I officially announce my candidacy for President of the United States!

Good morning my fellow ATS'ers. I have been around here for some time now. I know alot about what is truly going on in the world. It is time for a change and that change is me, Excitable Boy!

I am starting my own party. I will be the only candidate running for the Surprise Party. I name it this because I'm not going to load you with false promises or just say things to win votes. You have no idea where I stand or what I plan to do other than "shake it up." Thus, it will be a surprise to everyone, including myself what I do as your new president.

I can only tell you this, I will be going against the "status quo." It will NOT be "business as usual" for this Excitable Boy. Hopefully, I will not be shot in the head by my own government.

I will be holding a press conference soon in Alaska to make it known to the country what my intentions are. I plan to have several inuit peoples there as well as several ice road truckers. I need several of you to attend. I will have specific questions for each of you to ask as I don't want someone throwing a zinger at me that I can't answer and thus, making me look silly!

All initial campaign contributions will be used to take me and the future first lady to Hawaii for a month, where we plan to campaign vigorously to get all the much needed Hawaiin votes. We will also be surfing, scuba diving, venturing out in our rented yacht, etc.....just to show everyone that we are just regular people.

To contribute to my campaign, U2U me. Thank you all for your support. I promise that I will do something while working as your president. I am just not sure what it is yet!

Wow....the response has been unbelievable. Thanks for all the U2Us!! I have over $10,000 in pledges already. It truly brings a tear to me one brown eye.

Anyone who donates $10,000 or more in one lump sum gets whatever they want. Examples:

1. Pay no taxes for the rest of your life
2. Kick-backs from your choice:
A. Big Pharma B. The Oil Industry C. The Fed D. The FDA E. The AMA
3. Free membership to The Sneaker of The Month Club
4. Tell me what you want!!

I still am not sure what I will do as President, but you can be sure that my corruption will be honest and done with a serious amount of integrity!

You're joking right?

How bout this. If you win presidency, I'll donate $10,000 to the charity of your choice.

Go EB Go! I almost had tears in my eyes! Well it sounds like your like every single canadate out there bro! Good luck! Don't forget your shoe buddies down here!

That's right!! Shoe buddies!!

I will donate large sums, if...

You make the first Friday of everymonth white shorts and black thong day.

Admit on live TV that Christmas is a cia operation to sell more bug (the listening kind not the crap on the carpet kind) infested toys.

Change the national animal of the USA to the beaver.

When a reaporter wearing a hat asks you a question, you always answer with...

Education, Education, Education! (It worked for Blair!)

MonKey



Good Luck may the salad dressing bee wiv ya!

EB if you declare Chikey your running mate you gotz my vote!

I'll donate if you promise to make all the police in your country wear a proper uniform.



That hat just screams respect

reply to post by tetsujin420

EB if you declare Chikey your running mate you gotz my vote!

Well....I will have to ask Chikey Monkey if he wants to be my VP. Chikey?? If you agree, you will certainly be able to have all the things you asked for!!

Here is a quote from one of my heroes, Dan Quayle, on the responsibility of the Vice President:

"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president, and that one word is 'to be prepared'. "

Regarding my shoe buddies, I will not forget them even though I'm not sure who or what they are. I will not lie to any of you. If you're a Democrat, can you really trust Billary Clinton or Barack Obama Bin Laden? They talk out of both sides of their mouths. I only talk out of one side of my mouth, the right side....no wait, it's the left side. Wait....I talk out of the front of my mouth and will never talk out of the back of it.

Then there's the Republicans. Mitt Romney? First of all, the guy is just too damn good looking to trust. And B, what kind of name is Mitt? Where I come from, we play baseball with a Mitt, we don't play president with one. John McCain? Trying...AGAIN. Been there, done that John. I have to admit, I like the guy. I watched a documentary on him and his fellow Vietnam prisoners of war. Anyone that could go through that and survive, has some serious character. I can tell you this, I bring NO character to the table. I am a blank page that YOU can mold into anything you want. John McCain and all the other candidates have an agenda. I have no agenda except that I want to be president and go to Hawaii for a month on your dime.

It is time for something different. It is time for straight talk. No smoke and mirrors in this campaign. Keep those pledges coming in. I am well over $100,000 and still climbing. When I am in Hawaii I will try to think of some ideas that will help us all out. If I have trouble, I will certainly work on it when I spend the following month in the Figi Islands. I know, I know....those people can't vote in our election. Maybe that is one of the changes that need to be made and I will certainly work on that when I am there spending your money.

EB, if you're going to be a candidate, you need answer questions about some of the issues plaguing our society. For example, what is your position on tuberculosis?

Now_Then, I appreciate your thoughts on uniforms and their importance! You have inspired me. If I am president, I will start a brand new police force on the federal level. It will be known as FUPS - Federal United Police Service. Some may end up calling them the Eff Ups, but that's okay. All police make mistakes. It's their ability to cover up their mistakes that makes for a solid unit. As your president, I'll make sure I have a solid unit.

Here's what I feel the uniforms should look like:



Those are some sharp uniforms, am I right? I think it's the caps. I, myself, am a cap guy. I love to wear all kinds of caps. They protect my bald spot from the sun. I mean, I could get heat stroke playing golf all day (on your dime) in the sun with my bald spot unprotected.

These uniforms are also friendly. These uniforms say, "Hey...we're the police and we're your friends." They don't say, "If I accidently kill you, I will bury you out in the desert." Of course, my officers will bury you in the desert if they accidently kill you, but at least the uniforms don't give that away.

reply to post by Beachcoma

EB, if you're going to be a candidate, you need answer questions about some of the issues plaguing our society. For example, what is your position on tuberculosis?

Beachcoma, nice to see you. Thanks for the donation by the way. This is an important question and I am glad you asked it. My position on Tuberculosis is that I stand as far away from it as I can.

Next question...

[edit on 15-11-2007 by Excitable_Boy]

E_B, who will be your replacement for director of the Ministry of Silly Walks? I can walk very silly. I would like to submit my application for this position forth with.

I almost for got; would it be possible for all female Federal officers to go topless at least once a week? Strictly to build up their immune system so they don't contract tuberculosis ,

[edit on 15-11-2007 by whaaa]

[edit on 15-11-2007 by whaaa]

I would be a perfect VP.

I don't know 5hit.

I'm not American.

I don't like the French.

I suffer from random sensibleness, and may on the off chance accidentally do something useful. (hmm that could back fire)

Also I've had many excellent experiences with Fillipino hookers and Thai lady boys.

MonKey - you know it makes no sense.

E_B, I know that it is a little early in your candidacy to bring this up, but I feel the sooner we address it the better.

The question of enemas. Will a Federal statute be in place so everyone even the poor can receive a federally approved enema at a proper enema station, whenever they feel one is called for? It's just not right that the only the wealthy can avail themselves of this needed service.

And should all animals in the Lower 48, be required to be painted or at least forced to wear a Tshirt. Animal nudity has become rampant of late and what do you per-pose to do about it?

Is it possible that you may have "bitten off more than you can chew" here?

[edit on 15-11-2007 by whaaa]

[edit on 15-11-2007 by whaaa]

EB, if you can speak coherently and dont need a monitor in your ear telling you what to say, YOU HAVE MY VOTE!!!


Its time for a change!

I'd vote for you EB, I would just like to see everyone healthy, be able to pay their bills and have the things they need and a few luxaries or at least able to rent a luxarie for a few moments. Thats not too much to ask for is it? If no one was broke, no one would have to beat some one out of something. I'm rutin for you man.

And another thing....

Are you going to be a GREEN supporter canidate? Where I live the sky is blue and it is becoming very tiresome, the same color day after day after day after day after day. Many red blooded Americans are sick of it.
Is planatery/solar system decor a concern? We all know that good taste is a burden and what do you perpose to alleviate this continuing problem that affects the middle class and a few homosexuals.

And let's face facts here; some people are just unattractive and stupid.
How can we as a nation continue to exist when this problem continues unabated with every passing day?

Are you going to continue to just gloss over these problems like the past administration or actually lead this country so sorely in need of reform?

And your choice of a monkey for a running mate; when will this trend ever end?

[edit on 15-11-2007 by whaaa]

[edit on 15-11-2007 by whaaa]

I know Mr. E_B that these are difficult questions; but don't you as a canidate for the highest office in the land have a responsibility to let the American taxpayer know exactly how you are going to dignify this proud position with the sanctioned corruption and lies.

We stand at the turning point in this era. Can we count on you to keep the media on the right track and keep us informed of Brittany, J_lo, Tupac, and the other proud Americans we have grown to know and love.

These are serious matters; we hope that you can sholder the responsibility and provide us with the leadership that we pay so dearly for.

I'm sorry, I'm starting to weep, I just cant help but wear my emotions on my sleeve in moments like this.

God Bless you Excitable Boy, thank you for giving us HOPE!!

[edit on 15-11-2007 by whaaa]

reply to post by whaaa

E_B, who will be your replacement for director of the Ministry of Silly Walks? I can walk very silly. I would like to submit my application for this position forth with.

Whaaa....I would be proud and happy to have you as my Director of the Ministry of Silly Walks. You need not submit an application. Regarding the topless thing.....that would not be politically correct and, therefore, I love the idea.

The question of enemas. Will a Federal statute be in place so everyone even the poor can receive a federally approved enema at a proper enema station, whenever they feel one is called for? It's just not right that the only the wealthy can avail themselves of this needed service.

I think it is a fantastic idea to have enema stations in every town and city. They will be similar to public pools and restrooms....oh so sanitary. We can then collect all the excreted waste and recycle it. Perhaps, use it for fertilizer or dump it in the driveways of the people we don't like. Like my neighbor across the street. He could use a pile of human feces in his driveway like anybody!

And should all animals in the Lower 48, be required to be painted or at least forced to wear a Tshirt. Animal nudity has become rampant of late and what do you per-pose to do about it?

I would like to address this question by ignoring it completely.

Is it possible that you may have "bitten off more than you can chew" here?

To quote Nietzche: "No."

I know Mr. E_B that these are difficult questions; but don't you as a canidate for the highest office in the land have a responsibility to let the American taxpayer know exactly how you are going to dignify this proud position with the sanctioned corruption and lies.

I mentioned earlier that I will handle my corruption with the utmost honesty and integrity.

We stand at the turning point in this era. Can we count on you to keep the media on the right track and keep us informed of Brittany, J_lo, Tupac, and the other proud Americans we have grown to know and love.

One of my first bills I will send to Congress will be that everyone on the planet needs to accept that Tupac is dead. No one will be allowed to discuss him in the media or anywhere and no clothing will be allowed to have his image on it any longer. Anyone caught violating this new law will be shot or worse.

God Bless you Excitable Boy, thank you for giving us HOPE!!

Don't forget: the more money you donate, the more hope I can give you!! Thank you for your donation by the way. I almost have enough for Ground Force One....my new Porsche.


[edit on 15-11-2007 by Excitable_Boy]