisters who face the destruction of self as I almost did, and may yet.

I can think of no fate more unpleasant or undesirable than to have my soul consumed by a ravenous beast. It is truly terrifying beyond my ability to imagine. And yet still so strangely seductive. Talk about your bizarre mysteries!

I think there has been a purpose in having me gaze into the abyss. It has definitely given me perspectives I would not have had were I pure as the driven snow. I think some good can come of it, some way or another.


Originally posted by soothsayer
And may I ask when this 'awakening' took place (or the whys)?


Very recently. By my counting (in retrospect -- I tried burying all this in my past and haven‘t been counting each year), almost exactly twenty-two years have passed since I last closed the pentacle and stopped practicing. Maybe my time of penance has ended.

In all this time, I have forsworn all but the most dogmatic religious paths, seeking comfort in simple western religions where spiritualism is strictly controlled and regulated. I gotta say, it’s not a bad way to keep the flock in line I suppose, but if you treat people like sheep, they’ll act like sheep.

Try though I might, I can’t operate like that. I cannot accept an intercessor or worship other human beings. I talk to God or I talk to nobody. Those are my terms.

So do I? Yes. Once I realized the simple fact that God is literally everywhere, because God is literally all things without exception, the door was opened.

I can now talk to God, and God answers. Psychosis? Sounds like it to me! Without a doubt I’m crazier than an outhouse rat. But that’s hardly news.

But it’s true, and God can be amazingly forthcoming with information. The thing to bear in mind with God is that God answers every single prayer, just that the answer isn’t always “yes”.

There’s a lot more to that relationship, but it is different for everyone, and I’m quite satisfied that anyone reading this far is convinced beyond a reasonable doubt that I must be typing this with a crayon held in my mouth because I’m wearing a straitjacket. Fair enough, it sounds pretty crazy to me too!

But I’m not lying. God is everywhere. If you can accept that God is vast beyond definition and not human like you or I, and if you apply a little empathy to God’s situation, you can indeed tune in to God.

I promise that if you do this, you will never, ever forget it. And even better, you will never, ever be unable to speak to God again.

Even Satan talks to God! Why not you?


Edit: Untangled some puzzling phraseology.


[edit on 8/21/2004 by Majic]



posted on Aug, 20 2004 @ 09:56 AM
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Magic, I hesitate to add my humble two bits, but I would encourage someone with this much ability to use it for good, rather that just abandon any use of it.

I too wondered about any Karmic 'punishment' you might have recieved, but rather than three times, I have always thought evil was repaid nine times. Perhaps you fended it off with your purifications, but it may yet occur. Perhaps you could 'adopt' a larger, selfless, endevor and funnel this power of yours into it. You seem like a nice person, we'd hope you could avoid any catastrophe.

There is too the possibility that this person was on the recieving end of his own Karma 'payback'. Had you seen him 'mistreat' others? Did he have other instances of 'bad luck'?

I have seen people have amazing bad luck after cheating or mistreating me. (Not that I did anything to send them the bad luck, I learned years ago that it was best to be patient and wait for 'nature to take it's course'. Less bad Karma incurred by me. Though I believe that I am held accountable for any 'enjoyment' their suffering gives me.) I just hope I am not contributing subconciously to their hurt!

I have often said it seems that I have an 'avenging angel' rather than a guardian angel. -- My 'angel' would not stop you from pushing me off a cliff, but he might boot you off right behind me.

[edit on 20-8-2004 by frayed1]



posted on Aug, 20 2004 @ 12:31 PM
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Hi Majic,

Excellent posts. You write beautifully.

Having been on the receiving end of the discarnate dark forces many times, and in having counseled people that have suffered from discarnate demonic attack, I'd like to add some insight on your understanding of what happened.

All deeds, thoughts and intentions counterbalance in the Spirit by a soul's ability or inability to unite with The Light of God -- which is an infinite energy spectrum that is nonliving. The Universal Law which governs The Light is inescapable.

There is no such thing as a powerful demon, only groups of common spirits who combine their soul energies into Group Entities and who project the persona of being individual demonic figures. Individual common spirits are very weak in the discarnate dimensions because they cannot ascend very far into The Light. Eternal life is only achieved and maintained by those who do not destroy their ability to unite with The Light. Only by striving to live by The Golden Rule, taking responsiblity for one's actions, and serving others do we ensure our survival after we leave the flesh.

Group Entities of common spirits (who seek power for its own sake) destroy themselves constantly from abusing innocents. The reason is because the perpetrators cause their souls (which are a form of energy) to totally unite with darkness, which is nonexistence. The traditional Christian phrase for this is "losing one's soul."

Group Entities of common spirits are always in abundance as new Group Entities are constantly formed daily from recently transitioned souls who are spiritually indifferent, who have rejected the lessons of their life review, who refuse to take responsibility for their actions and strive to counterbalance karmic debts, and who are on a path of evil away from The Light.

We all have Free Will to do what we want and exist eternally as long as it is not in conflict with The Light. Most choose foolishly.

In analyzing your story, it appears that there are three facets of karmic debt involved here:

1. The Group Entity that influenced and worked through a man to cause violence.

2. The man who allowed himself to be a pawn for the dark forces and participate in violent actions against an innocent.

3. Your participation and venting performed in the ritual of magick that really equated to just a strong request for retribution as you understood it at that time.

Out of the three, you have the smallest karmic debt. The man who carried out the violence and the Group Entity that empowered and worked through him both have greater karmic debts.

The Group Entity that caused the violence probably fell into oblivion right after the physical attack to an innocent.

(Which is not to imply that one should not defend oneself, only that one must always consider one's stance with The Light.)

I really don't think you will share their fate. You learned (probably more accurately - relearned) an important lesson and are now focused to embrace The Golden Rule and share your wisdom with others.

This is exactly what you are supposed to be doing.

Here's to the Path of Light!





[edit on 21-8-2004 by Paul_Richard]



posted on Aug, 20 2004 @ 12:34 PM
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Originally posted by frayed1
Magic, I hesitate to add my humble two bits, but I would encourage someone with this much ability to use it for good, rather that just abandon any use of it.


As with soothsayer, I urge you not to hesitate to add your two bits, which are quite worthwhile and valuable. My motives in posting and discussing this topic are selfish, since I am traversing a time where several significant decisions must be made, and it is wise to seek guidance from as many sources as possible.

Dare I Continue?

I am wrestling with the question your statement poses now. I have been edging into the Practice again as part of my “spiritual reawakening”, but not without concern. I’m taking baby steps, trying to make sure I’m not about to step off a precipice, and knowing that such discipline is easier in principle than in practice.

LadyV and others have reminded me that energy itself is neutral, and indeed, there are few things of which I am more confident. My “gift” and, it seems, “curse” involves the invocation of spirits, with my resumé to date somewhat heavy on dark spirits, so I must be cautious and mindful of the fact that spirits are far more than simple energy. Far more, indeed.

Though I was small potatoes in the realm of the dark arts, certain… talents nonetheless remain with me, and I have no doubt that they have influenced my “mundane” life throughout. I cannot unlearn them, and they influence everything (even my computer troubleshooting!).

Thus no matter what I do, I must consider their effects carefully. It is easy to forget, and I will not deny that I fear that I may yet draw another pentacle. Maybe. On a “whim”, I bought some salt yesterday while grocery shopping “just in case”. It is a turbulent and disturbing thing to wonder if this may be a sign of a “reawakening”, or a “reclamation”.

Forming “psi balls”, working with natural energy, drinking in sunsets and calling the wind seem fairly benign, and indeed, they are truly rapturous things to me. The caress of the wind is so intoxicating, and yesterday there was a beautiful storm with lightning and strong blowing winds speckled with sweet rain -- oh baby, be still my beating heart! And dusk is my time of power, when the livid colors of the day fade and become the grainy mysteries of the night. These days, a sliver of moon heralds the sunset.

I have denied myself so many of these simple pleasures, pleasures that were made for us by God to be enjoyed, for so very long. That alone is cause for sorrow, to overlook the beauty that life on Earth offers.

I have spent so much of my life toiling away, applying my talents to the workings of man, seeking to “get ahead”, buying into the great mass illusion that we think of as modern reality. All the while, knowing in my heart that it is an illusion, not bad in itself, but a product of the “herd mind” and therefore ultimately anathema to a free spirit, nonetheless.

I have accumulated some money, gained a modest share of personal power in the world, taken leave of the workaday world and purchased a peaceful sanctuary wherein I might stop and learn to appreciate the simple passage of time. And so I have, and am led back once more to The Beginning. It truly seems to be my appointed place.

Here I stand once again. Pondering.

Angelic Sorcery and The Long Dark Night of the Soul

Last night I looked into “Angelology” on the ‘Net. What did I find? So many invocations inviting angels “into your heart”. This is sorcery!

I must say that the notion that people are inviting any sort of spirits into their minds without understanding the ramifications is extremely alarming to me, even if they are “good” spirits. You cannot know how much anguish this issue caused me last night, as I considered the matter in passionate self-debate.

I have already invited and welcomed angels to my home, to come and go as they will. I feel them around me. I have set wards against darkness and uninvited guests. And yet, here is this seed of doubt, perhaps even mistrust, about the role of any sort of angels in our lives, “light“ or “dark“.

Welcome them into my mind -- again? Light or dark, they are still basically the same sorts of beings. Replacing the mocking criticisms of demons with the soothing reassurance of angels seems like a no-brainer. But that’s what worries me. Aren’t they just different flavors of the same ice cream?

Are we ultimately “cattle” for the spirit world, to be fed upon by both Light and Darkness alike? I found myself asking so many questions, fundamental questions, questioning everything! It felt so much like the “long dark night of the soul“.

Sorcery is, in my mind, like heroin to me. Dare I go back to it, even for “good” spirits?

Twenty-two years ago, I would build huge psychic beacons to “summon good spirits”. Just because you ask for good spirits doesn’t mean that’s what will come.

At the time of this writing, I am terribly conflicted on the matter. I must meditate on it at length. As fundamental as it is, it will no doubt color my thoughts until resolved.

Metaphysical Scorekeeping


Originally posted by frayed1
I too wondered about any Karmic 'punishment' you might have recieved, but rather than three times, I have always thought evil was repaid nine times. Perhaps you fended it off with your purifications, but it may yet occur.


Only God knows for sure, and certainly I can be very much mistaken, but my sense on this is that the ultimate formula promotes true balance in all things, including “punishment”. While there may be what amounts to reaction greater than action, my observations in general suggest otherwise.

Rather, I think the traditional multiples (3, 7, 9 times vengeance) have evolved to discourage rashness, and probably also reflect the fact that we tend to be more sensitive to personal hurts than those we wreak against others.

I have observed that true “laws of God” are immutable laws. You cannot break God’s spiritual laws any more than you can break God’s physical laws.

When I look at the consequences of sin, I see natural consequences. If you stick your finger into a flame, you will be burned and feel pain. That is not necessarily the “wrath of God”, but you could certainly think of it that way.

Believe what you will, I see Balance as the ultimate law which applies to all things, including the actions of God.


Edit: Oh, to be free of error!

Edit: Headings and minutiae.


[edit on 8/21/2004 by Majic]



posted on Aug, 20 2004 @ 12:54 PM
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Paul_Richard: There is a simple elegance to the model you describe that speaks of truth.

My sense of Darkness and Light is that their relationship is indeed as you say, they are truly Death and Life.

I will consider your words carefully, and meditate on them.

Thank you for sharing your insights!



posted on Aug, 20 2004 @ 02:27 PM
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I read your story and it runs parallel to my own. The words are different. But I do not doubt it was the same.

There are differences however.

I was an atheist. I had no spiritual beliefs to "fall back on". After 4 years of learning I discovered things were not as they seemed. As a result, my dark entity tormented me for a year, demostrating I had no power. It brought me to the very edge of insanity. It was not until I was without hope that I found the path in the words of a friend. At a time when I was hopeless, I spoke words to a prayer I learned as a child. I did not believe in God when I spoke these words, but He believed in me. He saw that I knew this prayer was my last hope and He answered.

I have learned to understand many things as a result of this experience. But even learning these things was a struggle of its own.

I can summarize my belief system in 6 words.
God is. Love God. Live God.

Learning the nature of Love, I learned the natures of Pride and Humility.

Pride is subtle. Pride builds upon Pride. Pride grows. Pride is the nature of "the Adversary".

When one understands the nature of pride and pushes this pride away, one pushes the nature of "the Adversary" away.


Believe what you will, I see Balance as the ultimate law which applies to all things, including the actions of God.


I will share my understanding of this.

There is no balance of power when one side is significantly stronger. Indeed there is no balance when one side controls all the power.

The ultimate law does not apply to God. God applies the ultimate law to all.

Balance exists in the nature of Free will and the emotions given to us by God to see the choices that are available.

Emotions can be catagorized as "positive emotions" and "negative emotions".

All "positive emotions" can be expressed in terms of Love.
All "negative emotions" can be expressed in terms of Pride.

When one's emotions are "in balance" one can clearly see and choose which path he wishes to take. The path of Pride or the path of Love.

As you said, you are free to believe what you will, and that is the nature of the free will. Free will is guided by one's own emotions. Love and Pride.

Take Care.

Editted to add clarification

[edit on 20-8-2004 by Raphael_UO]





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