. . . cult of the drone . . .
On wonderful . . . now we'll have our very own ATS RELIGIOUS WAR . . .
The Cult of The Drone fanatics vs the
Petty soon the cultists will demand that we genuflect in the outline of the drone every time the drone is mentioned. For the uninitiated, this is a
standard genuflect except that one pauses where the arms of the cross, uhhh, cross . . . and make a circle with one's uhhhh . . . INDEX finger. A
splinter group has been known to use ANOTHER finger.
And, the more righteous fanatics of the Cult of The Drone will be found 6 times a day facing Silicone Valley and
Doing The Most Holy Drone Purification Twirl 3 times.
For the uninitiated, The Most Holy Drone Purification Twirl is performed by first facing Silicone Valley; genuflecting but this time, pausing to make
the circle at the cross of the cross bars 3 times. Then shuffle from left to right foot 3 times. Then twirl your whole body around 3 times. Appear to
hesitate . . . then kind of skitter off haltingly 3 steps. Then run as fast as you can for 30 yards. For the cubicle bound, a special dispensation has
been channeled from Chad The Drone Master--they need only run to the nearest water fountain or toilet--whichever is most needed at the time.
The last part can be a bit tricky for those not truly pure yet in the Drone's invisible purification waves. The last part is to simply stand still a
few seconds and disappear. A lack of a capacity to disappear properly has been known to put one on probation pending possible excommunication.
Cultists have been maligned that the above ritual is far too complicated even for ex-Roman Catholics. Chad The Drone Master has responded by
channeling an encyclical.
The encyclical clearly states that The Cult of The Drone is not meant for everyone. Only those of sufficient mental horse power with ADHD, ADD and OCD
(Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) need apply.
It has been rumored that nerds with pocket protectors are put on the fast track for Priesthood. This has not been verified, however. There have been
some folks observed with golden pocket protectors filled with gold Cross pens mumbling around in the Sequoia National Forest with styrofoam Drone
mock-ups around their necks.
It's been discerned that these are initiates for the Drone Priesthood.
They have been seen to do the Drone Purification Twirl every 666 feet wandering amongst the large trees.
Some even claim that a family of bigfeet have been known to watch this ritual for hours following the initiates through the woods and scratching their
collective furry heads.
The Forest Service has denied any knowledge of such goings on. Though one purported ranger did send an email to Linda Moulton Howe claiming that there
was a golden drone leading the initiates through the forest intermitently popping in and out of visibility. And when the initiates did their Dront
Purification Twirl, the actual Drone would brighten with an unearthly glow and shower gold dust down on the initiates.
Scuba Teddy and Dirty Harry in Washington are rumored to be planning a press conference to announce a 12 Billion dollar project to study the new cult
and determine how much Federal aid the cult might need. It has been suggested that the cult could get MORE money if they arranged an ecumunical
conference with the Jihadis. Others claim this was just bar talk as Scuba Teddy was trying to keep the doors locked and Dirty Harry in the limo
driving over a bridge nearest the 9/11 ground zero.
Of course, Duncan Hunter and Ron Paul are warning that this new Cult of The Drone will engulf all religions on the way to tyrannical globalism. The
Jihadi's are countering with screams of "OVER YOUR DEAD BODIES!"
And CNN, MSNBC, ABC, AND PARTICULARLY CBS are denying that anything is going on at all--even that there IS a Cult of The Drone.
Stay tuned. We promise to keep you updated whenever the farts build up too much and a passing Drone lights them off with a most uncomfortable zap from
one of those pointy protrusions.
. . . now to figure out how to uncurl my fingers from my cheek.
[edit on 27/7/2007 by BO XIAN]