"The Porn Myth"

I thought this was a fantastic article by Naomi Wolfe on the surprising effect of porn on our society. It touches on issues of beauty, intimacy and power, as well as the constantly raised bar of sexual imagery. I am interested to know if men think this is an accurate portrayal of the current situation. As a woman, I know many of my friends have felt the detrimental effects of porn in their relationships. I am also wondering about how this could possibly be reversed. Will people become just utterly saturated with it? Will it eventually become passé? I hope so.

The Porn Myth

The onslaught of porn is responsible for deadening male libido in relation to real women, and leading men to see fewer and fewer women as “porn-worthy.” Far from having to fend off porn-crazed young men, young women are worrying that as mere flesh and blood, they can scarcely get, let alone hold, their attention.

Here is what young women tell me on college campuses when the subject comes up: They can’t compete, and they know it. For how can a real woman—with pores and her own breasts and even sexual needs of her own (let alone with speech that goes beyond “More, more, you big stud!”)—possibly compete with a cybervision of perfection, downloadable and extinguishable at will, who comes, so to speak, utterly submissive and tailored to the consumer’s least specification…

But does all this sexual imagery in the air mean that sex has been liberated—or is it the case that the relationship between the multi-billion-dollar porn industry, compulsiveness, and sexual appetite has become like the relationship between agribusiness, processed foods, supersize portions, and obesity? If your appetite is stimulated and fed by poor-quality material, it takes more junk to fill you up. People are not closer because of porn but further apart; people are not more turned on in their daily lives but less so.

[edit on 6-8-2008 by Skyfloating]

I read an article In about real life situations where the man gets so caught up in the fantasy they dont function in real life situations. Really it is quite sad and thier will no doubt be more services to cope with it.

The cosmetic surgery industry in Australia wants a blanket ban on cosmetic genital surgery. This was in the paper last week, its not just about the botched jobs. One doctor relayed an experience where a man walked in with his girlfriend and a picture of a Brazilian porn actresses bits and demanded he make her look like the picture. The doctor refused the sugery on the grounds that there was nothing wrong with his girlfriend in the firstplace.



Something as a mother of very young boys I am very aware of, at least I can do something about it at my end now by instilling healthy attitudes.

Fake boobs really is a turn off. When are you ladies going to realise that!!
Stop ruining your body! lol

reply to post by _Phoenix_


We hear ya, but the reality is most women who are opting for surgery are doing it to compete with porn images.

By the way KTK, what a sad story about that Australian couple. I'm sure their intimacy levels are pretty low, imagine how self-conscious the poor girl is - 24/7.

Originally posted by _Phoenix_
Fake boobs really is a turn off. When are you ladies going to realise that!!
Stop ruining your body! lol

See now that does not help anything. Many women get "fake boobs" because WE like the way it looks! WE like the way clothes fit on us. Some of us don't want to go through life looking like 12 year old boys, we want to look like women. There are also plenty of skinny guys that work out and try to bulk up so they look more like men instead of boys, is that wrong too?

I sometimes hear men critize thin women in an attempt to make heavier women feel sexy; like thin women don't have issues? Like most white women in North America don't have insecurities? Men are best off giving compliments and leaving the negative body comments out (unless of course they are trying to upset females, then go for it).

(Phoenix sorry to have jumped on you like that, I realize you did not mean to be offensive. Just realize that there are plenty of "enhanced" women out there and you would never know by looking at them. It is often NOT overdone. As a general rule it is best not to say anything because you may say it to the wrong girl, someone you never suspected, and well, then you will never have the chance to realize your error).

[edit on 4-8-2008 by Sonya610]

Hmm, I can see the point of all this, but this is certainly from a female perspective and not from a man's.

American culture is one of abject sex and sexual innuendo contained in a puritanical frame. It's an odd hodge podge of our history that has created a rather unique situation.

Men, unlike women from my experience, are able to separate reality from fantasy, and like to enjoy both. So long as the two don't normally mesh (or at least unless it's encouraged by the partner) things are fine.

Being visual creatures we certainly are drawn to such things, especially when taking into account that men are far more sexual than women in general.

Women are the control factor in society in general. This, from my view, is part of the reason the homosexual community is so promiscuous. There is no external control.

Personally I don't think I'd dislike the "only for me" situation, it could be very cool, but then again you'd have to be matched sexually with your partner. That doesn't happen more often than not so there is normally some lapse on one side or another.

PORN:

Guess what ladies watch porn too!!lol

I was in Las Vegas, 5 years, every January for the CES show.

At the same time that the CES show was on the Porn "Academy Awards" are on.

I have been able to meet a few porn stars...me and my wife that is.

When we were in the www.venetian.com... Hotel we met Ron Jeremy and his entourage.

He posed for pictures with us, then we had a chat.

He escorted us into one of the events, which, as I look back on it, was really not that much different then any other convention I was at.

Well, to conclude, I still do not have a big taste for porn. Most of the people I have spoken too in the industry seem to be business people....the girls and the guys....and the GIRLS seem to rule the industry now with big money being paid to some of the top models. They do it for money. (and its a easy gig)

Again...trying to conclude my view at this moment..although my views evolve...after a while the act of sex for people in that industry begins to be just work.

In the words of HST...concerning sex...

The only other important thing to be said about Fear & Loathing at this time is that it was fun to write, and that's rare — for me, at least, because I've always considered writing the most hateful kind of work. I suspect it's a bit like #ing — which is fun only for amateurs. Old whores don't do much giggling. Nothing is fun when you have to do it — over and over, again and again — or else you'll be evicted, and that gets old

So maybe porn does steal some of the magic if its your work.

I myself prefer the real thing...with my old lady..safe and fun!

Fake boobs can turn me off or turn me on. It depends who they are attached to.

The article brought a memory back. My best friend growing up was Muslim and her mum was always covered and wearing baggy tents. I remember the shock when I first saw her without it. She was beautiful and young, I was expecting a dowdy plain arab woman. I instantly compared her to my mum who in anglo terms was beautiful, but even at my young age I realised my mother didnt have that feminine mistique my friends had. Her natural movements were sensual without being sexual. Even while she was cooking and washing...... Such a weird thing to observe as a youngster. From that time on I always gathered that muslim women intouch with thier femininity were doing these little subconcious belly dances that only thier household ever got to see. Interesting stuff.......

Originally posted by kosmicjack
... I am interested to know if men think this is an accurate portrayal of the current situation. As a woman, I know many of my friends have felt the detrimental effects of porn in their relationships. ...

Western women's attitudes have done more to "deaden male libido" than all the porn in the world. Kind of a remarkable coincidence that there are is no pandemic of "deadened male libidos" in non-feminized countries, no?

More and more men are no longer willing to jump through the ridiculous hoops that western women demand they jump through for access to sex, or even companionship. Why do you think the marriage rate to foreign women from non-feminized countries has skyrocketed in the last 5 or 6 years? American women have priced themselves out of the market.

reply to post by kosmicjack


Women dont get breast implants to compete with porn, they get implants because they want attention. I know quite a few women with fake ones and their personality changes after the op, its like "look at me everyone, i got boobs!"

would you like the way it looked if you weren't exposed to it and told it is beautiful and sexy constantly?

Personally, I as a guy can definitely say that decent porn sometimes makes things SEEM dull, but then there's a lot of times when I realize "there are very attractive women out there, and these are like bottom of the barrel attractive." They are sometimes very hot, BUT the whole profession and the perverse attitude kind of makes me wanna puke sometimes.

Several other things about some porn makes me wanna puke my guts out, but I'll leave that to your imagination.

Four words: Two girls. One cup.


now it's official. Porn is just degrading on all levels. First you're a nice attractive girl stripping a little, and before ya know it.... oh boy oh boy... two girls one cup.

reply to post by Lecter


They want attention because the men are all watching porn.

KTK, interesting story. I do think there is a lot to be said about feminine mystique. What you can't see is often more titillating than what you can see. After all, it's the chase that makes the capture so much more fun.

Originally posted by LecterWomen dont get breast implants to compete with porn, they get implants because they want attention. I know quite a few women with fake ones and their personality changes after the op, its like "look at me everyone, i got boobs!"

Usually that is short term excitement, they wanted it for a long time, spent a fair amount of money on it, and physically suffered for it too.

Sort of like a brand new car that you wanted for ages, at first you are washing it every weekend and showing it off to your friends. A couple of years later you don't even think about it that much, you don't even care if it has a layer of dust on it.

It seems every guy wants to date a girl who looks like a porn queen but I wonder what would happen if women starting demanding similar standards of men. Porn would most certainly drop off the radar a bit.

So many times on T.V. or in a movie the couples are horribly inequitable. Gorgeous girl. Dumpy guy. It's infuriating. As if just any average joe can pick up a hot chick. Has anyone else noticed this?

[edit on 4/8/2008 by kosmicjack]

Originally posted by kosmicjack
So many times on T.V. or in a movie the couples are horribly inequitable. Gorgeous girl. Dumpy guy. It's infuriating. As if just any average joe can pick up a hot chick. Has anyone else noticed this?

[edit on 4/8/2008 by kosmicjack]

YEA..that would be Ron Jeremy and his harem. lol

reply to post by kosmicjack


My friend tried to get me to watch that, as soon as I saw the red cup I left the room and from what I've heard I made a wonderful decision.

Rock music doesn't make you worship the devil or kill yourself.
Violence in Video Games doesn't turn you into a murderer or maniac.
Porn doesn't turn you into a sex maniac or kill your libido.

Like an earlier poster said, men know the difference between reality and fantasy. Even if we allow that it's probably better to not speak in absolutes, and say, "most men know", it points out that there's something 'wrong' with the exception that makes them vulnerable to the stimuli, instead of making the case /against/ the stimuli.

I think the worst thing about porn is it can lower self esteem of both male and female's. There is nothing more embarrassing then hearing a fellow male refer to another women as a "hoe" or "bitch" because thats what the current term is, but what is even worse is how they girls reply. I would expect a slap but most people would be surprised to know how many woman reply to that with a shrug and a smile.

There is nothing more attractive then a woman standing up for herself and slapping a little sense into you once in awhile.

If there is a problem in the relationship it is between the two partners and they have to work it out. You can't blame people for exploring their sexuality through pornography. Maybe the women/men who are reportedly feeling shut out need to learn to open up and say what is really on their mind or dump the partner for someone who does what they want. Porn isn't the problem, it's a corporate advertising that continues to push waifish 13 year olds as the apex of beauty. that's the problem.

That said I am not a huge porn fan. It's kind of boring and oh so fake. if someone started yelling and screaming like that I would think about showing them the door.

[edit on 8/4/08 by stikkinikki]