I need some support to pull myself together

Hey Deccal,

Reading your post I can't help, but identify with you. I know EXACTLY what you are talking about, and I can tell you with a high degree of confidence you have the same thing I do. Attention Deficit Disorder, or ADD. It is a very misunderstood diagnosis. I do not call it a condition, illness or even a problem. Neither does my doctor who is also ADD. You have a mind with Lamborghini acceleration, and no brakes. At a point in my life I started to turn to alcohol to self medicate also. Bad idea. I don't advise medications either as you seem very bright, and in command of your faculties.
It's mental discipline you need. It isn't the quick or easy way to learn to control your mind, but it is the best, and most permanent, and self profitable way. You have to install brakes on that fantastic mind of yours. I can tell you what worked for me, but everyone is unique. The general idea is to learn that it is OK to stop thinking. You have to learn patience in learning. You like me want to learn it all now. You have to accept you will never learn it all, and that's OK, even beneficial. Meditation, and relaxation techniques are a GREAT idea. Personally I do chain maille in addition to a lot of mental excercises my doc taught me. Creating chain maille forces you to slow down, and focus on one thing. Put everything else out of your mind. Organize, and concentrate in just one endeavor. You'll find that that skill will then transfer to everything else. You learn to "eat the elephant." so to speak one little bite at a time, and it's manageable that way. The neat thing is, is that once you know how to put on the brakes you will also not feel as anxious about going ahead, and hitting the gas pedal and letting your mind brainstorm sometimes too. You can actually learn to enjoy your superfast mind knowing that the brakes are there, and they work now. Hope this helps. You can U2U me if you want to ask me anything.

reply to post by WHOS READY


What a brilliant reply.
I feel OP is just so advanced and was not quite ready for this experience due to experiencing earthly pain and desire.
It is scary, IMO, being ahead of your time. That is the simplest way to express it, for me, you are ahead of your time, and ready to literally fly, but it is not for you yet.
Enjoy the day-to-day things here, and do not let it create fear !
It will be OK, and more !
Sorry about your loss.

reply to post by Silver Star


Hi Silver Star,

First off as it sounds like you are probably in the same boat as Deccal, and myself. The feelings of mild parasthesia(the ballon/giant limbs) are part of ADD. They happen when you just can't process everything. Most people with ADD are very defensive, and have a fear of someone changing them. Your brain can calculate faster than your conscious can process. The key again is learning mental strategies to apply the brakes, and make everything work in sync. When you learn to do that I think you'll find you are far, far from anything resembling an idiot. In fact I would be willing to bet on a deeper level your friend is intimidated by your intellect, and speed at which you can process new concepts, and is subconsciously applying a little social handicap on you to equalize the playing field.

Don't think of yourself as sub-normal, but rather supra-normal, but in need of some fine control adjustment. You have to learn to handle the power in that supercharged brain, or it can drive you batty. Once you figure it out though it actually works out to be a great advantage. Without knowing what is happening it is like getting into an indy car with no experience or training, and putting the foot pedal to the floor. Of course you're going to end up in the ditch or into the wall. You haven't learned to coordinate at those speeds. But you can!!!

I'm not just being arrogant. Their is a recent fairly substantial body of research that supports the concept that people with ADD don't have a learning disability in the traditional sense. We learn differently, and at a much faster pace, and in a unconventional pattern from the typical person.

I find it grossly offensive that here in Amerika, the good ol' USSA, the educational system is basically declaring jihad on kids with ADD, and squelching their potential with liver destroying amphetamines. I had the privilege of awesome teachers when I was a child that recognized what was going on, and learned to teach me the way I learned. They actually INVESTED in me. What a concept. I graduated with a 3.8 GPA, and could have pulled off a 4.0 had I applied myself, but I could get low to mid A's just coasting. In todays public schools I would have been given aderall, or ritalin, and told to sit down, shut up, and don't disprupt the class with all your questions(mostly because the teacher doesn't have an answer.) How many future theoretical physicists are we relegating to a life on a couch playing video games because they have been told they have a learning disability, and have to take mind numbing medication to slow them down to "normal?" Einstien, Von Braun, and Brown weren't exactly "normal." (not advocating they were or weren't ADD.)

My son has ADD, and I am in the process of having to tell the school board where they can shove their counselor, and his pill pushin' arse. I also have the advantage of working in the medical field so they can't pull the same tricks, and lies on me that they could other parents. My son has straight A's, but he has trouble waiting on his peers to finish up, and acts the class clown out of boredom. We don't condone that behavior, and it is part of his learning mental discipline, and general good manners, but I will not allow his potential to be squelched by medication for the convenience of his teacher. He will learn self control, not self medication.

reply to post by Binder

Seeing as you took the time to respond to my post, i took the time to read up on ADD:

helpguide.org...

.....and i must say it alarmed me somewhat.

That (to varying degrees) these symptoms correlate so well to my own personality is, to be candid, frightening. But your post calmed me down a bit.

But i am a normally functioning member of society, perfectly well adjusted at work with a healthy social life (when i could be bothered to go out) - but i have always thought that i have had to make an effort to maintain this. It doesnt come naturally to me the way it seems to with most other people i know.

Could i in fact have ADD, albeit in a mild way? I would never in a million years have even considered this a possibility before. To be horribly honest, i always assumed that ADD was a form of retardation. There is definately a stigma attached to it.

Assuming that i have this condition, does that make me supra-normal as opposed to sub-normal? Im not sure on that one, but please bear in mind my awareness of adult ADD symptoms is approximately 1 hour old so i couldnt possibly give an informed answer.

Thank you for bringing this to my attention Binder.




[edit on Mon, 26 Jul 2010 05:46:25 -0500 by Silver Star]

reply to post by One Moment


Read the OP again...
The fear was not of the plane crashing, but that the plane would continue
flying out of the atmosphere.

It is easy to dismiss things we do not experience ourselves as abnormal...
Hence, my statement that , this is my personal opinion.

Thank you for the wonderful replies. It is little bit hard for me to answer each post, but the replies let me really think deeper.
I am 100% sure that I am not alone with my experiences. Although they are "my" experiences and unique, human consciousness share the same kind ruptures with the "external" world, and with "whatever" lies behind it, let it call the "primordial whole" or "primordial chasm", I don't know. But I think, this experiences are a kind of sign that this "order" we live in, is come out of a inbalance. Maybe the universe itself is born out of a chaos of every kind of affection, passions..Maybe a passion "to be". I am mostly afraid of loosing this "being". I want to know everything about the existence itself, and what really "males" this existence as a "being". I assure you, the more you read, the more you go in troubles. And I really dont want to find an answer in New-age spiritualis or in some holy answer. It seems to me that what we experience, this chasm, this rupture, is the experience of the original rupture ITSELF. Something, someone is seeking its true self, through and with us. Something and someone seems to lose and had must to lose, its original unity with itself.
And I know, what I, and some of you feel can be identified as an alienation from his or her soceity. One can say, "what the hell has a meaning of your dumb experience, when children in africa are dying?" No, this is not the case. I am also trying to be politically active, trying to analyse my society which is full with contradictions etc...
But, the questions never, never dissapear from my mind, almost all day, when I am inactive, not studying, these questions pops up anytime, and it really is a big burden: How did the nature itself organised that a self-conscious being appear in it? What does it mean to explore the secrets of universe? Why the hell did we begin to become our finitude under a conception of infinite? Etc. etc...

About the ADD, you may be right. I was a hyper-active kid until 8 or 9. But then suddenly I became very, maybe unneccesary very quite and serious. I think I became "normal" again during my university years. But many of good friends know that my mind goes sometimes too far, during some conversations.

Sometimes art is much more capable to express what we can't express. Here is an example, listen the angel singing: www.youtube.com...

Although this work of Bach dedicated to St. John, it seems to me that his music represents "the search" of someone, who suffers a seperation from itself. I am not religious myself, in the sense I don't believe in a God who commands us, but I believe to "someone" who exploded from within itself to get rid of its inner chaos and made the order of universe. But now it suffers, because it is not a unity with itself now.
Lastly, I think our world now is too much corrupted, and one feels also extremely alone because of it. I don't want be an elitist, but this feeling is also inevatible. I am really not sure where the world is heading now, and I think no social sicentist can do.
Anyway, thank you again. ATS has really gentle souls, and I was right to decide to express my feelings.


[edit on 27-7-2010 by deccal]

I want to ask one thing.
Does anyone play Go (Baduk) here?

reply to post by deccal

The whole universe exploded out of us, not, we are aliens in it. We fear the nothingness, which is really what we are. Most people are not aware of the no thing. When it is first seen it can be very scary, because we have been taught that we are our minds, which are noisy. When the noise subsides, or disappears, the thought will be 'i'm losing my mind'. I say good, celebrate!!! The silent spaces are not to be feared for that is where peace is!
We think it would be impossible to function without first having a plan and without thinking. We want 'how to' books on everything. How to be human?
Surely this should be the easiest thing in the world for us, being human and all that! Who makes the rules? Who knows how? There is no authority on being you!! Stay being, forget the human bit.
The silent spaces are now. Thought can not know of now. Thought feels left out and neglected when you choose life/now/here. See thought for what it really is - a cheeky little monkey, wanting all of your attention. Watch thought, do not be alarmed by it, because you can watch thought know that this is not what you are. Bask in the silent spaces, for this is the saviour, this is home.