reply to post by the seeker_713g
To begin with, Seeker, I have found that every time I see you responding in another thread, I am compelled to read your opinion, I don't even know
you yet I am moved by what you say. So thank you for that, as odd as it sounds, I need to let you know that. So thank you very much for touching me
with your words, regardless if you meant to or not.
As far as an awakening goes? I really don't know...
My family always thought I was crazy, even as a young girl I had been fascinated by things that my mother to this day (I'll be 20 in less than a
month) still tries to keep me from (i.e. taking the books that she finds disagreeable, putting them in a box and shoving them in the attic). Albeit I
literally have books lying EVERYWHERE....but when she starts bringing up the content of these books in arguments....it's kind of hard not to connect
I just don't know how to explain how I felt...or feel right now. This urgency it's always been there, like you're just waiting for something to
happen...but you don't know what it is or when it's going to come to pass. Now that feeling is even greater than it's ever been.
I think right now. I'm just lost. Literally lost. I had a mentor once, someone I could talk to about anything, someone who was helping me understand
what I was feeling, and why I was feeling it. But he's moved on to other aspects of his life, which I admire, but consequently I'm left behind
trying to figure out what the hell is happening. I'm stagnant with no idea where to start.
It brings tears to my eyes knowing that I just do not know what to do anymore. I NEED to do something. And as selfish as it sounds, I NEED to know. I
can't even stop myself from putting text to the feelings in my heart. I cannot stop because I have this pain in my self to UNDERSTAND, and I say pain
because I do not feel that this urgency, this NEED is necessarily a positive thing.
I guess you could say that is what has changed in my life, but you could also say it isn't anything new. I could only categorize this as a need to
learn so bad that it actually hurts. Because my heart aches right now.
I apologize in advance if none of that made any sense. I find it rather difficult to put into words something that I've only ever thought about.