My Irregularly Scheduled Program
Originally posted by dotgov101
You're lucky you have a timed schedule. Yesterday I was severely depressed, today I'm happy as a clam.
If only I was so lucky. One of the reasons I'm bipolar “not otherwise specified” is that there is no apparent rhyme or reason behind the timing
of my “cycles”.
About the only thing regular about them is that they usually have some distinction, such as “depressive” versus “manic”, but even that is not
always clear, since I have “mixed” phases as well.
Most of the time I'm fairly happy and easy to get along with, but sometimes I'm manic and have a really negative attitude. I call that “being
snippy”, and anyone who has followed my posts here knows what that can be like.
“The morning after”, I hate myself for being that way, but when I'm in that state of mind, I consider my rudeness perfectly reasonable. In fact,
I consider anything less than ruthless, strident vindictiveness to be immoral when I'm like that.
I'm working on it, but it is a difficult road, because my moods shift without my knowledge.
No matter how diligent I may be in trying to detect the changes, they always sneak up on me because they occur with no apparent causes and for no
I try to impose some meaning on my “cycles”, but is an arbitrary and ultimately fruitless exercise.
I tell myself I could be pulling out of this latest depressive phase, but the truth is that I may not be, and that it may go on for another two weeks.
Or a month, or several months, as it has before.
Thus my longstanding skepticism about making plans and predicting the future.
My future has always been impossible to predict.