ATS Unleashed: Joke of the Week!

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posted on Dec, 17 2013 @ 05:54 PM
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JustMeLiverpool
My mate just asked what ringtone I have!
I answered
"Never really looked, but probably a light brown"!


Best so far, I actually laughed so hard!




posted on Jan, 23 2014 @ 05:47 PM
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reply to post by HomerinNC
 


HA HA too funny
Sorry im at 18 post and need my 20



posted on Jan, 23 2014 @ 08:37 PM
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What do you get if you cross the Queen and Prince Philip?



Killed in a tunnel.



posted on Feb, 3 2014 @ 11:07 AM
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JustMeLiverpool
When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with the Monkees,
I thought she was joking................................
.............. And then I saw her face.


Now am a believer lol



posted on Feb, 3 2014 @ 11:25 AM
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Went for a Pelican Curry the other night, it tasted delicious but the bill was huge.


Two liars were walking down the street when one turned to the other and said,
"see that Cliff over there? I threw myself off it the last night."
And the other replied " I know I saw you."

I fainted in a curry house when i heard REM had split up.
Thats me in the korma.

Whats green and brown and floats through walls?
Casper the friendly snooker table.

Did you hear about the fire at the circus?
It was intense.

What have Justin Bieber and Adolf hitler got in common?
They both have moustaches...apart from justin Bieber.



posted on Feb, 23 2014 @ 03:58 PM
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reply to post by fenian8
[mo

Lol at the two liars one



posted on Mar, 4 2014 @ 05:19 AM
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A jew and his Palestinian friend enter a bakery and the Palestinian puts three breads in his pocket and says how cool is that? The Jews says watch this and approaches the baker. He says I am a magician do you want to see a magic trick. The baker says sure. Give me one of these breads. He eats it. Give me another. he eats it give me one more, he eats it and the baker says where are my breads and the Jews says look in his pocket.

An American stunt man goes to Morocco and decides to jump of a minaret with a bungee cord. He goes to the local market and buys fifty meters of bungee cord, a harness and some carabiners. He Jumps and just as he is about to hit the floor bounces back to the amazement of the whole crowd. Momo short for Mohamed says I can do that. He goes to the same merchant and buys the same thing the American did he jumps and when he hits the floor he is pronounced dead. The police investigate and ask the merchant what he sold to Momo. I sold him the same I sold the American but since he is a family friend I gave him an extra five meters.



posted on Mar, 4 2014 @ 09:28 PM
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CATHOLIC COFFEE


Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee.


The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest , when he walks into a room, and everyone calls him ' Father '."

The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'YourGrace '."


The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal . When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'."


The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'YourHoliness' ."


Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"
She proudly replies, "I have a daughter ,

Slim,
Tall,
38D breast,
24" waist,
34" hips.
When she walks into a room people say,
"Oh My God."



posted on Mar, 5 2014 @ 12:37 AM
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What do you get if you cross an insomniac, an agnostic and a dyslexic?


Someone who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog.



posted on Mar, 5 2014 @ 01:31 AM
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off-topic post removed to prevent thread-drift


 


(post by allthings2allmen removed for a serious terms and conditions violation)
(post by blupblup removed for a serious terms and conditions violation)

posted on Mar, 8 2014 @ 02:48 PM
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occult humor



Q: Why was famed occultist Alister Crowley in a seemingly perpetual irritable or grumpy mood?


A: Because he had achieved the esteemed spiritual grade of Ispissymuch



posted on Mar, 11 2014 @ 04:38 AM
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What is the difference Between a rectal and an oral thermometer?






Taste.



posted on Mar, 24 2014 @ 09:29 PM
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This came to me the other day...

If a stoned driver is pursued by police for going too slow, is that still considered a "high speed chase"?






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