Can you give up "being offended" ?

This is a complex topic, with ramifications in the political, social, and other realms of human experience. But at root, I think it's psychological, or at least I'm going to come at it from that angle.

"Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me." Ah, what a quaint old-timey ring it has to it now! Seems like everyone is ready to be offended by something...everyone has some little issue that they are ready to get up on their high horse about... "You have OFFENDED me! I demand retribution! SEE my moral righteousness! FEEL the wrath of my indignation! TASTE my revenge!" Whether it is race, class, religion, gender, health, politics, or even minor differences such as aesthetic taste, it seems like everybody has a little "hot-button" or "tripwire" that, if set off, allows for an outpouring of wrath.

I would agree that there are, of course, reasons to be justly offended, and circumstances in which righteous anger is appropriate. Yet I think society has allowed just about everyone to become at least a bit too self-indulgent about "taking offence." (Others may disagree with -- or perhaps even be offended by -- this stance!) People often feel entitled to wallow in something very close to self-pity, just because the wrong word was said or somebody's personal hobbyhorse lurched to the fore. I think this has two very important, very detrimental implications:

1) It makes us separate from each other, and makes the fabric of society that much thinner. Whenever you choose to make an excessive show of being offended, you are emphasizing that which separates you from others, marks you out as distinctive and worthy of special treatment. You are denying the commonality of human experience, even if only for a moment.

2) It strengthens the ego. I believe that true psychospiritual health means diminishing and achieving detachment from the ego...this is a componant in most religion/spirituality, and even from a 100% secular viewpoint, learning to diminish the ego has very important, in-your-face, and observable benefits, both for oneself and others. When we choose to get up on our high horses and cling to excessive "taking of offence," we are, I would submit, strengthening our egos in unhealthy ways and, ultimately, setting ourselves up for interior pain due to ego inflation.

Thus, I would submit, we see something that, when taken to excess, creates division and strife in our exterior lives and inflames pain in our interior lives.

So: do you agree? Disagree? And if you agree, I pose a challenge to you: Are you willing to try to set aside your indignation and wrath insofar as possible for, say, a week? Observe yourself, note the situations in which you feel "offence." Ask yourself -- is it really such a big deal? If so, why? If not, why not? Can I let go of this feeling, this attitude? Can I learn to roll with the punches a bit and simply set offence aside? If this seems like heresy of some sort to you, can you explain why?

Thus, I would submit, we see something that, when taken to excess, creates division and strife in our exterior lives and inflames pain in our interior lives.
So: do you agree? Disagree? And if you agree, I pose a challenge to you: Are you willing to try to set aside your indignation and wrath insofar as possible for, say, a week? Observe yourself, note the situations in which you feel "offence." Ask yourself -- is it really such a big deal? If so, why? If not, why not? Can I let go of this feeling, this attitude? Can I learn to roll with the punches a bit and simply set offence aside? If this seems like heresy of some sort to you, can you explain why?

I am offended that you would even suggest that any one of us is so thin-skinned as to become offended by the suggestion that anyone is offended.

Please prepare to be sued, defamed and libeled.

reply to post by silent thunder


You know what I find odd??
Being publically offended comes across as attention seeking to me with a hint of self entitlement.(being politically correct)
Someone doesn't live by someone elses standards so they think being offended is a valid reason for change.
There are valid reasons sometimes to get offended but to say you are offended and expect an apology or someone to act on it or care for your position is a type of self entitlement in my opinion.
You are entitled to your opinion...you are not entitled to expect others to act because you are offended.

Have you ever been offended because someone was offended by you??

Great thread...it made me think about myself.

It's all part of the victim complex man! People have a flair for the dramatic. Timothy Leary said it best in the song he made with the Revco's

Gila Copter - (Revco)
Hey kids, you want a soundtrack that's
gonna make you feel tense?
Lets you express your frustration?
Make ya' scared, wanna, wanna run out
and buy a gun?
You're lookin' for another rock'n'roll record
that'll make you feel like a victim.
You're like a victim.
You love to be a victim.
You love the United States prime time victim show.

- Timothy Leary

Full Lyrics Here

IRM

The old "While i disagree with your opinion i respect your right to hold it" stance has disapeared and been replaced with "I dont agree with you, which offendes me, which makes you offenisive, which in turn makes my stance the correct one, AGREE WITH ME!"

Yeah, whatever happened to the Popeye saying, I yam what I yam and nothing more.

To me it is the collectivist society mentality.

I just saw it in another thread. Forcing one's own moral compass on another.

You can see it in everything.

This is what is being done in the name of conformity. Either conform or be attacked in all it's myriad forms.

Always comes back to the argument of statists vs individualists, IMHO.

Probably not.

It's like those people who pretend to have no ego but actually do.

Originally posted by InfaRedMan
It's all part of the victim complex man!

You're lookin' for another rock'n'roll record

If thats directed at me then i am very offended and will be alerting the mods to have this post removed.
While i disagree with your opinion,I agree you have the right to have it...however,I feel victimized and singled out by your post.


(see how this works??)


Nice post IRM.

When you relize you are talking to a rock it has a real way of helping defuse the feeling of being offended. The main reason you were offended to begin with is that you thought you were dealing with someone that had a mind, that both parties were to arive at a point, that the offence was based on misunderstanding as was the reason for the offence and even if you end up being wrong you expected a hash out of the issue a point of mutual respect....or something. At the very least a fair hearing, at leat your side being able to bring light on the issue.

But then you understand that youre talking to a block of cement, or a door knob, you come to your right mind and move on. We really cant be offended by the smell if we use a public restroom can we? No.

Originally posted by Alaskan Man
The old "While i disagree with your opinion i respect your right to hold it" stance has disappeared and been replaced with "I don't agree with you, which offends me, which makes you offensive, which in turn makes my stance the correct one, AGREE WITH ME!"

Indeed! In cases like that, the best thing to do is to upset them a little more by restating your opinion. There's nothing like watching someone spontaneously combust and take the role of an abuser. The irony kills me!

IRM

People are to easily offended these days. I don't know why. What ever happened to having a sense of humor?

Since I have red hair, I have heard all the red head jokes growing up so perhaps I am more thick skinned than most but I cannot remember the last time I was offended.

Also, I believe political correctness has gotten out of control and plays a large part in the problem.

As my sig says:

Political Correctness = Verbal Fascism
Why is our right to be offended being infringed?

Originally posted by silent thunder
Ask yourself -- is it really such a big deal? If so, why? If not, why not? Can I let go of this feeling, this attitude? Can I learn to roll with the punches a bit and simply set offence aside? If this seems like heresy of some sort to you, can you explain why?

Consider if you will that if we are honest some of the most valuable learning moments in our lives have come at the hands of someone we have offended.....and set our a## straight about it. People learn not to offend by the high cost of it.

reply to post by Logarock


Only if their offence is genuine and your stance is patently wrong, yes. Otherwise it's a manipulative tool, a plea to sympathy in the hopes of gaining traction and support to something that would otherwise be a flimsy premise.

IRM

I agree with the OP and yes, I am willing to give the experiment a try. I find I generally get offended most often about other people being offended by things or when I feel like I have been unable to communicate effectively (be "heard"). I caught myself at it the other night and had to remind myself not to sweat the small stuff. Ok, so for the next week, I will try to give up being offended. I'll let you know how it goes...

GREAT topic. It makes one think. Yes I used to get offended by certain things. One sure way to set me off was to call me a liar or a thief. I pride myself on my integrity. Now think about that. Why be offended if someone who's opinion doesn't matter to you says that? No sense in being offended. If your boss was to call you a liar? NOW I'm offended. Not necessarily because his opinion means something to me but he communicates with those that do.

It's a matter of perspective. If the person doesn't matter to you and you are offended, YOU are the one with the problem. A person can only get into your head if you let them. That's not to say that there isn't times that one shouldn't indignant. There are, just don't get bent out of shape at the insignificant. Or, to quote an aphorism, "Don't sweat the small stuff."

ATS is made up of a lot of very opinionated people who don't hold any punches about their thoughts. Also we have a fair portion of members who have a P. H. D. in pissing people off. In the last 2 years of being here at ATS I believe I have been offended more than ever in the real world.

I can ignore stupidity without being offended. We all know that "you can't fix stupid." but the intelligent people manage to get my goat once in a while.

If I sit and figure out what it was that pissed me off then I can find a method to deal with it and not have that as a weakness in the future. It has actually been good for me. It is easier for me to see both sides of the discussion/ story most of the time and keep my cool if someone is being offensive.

When I can't agree, I can at least let it go without taking things personally most of the time.

ATS is like an offenssensitivity innoculation.

Originally posted by badgerprints
If I sit and figure out what it was that pissed me off then I can find a method to deal with it and not have that as a weakness in the future. It has actually been good for me. It is easier for me to see both sides of the discussion/ story most of the time and keep my cool if someone is being offensive.

I used to be quite an intense guy. I used to get upset in traffic with bad drivers and red lights. I'd really blow my top man... and then one day I just realised that the red light was just being a red light. Now things don't bother me much any more. I understand that people will be the people that they are, I'm fine with that. I'd find it more upsetting if I was them. LOL!

IRM

Originally posted by InfaRedMan
reply to post by Logarock

 

Only if their offence is genuine and your stance is patently wrong, yes. Otherwise it's a manipulative tool, a plea to sympathy in the hopes of gaining traction and support to something that would otherwise be a flimsy premise.

IRM

Yea I hear you.

I agree with you Silent Thunder.

Taking offence gets you know where. It is taking a step backwards, it is not good for your health, it puts the emphasis on me, it reeks of selfishness and is the way you relinquish responsibility.

it is an attack. Offence is attack. attack produces defence, defence produces offence and the spiral begins again.

i try an not to take personal offence, its really hard but it leaves you with a clearer mind when you don't. I have still a long way to go, some old offences still haunt me, but i would love to clear those to clear my mind and move forward completely.

maybe i need to learn forgiveness ( jeez, i sound like a christian!)

reply to post by silent thunder


Wow! What an interesting post

I think that there is perhaps an important distinction within our sub/conscious between 'being offended' over an attack which one perceives to have been made upon oneself, and that which one perceives to have been made upon another individual or group. I'm only speaking from a personal perspective here, so all please feel free to disagree(!), but I find it a lot easier to be outraged or offended on behalf of another than I do upon my own behalf. This is the first time I've ever consciously tried to reason why, but I think it's because it removes, to some extent, the 'personal' element of the attack, allowing my logic to prevail over my emotions/anger. Having said that, I do believe that the Personal = the Political, and I therefore must have had some sort of emotional response to have triggered any offence...What I think I am trying to say is that I feel less guilty or self-conscious about raising my objections and being offended on behalf of someone else, than I do when taking offence due to the perception of a personal attack. Not only that, but I think I probably do a better job at justifying the offence precisely because I do not take it so personally.
Phew, that was a tricky one! Excellent thread though *thumbs up*