posted on Feb, 19 2011 @ 08:20 PM
It is a very subtle thing. In fact I would suggest insidiously subtle.
I have been programmed by my popular media and the pain of life experience to desire the superficial. I hate the wealthy who have no connection to the
strugglers in life, but they are so attractive. I do not want to form relationships with women who do not live up to TV hotness. That in itself is a
problem. I am so broken down by my pain, my looks mean nothing, my money does. I don't have the money. the women demand it. This regardless of my
qualities as a good human being.
I used to be able to appreciate folks with different perspectives, but I don't anymore. I only seem to get thrills or butterflies in the stomache
over people with hottie looks, or exceptionally superficial qualities.
I'm entertaining enough to myself with conspiracy theory that I don't want a parter who likes them. I want a TV hottie.
If I can't get a tv hottie I want a porn star hottie. they don't need to be slim, they need to be desirable to even certain fringe groups who like
certain over feminine sexualized aspects like large breasts.
There is something really strange here. I think i have been systematically de-sensistized to love. i don't love anymore, I lust instead. Partners
bore me, but the pursuit of the aesthetic does.
This has caused me to hurt inside and out, because real partners love and cherish and support. I am the giving type so I do not necessarily require
that in return. My mental turn ons feel destroyed. I only seem to want a lusty relationship. One based on primal sexual attractiveness. I am no longer
thrilled by peoples mental uniquenesses. i feel the reason is, is that I have taken years to dissect how people become unique in intellectually
stimulating ways. It's all rather boring and even smart girls (with respect) are not so difficult to figure out emotionally. once somebody gets past
Maslows hierarchy of needs, humans are just socially programmed tools. Just like i am.
It's depressing to me. I want to find a normal chubby girl who likes comic books star wars and dungeons and dragons. but my lust for them is
virtually nil unless they fit a terribly over-sexualized criterion.
I feel the victim of a Psy-op.
With that being said, does anyone else feel like there is an underlying social programming, sucking the joy out of a normal thing like courtship,
perhaps creating a new generation of sex-addicts due to popular media programming?
This is me baring my soul here. I am not looking to say anything hurtfull. please address without personal attack.
My Sincere Thanks,