posted on Sep, 23 2008 @ 02:53 PM
Hi Jane .. hope you're feeling easier today. Please don't give yourself a hard time over this. Given the situation, I can't think of a better way
to handle it than the behaviours you demonstrated. And as others have already said, you survived. You survived. Others in the same situation may
have responded differently and may be in hospital now, or dead. But you're standing, you're fine (if a little bruised physically and emotionally).
You did well. Be proud of that, please.
You're not a violent person. You didn't respond with violence. You kept your wits about you. You walked away. And although you feel bad ..
imagine how the kid/man feels ! He must feel like an idiot. He must already KNOW he's an idiot. Not very 'manly' of him, was it ? Not exactly
the sort of thing he could boast about .. pushing a woman old enough to be his mother to the ground and squirting her with a water-pistol ! All he
did was prove what an immature clown he is. And if he does try to big-note himself before others about the incident, you can be sure his buddies will
ridicule him. He behaved ridiculously. He knows it.
Also, be confident that the kid will soon lose his liberty. His future is practically written and it's all downhill. So he'll be put out of action
sooner rather than later.
As for using a kick to the genitals, or pepper spray, or a knife or gun ... not in the real world in the situation in which you found yourself. If
you'd done anything even remotely aggressive, it would have been regarded as an open invitation not only to the bully, but also his two friends. It
could have become very ugly. You realised that. You handled it perfectly. Be proud. Discretion is the better part of valour. Your obligation to
yourself is to survive. You handled it brilliantly.
Ok, you took a fall. It was a shock. It later felt humiliating. But you're not Clint Eastwood and you're not supposed to be. This WILL make you
stronger, wiser and yes .. more confident. Because something this shocking HAS happened to you and now you know you can trust yourself to respond
intelligently and survive.
Sooner or later we're all humiliated, shocked, terrified. It's not like the movies or our fantasies. So it puts us in touch with OUR reality. You
realised YOUR reality: you're not 21 any more, you're not an Olympic sprinter or kung-fu expert. Heroes didn't dash to your aid. Bullies ARE
able to push us around. There are always going to be those who're bigger and stronger. They're not always going to behave rationally. And under
their often reassuring facade, our neighbourhoods are quite often far uglier and more dangerous than we often allow ourselves to accept. In those
horrifying moments, all these realisations hit you.
So yes .. you thanked the bully for terrifying and humiliating you. And at the moment, you're angry you did so. But I think before much longer,
you'll realise that you weren't far wrong in thanking him after all. Because he unintentionally gave you what is known as a 'wake up' call. It
wasn't nice and didn't feel good. But it might be of enormous value to not only you, but to your family also .. an unsolicited cautionary
experience that may later on save your or one of your loved ones. Because you'll all be just that bit more cautious from now on. And that's not a
bad thing, is it.
I think you did great and hope you come to see it that way too. You're alive, you're well, you still have your humour, you've been given a new and
valuable perspective. Because after this, you'll probably find that you give extra thought to where you go and you'll undoubtedly begin visualising
methods of extricating yourself from future problem encounters .. and so will your son and husband. Which will mean you're all that much more
prepared, mentally and even physically, if you find yourself in a similar or more dangerous situation. There are positives to be drawn from what
happened to you. Which nullifies whatever the bully did.
You did well :-)