bad moods and ascending

i know now more than ever i should be focusing on raising my vibration and being of a higher state of mind. with everything i know and understand this shouldn't be difficult, but right now it feels like the hardest thing i've ever done. and worse, i am hammering in on myself for not being able to pull myself out of it even though i know exactly how to do it. its like a part of me wants to wallow in this egoic pity-party, for pretty much NO reason. there is nothing wrong in my life, but my heart hurts. i just want to cry. and yell. and run away. and sleep for a million years. this is not out of the ordinary for me, but having made so many realizations and really made huge steps for the better i didn't think i'd end up back here at the bottom. its been at least a couple weeks of trying to keep my head above it all and now i've really hit bottom. and all i can do is be angry at myself for what i am attracting! and i feel like a failure, and like a bum for not mustering up the motivation to move past this instead of marinating in it.

any thoughts? is this common for those who are ascending *as i believe(d) i am(was) before now* to teeter totter on the edge, or so it seems, before finally breaking through?

i mean, i can make as many realizations as i want but there is still part of me that is ego still and it wants what it wants and will drive me crazy apparently until i find the strength to win, for a time. but it always comes BACK! how do i stop this?!?

Originally posted by double_frick
i know now more than ever i should be focusing on raising my vibration and being of a higher state of mind. with everything i know and understand this shouldn't be difficult, but right now it feels like the hardest thing i've ever done. and worse, i am hammering in on myself for not being able to pull myself out of it even though i know exactly how to do it. its like a part of me wants to wallow in this egoic pity-party, for pretty much NO reason. there is nothing wrong in my life, but my heart hurts. i just want to cry. and yell. and run away. and sleep for a million years. this is not out of the ordinary for me, but having made so many realizations and really made huge steps for the better i didn't think i'd end up back here at the bottom. its been at least a couple weeks of trying to keep my head above it all and now i've really hit bottom. and all i can do is be angry at myself for what i am attracting! and i feel like a failure, and like a bum for not mustering up the motivation to move past this instead of marinating in it.

any thoughts? is this common for those who are ascending *as i believe(d) i am(was) before now* to teeter totter on the edge, or so it seems, before finally breaking through?

i mean, i can make as many realizations as i want but there is still part of me that is ego still and it wants what it wants and will drive me crazy apparently until i find the strength to win, for a time. but it always comes BACK! how do i stop this?!?

All I can say is, understand you are human. Do not further abuse yourself because you are feeling human emotions, let them run their course and understand they have a place as well

Tell yourself always that where you are is where you are supposed to be. There are no mistakes. If this is troubling you then it is meant to. Half the fun of just living is figuring it all out. Don't let it hurt you, let it teach you about yourself and who you are. Let the quest to solve this problem light your path to a more enlightened you. I always say, "You have to go through the dark to get to the light."

Chin up and know that nothing is wrong.

First off, I am Brandon, and 17. going though ascension myself, and am in some what the state you are in. Every experience happens for a reason, and this is natural. this will always happen, you will always go from right to left, but eventually, once ascended, will have peace in the middle.

This experience was meant for you. Take all you can from it. This is what I am doing.

Remember, a big part of ascension is rising above human nature. Changing your intentions from want, to give. picture everyone as another you, as it truly is. fulfill them, or yourself, to make you happy. we all no when it comes down to it, materialism only satisfies so far, so whats left? being as the force that allows us to be is. its intension is only to give, to ascend, make that your intention.

i really hoped this helped.

EDIT: By giving, your ego is in a way, hurt. or expanded. allowing for you to see the Self much easier. I gave all i had away. 32" widescreen computer monitor, Same size TV, Good camera, Ipod touch, paint ball gun, anything a teenage basically has. I gave it all away, I asked myself, wtf do i think im doing? but that quickly shook off and i felt extreme happiness. not for giving stuff away, but for leaving a bad part of me behind. ego, yes, but just part of the way there.


ANOTHER EDIT: also, there is no bad. Our ego creates the bad in things.

[edit on 15-12-2009 by gandhi]

[edit on 15-12-2009 by gandhi]

My brother it is a double edge sword that can be both good and bad but there are reasons beyond even our comprehension that may not make sense now, but later on down the path of life you can reflect on what caused your state of being at the time and see how it hopefully helped you develop into a more enlightened individual. Take my advice no matter how on top of the world you may think you are life will hit you with some reminders that can knock you down on the ground. Your reaction at the time doesnt matter it's what you learned from the experience is what helps determine who you are. This thing I call my gift, I remember back when I was kid who set out on a mission but who I started out to be is not who I became. Now I see, now I know, fully aware, unbreakable, indestructable so to speak because I'm always prepared for the unexpected. Yet I never forget why I started doing this to begin with, although I never thought it would take this long, I will never give up my mission as long as I stay focused nothing else matters. Sometimes all it takes is to re-align or center yourself. Many blessings on your path in life my friend.


Howling At The Moon,
Chaotic Wolf

reply to post by double_frick


Babe....have a hug....I know you need it. And I want to reassure you that this is all COMPLETELY NORMAL! Honestly...it's so true. Most people think, until they are a little further down their path than you are just now, that the ascension process is a smooth upward curve of delight and joy and happiness and increasing spiritual understanding. It sounds wonderful, doesn't it? Ascension......peaceful, spiritual, gentle, enlightening.

It can be all of those things, and frequently it is is we just relax into it. It can take much longer than we suspect or hope, and this spiritual process combined with our earthy human fragile egos and bad habits mean that the whole journey looks more like a spiky graph than a smooth ascent. As outwardly depressing as it might seem, it's meant to be like this and it's actually very useful.

I have been where you are many times, and will be again. I'm sort of there just now, but for a few different reasons...I won't bore you with the details. What I have learned with this repeated pattern is that it seems to be a way of loosening off and dumping the stuff we really don't need. It doesn't feel nice, and we don't enjoy it, but without fail, these dips are followed by intense growth, happiness, delight, progress....all the things you expect ascension to be.

It sounds like you're going through a particularly intense dip just now. all I can advise is grit your teeth, remember that it will end, and soon, and there will be rewards to follow. Indulge in something that makes you happy....cinema, food, somewhere out in nature if you can, art, music, sleep...anything. Look after yourself and don't stress and wonder about when it will all change. Expect that the upward path will start soon.

I've had times like this...and they always bring in something postive. I've even been so bad that I haven't answered the phone for three weeks at a time, simply because I knew I had to hibernate. And we are almost at the winter Solstice now, if you're in the northern hemisphere. Our urge to hibernate and sleep and protect ourselves is at it's strongest.

Don't fret....it's all normal. It's all good. We're here if you need to talk/rant/vent/cry.

reply to post by double_frick


I fall into the abyss every so often and it is truly a difficult place to get out of . Looking at responses to this post it seems everyone does (and I appreciate their posts and yours being I thought I was alone . ) I believe those who are ascending are being prepared for something in the near future and also there are those who don't want us to ascend but to remain low and when we get to close to being free we are pulled back down to the lowest possible level .

First in the future we will not be able to help others if we don't know where they have been or where they are so unfortunately we must visit these horrible places . Second, we must each carry our cross while ascending otherwise we will not appreciate what is to be given to us and we would in most cases abuse these gifts for our own gain and not humanity's .

Know that the power being given to you is a great responsibility and we must be taught to be responsible before we receive it fully . Also know there are those who want you off the path of ascension and will do everything in their power to stop you from receiving it but what those " enemies " dont realize is when you get thru their effort to thwart your ascension they only make you stronger .

In conclusion IMHO, the further you fall the higher you will rise if you can get through it . May the Christ be with you always on this journey .

ahhh thank goodness i'm not the only one! NOT that it makes me particularly happy to hear that everyone must go through this wretched state, it does make me feel a bit more "normal." i try to keep the mindset that pain and problems are only a catalyst for growth and expansion. but IN The middle of THIS catalyst it just feels like crap and i want to pout like a baby in it instead of getting up and gaining perspective.
so i guess maybe i will see what i was to learn with this wave once it is over, because at this time, other than reminding me that i am still human *haha* i don't see exactly the purpose here. maybe i am just to trust that there is one.

thanks everyone! now that i don't feel so alone i feel i can get a little more clarity and just let it pass!

namaste!

Sorry to be a pain but what is ascending? I never have heard of it before.

reply to post by MOTT the HOOPLE


He means more or less he is on a path of spiritual growth. I wouldn't use the term ascension but I do find myself feeling much the same. You read books that tell you not to worry and that "stuff happens" but there is no reason to let things get to you. You know there are better things to think on, higher places to put your heart and soul, but you remain a slave to your ego and (negative) emotions. You feel that you don't fear death, but the littlest things can get to you.

Like for me, I get irritated or uncomfortable and blush very easily. I sit there telling myself in my head even as it happens, "Why are you letting this bother you, just be in the moment." It doesn't help. Trying to have a positive mental state and being spiritual does not make you invulnerable to human emotions and negativity at all. It probably makes you more self-concious to use the term as it pertains to personality.

Welcome to hell.

I feel like death. The world should be destroyed. The cosmos should be negated. Existence itself should end because it is so cruel and pointless.

But for some reason I stick it out. I know I must be insane. Why did I ever?

Thus, such is the path; all is well.

The prize will be had.

The greatest danger I face at this moment is a waning fear of death coupled with depression. It is more conceivable than ever that I could take rash and final actions. Were it simply I that mattered then I know the path I would likely take. Putting myself in the shoes of loved ones is the main reason I choose otherwise.

This morning, for the first time in a very, very long time I really felt highly positive and supportive feelings for another. I have been dead. It was just a blink of a moment where there was clarity and a glimmer of light shone through a break in the clouds. I am acutely reminded that loving well is what is really important. Give of your heart and hell doesn't seem quite so hot. Now I know it won't be long before the sun shines again.

It may very well be more than a few weeks but hang in there. The resistance is your own. Starve the beast.

reply to post by EnlightenUp


It's good to know I am not alone in these feelings. I feel like I'm being taken for a ride, shown around, and it's not really me doing the driving. I don't really try to change the way things make me feel because I know some days are good and some days are bad apparently for no reason.

Everything is done for us. We see effortlessly, breathe without thinking about it, our mind runs free whether we are controlling it or not, etc. Try to quiet it even, it will still think on it's own unless you really get there.

We really do have to let go, and lose our attachment, not just for things we hold grudges towards, but also the things we love. Love without attachment, BE without attachment. I find that I just was attached to new things that weren't materialistic and were nice, and seeing that I guess I turn over a new leaf. I have been reading Krishnamurti lately... and I suppose that might be a major part of his message. I am/was VERY attached to peace and simplicity, experience, solitude and enjoyment. I had become a slave to these things and still am. It seems that no matter how many times we hit a peak, there is always another one to reach.

To the OP and everyone else.... Thank God I'm not the only person who feels like I've hit rock bottom. I know that "life" throws us curve balls to take our minds off of our original purpose. For me the curve ball was thrown back in May, the play has been in slow motion considering I still haven't gotten to swing at the ball. Counseling, reading self help books/articles, talking with close friends has not drawn me out of this "hole". Like the OP, I too wish to just cry, sleep, and wallow in my own self pity for the next hundred years or so.
What I do know is that I hit the absolute lowest I have ever hit 8 years ago. I struggled and made my way through those first few years. The key is working the "funk" out of our bodies. When humans exercise we burn the "bad" chemicals off allowing for good chemicals to be produced and stored. Hopefully, Santa will bring me something to help me burn off the funk.

I find solitude and getting closer to nature help me when Im feeling bad, slipping back or getting immersed in the false reality we have been accustomed to from birth.

I am blessed in that my job is as a photographer and I go walk about in the countryside taking photographs of everything but people. Ive found myself just sitting beside a river or on a patch of grass, eyes closed and just listening, smelling, touching nature.

At these times I realise how small I am, how vast mother nature is and get back in step with my own journey. Having the photographs and taking a planned time to go through them on my own helps anchor me when the dark comes.

Can I ask that you make sure there is nothing medically wrong with you at this time that could be causing your low feelings.

Respects

reply to post by captiva


I really have no problem with the sort of thing you are talking about. I'd love to be like that. But if a person doesn't have the career or the means or simply a place to go where they can enjoy nature and nobody will bother them, then the problem comes to surface.

Nature is very big, you can't ever finish with it. It makes you feel good once you are out there. The perfect drug really.

There is a problem when you simply say that nature could be the solution to all your (anxiety) problems. You rely on the experience of nature to settle you, to calm you, and you get amazing peace from it. But you aren't free. You have to have it or you will not have peace.

And whether or not the problem comes to surface it is still there. Unfortunately we are more or less programmed by society to like good things and hate bad things, so we do the bad things in order to get the good... This can lead to all sorts of problems. And I guess a lot of people on ATS are in the middle of "deprogramming" themselves.

It's a very good point you make, and if it isn't broken then don't fix it. But you have to see that there is an underlying problem when you have something, anything, that takes you away and makes you feel great, something you love. You will change your whole lifestyle, stay a photographer even, so you don't lose that thing that makes you happy.

Originally posted by double_frick
i know now more than ever i should be focusing on raising my vibration and being of a higher state of mind. with everything i know and understand this shouldn't be difficult, but right now it feels like the hardest thing i've ever done. and worse, i am hammering in on myself for not being able to pull myself out of it even though i know exactly how to do it. its like a part of me wants to wallow in this egoic pity-party, for pretty much NO reason. there is nothing wrong in my life, but my heart hurts. i just want to cry. and yell. and run away. and sleep for a million years. this is not out of the ordinary for me, but having made so many realizations and really made huge steps for the better i didn't think i'd end up back here at the bottom. its been at least a couple weeks of trying to keep my head above it all and now i've really hit bottom. and all i can do is be angry at myself for what i am attracting! and i feel like a failure, and like a bum for not mustering up the motivation to move past this instead of marinating in it.

any thoughts? is this common for those who are ascending *as i believe(d) i am(was) before now* to teeter totter on the edge, or so it seems, before finally breaking through?

i mean, i can make as many realizations as i want but there is still part of me that is ego still and it wants what it wants and will drive me crazy apparently until i find the strength to win, for a time. but it always comes BACK! how do i stop this?!?

I am not one to feed into the mysticism .... after all, why focus on what we can not know and live in denial when there is MUCH good to be gained by being honest with ourselves.

Having said that, *hugs* to you! You have a very good heart, I perceive and now all you need is the willing mind to KNOW thyself (not for what you think you can or should be, but for who you are) .... that is how the best philosophers and the greatest "helpers" to humanity came about their wisdom. When you know yourself, you will find many great things to know about Life and about *this thing* that you have in you.

Don't focus on what you don't know (that being "ascending" since most of what you hear of it from others is based PURELY on imaginations at work ... and not productively, mind you). Focus rather on what you can know ... and trust that what you are MEANT to know you will know when it is the right Time. This way, you are less likely to fool yourself into believing you had an "experience" of some sort which can lead to even further disappointment down the road.

Whilst you may feel down on yourself, clearly, if you direct yourself toward knowlege naturally, the world WILL be a better place for having you in it. Rare are those who have the gift offered to them that is being offered to you and even rarer still are those who are able to keep grounded so as to use it appropriately. *IT* is the call of Wisdom that you "hear" and to know thyself is the answer ... of course, then, the answer you seek WILL NOT come through any one BUT your own self.

Good luck to you! I mean it!



[edit on 16-12-2009 by justamomma]

reply to post by double_frick


Moods are very important in keeping our frequency. Joy is one of the best, laughter, and even just clarity. Its hard. I have 4 boys in the house, and the youngest two, both little leos, one certainly an indigo, don't get along in the least, and we're all crammed into a townhouse situation, its hard to carve space for each of us. In addition, they have apraxia, and this learning disability affects them in numerous ways, including behavior. For example, the 8 year old does still jump on the couches and will throw a shoe at his brother.

I get stressed at times. Yet my frequency lately has gone quite high, to the point where I need to find some grounding, in fact, its like being immersed in a field that is very fine, very intense.

And trying to keep humor is very good. But also, meditation and what I've been doing is just from youtube, whale songs, dolphins and many many videos. I combine these songs with pure downloadable binaural tones, such as the mid theta or mid alpha ones, playing each, they're about 9-10 min each, at the same time.
www.jetcityorange.com... ... beats.html

I also recommend the binaurals on this thread:
www.abovetopsecret.com...

The compassion one is 30 minutes and it is very uplifting.

Whales and dolphins hold the frequency of the planet, and strengthen the crust. We are severely damaging our planet by harming our oceans, not only the numbers of these incredibly advanced, high IQ, very psi, spiritual cosmic citizens, but by depeleting the fish populations for the dolphins and whales and the planktum, which gives us O2, and our batteries, titanium and other ones, are doing just that, depleting the planktum and our O2 as much as 30% depletion.

Whales and dolphins will be rescued. However, while we still have these wonderful beings amongst us, for this could change, they assist us in raising our own vibrations enormously. And if you stretch your insight during the meditaitons and actually visualize yourself in the water with them, thanking them from the bottom of your heart and asking if you can participate in some way, you may have an amazing experience as well.

Originally posted by justamomma
I am not one to feed into the mysticism .... after all, why focus on what we can not know and live in denial when there is MUCH good to be gained by being honest with ourselves.

Don't you think that if we were perfectly honest with ourselves that we'd realize we have nothing to gain?

When you know yourself, you will find many great things to know about Life and about *this thing* that you have in you.

This *this thing* IS the problem. A little white lie is always needed and is harmless. Don't remember everything if you really want to feel like you have something to find.

Originally posted by double_frick
any thoughts? is this common for those who are ascending *as i believe(d) i am(was) before now* to teeter totter on the edge, or so it seems, before finally breaking through?

I find it's a common sentiment around here that depression is just the motivation and lead-in to greater realizations and states of being. That's my sentiment as well...

i mean, i can make as many realizations as i want but there is still part of me that is ego still and it wants what it wants and will drive me crazy apparently until i find the strength to win, for a time. but it always comes BACK! how do i stop this?!?

There is no good answer to that, you just kind of have to "step in" to the new state of being, no reason, no cause, you simply have to have a strong enough "will" to be able to go there.


There are many realizations I've had, that are very difficult to fully integrate into my personality and to practice every day. So the solution I have come up with is to use mantras. I write down the truths that I am having difficulty integrating into my life, and I make it a habit to constantly remind myself of these truths and force them into my mind on a daily basis, or even hourly basis. Then your brain is physically re-wired in about a month to naturally cater to this new way of thinking.

One's spirit can be very aware, however the body has to play catch-up, including the habitual wiring of the brain.

When your internal spiritual awareness merges with your entire body, then you will really be onto something magical.



I wish you well, though I know you will be well anyway.

Love and light to you, double frick.

[edit on 16-12-2009 by bsbray11]

It is NOT just you! It is frigging EVERYWHERE, especially at this time of year I think??

There is something sinister in the air. A few of us were taling about this the other day, and then all 3 of us got stuck out in the ice and snow, in a small town where we all know each other, no one would give us a ride individually or together, everyone was rude and harsh and cruel...it was like something from the twiglight zone...then all week people seem to be getting worse and worse. I started a thread on it about Hooly and Christmas, and I KNOW it is a rollercoaster all year long with many ups and downs, but this time of the year seems the worst, last year was a nightmare!