Can you give up "being offended" ?

To be offended requires you to respect the opinion of those who offend you. As there are very few people I respect I find it very hard to be offended. However, as people find out they can not offend me and why they get awfully offended by me. So many have complained to management it is a joke. Management tells them, having found out for themselves what it is like if I have a problem with someone, that they will REALLY know when I am being offensive.

Originally posted by 2theC
I agree with you Silent Thunder.

Taking offence gets you know where. It is taking a step backwards, it is not good for your health, it puts the emphasis on me, it reeks of selfishness and is the way you relinquish responsibility.

it is an attack. Offence is attack. attack produces defence, defence produces offence and the spiral begins again.

Lord! It is however certainly possible to be rightly offended. Sometimes the best thing you can do for someone is to engage them in the "spiral". If your smart you can get a person to see youre side or at least understand that there are two sides to it all in many cases. Folks that offened on a regualr basis may be unaware of it becouse they have an inner circle that plays into the abuse, puts up with it. You can sometimes aid your fellow man by not letting them get away with it, teach them some respect, maybe learn not to kick others with such disregard or with heavy hand.

Certain subjects in my life are hot buttons for potential offense. Funny, I get more flak for smoking than for being in a gay marriage. Perfect strangers that I'm not bothering come up to me and feel free to give their opinions on why I shouldn't smoke. I try to be as polite as I can muster, but it's sometimes difficult. Why do they feel they have to tell me what risks I should choose to take or not take?

And almost everyone has hot buttons. Just by mentioning smoking and gay marriage I may have pushed one of yours. Everyone has opinions, and when we deeply believe something, the ego rises to defend our beliefs.

And so the lawyers get rich, the drama writers get stories of conflict, and the comedians get jokes.

reply to post by silent thunder


"Then let them be, offended." -Dukhat (Babylon 5)
You're really never going to see that end so long as the world is how it is. All it is is a passive aggressive attempt to control others but trying to make them cater to them in the hopes of avoiding their feigned offense. So. Like the smart gentleman from fictious Babylon 5 says I say let them be offended. When the ploy stops working people will stop using it.

Oppsies. Me double post.

In my own experience, a person's pride is 100% inversely proportional to their humility.

The more pride a person has, the easier they are to offend.
The more humility they have, no matter what happens, they roll down the road serenely, unoffended.

Pride isn't just catagorized as "look at ME!"

It is also in how one views themselves, their opinions, their confidence, their ability to do things without anybody's help or wanting anyone's help, ever, or opinions (because theirs are the best, most knowledgeable, et.al). Admitting wrongdoing is also proportional to pride. The more one has, the less likely to admit when they are wrong, if ever.

Sensitivity is also proportional to pride. The more sensitive a person is, the more proud they are....
"How dare you talk to melike that?"
"Who do you think you are?"
"How insulting!"
etc...

The humble person really doesn't care, pays no heed and doesn't look for anything to even be offended about. They usually find humor in almost anything that is supposed to be offensive, or find some truth in it even, and go their way.

These are my opinions, based on observation, anyway.
Great Topic!!

Oh I see. The point here is to walk around like a Shaolin monk? Even they will cut lose on you at some point.

Lets talk about false pride...or false humility. Has conflict managment issues so they act unoffended. Just lets it all roll off the back becouse they are a wet rag coward. Really dont have what it takes to stand up for themselves or their loved ones. Some are traped into the ego lie...it is better to be shat upon than show any "ego". At least make them hold you down if youre going to be shat upon. You want a medal for just standing there whiel someone pisses on your leg? I wont be passing any out.

Look at the woman that founded MADD. The situation just messed with the wrong lady there. She got offended and saved some lives, affected our entire society, brought its offencive behavior to their attention.

It seems there was a time and place where only certain folk were ALLOWED to be offended. A couple of examples.

1. The Samurai. If another human did something percieved as offensive the Samurai were obligated to behead them. It was part of the code. Anyone who werent Samurai or royalty were not even allowed to be offended. To show any type of indignance was a crime punishable by death.

2. In the USA minorities such as women, ethnic groups and openly homosexual people, as well as children were not ALLOWED until 'recently' to outwardly show offence due to the fact they were a subjugated group.

It seems that the right to show indignance has throughout history been reserved for the privelaged. Something that only acedemia or wealthy people were smart enough to demonstrate.

When I first read this post I thought "yeah man, right on, just let it roll off ya know." And in some cases that is exactly what we should do. Yet as a FREE human I believe it my RIGHT to hold offence to whatever or whomever I choose. The true creation of a victim happens when we are not allowed to say how we feel because we have been programmed into being submissive by people who, in private hold offence to a great deal more than they admit. So I say be a Samurai, be a ruling class of one, set ones own standard of respect and if someone wishes to interact with you then they should learn YOUR standards and abide by them or forefiet your company.

I suppose I disagree as a whole with the OP. While what stated there is a very useful tool of revenge, it is not the way I would choose to exist in general. I feel it to be dishonest, manipulative and truly selfish.To turn submission into a lifestyle is deceitful. (sometimes necesarry), but decietful nonetheless.

So to answer the question..No I cannot as a free human give up being offended. I can however change my reaction to said offense. "There is no dishonor in a hasty retreat"

I just wanted to post something besides patting the bottom of the OP....I hope no one is offended.

Really GREAT OP! And I agree 100%! People are too easily offended. It's almost like they're LOOKING for something to be offended about.

When we get offended, sometimes we are acknowledging a bit of truth in the "offense". For example, if someone says that I am stupid, if I agree with them, I may get offended, but if I know they're wrong, I won't feel offended by the statement because it's ridiculous.

And what I find strange is that some of the people who regularly get offended are the same ones that rail against Political Correctness. But when you think about it, taking offense is just another way of pressuring others to be politically correct!

I think it's probably unlikely to give it up 100%, but I will certainly give it a go! I know some things get to me once in a while and it usually depends on MY mood and MY thoughts, so if it's dependent on ME, then I should have some kind of control, right?

Great post! Keep it up!

Originally posted by WhatTheory
People are to easily offended these days. I don't know why. What ever happened to having a sense of humor?

Since I have red hair, I have heard all the red head jokes growing up so perhaps I am more thick skinned than most but I cannot remember the last time I was offended.

Agreed.

I thought it was bad enough getting abuse as a red head (i'm not a full on ginga, but fairly red), but you should try being a red head and a military policeman! Oh the things you learn to shrug off lol.

I just laugh at people who try and offend me, it winds them up even more.

CX.

Great thread OP.Well let me tell you why people tend to get offended.
1)No sense of humor(as mentioned before)
2)Fear.And i think this is the most important.They are afraid to accept that people with different opinion than their own might be right.Or as a matter of fact accept to even consider that opinion or even think about it.Some might call it pride,but i call it fear.

Originally posted by CX

Originally posted by WhatTheory
People are to easily offended these days. I don't know why. What ever happened to having a sense of humor?

Since I have red hair, I have heard all the red head jokes growing up so perhaps I am more thick skinned than most but I cannot remember the last time I was offended.

Agreed.

I thought it was bad enough getting abuse as a red head (i'm not a full on ginga, but fairly red), but you should try being a red head and a military policeman! Oh the things you learn to shrug off lol.

I just laugh at people who try and offend me, it winds them up even more.

CX.

I would like to use you as an example if I may. With all due respect

The act of laughing at those who 'try' to offend you means they havent actually offended you, correct? Since you said 'try'. Means they didnt succeed. So you laugh at thier attempt. You retaliated in a fashion, right? So you scoff at anothers failure, which is indeed offensive. So you took a situation which could have been handled by complete non acknowledgement and diplomacy and enflamed it intentionally with mockery. As you said 'it winds them up even worse' , which you obviously enjoy. If you behave this way on duty it could actually 'bait' someone into doing something bad enough to be apprehended for..Very sad state of affairs indeed.

Originally posted by psyko45
If another human did something percieved as offensive the Samurai were obligated to behead them. It was part of the code./
I just wanted to post something besides patting the bottom of the OP....I hope no one is offended.

"Not a problem" I said, as I drew my sword...

Originally posted by badgerprints

Originally posted by psyko45
If another human did something percieved as offensive the Samurai were obligated to behead them. It was part of the code./
I just wanted to post something besides patting the bottom of the OP....I hope no one is offended.

"Not a problem" I said, as I drew my sword...

You do realize what happened to the Samurai, dont you? They were defeated. In part by the Ninja who were integrated to become the secret service and special forces of Japan.

reply to post by psyko45


Sometime i fear people try and read into things far too much, thinking they are knowledgable about the psychology of a person when in fact they have totaly misread a person.

Maybe it was me not explaining myself correctly.

When i say "I laugh at attempts to offend me", i mean it tickles me as it has no affect whatsoever. I think you could beat the living daylights out of me before i lost my rag with someone.

I know i am good at de-escalating a situation if need be, i've done it a thousand times when it could have gone very very wrong indeed.

Maybe what i meant was that i laugh it off inside. I show no reation to offensive remarks as they really do not bother me. They are just words.

If that offends someone because i react like that, then fine....not much i can do for that person is there?

I always welcome being analysed though, so thank you.

CX.

reply to post by CX


My sincerest and most humble apologies , not IF I misread, but THAT I misread. Since I have no reason to doubt your word and integrety, again I apologize. After reading your response to my obviously misplaced critical analysis it seems as though you are the kind of person others (including myself) should model themselves after. Thank you for your tolerance reguarding my most humiliating error. You sir or mam are a shining example of how I wish we all could be.

Sincerely
psyko45

Originally posted by psyko45
reply to post by CX

 

My sincerest and most humble apologies , not IF I misread, but THAT I misread. Since I have no reason to doubt your word and integrety, again I apologize. After reading your response to my obviously misplaced critical analysis it seems as though you are the kind of person others (including myself) should model themselves after. Thank you for your tolerance reguarding my most humiliating error. You sir or mam are a shining example of how I wish we all could be.

Sincerely
psyko45

Apology accepted...and yes....one day you too could be like me.

Sarcasm accepted too....i find sarcasm funny too.

Have a great day.

CX.

I wonder if it also depends on your life experiences, or maybe how much you have on your plate at the time of the offending?

The reason i find it amusing when people try to offend me, is because i've seen enough in my short life to find some things petty and really not worth bothering about.

If you want to insult me, fill your boots...i have been through enough of what i class as "proper life tests" to know that getting wound up over words is not the most important thing on my agenda.

CX.

reply to post by silent thunder


Morgan Freeman said stop talking about it: www.youtube.com...

The Tao Te Ching says that most of our problems lie in making too many distinctions and we have to know when to draw the line.

A person has to be open minded and non offendable. If we all defended our thought's, beliefs and ideas we will end up where we are right now rediscovering this.

reply to post by CX


Laughing off jabs and insults ok fine. But what if you are drawn down and quartered in a public setting. You are publicaly besmirched, accused where the results are going to cost you unless you defend yourself. The responce should be carefull maybe but some offences must be ansewered if there is any life in that body at all. You still may end up eating it but we all know there is a time to take offence or you may be dead meat.

By the way still today in Japan you can sue a person that publicaly insults you. They must show there was grounds for the statement or pay a fine or compensation. In this country for the most part you have to show monetary loss due to slander. The reputation means nothing unless you can show $$$ loss becouse of it.