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posted on Jun, 2 2005 @ 07:18 AM
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Originally posted by hak3r_13
Is stuttering a sympton of skitzophrenia, dotgov101? i didnt know that but ever since it started a lot of people have said i stutter more than i used too.


My illness affects different parts of my brain, including my speech. I am able to write quite well, but when it comes to speaking...I am usually silent now. I used to have outbursts when I would start yelling, but I was put on a new med to prevent it. It works really well...I can talk a bit better now. As for the stuttering...it came about about two years ago.

Symptoms vary from person to person. That is why it is difficult to diagnose.


are meds really worth it? it sounds like they have alot of bad sideffects and are there meds available for young teens such as me?


YES. I wish I had started my meds when I was a teenager. It would have saved me and my family a lot of heartache and money. There are side effects with all medications, but again, they vary from person to person. For me, I gained weight. Some people lose weight, but I gained it. But, the worst thing I can think of is the dry mouth. They're not "happy pills." They keep me from acting out on unpleasant thoughts.

The best thing you should do is ask your physician. If you are definitely diagnosed with schizophrenia, you should begin treatment immediately, as it will prevent it from getting worse.

Dot.




posted on Jun, 2 2005 @ 07:21 AM
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Originally posted by infinite

She thinks there is nothing wrong with me, she believes im just like anyone else. She thinks i am better now and dont need the meds, we are on a break, mainly due to the meds relaxing me so much that i spend all time in bed. She thinks im boring, but since ive stopped taking them, ive got my energy back.


Are you saying that you've quit taking the meds again? I thought you wrote earlier that life was easier to live when you are on them.

Confused.
Dot.



posted on Jun, 2 2005 @ 07:31 AM
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Originally posted by dotgov101
Are you saying that you've quit taking the meds again? I thought you wrote earlier that life was easier to live when you are on them.

Confused.
Dot.


Life is easier when taking them, but i dont want to loose my girlfriend over them.



posted on Jun, 2 2005 @ 07:41 AM
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the truth with skitzophrenia is that when u lose hope, u've lost the battle against it. i have a freind who is skitzophrenic as well (the only person beside me that i knew who was till now) and once she was going through a really stressful time and she lost all hope. She attempted to kill her self by overdoseing on prescription painkillers. . . she later told her boyfriend who called 911 . . . for anyone with skitzophrenia hope is everything and dont ever forget that becuase its the best weapon against it . . .



posted on Jun, 2 2005 @ 07:44 AM
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Originally posted by infinite
Life is easier when taking them, but i dont want to loose my girlfriend over them.


Is life easier with your girlfriend, or when you are on meds?

As you know by now, I'm Ms. TakeYourMeds... but I can't point fingers because I didn't take mine when I was 19, either. Can't she love you for who you are?

Dot.



posted on Jun, 2 2005 @ 07:51 AM
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in my case, with my girlfreind, it didnt have anything to do with love, my situation was putting to much stress on her and it was more than an always happy cheerleader could take, i geuss im just used to stress and sadness all my life, and its my understanding that her parents were pushing her to break up with me becuase of it, i think they confused skitzophrenia with multiple-personality disoreder or something like that that can lead to violence

[edit on 2-6-2005 by hak3r_13]



posted on Jun, 2 2005 @ 07:52 AM
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Originally posted by dotgov101
Is life easier with your girlfriend, or when you are on meds?

As you know by now, I'm Ms. TakeYourMeds... but I can't point fingers because I didn't take mine when I was 19, either. Can't she love you for who you are?

Dot.


Its not fair putting her under all this stress from my meds, she doesnt deserve to go through it.



posted on Jun, 2 2005 @ 07:54 AM
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isnt it worse without the meds becuase u r makin it sound like that its worse with the meds



posted on Jun, 2 2005 @ 07:57 AM
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Originally posted by hak3r_13
isnt it worse without the meds becuase u r makin it sound like that its worse with the meds


this is the first time, ive felt ok without taking them. Everything seems to be fine. At the end of the day, i want to be with my girlfriend and thats all that matters to me.



posted on Jun, 2 2005 @ 08:07 AM
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Required Reading

I just finished reading this entire thread, nonstop, from page one. I'm not sure what I can possibly say that means a damn thing.

I cried a lot. I'm crying now.

What makes us cry? The truth.

Harmonic Resonance

I have never been diagnosed as schizophrenic, and believe me, I have been thoroughly checked out. Not that long ago, in fact.

I am stridently reassured by more than one capable licensed practitioner that I am not insane, though I find that extremely difficult to believe more often than not.

But man oh man, I can so totally relate to what people are talking about here. I'm not sure you even want to know how much.

Suffice it to say for the time being that yes, I also have issues. A generous helping of them, indeed. If I am truly sane, then I have to believe that I am, at the very least, pushing the envelope.

It is rare for me to be at a loss for words, as anyone who reads my posts painfully knows.

But well, nothing I can think to say seems at all fitting.

Guess I can try.


Beauty Which Defies Definition

I just want you to know how overwhelming it is for me to witness the beauty which shines from within you.

It is stunning, blinding in its brilliance. You are the proof of our divinity.

Within you, I see the Creator looking back at me.

Are you afflicted? Most assuredly.

But with that curse comes the greatest of blessings.

Though you may feel “handicapped”, it is from within your soul that the most profound of possibilities can emerge.

You are the very fuel of Creation.

The One Word

We all are afflicted, each of us in our unique way. None of us is free of challenges or worry in our lives.

All of us suffer. All of us know love and terror.

But in your writings, one word comes back to me over and over, driven home with relentless repetition, clear as the shout which spawned totality, unmistakable, undeniable, as certain as the sun and the stars and the foundations of the universe.

That word is “courage”.

It flows from you like water from a stream, it is the mark of your greatness, the ultimate justification for all the suffering you endure.

You carry these seemingly impossible burdens because you can.

They are proof of the incredible strength of your spirit.

Why Darkness Can Driven Away

Do not despair. Hope will always be there, awaiting your embrace.

This is because you are the fountain of hope itself.

You are the light which shines radiantly upon all humankind.

No Language Is Sufficient

There is nothing I can say or write which is suited to express my feelings, and I bitterly regret it.

If it means any thing at all, I just want you to know that I am honored -- sincerely, deeply and eternally honored -- to count you among my brothers and sisters.

Thank you so very much for being who you are, and for having the courage to share yourselves with us.

There is no greater privilege you can bestow upon anyone.

Truly, you are the Light at the end of the tunnel.

Know that I would never lie to you about this.

Though I am so often blind to truth, I know this is true, and I tell you this with absolute unflinching honesty.

Thank you so very much for being you!



posted on Jun, 2 2005 @ 08:10 AM
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thank you for that post Majic

it was wonderful



posted on Jun, 2 2005 @ 08:16 AM
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Thank you, Majik, for taking the time to read this complex thread. And thank you, infinite, for your honesty.

I do believe I will re-read this thread....I'm so used to just responding to it.

Don't cry.

Dot.



posted on Jun, 2 2005 @ 08:22 AM
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Please, Don't Ditch Your Meds!


Originally posted by infinite
this is the first time, ive felt ok without taking them. Everything seems to be fine. At the end of the day, i want to be with my girlfriend and thats all that matters to me.

Please be careful. Sorry for the nagging, but here goes.

You already know that stopping your meds can lead to worse things than if you never took them.

I know they suck.

I hate talking about thing like this, but one of the things my psychiatric team and I tried over the years was pretty much every atypical antipsychotic available -- along with just about every other drug you've probably ever (or never) heard of.

My problem wasn't formal psychosis, but it was hoped that maybe we could get a handle on my mania with the sedative effects of the antipsychotics.

God, what utter hell they are!

To anyone who has never taken them, all I can say is that you have no freakin' idea how hard it is to function on them.

The drugs didn't work for me -- ultimately, nothing helped -- and I have been doing my best to cope ever since.

But I'm not schizophrenic. The meds may suck, but they can work for you.

From your posts, it seems to me like they help.

Believe me, I know all too well what hell the side effects can be. Nobody wants to go through life feeling like a zombie.

But I swear before God and everybody that if I had found a drug that helped me, even if it was Seroquel, which I hated, I would be taking it today.

I swear it.

I urge you to not rationalize why you shouldn't take your meds. You are deceiving yourself when you do this.

Your reasons may seem to make sense right now, but you know that you can fool yourself sometimes.

It's no reason to panic, I'm not trying to get on your case. Honest!


But really, the best thing you can do right now is summon all the courage you can and take that next dose.

You may think I'm trying to lie to you, but truly I am not.

It is very important to those who love you that you start taking your meds again.

Right now.

Please.



posted on Jun, 2 2005 @ 08:33 AM
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Not All Tears Are Tears Of Sorrow


Originally posted by dotgov101
Don't cry.

No, it's okay. It's the good kind of crying.

It's the way I cry when I hear a beautiful song, or see a beautiful painting, or read a beautiful poem, or walk outside on a beautiful spring day and look into the deep azure sky.

I'm not crying because I feel sorry for you. That really isn't it.

Sure you got problems. I do too. Lots of them, and really big ones, too.

But problems never make me cry.

I don't cry when I'm depressed. To be brutally honest, I don't cry at the misfortune of others either, and I know some folks may think me heartless for that.

Saline Litmus Test

What makes me cry? The truth.

And beauty is the truth, which is why I always cry when I behold it.

I never cry from pain, only when I witness beauty. Been that way as long as I can remember.

I'm crying because you truly are beautiful, and that's how I react to beautiful things.

I hope this doesn't seem too corny, or make you feel uncomfortable, but I really am just telling it like I feel it.

Honest.



posted on Jun, 2 2005 @ 11:27 AM
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Saline Litmus Test
What makes me cry? The truth.
And beauty is the truth, which is why I always cry when I behold it.
I never cry from pain, only when I witness beauty. Been that way as long as I can remember.
I'm crying because you truly are beautiful, and that's how I react to beautiful things.
I hope this doesn't seem too corny, or make you feel uncomfortable, but I really am just telling it like I feel it.

That was very poetic. Sorry, just wanted to lighten things up a bit by pointing that out.



posted on Jun, 2 2005 @ 11:37 AM
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I am sorry you have big problems, Majic. Big problems send me to the moon. . .

I am not uncomfortable with what you wrote. I do not understand that my illness makes me beautiful, but maybe it has something to do with why people in my life all of a sudden hug me sometimes when I say something,

or why a room grows silent and everyone begins to smile when I laugh. I rarely laugh, and when I do, it's LOUD.

I used to try to "act" like everyone else, but it was too large of a task. I gave up, and it was the most liberating feeling in the world. My friends and family let me be me. I'm lucky in that aspect.

Example. Right now I'm wearing actual bellydance pants from India, a hooded sweatshirt (with the hood tied around my head), one Nike sock, one Reebok sock, and a pair of rock-climbing shoes. I made a public appearance for two hours like this, and I don't care because I have bigger fish to fry.

Just like you, though my problems are most likely not as big as yours.

I feel restrained and liberated simultaneously. While I can barely speak now, I make up for it in other ways. I adapt. It may take me a little longer than everyone else, but I adapt.

Thank you for your kind words. I must admit that they gave me a head so big, the result was a migraine.

Grin.
Dot.



posted on Jun, 2 2005 @ 12:29 PM
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Natural Light


Originally posted by Tom Sawyer
That was very poetic. Sorry, just wanted to lighten things up a bit by pointing that out.

Hey, light is good!

Sorry, I didn't want to be so heavy, but well, sometimes I can be um, how you say in the English? Ah yes: strident.

Sometimes I wonder if I have Internet Tourette's Syndrome.


The truth is, life is a terminal illness, and there is no cure.

Knowing this, we might as well laugh, because the joke's on us.

But I believe, all in all, that it's a really good joke.


What Real Beauty Is


Originally posted by dotgov101
I am sorry you have big problems, Majic. Big problems send me to the moon. . .

I am not uncomfortable with what you wrote. I do not understand that my illness makes me beautiful, but maybe it has something to do with why people in my life all of a sudden hug me sometimes when I say something,

Your illness is not what makes you beautiful.

It is what is revealed of your inner self in the way you deal with it.

That's what is beautiful.

I'm sorry it makes you uncomfortable -- that is assuredly not my desire.

I know the feeling. I have been told the same thing by someone who can, as best I can tell, truly see my soul.

She says I have a beautiful soul, and my first response is to deny it.

But how can I call someone I love a liar?

It's not easy to say this, but I know she's right. I do have a beautiful soul!

Chain Of Evidence

My point is that you do too, and I can see it. It really comes out in your writing -- blatantly, I might add.

And while I'm not perfect in any way, I am not a liar (much), and I'm not lying about this.

This is not me trying to cheer you up and say “Oh boy, you're special! Isn't that special?”


No, this isn't some sanctimonious flattery bull#.

I really mean it.

Just Gotta Be Me


Originally posted by dotgov101
I used to try to "act" like everyone else, but it was too large of a task. I gave up, and it was the most liberating feeling in the world. My friends and family let me be me. I'm lucky in that aspect.

Example. Right now I'm wearing actual bellydance pants from India, a hooded sweatshirt (with the hood tied around my head), one Nike sock, one Reebok sock, and a pair of rock-climbing shoes. I made a public appearance for two hours like this, and I don't care because I have bigger fish to fry.

Excellent! I have to laugh.

Let's just say I'm something of a kindred spirit and not exactly the world's nattiest dresser -- and have some interesting “stylistic affectations” in terms of clothing choice. So to speak.

I prefer functional attire, which can, occasionally, be somewhat unorthodox in composition, and my past employers have made accommodations accordingly.

Not a big deal in the computer biz, anyway.


My Problem Can Beat Up Your Problem


Originally posted by dotgov101
Just like you, though my problems are most likely not as big as yours.

Dare I say it? Things are tough all over.

I look at some of the things my brothers and sisters around the world have to go through, and frankly, I have it pretty sweet. I used to have nightmares about some things, like Rwanda. They were disarmingly realistic and unforgettably unpleasant.

I know what evil looks like.

Trust me. It could be a lot worse for either of us.

The point is not if my problems are worse than yours, or yours worse than mine. The point is that all of us suffer -- no one escapes suffering in this life.

Not even people who “have it made”. I know a few. Believe me, everyone has issues.

True happiness is being happy with what you have.

So what if you're different? So what if you can't be like everyone else?

Do you really want to be like everyone else?

Guess what? We're a lot more alike than different.

But different enough to be interesting.

And the more different we are, the more interesting we are.


What A True Hero Is


Originally posted by dotgov101
I feel restrained and liberated simultaneously. While I can barely speak now, I make up for it in other ways. I adapt. It may take me a little longer than everyone else, but I adapt.

This is the means by which you achieve victory.

As you climb the limitless slope of Eternity, you can look down or you can look up. Look up.


A true hero is one who stands firm when all seems lost.

A true hero knows that there is always hope.

Never forget.

Litero-Encephalitis


Originally posted by dotgov101
Thank you for your kind words. I must admit that they gave me a head so big, the result was a migraine.

Sorry about the migraine -- but it ain't my fault, sister.


For what it's worth, I have major, major issues with being complimented, but I'm working on it.

My first impulse is to think “Liah! Pretendah! Flatterah! You mock me! The nuhhhhve!

But no, I really do things worthy of praise, and so do you.

When I compliment the beauty of your soul, I know you find it hard to accept.

My point is that denying your true beauty is the lie.

Be honest with yourself. It's not easy, but worth the strenuous effort.

Now if only I could do that...


But Seriously Folks...

Damn! Could this get any heavier? Mix in a little soap opera organ music and I think we have a wrap!


I guess a thread dedicated to schizophrenia (sheesh, I may be undiagnosed sz for all I know -- some serious parallels) will tend to get a bit heavy. It's a pretty heavy thing to have to deal with.

At the same time, we can have fun with this stuff. I may not be technically “schizo”, but I damn well know how it feels to be “special” and “not like the other kids”.

Not like the other kids? Damn straight!

I am much more fun to be around than they are.


Yours truly,

Majic “Gomez” Addams



“Nurse, fetch me an eggbeater at once!”

[edit on 6/2/2005 by Majic]



posted on Jun, 2 2005 @ 06:46 PM
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I'm quite surprised to have seen vitamins mentioned only once, so I'm posting this information to expand a little on that alternative.

The following points are from a book on chinese medicine, but I've rendered the ideas in my own words:

- the medical establishment resists the view that there is an inseperable connection between emotional disturbances and phsyiological pathology, although psychoneuroimmunology is a tentative step towards that view

- metabolic disorders and emotional disturbances can form a vicious cycle of self-sustaining dis-ease

- excessive anger, for example, damages the liver, which eventually results in a "depressed" liver, which in turn predisposes a person to more frequent outburts

(sidenote: it was recently found that the effects of "letting off steam" are not as healthy as is commonly believed)

- schizophrenia has been relegated to the psychiatrist's couch for DECADES, with absolutely NO therapeutic success

- schizophrenia has been successfully treated by a daily megadose of a single nutrient - niacin (B3) - with a recorded 80 percent cure rate

- a basic nutrional deficiency can impair brain function to the point of causing a severe imbalance in cerebral dynamics, provoking an extreme emotional response that disorts behaviour. No amount of psychoanalysis can ever unravel such a condition.

- niacin is *necessary* for healthy nervous system and brain function

CAUTION: Only a professionally trained and experienced physician would be able to determine the dosage that's right for the individual and if it's appropriate. For example, mega doses of niacin for borderline diabetics is not recommended.



posted on Jun, 3 2005 @ 04:07 AM
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Originally posted by Majic
The truth is, life is a terminal illness, and there is no cure.

That is the ultimate truth. I used to get really angry at people who would say, "I know how it feels to be like you..." The truth is is that everyone has felt this way in at least one point of their lives. I failed a personality test because the doctor administrating it told me to check off an item if I'd *ever* felt that way. yes. yes. yes. yes. yes. yes. yes.

Because I checked yes for every item, it was suggested that I was "faking." Then the team of doctors got into a huge debate, which was ended by my nurse saying that there's no way in ehell a patient could take the amount of Seroquel I am on and still stand upright.

Yes, Seroquel is awful for a few hours out of the day. Especially the "transition" period. I have to be alone as my world ends and yours begins. Sometimes the timing is late...the factors are endless as to when and why it sets in. I usually use the Cottonmouth Method. Ever see "Me, Myself, and Irene?" I laughed my ace off when Jim Carrey got cottonmouth.


Knowing this, we might as well laugh, because the joke's on us.But I believe, all in all, that it's a really good joke.
I try to laugh when I can. Sometimes it can be merely a look on someone's face. Or I will play tricks on people...or dream up ways of causing havoc in the workplace. I wanted to turn the ringers off the phones on April Fool's Day... but I was quickly talked out of that. Laughter is so important.

I'm not trying to steal from Corinthian's, but the greatest thing of all is love. It is so hard to show emotion, but as we see with infinite's writings, love is most important. Though I do not agree with his not taking meds , I understand how love comes first for him.

People Like Me (PLM's) have a difficult time expressing (and sometimes feeling) emotions. Love is so powerful. I know that without my family and my SO, I would feel like a nobody. I would not want to try living a purposeful life.

I would probably sign myself in.


I'm sorry it makes you uncomfortable -- that is assuredly not my desire.


I am not uncomfortable. It's one of those responses that most humans have. No I'm not, yes you are, no I'm not, yes you are...ad infinitum...


I know the feeling. I have been told the same thing by someone who can, as best I can tell, truly see my soul.She says I have a beautiful soul, and my first response is to deny it.


ahhahhh...again you are correct. we do share the same feelings and instincts.


It really comes out in your writing -- blatantly, I might add.

As it does for all of us. For some reason we all seem to express ourselves through writing better than we would In Real Life. How are you today, Megan? Oh, I'm Just Fine. Everything is Just Fine. That is how I express myself if/when speaking. Just Fine, Thank You. I wish I knew how we would all act if we were to run into each other. Would we speak to each other? I know I would give it my best shot.


“Oh boy, you're special! Isn't that special?”

The adjective I hear the most is "different than" I do this different than everyone else I do that different than anyone else. I talk different. Dress different. Present myself different. No one wants to say special, thank God. Just a bit different. Just a bit.


I prefer functional attire, which can, occasionally, be somewhat unorthodox in composition, and my past employers have made accommodations accordingly.
LOL. My employer does the same. When my hair was hot pink, when I wore customary Chinese shoes, the tatoo of Jesus on my arm that was cleverly hidden when I started...etc... they're all okay with it. I don't do it to "test" them. I just be me. I get strange looks on the street, but when people see my Cursed Purse they figure I'm wearing a new trend inspired by a pop star.


Dare I say it? Things are tough all over.I look at some of the things my brothers and sisters around the world have to go through, and frankly, I have it pretty sweet. I used to have nightmares about some things, like Rwanda. They were disarmingly realistic and unforgettably unpleasant....

____


I know what evil looks like. Trust me. It could be a lot worse for either of us.

Ditto on both. One of the things the doctors are trying to "deprogram" me is the fact that I believe in human demons. That they were born bad. That they can only be cured by death. It's the last statement that bugs The Team, but it's what I believe, so I state it. I've fallen into the hands of two. I barely made it out by the skin of my teeth.

And I don't mean men who did mean things. I mean people who are capable of unspeakable things. You'd think a psychiatrist would agree with that statement, as I am sure they have met a few, but for some reason they don't.


True happiness is being happy with what you have.So what if you're different? So what if you can't be like everyone else?Do you really want to be like everyone else? Guess what? We're a lot more alike than different.


I admit. I want to be like everyone else at times, but if I were, I wouldn't have the people in my life that I do. When I pretended to be like everyone else, I never knew who was a true friend and who wasn't. I believed in everyone. These days, I know the people in my life are my true friends.


I damn well know how it feels to be “special” and “not like the other kids”.Not like the other kids? Damn straight!I am much more fun to be around than they are.


Amen to that. Though everyone knows I can't attend due to various phobias, I get invited to all the parties, receptions, concerts, casinos, get-togethers, potlucks, picnics...and it isn't out of pity. It's because they're hoping that maybe, just maybe, I'll show up in a pair of bellydance pants and my omniopresent gray hoodie.

Thanks for writing. You are an enjoyable writer.
Dot.



posted on Jun, 3 2005 @ 10:27 AM
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Look Who's Talking


Originally posted by dotgov101
Thanks for writing. You are an enjoyable writer.
Dot.

Right back atcha.





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