Just Another Emotionally Trapped Woman seeking advice about My Abusive Relationship

Hold on a sec...did I just read that this relationship is exclusively played out through WOW

That doesn't even sound like a relationship to me. Time to get off the internet and find a man you can actually see face to face.

Cut and run. Reading your story made me feel sad. Please, you're a valuable worthwhile human being, get out of the relationship for your sanity if nothing else. I pray that things will get better for you.

Originally posted by leira7
Hello ATS,

I need some real advice. This is very personal, and I really would like to hear some honest opinions and sincere posts. I'm very sensitive, and this is a very touchy subject, so please refrain from making unnecessarily rude comments.

thankyou

I will attempt to give you some sage advice. You do not know me, so here is my credentials for your consideration. I was married to the same woman for 29 years. she abused me through most of these, both mentally, and physically, she hurt me more than one by shoving me from the bed while my back was sill broken, and she attempted to poison me twice. Everything she did, I was doing, and that included running around with other men and doing the wild thing. I have been with my current wife for 6 years, she came from an abusive home too, her ex even tried to kill her, and her two boys. She is 31, young enough to be my daughter. I have studied psychology for years, especially relationships issues.

Ok, so, I've been in what I'd call a pseudo-relationship. I don't even know how to begin to explain it, but here goes...

My significant other and I have known each other in face-to-face time for like 1/2 a year. We are in a long distance relationship (not going to get into details), that is primarily internet-based. This is a kind of 'new' relationship, that officially bloomed early this year, though, we've known of one another for 5 years. All of our communication is online, and he NEVER talks to me directly. We just kinda play W.O.W all the time, and speak through our Characters to each other.

So you are saying you do not really know this man at all, right? Dear, one cannot really fall in love with words on a webpage, and I found that sad fact out the hard way. The girl took me for $400.

Problems
The reason why I call this an 'abusive' relationship, is for a few reasons (explanations below):

(1) The Way he talks to me.
(2) My lack of privacy.
(3) The Fact that nobody knows I'm his girlfriend.

These are certain signs of a control freak at work. If he talks down to you, that means he sees himself as being over you in every way. If he follows you around, won't let you be alone, (all women need to be alone sometimes) follows you to the bathroom, friend's house, shows up at your work, he doesn't trust you now, and never will trust you. He doesn't tell his friends you are his girlfriend because either he is ashamed of you, or you are just a "quicky" to be discarded as soon as he is finished with you.

1. He talks down to me - on many occasions, he's outright told me that I was "Worthless" "Stupid" called me names like "Cheese face" alluded to me being a "sociopath" and often accused me of cheating on him. Whenever he gives advice, it's all wrong, and by wrong, I mean, it's insensitive. Instead of helping me to grow as a person, he uses tasteless comments to sort of 'steer' me into the direction HE believes is best. Sometimes, he makes me feel like I'm on top of the world, but, most of the time, he puts so much pressure on me, to be and look a certain way, that it puts me into a complete depression. He'll talk about how good he thinks other women look, but he never tells me I am beautiful.

Dear, your own words tell me you already know what's going on here. He looks down on you, and he should not, I mean, we all came to be through the waters and vagina of Woman, and women are not to be looked down on, or talked down on.
He is playing you, pushing buttons to see how far he can take it with you. Give him enough rope here, he will own you.

2. Lack of Privacy - As stated, our relationship is completely online, we never see one another outside of our computer screens. Since we are on WOW like all the time, we know where one another is, and we do exchange images. I know of at least one incident, where I discovered that he had shared some very private pictures with some of his other online friends. They were talking about it, making cruel comments, and it honestly made me want to vanish off the face of the planet, because I had shared something that I considered special, with him (because I believed I was giving the picture to him) only to be tricked into giving it to one of his friends, and he knew about it, he was the one who set it up. Never had I been so embarrassed before in my entire life, and this is something I had to get counseling for, and I still have not been able to get over it.

Again, he is not about being with you, he only wants what you have, be it money, home, or even a hot body, and he will consume you if you let him. What you are talking about is invasion of privacy, and mental distress.

If you're still reading this, then you probably do agree with him, that I am a stupid woman for ever putting up with his sh#. I think it is safe to call this an abusive relationship, because it has put me in the hospital/psychward 3 times (yeah, 3) and I've lost almost all of my savings just trying to pay off the medical bills from it. I have lost all of my friends (except 2) and I have become a bitter woman. I know it is not a healthy relationship, but I have had many undeniably spiritual things happen to me, that have truly convinced me that I am suppose to be with him (if you wish to know about them, U2U me). Whenever I have been around him, in person, I feel a connection, I always have, it truly was love at first sight, but I wasn't looking at his body or outside appearances, it was what I saw inside of him that first attracted me. I believe he is my soulmate, but, this relationship is killing me in every single way.

First off, he, no man is your Soul Mate. That is a misused word. Your true Soul Mate is the male half of yourself. He is in another dimension, and when you are there, he will be here. Please don't let yourself become bitter. Men are fickle characters and we love women. We will tell them anything whatsoever just to get into their panties. We will cheat on them, lie to their faces, hit and abuse them, and I have to blame all this on Religion making God a MAN, and making Woman Evil. You can U2 me and tell me what happened to you if you like, again I will do my best to help. You are not "his," that is, you do not belong to any man. You do not "need a man" to get by either. My advice to you is this, gather up your pants, and your Inner Power, the Power of the Goddess Athena, and tell him where to get off, before he really hurts you. I wish you luck. Autowrench

join the opposite faction and create a character he is weak against and level it up and kill him. just him. all day. then break up with him. lol no but seriously nobody needs to be abused. drop the dude you can do better

Actually I'm a bit offended.

I was abused - in the real world - for some years. This is not abuse. Log off.

3. Nobody knows I'm his girlfriend - To my knowledge, he has not told anyone that I exist, other than his online friends. He has hinted to the two of us getting married, but really, who would be at the wedding? He never lets me around his friends or family when he does come into town, it's almost like he's ashamed of me.

Hate to break this to you, but....

a) He has someone else, in RL, that is sharing his bed. (he's not ashamed, he's afraid of getting caught...)

b) He also likely has other gals just like you, in WoW, with different characters...and he uses these to fulfill his urge to "stray" from this RL girlfriend

c) Why take the abuse? (especially in a virtual environment)... He does it there as there are no consequences (which probably means there is some degree to it in RL).

d) The only "signs" you should be with him, are those you've created in your head. No "signs" would tell you to be with someone who treats you so badly, that you even recognize you're being treated badly.

Get out and find a REAL relationship. There's someone out there for everyone, and don't sell yourself short or settle for someone who isn't going to have your best interests at heart.

Umm, you are not in a relationship. If you are "emotionally trapped" by anything it is the Internet. "Abusive relationships" are when someone beats you up and nearly kills you and you want to go back to him. To compare this online fantasy to an abusive relationship is I think a bit unfair to those who actually endure pain. Your situation is nothing like theirs.

Not that you are not exhibiting addictive bahavior. The best thing anyone could do for you right now is sever your internet connection and take away your computer. Meanwhile, seek psychiatric help.