Futile Enterprises Inc.

Incorporated is funny, right? I like that a lot. Put in a corpus.

I died 2013/14 I don't even remember anymore it was winter so sometime around that.
It is difficult because I constantly feel every ressource I consume is something I take away from somebody alive.

Before that I was pretty normal, I wrote songs, played guitar, and had opportunities to record my stuff and a couple of offers for stage time.
I always wanted to write books. Had a couple of really good stories and a potential publisher.
But then I died and that messed everything up.

I don't really know why I am still amongst you living folks and more often than not I wish I wouldn't be, but I don't have a choice. That's another thing I just can't do, along with so many other things others can - it's almost funny, in a very weird messed up sometimes painfully pitiful way.

All I got is hope that it has all some kind of meaning I haven't found yet.
So I wonder often what is it, that I am actually doing? It might be surprising to some but I actually constantly battle my ego. I am aware that if there was a vote who's the most arrogant and psychopathic ATSizen I would win - easy.
But I am really trying, it just makes me impatient when others aren't. But of course you people can't answer my questions.
It makes me happy to see at least some also trying to figure stuff out and not just go with what is convenient because it is there, the comfortable path trodden before a million times...

The Truth is a funny thing. Those who think they got it are always the ones the furthest away from any possibility to ever find a shred of it.
The Seekers are always the ones suffering, messed up and to more or less extent disfunctional in our society.
That is just how it is. Progress is not made by those who seek answers in the past, or who dedicate their life to swim with the school.
I don't want to be like you. I don't want to be one of you, or any group humans constructed.
In reality ATS is the most attachment to humans I can handle. I am still often trying to make sure that it is obvious to even the most casual reader and lurker I am not like the average ATSizen or like any one of you including the ones I like.

I am just trying to figure stuff out, for the heck of it. Because what it did, my death my experiences and my story is grinding away the dirt.
All of those things we know are at the root of all our issues but that are just so shiny we can't resist.
Fame, money, power, security, approval... what do you have left if you had to give all of that up?
But objectively philosophically if you want to look at morals it is just right: don't ask for more than what you need to survive. To do what humans are (on Earth) uniquely equipped to do: learn, think, make abstract interpretations of objective and subjective reality.
There is nothing harder than accepting that you have what you need. The ego always wants more.

But I think that is what makes us so awful, why humanity is such a big disappointment. The pupil always stayed below expectations because he got distracted by artificial gratification systems that are ultimately an illusion that will never fulfil the spiritual need that sometimes calls out to us through the mist.
To become one with God.
Where a lot of people have different interpretations to me that is the universe, the source of all love, life and intelligence.
Funny thing is that is basically impossible.

Because over and over you have to let go and rise above the peer pressure of what you should do, what others think is good and/or true and/or right.
Sure rules are important, civilisation can be a good thing and you can't have that without rules.
But frankly what I do and what I try to do puts me by default above all of you, every human, no matter who.
'Being nice' is extremely overrated. I value different things a lot more, like honesty, like making sure I did everything I can to point out why you should doubt the bias you want to believe, be that in politics, conspiracies, spirituality - doesn't matter. No matter how futile that is.

Accept that no matter what you want to believe it is a trap.
This is not a 'friendly game' it is designed so only those who are insane stubborn failures in the eyes of the world got a chance to maybe make it.
And even then the 'making it' won't give you personally any reward, it just means buying a little more time so others get the chance to see a glimpse of the truth too.

You can imagine how difficult this is for me who doesn't even like humans per se, I mean some are quite pleasant and interesting or funny but... you're really just a bunch of animals gone mad to me.


That was the most honest confession I can make, so hate away if that's how you feel about it, I really don't care.
Just maybe try a little harder to be a little more honest to yourself. The only way through is forward. Knowing what was before is helpful sometimes but it really shouldn't be the focus of your intention, because where your focus is, is where you're aiming at.
Truth is not living in the past. The only possible salvation is the future.

a reply to: Peeple

This is a rather brilliant soliloquy in justifying to yourself why its just fine to criticize all the members of ATS.


...yet you still don't feel good about it even though it's honest.


So weird, strange, vapid, serious and intense.

I think you may be dangerous to anyone with thin skin.


Well done.

a reply to: JinMI

ah well you should hear how I talk to myself if I # up, that'd make you appreciate how much I actually hold back when talking on ATS.

Dangerous, how? I never got that concept how words on a screen can be harmful?

originally posted by: Peeple
a reply to: JinMI
Dangerous, how? I never got that concept how words on a screen can be harmful?

Are you aware that the past decade exists?

Maybe you did die, otherwise you would know that words are violence these days ma'am!

a reply to: JinMI

See that's what I am talking about: human society is the prison, the mind trap. You can only be 'good' if you embrace directly opposite truths. ie on purpose adopt a schizophrenic mindset.
What we do is not working.
And being put off by it is really just the first step. It should be an incentive to figure out what a better way could be, but most just take it as excuse to hate the dumb.

I don't hate. I don't have enemies. I only see mind traps and people struggling caught up in it.
It just annoys me when the people (like you, networkdude and others) have so much more potential but get caught instead of the social norm trap in the pick your enemy trap.
It's a little better maybe but not good enough. You basically just exchange schizophrenia with paranoia.

a reply to: Peeple

See that's what I am talking about: human society is the prison, the mind trap. You can only be 'good' if you embrace directly opposite truths. ie on purpose adopt a schizophrenic mindset.
What we do is not working.
And being put off by it is really just the first step. It should be an incentive to figure out what a better way could be, but most just take it as excuse to hate the dumb.

I tend to follow a trail of facts that leads to a truth. While what I see of many is having a truth in search of supporting facts.

It just annoys me when the people (like you, networkdude and others) have so much more potential but get caught instead of the social norm trap in the pick your enemy trap.

Oh, this sounds juicy. Explain......

a reply to: JinMI

I won't you are just fishing for Ego-Treats here.

Keep asking yourself how you know your facts are facts. Doubt, be smarter, that's all I am saying.

I find all I have left in life now is to do the occassional kindness. Doesn't matter who or what it is.

If the devil himself grazed his knee, well, where did I put that box of bandaids . . .

It sounds like you are dealing with the black dog of depression. Why should we care when the global plan is to cull the herd? Why work our ass off just to see it burn? Some people are stuffed and better off with them not in your life, not everyone though, still some good people out there.

As with your hope for the future, it is an uncertain thing with so many forces at play. When hearing how bad it was for some of our ancestors to make it this far provides some motivation to keep pushing on. I don't know where it will all lead and eventually end. Till the next time the reaper comes calling, you are stuck with the rest of us. Till then, have your rant, use it or lose it.

a reply to: kwakakev

I don't think it is depression per se, I am actually doing pretty well at the moment, it swings sure - but that's what mood does at least in me.

This one wasn't a rant, more soul search the bottomless rabbit hole of why TF am I such a twisted mess.

originally posted by: Peeple
a reply to: JinMI

I won't you are just fishing for Ego-Treats here.

Keep asking yourself how you know your facts are facts. Doubt, be smarter, that's all I am saying.

Fair enough, but lets not pretend that's also exactly what you are doing.


You say be smarter, I don't know what that means from the clear roadmap I laid out.

a reply to: Peeple

You are not a twisted mess by any stretch of the imagination. I find your honesty refreshing. Wish I could be as honest. I just feel wounds if I harm others with words.

a reply to: JinMI

like as we talked on discord, remember? humanity and society got a lot of issues, riddles of the sphinx stuff, how many do you want?
or in less colourful words: why TF are you not solving my problems? (as in logic, maths stuff not personal)

lol


I don't need to doubt anymore I have arrived in a world view where everything outside my own perception is just a possibility.
Being smarter means accepting that absolute certainty is impossible, you can only approach it.
That's why it doesn't apply to me as much as it does to you.
You talk about facts in your 'roadmap' but the facts you base your views on are to me just hearsay.

a reply to: glend

I don't think I harm others with words. Harm means inflicting limitations, I am trying to do the opposite and actually think if people wouldn't be so fragile in getting their identity only from exterior sources it would benefit everybody.

It doesn't mean that I don't value your opinion if I disagree.
it is not me being mean just to hurt you if I question your thought process.
It is actually just me testing and weighing my ideas against yours so I can find the flaws in my process.

Thanks to being nice, we got all those issues with people who think they are what they are not. You don't get better if everybody always lies to you.
(You as in everybody)

IDK how much of your OP is meant to be artistic metaphor, but if it helps at all,
my current existence here is literally a Mandela Effect.

I was in a car crash in December of 2014, and my car was airborne. I was going over 100 MPH, and heading into a river.
I remember seeing my car's headlights shining through the murky winter water. Time seemed to stop.
I was thinking about what it all meant, if anything. Being here in the physical. Why did I come here?
And I realized I was so tired of people's egos hurting each other, and I wanted to fight ego and narcissism somehow.

I remember putting my hand out over the windshield and saying "No". My voice seemed loud to me somehow, even though I had wicked loud Industrial EDM music blasting at full volume. And I heard a LOUD BANG, and suddenly the right back fender collided with something, and the car spun wildly and rotated a full 270 degrees, and landed perfectly on the shoulder of the road, car totaled, every pane of glass broken, hood and trunk bashed down, but not a single injury on myself. Not even a scratch. See, all the car's momentum had been going straight into the river. I'd been 90 degrees from the road going straight into the water! It made zero sense from a physics perspective for all that inertia to transfer in that direction. I also attempted suicide with pills years before. Simply woke up 72 hours later. Another time, injected myself with enough fast acting and slow acting insulin to kill an elephant. Woke up 12 hours later with a minor headache. LOL. Anyway, I did find out the source of the car's inertia change. It was a tiny little sapling, less than a half inch in diameter. It left a perfect indent on the back fender, but had snapped completely in two. LOL.
I don't even think in real time half the time. It's all metaphors and memories and tangents and parables, and occasional precog visions (but I keep those at bay as much as I can).

Anyway. This is literally a simulation. The reason nothing in society makes sense, is because they aren't awake yet.
THEY BOUGHT IN to all the forms of religious thinking; all society's doctrines, and they are still believing it's all real.
That's why they don't see through the false dichotomies.
What works for me is to try not to take these people to heart. Don't join the battles. Don't buy in.
And ultimately, I don't think anything is wrong with you. Sounds like you're red pilled, or at least on your way!
IDK if there's anything for people like us to do. Maybe there isn't anything but to wait and see.
There are people who feel the way you do though, so just hang with them, and you won't feel as alone.
I only have 3 friends these days, but I kind of love it, because they're my tribe, ya know. Soul family.

It's literally a simulation, friend. It's only a ride. Maybe something will happen to make things more rational again if we just wait.
I remember some of my past lives now too. I found one of them on Ancestry.com. I'd written down a long list of details: birth and death year, father's name, my occupation, name of my first and second wife, my son's name, and even the fact that I'd boarded a boat to go back to Oxfordshire England for my father's funeral. I found my name on the New York Passenger list. Same year, same me. Same age. I was some carpenter in West Virginia, who's family emigrated from England. A few months after that ordeal, my uncle gave me an old upright piano, and inside it I found 2 tickets to a weekend retreat in West Virginia, one of which was dated September of 1867: my birth year. We ALL live MANY lives, and we're ALL old as dirt.
That's the secret we'll all have to learn, and just telling people usually won't work. They'll probably have to wake up on their own.
Just do what you can to be comfortable, and try to find pleasure and joy in whatever you can.

Cheers.



a reply to: Peeple

BTW, When I was "Ollie", my birthdate was Sept 1867: that's 9 of 1867, and my son in this life was born on 7-8- of 09.
Kinda seems like a sequence, doesn't it? 867, 789. I just kinda find that amusing.


a reply to: Peeple

a reply to: Peeple

more soul search the bottomless rabbit hole of why TF am I such a twisted mess.

Welcome to Earth. It's a complicated place. When getting into how this place works will do your head in at times. Been stuck in some dark and twisted places myself when going down those rabbit holes. Red pills suck, Black pills suck really bad.

Hang in there. Being such a complicated place it is not all bad news.

a reply to: Peeple

I value different things a lot more, like honesty, like making sure I did everything I can to point out why you should doubt the bias you want to believe, be that in politics, conspiracies, spirituality - doesn't matter

Perhaps you might want to considering your delivery method; 'There's honesty and there's brutality, but there's no such thing as brutal honesty'. You might try politely expressing your point of view, but that in no way makes you any more right than the person you're disagreeing with.

Those who think they got it are always the ones the furthest away from any possibility to ever find a shred of it.
The Seekers are always the ones suffering, messed up and to more or less extent dysfunctional in our society.

You're constantly telling people how wrong they are-like you've got it and nobody else does. My Pop used to tell us kids 'The whole world can't be wrong and only you right'. It honestly seems like you don't give any kind of polite consideration to the thoughts others have, like you've already convinced yourself all other opinions that differ from yours are invalid.

I am just trying to figure stuff out

We all are; that's why we're here.

But frankly what I do and what I try to do puts me by default above all of you, every human, no matter who.

You are no better than the lowest among us, nor any less than the greatest among us.

I value different things a lot more, like honesty, like making sure I did everything I can to point out why you should doubt the bias you want to believe, be that in politics, conspiracies, spirituality - doesn't matter.

Your 'truth' is yours and nobody else's. You can't force people to believe the way you do no matter how hard you try. Maybe if you quit trying to force your beliefs on others some of your frustrations would ease up a bit.

Psychologists say a dislike of others is actually an outward projection of how one feels about themselves. If there's any truth to that, it's a scary thought.

I can't imagine living my life despising everybody and everything. My wish for you is to find some peace of mind.

a reply to: nugget1

Aww
sorry I don't have to consider your feelings if I analyse what you said, because you the person behind what was said doesn't really matter to me.
I don't know you,I don't want to know you. I'm literally just interested in figuring 'it' out. It is not my fault that most of you are just so obviously wrong about pretty much everything I usually don't even talk to most - in case you haven't noticed.
If I tell you why and where you were wrong that means that again for a brief moment I saw a glimpse of hope that you might have the potential to do better than what you believe.

I never said I got it all figured out. It is really not my fault that most are just too stupid to actually challenge what I said when I point out how wrong they are and instead try to play the victim or shame me into 'being nice'.
That's not necessary. I barely ever attack anyone personally i always adresss what was said.
That is my focus and if you like me or not is not even on the horizon of what I think about.