I was 12 when I developed depression. It was a horrible time and I seem to have mentally blocked most of it, and even today, thinking back, I'm
beginning to feel that it wasn't even that bad..
But then I remember faking good moods and smiles all of the time
around everyone so I wouldn't have to explain my "bad" mood or start up a
conversation over my emotions.. I remember the suicide note I had begun to write which, in the end, I couldn't finish.. I remember hating
getting up to go to school everyday. I could hardly get up out of bed, like there was nothing to live for.. I never talked about anything much with my
parents or family. I'm a very closed, introverted person and mostly wanted to save myself the embarrassment of disclosing my complex emotions with my
family. It was, and to some extent still is, difficult for me to do. The only
person I confided in about my problems was my best friend, who
was going through something similar at the time.. We helped each other, but above all, understood
So, when the pressure became too much from my parents, from school and everything just felt like it was on top of me, I started this downward spiral..
The thing is, looking at it from an objective perspective, I really had nothing
to get depressed over. I had a loving family who just wanted me
to do my best, I was receiving an enviable education, I was well-off financially, I had everything that a teenager could need or want, and yet I was
. Something was missing inside and that was the trigger. I think the main main contributer, however, was the pressure I was under
from my parents to do well at school. Since forever, all I have wanted to do was please my parents and they were quite ardent, quite strict with my
academic performance. I tried
to do my best all of the time, but it never
seemed good enough.
Perhaps I was just over-dramatising it at the time, since I was
quite sensitive as a kid back then, and maybe it wasn't as bad as I thought it
was. I mean, I was just
beginning highschool, I had to get used to completely new surroundings, meet all these new people, get used to all this
new study, it was over-whelming enough as it was...
But somehow I managed to escape. I think that, and I'm not exactly sure how, music played a major role. It was the beginning of my adolescence, my
coming-into awareness, and I was starting to make conscious choices about everything
from the clothes I wore to the music I listened to. I
found this whole new world in music and something switched inside and saved me. I think it was probably the whole expanding of my perspective of the
world. Nowadays, I believe perception to be everything
And that's my story. Nice information on depression OP
I enjoyed the read