What country should I go to?

a reply to: Stevenmonet

I could get a job tomorrow making $16-$18 an hour. My mind is like mush when I wake up. I'm in a fog for hours. I almost ran over 3 school kids one morning. Mornings are dark here in the winter. I didn't see them until they were inches from my bumper. I almost got in several accidents on my way to work.

I got laid off 3 times. It happens often in the auto industry. I was on unemployment. The state wouldn't help me out with medicaid because I had an income. I couldn't afford my medication and pay bills at the same time. Even without bills I still couldn't afford my medication. I was getting $1000 on unemployment and my medication cost $1200. I haven't even checked what it costs now. When I first started taking it it was $300. It just kept climbing over the years.

The stress of working and trying to hold my life together was making my illness flair up. Along with a job comes responsibilities. With responsibilities came stress. With stress my illness became unmanageable.

My mom has lung cancer and my grandmother Alzheimer's. They are the only two people I have to rely on. In 2 years they're gonna be gone and I'm going to be all alone in this world. I will have no one to fall back on. They were the ones that helped me when I was working. Soon I will have no support system.

I have a severe mental illness. I have a lot of insight into my illness. Most schizophrenics can't recognize they have the illness. I can because I'm stable. One set back of not getting my meds and I'm going to end up homeless in jail or best case scenario in a group living facility. I'd rather be independent. If I get sick 20 years of hard work to overcome this illness goes down the tubes. That along with no family or friends is a recipe for disaster.

I'm not dangerous now but I could be if I went full schizo. Not because I want to hurt people. When I'm full schizo I get paranoid. When I'm paranoid I think people are out to harm me. If I thought someone was going to harm me I might try to harm them first. When I'm full schizo if I feel threatened primal instincts kick in like a cornered animal.

I have no thoughts of harming myself or anyone else. But when I'm full schizo without medication I could become dangerous and that's what scares me the most about this illness. When I first got this illness I was having hallucinations and delusions. I was seeing and hearing things that didn't exist. I also had false beliefs that my step dad was out to harm me. I woke up one night having hallucinations in my sleep. I thought my step dad was putting subliminal messages in my head. I stood outside his bedroom with a butcher knife. I was contemplating killing him. What was going through my head was it's him or me.

I don't want to end up in that state of mind again. I get minor hallucinations and delusions now but my medication keeps it in check. I would never hurt anyone in my current frame of mind and I'd like to keep it that way.

Schizophrenics have a high propensity to ending up in prison or homeless. There have been studies on it. I've seen them on the streets around here. It's not where I want to end up.

I feel like the candle is burning at both ends. My support system of family members is falling apart and I'm worried I'm going to end up in a bug infested roach motel surrounded by drug addicts.

Glen gets no points for diplomacy but he's essentially right.

countries look out for their own interests. allowing someone who can't pay their way into their country does not benefit said country and isn't done.

the USA's immigration policy is a total deviation caused by stupid politics, not sound reason. the rest of the world does not so operate.

with the Cold War over political refugees are rare.
Europe started accepting Middle East refugees out of sympathy and is closing that door.

there just is no easy solution to your situation.

a reply to: wantsome

If you can go back to work man, go back to work. 16-18 dollars an hour is good money. I know people who would kill to make that much.

And I'm not trying to sound callous, but at some point we all feel alone. Some of us grew up alone since childhood.

I know you love your mother and grandmother, but focusing on them is probably at least somewhat preventing you from meeting new people. You gotta do stuff for yourself as well. You are your own person.

It's not because of schizophrenia. I've known many people with various mental hurdles, and the key to having friends and relationships is to not let something like schizophrenia be a reason to be alone.

originally posted by: glen200376
a reply to: wantsome

Why should some other countries tax payers support you?
I wouldn't be happy happy if my country let you stay here as a burden of the state.
You've no interest in coming to work and pay your own way and think a fake asylum claim will keep your sorry ass in a state that you think you deserve.
You moan about the amount of money America gives,that's GIVES you to live on calling it third world.
No country will have you and if you think they will then that's a delusion.

So much negativity and bad vibes coming from this post! Yuck!! You show no sympathy at all for the troubles that the OP is going thru. Your egoistic self is just concerned with the money that your country is going to pay ( (in the hypothetical case that is) to help this *one* fellow in pain.

He also noted that he's been a good worker while working. Being that you're not in America you don't know how things work here, when it comes to health coverage and mental problems. It's true that the state here decently helps the mentally sick people, but there are some corner cases when things go south for the said persons. The OP mentioned that he had to fight and ask for help in high places to have his assistance reinstated and he is sick of it already. You can't fight the state.

Also, we're not talking here of an avalanche of foreigners running your country over with their problems. The OP stated this problem from his personal perspective, nothing else and nowhere in his postings (I read it all) he specifically mentioned moving to your country. As for "no country will have him", that's something that you cannot be sure, so why bother?!

P.S. Karma is a bitch, when bad things happen, remember what you said here.

a reply to: wantsome

Wantsome, I sympathize with your sad situation you're in. As for what foreign country you could move, I'd say that in Europe is hard for everybody to get their papers right and now it might not be the right time, this extended "covid pandemic" and all. But just off the top of my head, have you thought about Iceland? It's a quiet little country that could fulfill your expectations. I have no clue about their requirements for an extended stay though. Somebody here mentioned Belize, it seems like a great option and I'd really consider it.

With all that said, I'd say for you to fight tooth and nail to stay here in the U.S. even though you're going thru a tough time. People in your condition that I know, are getting decent help from the state. Maybe moving to a more quiet state, not too crowded, somewhere Midwest, North Midwest, or anywhere else, where's plenty of outdoor activities and nice people. It'll do plenty good to your mental serenity.

I already said a prayer for you bro. Stay well and be hopeful!

originally posted by: miri2019
a reply to: wantsome

Wantsome, I sympathize with your sad situation you're in. As for what foreign country you could move, I'd say that in Europe is hard for everybody to get their papers right and now it might not be the right time, this extended "covid pandemic" and all. But just off the top of my head, have you thought about Iceland? It's a quiet little country that could fulfill your expectations. I have no clue about their requirements for an extended stay though. Somebody here mentioned Belize, it seems like a great option and I'd really consider it.

With all that said, I'd say for you to fight tooth and nail to stay here in the U.S. even though you're going thru a tough time. People in your condition that I know, are getting decent help from the state. Maybe moving to a more quiet state, not too crowded, somewhere Midwest, North Midwest, or anywhere else, where's plenty of outdoor activities and nice people. It'll do plenty good to your mental serenity.

I already said a prayer for you bro. Stay well and be hopeful!

Thanks yeah I've decided it's probably better to move somewhere else in my state. My local human services is over run with cases being close to Detroit. I feel like they screw with me every chance they get. I feel like my social worker has it out for me. I was thinking a smaller town with less people may be the way to go. I just hate leaving my doctor behind. He's been my doctor for 20 years and he's helped me through some tough times. It's difficult to find a good doctor. I've run across a couple of screwball doctors.

On a side note I quit smoking 2 months ago. I was straightening up the basement and came across 7 packs of cigarettes. I dove down to 8 mile where the homeless congregate. Some guy was holding a sign asking for help. I tossed a bag of smokes to him. Whether he smokes them sells them for drugs or food is up to him. He looked in the bag smiled and gave me a thumbs up. Thats just the type of person I am. I don't pass judgement on others because I haven't walked in their shoes.

a reply to: wantsome

My first consideration for making a decision like this is plumbing.

As in....

Do they have indoor plumbing?

originally posted by: carsforkids
a reply to: wantsome

My first consideration for making a decision like this is plumbing.

As in....

Do they have indoor plumbing?

Have you ever thought about becoming a comedian? You're pretty talented.

originally posted by: carsforkids
a reply to: wantsome

My first consideration for making a decision like this is plumbing.

As in....

Do they have indoor plumbing?

So its going to be tough on you when you leave the nest eh

a reply to: wantsome

You live near Detroit? Well, hell man. There's your problem. You should definitely move far, far away from there.

originally posted by: hopenotfeariswhatweneed

originally posted by: carsforkids
a reply to: wantsome

My first consideration for making a decision like this is plumbing.

As in....

Do they have indoor plumbing?

I've been out of nest. Easy for you to say. I'd trade shoes with you any day. Try walking in my shoes asshole. I didn't ask to get this illness.



So its going to be tough on you when you leave the nest eh

I've been out of nest. Easy for you to say. I'd trade shoes with you any day even if your IQ is 75. Try walking in my shoes asshole. I didn't ask to get this illness.

originally posted by: wantsome

originally posted by: hopenotfeariswhatweneed

originally posted by: carsforkids
a reply to: wantsome

My first consideration for making a decision like this is plumbing.

As in....

Do they have indoor plumbing?

I've been out of nest. Easy for you to say. I'd trade shoes with you any day. Try walking in my shoes asshole. I didn't ask to get this illness.



So its going to be tough on you when you leave the nest eh

I've been out of nest. Easy for you to say. I'd trade shoes with you any day even if your IQ is 75. Try walking in my shoes asshole. I didn't ask to get this illness.

You might want to retract that statement, I'm not having a go at you I'm having a go at the poster I replied to.

a reply to: wantsome

If you decide to go to another country, I hope you choose an English-speaking one (assuming you're not fluent in a second language). It's hard enough dealing with health issues in a country where you can communicate with those around you. I think a language barrier could be a formidable thing in a crisis.

I took four years of Spanish at the university, and I was still amazed at how different it was to be immersed in it and dealing with everyday issues compared to the classroom....let alone if I hadn't studied it.

a reply to: drussell41

I took four years of Spanish at the university, and I was still amazed at how different it was to be immersed in it and dealing with everyday issues compared to the classroom....let alone if I hadn't studied it

That's because the local slang can't be taught in a school, you have to learn it by living it during a dialogue.

a reply to: wantsome

As already said that's one of your problems, being near a big city, Detroit. Now as far as your doctor, I understand that, but have you considered that you can have remote online virtual sessions with him? Then again with some help from the Divine you can find another good doctor in your new place. Never loose hope!

And as far as moving overseas, let me repeat it again, nowadays the world is not the same anymore as it used to be. Stay here, this country has unlimited potentials, you never now what can be just around the corner. First thing first, if you're sick where you are, think about relocating to a more quiet place, then the rest follows. Best!

a reply to: wantsome

Not Canada. You can have all the points needed and they'll deny due to one disability much less many.

If you're the right age, the right schooling, the right amount of money in the bank, the right job and have the job lined up in the new country, you can move to new Zealand, Australia, the uk..... Don't do the EU though. The entire EU goes for the same job you have here and want there and the EU folk get first dibs.

There's Mexico, Cuba, Brazil, Serbia, Iran, Iraq, Arabia, Venezuela, Spain, South Korea, etc etc that you don't need points for.

a reply to: hopenotfeariswhatweneed

So its going to be tough on you when you leave the nest eh

You've seen what happens to birds when they don't learn to fly
first right?



a reply to: wantsome


Hey OP in my travels OTR the one place in the North where I was lucky
enough to spend a few days on a lay over. Had time to visit their pubs
on their little main street.

La Cross Wisconsin

The place is a beautiful little rail town and I doubt I could find better
people anywhere on the planet. The place I went to was called "The Pub".
And the owner of that bar also owned a taxi service. Every person in that
place acted like I'd known them for twenty years. and it could be just my
model of experience and not the rule. But I definitely want to get back up
there and see the owner again. He sat there and ripped with me the whole
night. And wouldn't let me walk back to my truck at bedtime. He called up
one of his cab drivers. Got his ass out of bed to come and give me ride.
So by the law of averages in my book. I'd bet the whole town is like that.

One to ten on the scale the people of La Cross for me get a solid ten.

a reply to: wantsome

Hugs to you.

After reading the entire thread, even I like that Montana town a poster mentioned. I hate winter and it does bad for my rheumatoid arthritis (stupid autoimmune diseases), but for 1600 a month and low cost of living? I'm ready to pack and go. I work a factory and I've topped out at $10 an hour. I take home 217 a week and I'm over it.

OP, I believe you have what it takes to get where you're supposed to be. I know what I said about the points system in my reply above. It broke MY heart because I'm usa and I'd give anything to move to new Zealand or aussie or Scotland.

But out of the max 85 to 129 points required (depending on the country), I literally have 15. I'm poor, college is forever taken from me, and ive no skills and not much in the bank or investing account. I'm 47.

I already know I'll work til I'm dead, but my hopes are happy because of that poster who told you about Montana (?) and I'd make more money at the grocery store than I do as a quality inspector.

I could have a gorgeous life and you can also.

Take that drive you have inside you that wanted to move Country and use it here. The USA is huge and has more beauty than most folk realize. You can 110% find your little spot of Heaven on Earth. If you have a vehicle, open a map, close your eyes and let the finger fall as it will on the USA. Hopefully it's a place that has precisely what you find to be peaceful, kind folk, low cost of living, plenty of smiles and laughter - and a huge permanent return of hope.

I have all the faith in you, op. And I'm proud of you. Many folks with medical issues tend to throw the towel in.

But you?

You have a strong drive to hold the towel and thwack anyone who tells you differently. Take and hold on to your drive. You're meant to be somewhere else in the USA. Where you're at now is a chapter in your life story that's ending. Time to head down the road, relax, and find your Zen.
Find your Home.

a reply to: wantsome

No. And you know what? You make an interesting point.

First, YOU are NOT useless! You just haven't found what you excel at yet.

Second, you sound like you've given up, that you have nothing else. I can't tell you how to feel, but from my perspective you are a person, and you have a value; you just need to try harder to find that value.

Third, I in no way think you should be a "human guinea pig". If you're smart enough to know what that is, then you should decide for yourself what tests you wish to undergo...or not.

You are a human being, and we all love you for that (I do anyway). No one wants to make you go away. We want you here. At the same time, you have to understand that taking a negative, can't do anything, attitude isn't helping your cause.

God's speed and the best of luck to you, but I don't think looking for another place is the right course of action.

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

See thats the thing you don't know what I've been through in life. My dad shot himself when I was 5. When I was in second grade my mom dated a man that would beat me when she wasn't around. I was getting punched by a grown man when I was 7. When I was 8 I was being sexually abused by an 18 year old neighbor. When I was 10 my mom married a heroin addict. When I was 14 my mom married a drunk with 3 kids that were screwed up in the head more then I was. I was living with 4 sociopaths. My goals were to joint the marines when I finished school to get away from it all. I used drugs as an escape during my teen years to cope with my home life. By the time I was 17 between the drugs and my living conditions were causing my mental state deteriorated. It think it's what triggered the schiz. I've been shot at. I've had someone hold a butcher knife to my throat. My household was a nightmare. I caught my step brother in bed with his sister. She threatened me that if I told anyone she would tell the police I raped her. It had me seriously freaked out and paranoid.

My step dad had a gun and threatened to shoot my mom when she was on the phone with my aunt. The cops arrested him because he wasn't suppose be in possession of a fire arm on probation. I had 3 month long hospital stays. I was drugged to the max with injections of Thorazine and Haldol. I couldn't tied my own shoes when I got out of the hospital.

I spent years trying to put the pieces of my life back together. Every day is a struggle for me. I wake up every day trying to find some sense of inner peace. I wake myself up crying in my sleep. I have nightmares every night. I've seen more messed up stuff in my life then most people have in 10 lifetimes.

I never told anyone or had anyone to talk to. I kept it bottled up inside me. Eventually I feel my own mind turned against me. When my mind turned against me it either manifested into schizophrenia or triggered it.

I'm good at a lot of stuff but unfortunately my illness is holding me back. If I were still working I'd be a master journeyman Sheet metal fabricator. I was good at it and I enjoyed it.

I miss working because it gave me a sense of purpose in life. I enjoyed the people I worked with and I made friends some of which I've known for 20 years.

I'm good at hiding my illness. I met a guy at the aquarium store he was the owner. I would go and talk to him for hours about fish. He told me one day his sister has schizophrenia. After knowing him for a year I told him I have it. He was blown away. He asked how I seemed so normal? 1 I learned to hide my illness 2 I take medication.

Every day is a struggle for me. All I want is peace in life. The wreckage of my past haunts me every day. I can function to a degree but any chance at a normal life is gone and it wasn't without trying.