I officially announce my candidacy for President of the United States!

You know man, remember Muhammad Ali...

Sting like a honey bee

swell like a .....um....swell like a.....toad, yeah swell like a toad.

Perfect

It's the concept. Imagery man!! Hookem with the imagery.

It's ****in perfect!!

Float Like A Butterfly
Sting Like a Bee
The great smell of Brut
And the punch of Ali

Remember that commercial whaaa??

Maybe we can redo it to fit the campaign? You are the song writer and musician.....you have any ideas?

I need something like when Sinatra sang the song for Kennedy back in 1960.....based on "High Hopes".......ours should be more about low hopes though!

Well you done it now. Two choices and I get confused.

Let me think about the topless civil servants for awhile and rest and maybe I can come up with something a little later. I doubt it though.

I think I'm coming down with something...

O please God, don't let it be TB!!!

Maybe based on the theme to Speed Racer?

Here he comes
Here come E.B.
He's running for president
And he's gonna be needin' your donations

He's well behind the other candidates
He's in Hawaii havin' some fun
He's busy revvin' up the powerful Ground Force One

And when the odds are against him
And there's dangerous work to do
You bet your life E.B. will not have a clue

Go E.B.
Go E.B.
Go E.B., GO!


Something like that? Hey, thanks for the continued donations everyone. I'm close to half a million now and still rolling. Keep the money coming. I can't do this alone.

Here's my intinerary so far:

December - Hawaii
January - Figi
February - New Zealand

Keep the money coming in and, hopefully, I'll add some more fantastic places to my trip. Hopefully I will be back home for the primaries and debates. But first things first!!

edit to add: actually I can skip the primaries as I'm the only candidate running for the Surprise Party. So, I'll be someplace exotic until it's time for the debates. Of course, I will make you all proud during those debates. I'll be like Kennedy in 1960 and the other candidates will be like Nixon!!



[edit on 18-11-2007 by Excitable_Boy]

Your honest and transparent corruption is refreshing.
Now that I have sent you lots of quids, here're the quos

I want fruitcake regulated, something like an ATFF. The purchase must be solely for personal use and is not to be given as a gift.

Because we tend to take ourselves way too seriously, I want the Theory of Gravity not to be taught in public schools.

The song Stairway to Heaven must never be used in any commercial selling burial insurance to baby boomers.

Since the production of widgets has been outsourced to Liechtenstein, will you be willing to force that nation to be the fifty-first state? That way all widgets will continue to be Made in America, with the added benefit of another American ski area.

Lastly, I am a little short of funds at this time, but I offer you my first born son in exchange for allowing me to be Secretary of State and visit every country that can be reached by cruise ship. I promise to spread goodwill and not diseases. Oh, my first born, unlike my second born, needs a job to get him out of the house. Will you have something like, say, Minister of Video Games?

Oh, what does the future first lady have in mind to serve at state dinners?

reply to post by desert

I want fruitcake regulated, something like an ATFF. The purchase must be solely for personal use and is not to be given as a gift.

Fruitcake will be outlawed completely.

Because we tend to take ourselves way too seriously, I want the Theory of Gravity not to be taught in public schools.

The song Stairway to Heaven must never be used in any commercial selling burial insurance to baby boomers.

Where should the theory of gravity be taught? In alleys somewhere? Children will have risk their lives to learn why they don't float up into space?? I must say I am in disagreement here....

I agree with regards to Stairway to Heaven. But, I believe it makes for a nice name for a cemetary, no??

Since the production of widgets has been outsourced to Liechtenstein, will you be willing to force that nation to be the fifty-first state? That way all widgets will continue to be Made in America, with the added benefit of another American ski area.

I believe skiing is a silly pastime anyway and we have enough ski areas. I didn't know that Liechtenstein was able to clone midgets. I think that is fascinating, but not enough to want to make it part of the US. Never mind the fact that it is in Europe and just plain sounds too German. I certainly think that having more midgets around, however, would certainly be fun.

Lastly, I am a little short of funds at this time, but I offer you my first born son in exchange for allowing me to be Secretary of State and visit every country that can be reached by cruise ship. I promise to spread goodwill and not diseases. Oh, my first born, unlike my second born, needs a job to get him out of the house. Will you have something like, say, Minister of Video Games?

I would like to answer this question not in my regular voice but in a sort of silly high pitched whine, which unfortunately, only dogs will be able to hear.

Oh, what does the future first lady have in mind to serve at state dinners?

Oh...many things: macaroni and cheese and hot dog casserole, turkey pot pies, cold cut platters, pigs in a blanket, tuna surprise, etc.....nothing but high end stuff!!

[edit on 19-11-2007 by Excitable_Boy]

Here on this Thanksgiving Eve, I just want all to know how Thankful I am to be part of a MOVEMENT to help restore this fine land to it's formore GLORY.

We have nothing to fear but fear itself and those creepy things that squeel when ever I open the shed out back.

We should also be Thankful for our loved ones, even though they sometimes berate and humiliate us in front of our friends, steal our favorite Tshirts and wash their Honda with them and take candid photos of us and pin them up on the bulliten board at the post office.

We should also be thankful that in the last two weeks the neighbor dog hasen't chased us on our bicycle and caused us to fall.

And let's not forget that in America we can have Medicine cabnets in our bathrooms filled with pills that can fix almost anything that goes wrong with our bodies and our minds.

And in our land of plenty we have wires that bring us electrons that power our waffel iorns, blenders, electric razors, hair dryers and computers that have lots of pictures of pretty ladies that we can look at late at nite.



What a wonderful time of year this Holiday season; wouldn't it be nice if it could be like this all year?

I have lots more of thankies that I will be posting thru out this Thanksgiving eve.

Isn't THANKIES a cute word???!!!




[edit on 21-11-2007 by whaaa]

Thankies....yes. It is good to give thanks. It's nice to be nice to the nice!

If you make me your president, I write bill asks every day be Thanksgiving, except the other important holidays can keep own names. Not the silly holidays, though. They become Thanksgiving. Turkey will be outlawed and everyone will have to have one of the following: squirrel, opossum, racoon, pigeon or rat. All will help control population of these varmints....

Turkeys are not varmints. Turkeys cool.

Thank you on great day of thanks for continued support, and more importantly, your money. By week's end, we will be at or around the million dollar mark!!

I have been spend your money wisely! No wasteful spending on advertising or campaigning other than this free stuff on web. Here where some of money has gone:


Water Force One:



Ground Force Two:



Campaign Headquarters:



I am currently only lease this gem of a home. But, with your continued support, your money can enhance my reality. If you want my help, I need to be comfortable.

That is my new campaign slogan:

"If you want my help, I need to be comfortable!"


[edit on 22-11-2007 by Excitable_Boy]

Sorry, I forgot about Ground Force 3:




Don't get cheap on me now people. With Christmas coming, that doesn't mean you can cut back on your donations to my campaign. The total is currently 1.2 Million. I have pretty much spent it all, so KEEP IT COMING!!

Sorry, you have to be this butch to run for president.

reply to post by intrepid

Sorry, you have to be this butch to run for president.

It's sad who we have to choose from in this country.

That is only one sentence so, I'd like to also say: KEEP THEM DONATIONS COMING!! I have set up a hotline where you can call in your pledges instead of U2Uing me (really too much work for me). (800) Vote-4EB.......operators are standing by!

Remortgage your homes if you have to. Operators are standing by...

Originally posted by Excitable_Boy
Operators are standing by...

That's cruel man. Can't you afford chairs?

No chairs. They get too complacent and sometimes fall asleep between calls. Unacceptable!!

I can't quite put my finger on it but....

There is something damn sexy about a political campaign. Maybe it's the
presence of power, the liquor and drugs, women in short dresses answering the telephone, snacks, just the sheer pleasure of knowing you are working to make the world a better place, the wonderful red, white and blue bumper stickers, the money.

I feel honored to be a part of this Noble effort to change the prevailing paradigm. uh, oh, sounds like the valium and nyqul are starting to kick in.

reply to post by whaaa

I can't quite put my finger on it

Let me suggest that you put on a glove if you are able to put your finger on it. Personally, I keep my hands off it. I was taught in church not to touch it, not to think about touching it and not to talk about touching it.

reply to post by Excitable_Boy


Are you saying that if you're made President, we can't put our collective fingers on it? That's sad, man. I like putting my fingers on it. All 11 fingers.

Originally posted by Beachcoma

All 11 fingers.

OK, what happened to number 12?

You're dying to tell us so go ahead; but don't expect a lot of sympathy if you cut it off working on the band saw while you were hammered.

I don't even care if you lie; if it is a good story.

Being as how this is a thread about presidential politics and campaining; maybe you should lie just to keep in practice.

[edit on 25-11-2007 by whaaa]

Okay....if you make me your president AND make sure I have plenty of money left over come inauguration time, I will:

Guarantee no more wild fires in California or anywhere else in the US. There will still be the regular house fires and business fires both accidental and otherwise.

Guarantee no more killer storms anywhere in the US. The rest of the world can take care of themselves. I WILL try to keep the CIA from using their weather machine and stop them from causing all these Tsunamis, Cyclones, Hurricannes and etc.....Especially here in the US. No more Katrinas. No more death by weather! Unless of course, the CIA has a good reason. *wink*

Guarantee gas prices to go back to 99.99 cents per gallon for regular.

Guarantee there will never again be a line at the DMV.

Guarantee free health care to all US citizens and $40,000 every three years for the purchase of a new vehicle. The $40,000 to increase based on the cost of living.


I have a lot more if you have a lot more money. Running this campaign isn't cheap. We have almost hit the 2 million mark, but I have it all spent.

E_B, are you going to institute a national religion?

I really think we need one. This diversity thing has gotton out of hand, what with all the SIN and fornication.

Doesn't it make sense that if we had just one religion with a morality czar; we could put a stop to people just thinking they can do anything they damn well please.

First though as I earlier stated, we need to begin with addressing the animal nudity problem.

I need to step out for a second, but I'll flesh out my plan later.

Here's the deal...

In regards to the sad state of affairs with animal nudity; the way I see it is this; we need some one of extremely high moral caliber to take the bull by the horns and call a spade a spade, because almost all the animals I see, except for a few mini poodles, are naked as the day they was borned.

Only last week I was out walking the ditch with my little 9 year old niece in law and what did we come upon but a donkey with all his privates, being shown in a not so private manner if you know what I mean. I'm talking almost on the ground.

How can we as the worlds leader in morality continue to allow a situation like this to continue. All the farmers and ranchers that keep livestock MUST be forced to clothe their animals so that children will not be exposed to the indignity of being forced to look at the naughty bits of their animals.

After all human breasts and privates are required to be covered or risk coming up against the indecent exposure statutes, in place in most counties across the land.

How can we as a nation that is the standard bearer of Morality in the world, continue to ignore the blatant exposure of animal parts that must, MUST be covered.

I WhAAA am eminently qualified to be the Morality Czar, therefore I crown myself MORALITY CZAR OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.

Is that OK E_B?

[edit on 30-11-2007 by whaaa]