ATS Unleashed: Joke of the Week!

a reply to: boymonkey74

Why are nuns called nuns? Coz they never get any.
Pfffft!

Joke. Directions to mosque. Make a left at the parking lot missing a building. Make a right at the body missing a head. When you see a man who acts like he is missing a brain you are there! If you see a man using logic and reason you've went too far.

1. Hi. Ask me if I'm a policeman.
2. Are you are policeman?
1. No!!!! Bwahahahahahahaha! :-)

Why can't you hear a Pterodactyl go to the toilet? Because the P is silent.....

What do you call a big pile of kittens? A meowtain.....

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The wedding wasn't much but the reception was excellent.....

Uncle John was an ordinary worker in a large Bulgarian company. One day the Boss the company in which Uncle John worked, announced that soon the Prime Minister of the Company will come to check how work is going. For this reason the Boss ordered at the special day all employees to do their jobs as every day, and show no sigh of distraction by this high-class visit. On the day of the inspection, the car of Prime Minister stopped, he got off the car and suddenly when he saw Uncle John unloading boxes from a truck, went straight to him shouting :
- Uncle John! Uncle John! My friend! - And embraced Uncle John, smiling. The Boss of the company looked surprised but said nothing.

The meeting with the Prime Minister passed. After some time the United States entered into an agreement with the Bulgarian company(either for drug or weapon reasons, but it is top secret) and the President of the United States decided to visit the company and see with his now eyes how the work is done there. Again, the Boss of the company said that employees need to do their work as if no special persona was visiting. The day came. Helicopters began circling over the the company, from them snipers were employed at the roof tops of the buildings around. Escort of twenty black cars arrived, and from them guards with machine-guns appeared ... great security. Finally in front of the entrance stopped a Hummer from which surrounded by his private bodyguards the President of US emerged. But just before to reach the Boss of the Bulgarian company and shake his hand, the US President saw Uncle John and rushed through his bodyguards towards him, yelling:
- Uncle John! Uncle John! How are you my friend? - And he took hugging Uncle John and kissed him, without any hesitation, even seeing that Uncle John was sweating from work and was covered in cobwebs . On this event , the company Boss said only : " Ahhh .. " but the rest of his thoughts kept to himself .

Two years after, on Easter, the Boss of the company decided to go to Rome for the Easter homily of the Pope . The Boss decided to take with him Uncle John, who has 26 years tirelessly and dutifully unloading their boxes, to make him a present for the long years of work so to say. They went to Rome, the Pope began preaching, but in the middle suddenly stopped and made a strange announcement:
- Uncle John, Uncle John, I realized that your are here. Please, come to me my friend.
Uncle John looked as for permission towards his Boss, who was staring at him with open eyes, then speechless just gestured to his employee to walk where he's been asked to. The sermon finished, Uncle John talked a bit with the Pope and then went looking for his Boss. He returned where they were standing and saw a crowd around his Boss, who had fainted laying on the ground. When the Boss regained consciousness, Uncle John kneeled offering him water and asking him what happened.

- Look, Uncle John - the Boss said - Twenty-Six years you unload in our company boxes. And yo do your job well. When Prime Minister came to hug you... I was surprised, but I accepted it. When the US President came and took you in his arms and kisses you... well, I managed to swallow this also. But when you went to see Pope, and one Chinese tourist asked me - "Who is that man standing next to Uncle John" - this came a bit too much for me!

A man walks into bar.

Yes sir!

What do you call an alligator wearing a vest?

An investigator

a reply to: Arrius

a reply to: HomerinNC

The Pope, A Rabbi, An Imam and Obama walk into a Jerusalem bar.

[now if I could think of a good ending . . . maybe someone else can.]

originally posted by: BO XIAN
a reply to: HomerinNC

The Pope, A Rabbi, An Imam and Obama walk into a Jerusalem bar.

[now if I could think of a good ending . . . maybe someone else can.]

Entrance is on the other side?

2 fleas walk out from a bar.One of them asked the other one:
-Should we go by foot or take a dog ?

2 brothers,one called "Stupid" and the other one "No one" went to the restaurant
Suddenly on the way to the restaurant, "No one" feels sick and "Stupid" calls the ambulance.The operator asked:
-What happened ?
-No one is sick
-Are you stupid?
-Yes!

Psychiatrist, Psychologist and a psychopath psych themselves before robbing a bank.
-Psychiatrist prepares sleeping pills for the guards.
-Psychologist prepares a speech for the hostages.
-Psychopath calls police.

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Jesus can walk on water,
Chuck Norris can swim through land!

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Next summer you are going to witness the most anticipated Hollywood remake of a Disney classic "Bambi". The story revolves around a young female who, after being grazed by a hunter's bullet, has gone on a personal one deer mission to rid the forest of terrorist threat. Starring such talents as Angelina Jolene in the role of Bambi's mother, Antony Hopkins as Hunter #1. Musical score composed by John Willams, narrated by Morgan Freeman, produced by Wachowski Brothers and directed by Michael Bay.

(it sounded funnier in my mind )

a reply to: Xydusa

Good one! Made me laugh.

So many natural disasters in the USA, one might assume that it was built on many Native American burial grounds.

my favourite, a bit cruel but i like it,

My mother inlaw is so fat , she sits in a room allday crying

The black rabbit

A philiosopher, a metaphysician and a theologian are brought together to a white door.
They are told that, behind the door, a black rabbit is hidding somewhere in the corner of a dark room.
They are asked to find the black rabbit, using each their own investigation methods.

First goes the philiosopher. He enters the room. Can't see a thing as it is completely dark. Moves the furniture, calls the rabbit but, ultimately, he must admit the black rabbit is nowhere to be found.
He leaves the room frustrated and shouts his classic philosopher conclusion for such a situation : "THE RABBIT DOES NOT EXIST !".

Then goes the metaphysician. Same process : he enters the room, look around, don't find the black rabbit, leaves the room frustrated and end up delivering his metaphysician perspective for such a situation : "THE RABBIT LEFT THE ROOM !".

Third goes the theologian, he opens the door, looks inside, close it almost immediately, turns back towards the other two frustrated guys and pulls a white rabbit out of his hat.