Thanks one and all for the responses, feedback and advice! You have given me much to consider, on top of a large plateful of things already set before
me to ponder.
This afternoon was a strange one, with me fighting to get some sleep, and sleep coming fitfully as another afternoon storm passed, this time yielding
a pleasant, cleansing rain over a period of many hours. While the rain fell and the wind blew outside, I drifted in and out of sleep before deciding
to arise not long ago, after sunset.
Before seeking to address issues brought up by others in the thread, I think some general clarification may be in order.
”I am a Sorceror.”
I knew this sounded cheesy when I posted it, and I must confess to some tongue-in-cheek in my wording, yet it’s a succinct way of stating something I
now know to be true. Yes, it does sound like dialog from a b-movie, and I am sure to anyone who has followed this thread such a statement must seem
. It may very well be, but bear with me, if you will.
I do indeed think a revelation has come to me, such as it is, and lest doubt drive me into its own madness, I will explore the space created for me by
this. This business of angels is important, because a vital piece of a longstanding puzzle has finally fallen into place for me. Suffice it for now to
say that certain spiritual choices in my family that I had previously spurned now make much more sense to me. But let’s get to some specifics…
The Bus Driver Dream
Originally posted by Raphael_UO
The buses are the belief systems of different people.
The children are the people who you teach to believe as you.
The danger is the inevitable collision of belief systems.
I like to say “Nothing is as it seems, especially in dreams.” Without going too deeply into all the details, and bearing in mind that I don‘t know
diddly squat about dream interpretation, I awoke with what I saw to be a very clear message from this dream.
I think the kids were angels, the bus was me, and the streets were the “world”, “spirit realm”, “life” or whatever. My relationship to the angels
comes off as paternal in the dream, there is special meaning to that which I won’t publicly explore at this particular time.
Originally posted by dusran
I'm going to be honest here, don't take any offense, this is just my opinion. After reading this thread and your last post, I don't believe you
have a strong enough character to ignore the power that is offered.
This is the kind of feedback I really
like. Just to reiterate what I hope is a theme in this thread, not only do I not take offense to
thoughtful criticism, but I appreciate it far better than you might ever know.
This very concern about my strength of character lies, I think, at the heart of this process for me. There is much more about my life that I have not
included here, and character, both strong and weak, has played a key role in all the directions it has taken. I was going to launch into a vignette
about that, but this post and thread already cover so much ground.
The short, short version: I know full well that any flaws in my character and integrity will be reflected in every spiritual endeavor. Lest my
semantics seem mistaken, I also recognize that you are probably referring to simple strength of will, which can be considered a different thing, but
which, in my mind, are part and parcel of the same thing.
At the risk of seeming to oversimplify things, I believe that a key difference lies in intent. Dark sorcery seeks to bend others to one’s will to gain
power and cause harm. Light sorcery seeks the cooperation of others to gain knowledge and do good.
I know full well that I might be tragically mistaken, but I think I better understand my role in all this now, possibly better than those who may not
have the benefit of having fallen and ultimately stood back up. There’s so much more to all this, but in due time.
On Youthful Wisdom
Originally posted by BiohazardMouse
I've thought of going Wiccan when I was a teenager, but I'm afraid that I would not be able to resist the dark spirits.
I would not wish to encourage fear, but this sort of fear seems well placed, if you were to ask me. If I had as much sense as you do, then the basis
for this thread, and years of torment associated with it, would not have come to pass.
Originally posted by BiohazardMouse
I know someone who has a similar story to yours. She was constantly summoning spirits into her house. Out of fear of the results, she gave up
witchcraft. Even today sometimes the spirits drop by and do stuff like throw her furniture around at night.
It sounds like a very similar story, and probably not at all uncommon. If spirits are still dropping by, I interpret that as a sign that a door has
been improperly left open in some form or another.
A relatively safe way to counter such things can be found in traditional religious prayers, such as Christian prayers (don‘t take my “sheep“ comment
wrong, there are very good reasons structured religions exist!), if that is compatible. All traditional religions have formulas for driving away
unwanted spirits, and that is not mere coincidence.
As in my case, she is well-advised to stay away from free-form spiritual practices until she is ready, if ever, to pursue them.
On Growth and Renewal
Originally posted by LadyV
You have grown, and you have seen the errors of the old ways....these are good things! It's takes a lot of humph to admit a wrong and it takes
character and strength to grow and to change!!!!!!!
Grown I have, and life has taught me many things, but we both know that I have so very much more to learn! Here I am at another beginning, once more.
Time has brought a small measure of wisdom and patience to me, and I pray enough to avoid repeating past errors. We will see. I can say that I am in
no hurry to fall headlong onto my face again. My bones grow too brittle for that.
On “Being Conned” and Truth Versus Falsehood
Originally posted by kode
I some what feel im being conned for some reason […]
is truly my way of thinking! I urge anyone and everyone who reads this or anything else for that matter to never
at face value. I am not out to deceive with this thread, but that does not mean that deception cannot come of it! So I welcome and
encourage all the doubt you can muster.
When I say “Don’t believe anything I post” -- the most important line in my signature and destined to be a permanent fixture of it -- I don’t mean
that I am lying, but rather that you should never believe anything just because someone else says it is true. In fact, it is best to assume that what
you are reading is false, and let the burden for proving it true remain with the author, where it belongs, instead of yourself.
Be a skeptic, compare what you read to what you know, and other sources. Look for flaws in the pattern. Be mindful of deception and agendas. And
always, always, be ready to change your mind, ready to reject even longstanding and cherished notions that you may have thought were true.
Your journey toward Truth necessarily requires rejecting Falsehood every step of the way. Better to reject a truth as a lie than to embrace a lie as
truth. Be merciless in your rejection of lies!
As I look back upon this thread I have asked myself if I am truly being forthright. I have a penchant for flowery words borne of a love for various
sorts of texts, and I have been concerned that I might be embellishing things purely for literary or dramatic effect. Perhaps I have pulled some
punches or omitted some crucial details, or conversely, inserted some that should not be there?
Though I have not seen any falsehoods in my reviews of my writings here, let’s assume, for safety’s sake, that they are rampant.
What I know without reservation, however, is that events I have described, ranging from those dark days in a small apartment long ago to my current
struggle in choosing my path, are from the heart and as honest as I can make them -- again, subject to the constraints of privacy in a public forum
and my peculiar literary affectations.
My need to be honest with myself about who I am is necessarily balanced in this narrative with the need to conceal my identity, for reasons I am sure
are eminently clear by now. I have not, and cannot dare tell everything there is to tell about myself or my life. Not yet, anyway. Perhaps when I am
You may or may not be able to determine my sincerity here, and it is best to err on the side of caution. My worldview is my own, and may conflict in
subtle ways with the worldviews of others.
My advice to all readers is to not take anything I have written at face value. The personal benefit I am gaining from writing this lies in
self-examination more than anything else. I do not need the belief of anyone but myself to proceed down my path. So don’t feel in your mind that you
owe me credulity, because you most certainly do not!
So assume all this is false, a fairy tale, perhaps. After all, I certainly write like a fairy tale author! Think then of this as a parable, if you
will. From that, if anything stands as worth keeping as a truism in your sight, let it be your decision, and yours alone.
No matter what, you will never go wrong questioning everything!