Confessions Of A Dark Sorceror

I usually don�t take naps during the day, unless I haven�t slept well the night before. Such nights are commonplace, lately. Today I took a nap.

This dream woke me up, and rather than forget it, and realizing that it probably relates to the subject of angels and my concerns about them, decided to not only write this down, but post it in rough form to the thread and maybe edit it later.

I dreamed I was the driver of a yellow school bus in the rain, picking up little school children in yellow raincoats. Strangely, the door to the bus was literally right next to the driver�s seat, such that I sat on the right instead of left (I�m in America), and the kids had to pass right under the steering wheel to get in.

They were very tiny little kids, cute as buttons all of them, and while I could hear them vaguely chattering behind me like kids on buses do, I never saw any of them actually talk, not do I remember ever being to able to look behind me into the bus itself.

It was raining very hard outside, and the traffic was dangerous. There were others of these little yellow school buses driving, and the little raincoat-wearing kids seemed everywhere -- standing properly on the sidewalk mostly, but some were walking out into the street to get on some of the buses, and there were cars splashing through the whole scene at dangerous speeds.

The streets were very wide with many lanes. It was frighteningly chaotic, I was sure some of these children would be hurt, and was trying to do what I could to make sure that didn�t happen. I kept trying to drive the bus as the traffic permitted -- there were no signals, it was all pretty free-form.

One little girl walked right in front of my bus, heedlessly through the dangerous traffic. I opened my door for her to get in, but she kept walking to another bus a few lanes to my right. A car came screeching/splashing to a halt, almost hitting her and some other kids by that bus. I began to feel frantic.

I had to get my bus to the curb -- and there were some children there who needed to be picked up. But the streets were literally awash with water, and the bus kept spinning around as I tried to control it. Now I was panicked.

As I became more afraid of this manic mess, and tried to control the bus, I felt the kids behind me grabbing me -- grabbing my back, holding on. It seemed like there were dozens of the little hands, grabbing on to me as best they could. But they were making it hard to steer, and the bus kept spinning in circles, out of control.

�Don�t touch the driver,� I said over my shoulder. The little hands kept grabbing me. �Don�t touch the driver!� I yelled, increasingly alarmed that they wouldn�t let go

�DON�T TOUCH THE DRIVER!� I screamed it at the top of my lungs. Some of them let go, but by now I was furious. Couldn�t they see we were all in danger?

Somehow, the bus spun around and finally came to a stop with the door next to a corner. Thank God! With the children still grabbing me, I decided we all needed to get off the bus. I would line those kids up on the sidewalk until they decided to behave!

I stepped out onto the sidewalk, with one of the kids still attached to me. I wrestled him of my back and set him down in front of me, a sweet little brown-haired boy who could not have been knee-high.

I looked him in the eye and said, �Why didn�t you let go? Couldn�t you see we were in danger?� He just looked at me in that blank way kids can, but it hit me then. �Were you scared?� He nodded silently.

At that moment I woke up. The dream left me very agitated and perplexed. It also left me feeling like I need to rest some more. I was really thrashing around in my sleep.

So there it is for now, I�ll return later and see what can be made of this.

Well, so much for getting back to sleep.

Upon getting back in bed and relaxing into just that right position, what seems to be a �revelation� came to me significant and persistent enough to warrant dutifully getting back out of bed and belting out a quick post about it.

And here it is. I have been pondering and meditating on this matter for some days now, and it seems I have my answer. Sorcery lies in my path. No it�s more than that.

I am a Sorceror. (cue dramatic flash of lightning)

For good or ill, darkness or light, right or wrong, my destiny lies in communion with other spirits. I cannot be a �lone wolf�. This is not given to me to be.

I also am now beginning to realize that sorcery itself is neither good or evil, although my prior misfortunes had led me to question that, or at least whether or not it was right for me. Now I know.

Now I am almost certain that it is given to me to summon them for a reason, a reason that pertains to who I am, and who I am to become.

So be it.

Now, maybe I can get just a little rest, for crying out loud!


P.S. I have always preferred the more arcane spelling �sorceror�, but my spell-checker keeps changing it. I have forthwith �corrected� my spell-checker. With that affectation decided, maybe I�ll start using �magick�, too (also a spell-check victim).

Re: Your dream.

I usually do not interpret dreams.

The buses are the belief systems of different people.
The children are the people who you teach to believe as you.
The danger is the inevitable collision of belief systems.

The rest I will leave to you.


Re: your path

Learn the nature of Pride, humilty, and love before you begin your journey.


Your dream and your path are closely connected.


[edit on 20-8-2004 by Raphael_UO]

Originally posted by Majic
Upon getting back in bed and relaxing into just that right position, what seems to be a �revelation� came to me significant and persistent enough to warrant dutifully getting back out of bed and belting out a quick post about it.

And here it is. I have been pondering and meditating on this matter for some days now, and it seems I have my answer. Sorcery lies in my path. No it�s more than that.

I am a Sorceror. (cue dramatic flash of lightning)

For good or ill, darkness or light, right or wrong, my destiny lies in communion with other spirits. I cannot be a �lone wolf�. This is not given to me to be.

I also am now beginning to realize that sorcery itself is neither good or evil, although my prior misfortunes had led me to question that, or at least whether or not it was right for me. Now I know.

Now I am almost certain that it is given to me to summon them for a reason, a reason that pertains to who I am, and who I am to become.

Just going to offer my opinion here.

You are correct sorcery is not necessarily bad nor good, depending on who uses it. But it has the power to corrupt a person. Users of it begin to see the power that it offers and they end up using it for purely selfish reasons. This is why I have always believed that the bible considers it "evil". Only people of very strong character (Jesus for example) can use it without being "corrupted". A want of power and pride are what most religious teachings preach against and practicing magick usually cultivates both (again depending on the person).

I'm going to be honest here, don't take any offense, this is just my opinion. After reading this thread and your last post, I don't believe you have a strong enough character to ignore the power that is offered. You need to realize that just because you casted a spell(s) doesn't mean you are special. It doesn't mean that you are meant to be a sorcerer as you implied in you last post, you just chose to take up that art. Anyone can do so if they so desire and put in the time. Seems to me that if you were meant to be a sorcerer you wouldn't have quit for 22 years. This thread just seems to be bringing up all of your past memories and you are remembering that "power" you had. It's luring you back. (Again that my opinion, just going by what I have read in your posts. Don't summon any spirits to beat me to a pulp. ..just kidding )

2) I know where the Path of Light leads. It leads to growth, fulfillment, harmony and happiness. It is the only way I know of to ultimately become one with the Creator.

This is the lesson you were meant to learn from your short practice of magick, not that you were meant to be a sorcerer. As you clearly state in the above quote, love is all a person needs. It can take the place of all negative desires in a person. When love is truly felt and realized, magick becomes nothing more then a tool that one rarely uses.

If I were you I would continue to follow the lesson that I was taught. Continue following the Path of light and learning to love. Forget about magick. Until you truly learn to love, magick is nothing but another trap in a world that is already overflowing with them.

I've thought of going Wiccan when I was a teenager, but I'm afraid that I would not be able to resist the dark spirits.

I know someone who has a similar story to yours. She was constantly summoning spirits into her house. Out of fear of the results, she gave up witchcraft. Even today sometimes the spirits drop by and do stuff like throw her furniture around at night.

You have grown, and you have seen the errors of the old ways....these are good things! It's takes a lot of humph to admit a wrong and it takes character and strength to grow and to change!!!!!!!


Blessings

I some what feel im being conned for some reason not to bring any doubt upon this interesting thread i do truly feel enlightened from all that i have read.

I recently have had a run in with a strange creature i discussed it briefly in another thread. Conjured through thought and fiction, meddling i was. But to my surprise something did arise. It did bad for me i feel, all though not that i wished it to. Well not consciously. I don�t agree with the group entity, the thing i have experienced is singular. I would have to agree with that demons feed of hate. I believe that is what attracted it to me. Its still around but the less i hate the less i feel it. Reminds me of this.

A Native American grandfather was talking to his grandson about how he felt after a tragedy.
He said, "I feel as if I have two wolves fighting in my heart One wolf is the vengeful, angry, violent one.
The other wolf is the loving, compassionate one."
The grandson asked him, "Which wolf will win the fight in your heart?"
The grandfather answered, "The one I feed."

I believe in magic but as it has been said it should be used wisely. I hope some of the more fool hearted will take note of this lesson you have learned.

Thanks one and all for the responses, feedback and advice! You have given me much to consider, on top of a large plateful of things already set before me to ponder.

This afternoon was a strange one, with me fighting to get some sleep, and sleep coming fitfully as another afternoon storm passed, this time yielding a pleasant, cleansing rain over a period of many hours. While the rain fell and the wind blew outside, I drifted in and out of sleep before deciding to arise not long ago, after sunset.

Before seeking to address issues brought up by others in the thread, I think some general clarification may be in order.

�I am a Sorceror.�

I knew this sounded cheesy when I posted it, and I must confess to some tongue-in-cheek in my wording, yet it�s a succinct way of stating something I now know to be true. Yes, it does sound like dialog from a b-movie, and I am sure to anyone who has followed this thread such a statement must seem extraordinarily dumb. It may very well be, but bear with me, if you will.

I do indeed think a revelation has come to me, such as it is, and lest doubt drive me into its own madness, I will explore the space created for me by this. This business of angels is important, because a vital piece of a longstanding puzzle has finally fallen into place for me. Suffice it for now to say that certain spiritual choices in my family that I had previously spurned now make much more sense to me. But let�s get to some specifics�

The Bus Driver Dream

Originally posted by Raphael_UO
The buses are the belief systems of different people.
The children are the people who you teach to believe as you.
The danger is the inevitable collision of belief systems.

I like to say �Nothing is as it seems, especially in dreams.� Without going too deeply into all the details, and bearing in mind that I don�t know diddly squat about dream interpretation, I awoke with what I saw to be a very clear message from this dream.

I think the kids were angels, the bus was me, and the streets were the �world�, �spirit realm�, �life� or whatever. My relationship to the angels comes off as paternal in the dream, there is special meaning to that which I won�t publicly explore at this particular time.

On Character

Originally posted by dusran
I'm going to be honest here, don't take any offense, this is just my opinion. After reading this thread and your last post, I don't believe you have a strong enough character to ignore the power that is offered.

This is the kind of feedback I really like. Just to reiterate what I hope is a theme in this thread, not only do I not take offense to thoughtful criticism, but I appreciate it far better than you might ever know.

This very concern about my strength of character lies, I think, at the heart of this process for me. There is much more about my life that I have not included here, and character, both strong and weak, has played a key role in all the directions it has taken. I was going to launch into a vignette about that, but this post and thread already cover so much ground.

The short, short version: I know full well that any flaws in my character and integrity will be reflected in every spiritual endeavor. Lest my semantics seem mistaken, I also recognize that you are probably referring to simple strength of will, which can be considered a different thing, but which, in my mind, are part and parcel of the same thing.

At the risk of seeming to oversimplify things, I believe that a key difference lies in intent. Dark sorcery seeks to bend others to one�s will to gain power and cause harm. Light sorcery seeks the cooperation of others to gain knowledge and do good.

I know full well that I might be tragically mistaken, but I think I better understand my role in all this now, possibly better than those who may not have the benefit of having fallen and ultimately stood back up. There�s so much more to all this, but in due time.

On Youthful Wisdom

Originally posted by BiohazardMouse
I've thought of going Wiccan when I was a teenager, but I'm afraid that I would not be able to resist the dark spirits.

I would not wish to encourage fear, but this sort of fear seems well placed, if you were to ask me. If I had as much sense as you do, then the basis for this thread, and years of torment associated with it, would not have come to pass.

Lingering Spirits

Originally posted by BiohazardMouse
I know someone who has a similar story to yours. She was constantly summoning spirits into her house. Out of fear of the results, she gave up witchcraft. Even today sometimes the spirits drop by and do stuff like throw her furniture around at night.

It sounds like a very similar story, and probably not at all uncommon. If spirits are still dropping by, I interpret that as a sign that a door has been improperly left open in some form or another.

A relatively safe way to counter such things can be found in traditional religious prayers, such as Christian prayers (don�t take my �sheep� comment wrong, there are very good reasons structured religions exist!), if that is compatible. All traditional religions have formulas for driving away unwanted spirits, and that is not mere coincidence.

As in my case, she is well-advised to stay away from free-form spiritual practices until she is ready, if ever, to pursue them.

On Growth and Renewal

Originally posted by LadyV
You have grown, and you have seen the errors of the old ways....these are good things! It's takes a lot of humph to admit a wrong and it takes character and strength to grow and to change!!!!!!!

Grown I have, and life has taught me many things, but we both know that I have so very much more to learn! Here I am at another beginning, once more. Time has brought a small measure of wisdom and patience to me, and I pray enough to avoid repeating past errors. We will see. I can say that I am in no hurry to fall headlong onto my face again. My bones grow too brittle for that.

On �Being Conned� and Truth Versus Falsehood

Originally posted by kode
I some what feel im being conned for some reason [�]

Now this is truly my way of thinking! I urge anyone and everyone who reads this or anything else for that matter to never take anything at face value. I am not out to deceive with this thread, but that does not mean that deception cannot come of it! So I welcome and encourage all the doubt you can muster.

When I say �Don�t believe anything I post� -- the most important line in my signature and destined to be a permanent fixture of it -- I don�t mean that I am lying, but rather that you should never believe anything just because someone else says it is true. In fact, it is best to assume that what you are reading is false, and let the burden for proving it true remain with the author, where it belongs, instead of yourself.

Be a skeptic, compare what you read to what you know, and other sources. Look for flaws in the pattern. Be mindful of deception and agendas. And always, always, be ready to change your mind, ready to reject even longstanding and cherished notions that you may have thought were true.

Your journey toward Truth necessarily requires rejecting Falsehood every step of the way. Better to reject a truth as a lie than to embrace a lie as truth. Be merciless in your rejection of lies!

As I look back upon this thread I have asked myself if I am truly being forthright. I have a penchant for flowery words borne of a love for various sorts of texts, and I have been concerned that I might be embellishing things purely for literary or dramatic effect. Perhaps I have pulled some punches or omitted some crucial details, or conversely, inserted some that should not be there?

Though I have not seen any falsehoods in my reviews of my writings here, let�s assume, for safety�s sake, that they are rampant.

What I know without reservation, however, is that events I have described, ranging from those dark days in a small apartment long ago to my current struggle in choosing my path, are from the heart and as honest as I can make them -- again, subject to the constraints of privacy in a public forum and my peculiar literary affectations.

My need to be honest with myself about who I am is necessarily balanced in this narrative with the need to conceal my identity, for reasons I am sure are eminently clear by now. I have not, and cannot dare tell everything there is to tell about myself or my life. Not yet, anyway. Perhaps when I am stronger.

You may or may not be able to determine my sincerity here, and it is best to err on the side of caution. My worldview is my own, and may conflict in subtle ways with the worldviews of others.

My advice to all readers is to not take anything I have written at face value. The personal benefit I am gaining from writing this lies in self-examination more than anything else. I do not need the belief of anyone but myself to proceed down my path. So don�t feel in your mind that you owe me credulity, because you most certainly do not!

So assume all this is false, a fairy tale, perhaps. After all, I certainly write like a fairy tale author! Think then of this as a parable, if you will. From that, if anything stands as worth keeping as a truism in your sight, let it be your decision, and yours alone.

No matter what, you will never go wrong questioning everything!

Originally posted by kode[/i

I believe in magic but as it has been said it should be used wisely. I hope some of the more fool hearted will take note of this lesson you have learned.

One must realize that magic (energy) just is like a gun just is...it can be used for good or evil...you can use a gun for food, to protect yourself, or you can kill someone with it...it is not the gun, it is is holding the gun.....same with energy.....you must know yourself before commanding energy.