Harvey Weinstein Has Me Thinking

originally posted by: Metallicus

originally posted by: fiverx313
thank you for sharing your stories. the more women come forward and say 'yes, this also happened to me', the less anyone can pretend it's not a problem.

Well it WAS a problem.

I am not sure it is one now. The '80s were a very different time.

OP, thanks for sharing your story.

It's still a problem.

Perhaps more so because some think it 'was' a problem and all is fixed now.

Ah, yes. First time harassed, aged 12, my grandmother's husband, (step-grandfather?) drunk, trying to make out with me on the sofa bed with my two younger cousins next to me. I tried to laugh a lot and make jokes so they wouldn't notice what was happening, I wasn't worried about myself so much as them.

Next time, a neighbor down the street said I could ride his pony. Went into the barn and he grabbed me, hugged me to him, and said the pony ride wouldn't be "free". Kissed me hard on the mouth, I remember garlic breath and alcohol, I was completely disgusted, ran, and never went back.

Forward to 16, my first job at a burger king, and being cornered in the walk in freezer by the manager. He grabbed me and tried to kiss me, I laughed and said I had to get to the cash register, but I was worried about my job after that.

I have more stories, no need to share. I was a pretty girl, not crazy beautiful, but attractive. I also lacked a lot of self esteem, something that men like this seem to have a radar for. I never told my parents about any of this, didn't think they would believe me. But, I saw men, and all men, as predators for a long time. This is partially because my father and stepfather were not the best at parenting, I can't deny that. But I have the love of a good man who I have been married to for 26 years, and he has helped me see men in a positive light.

I think when you meet some women who seem to see men in a very bad light, you should dig a little deeper, as there is usually a good reason. I am saddened that there are so many of these stories. Having a little strength in your soul helps you overcome, it is after all, up to you how you choose to let these events affect you.

a reply to: MRuss

It's typical for women/girls to be nice and polite, it doesn't need to be reinforced by anything. That's why I love to see all these strong assertive women/girls toys, clothes, characters in cartoons and movies. We shouldn't have to fear walking into an interview or rather out of an interview black listed or assaulted. We need to realize that we can black list too. Put people on blast on social media.

Getting honked and cat called at is scary. When it happens you instantly need to take in everything around you in case the guy decides a cat call isn't enough. I was punched in the face once for ignoring a whistle and groped by strangers and so called friends. My career was very woman dominated and I've never been interviewed by a man so I can't speak to what that must be like.

I get what MRuss is saying. For me, I was never raped and I think that made everything else okay in my mind. "At least I was never raped". But the rest really isn't okay either and it does alter you. Your next interview or walk down the street, ride on the bus will be more anxiety ridden, you'll spend way longer trying to figure out what to wear how to do your make up and hair differently, how to smile your best smile without accidentally smiling a flirty smile. You'll start trying to walk with less hip swaying. There's so many subtle ways this effects you.

originally posted by: Konduit
Just makes me wonder.

If a 6"3 hulked up mean lookin' muther#er like Terry Crews can get sexually assaulted and forced to take it with a smile and keep his mouth shut... who knows how deep this # goes.

Unfortunately, many men keep as quiet as women about this kind of activity.

The number of men that have been sexually harassed, abused, raped, and have kept quiet, is also startling. Men don't only not talk about it, but are often extremely reluctant to report the assault.

Maybe if more men spoke up, this problem would decrease faster.

originally posted by: NightSkyeB4Dawn

originally posted by: Konduit
Just makes me wonder.

If a 6"3 hulked up mean lookin' muther#er like Terry Crews can get sexually assaulted and forced to take it with a smile and keep his mouth shut... who knows how deep this # goes.

Unfortunately, many men keep as quiet as women about this kind of activity.

The number of men that have been sexually harassed, abused, raped, and have kept quiet, is also startling. Men don't only not talk about it, but are often extremely reluctant to report the assault.

Maybe if more men spoke up, this problem would decrease faster.

Men/boys report sexual assault on a minuscule scale. We really need to make it okay for them to come forward, somehow.

originally posted by: NightSkyeB4Dawn
a reply to: fiverx313
You would be shocked to find out how many people that have experienced some form of unwanted sexual advances, abuse, and rape.

A few years ago when I transferred into Forensic Nursing, I had no idea how important my services would be for both men and women. I primarily care for people from age 14 and up, but I am aware if the cases that involve infants, toddlers, and pre-teens.

The first time someone shared their story with me, outside of the job, I was a bit surprised. She knows what I do for a living, she was washing my hair when she just blurted out that she had been raped by her uncle's friend when he was 16 years old, and she had never told anyone about it.

That was the first of many individuals coming to me to free themselves of the events that happened years ago that they kept bottled up inside for years. You would be shocked to know how many men and women, old and young, that have been victims of sexual abuse, and have never uttered a word to anyone about it.

I am so blessed to have so many people that trust me to be their confidant. That trust me to listen to their story without judging or placing blame, and that they will allow me to comfort them and to provide the support they need.

The numbers are staggering, and like others that have posted before me, the shame belongs to those that knew and did nothing. We have known that power and money have made victims, particularly among children in Hollywood, for years. Victims have spoken up on numerous occasions, but nothing has changed and business will continue as usual, just like it did after Polanski and all the others. We feed the beast that feeds off our children. Disney, Nickelodeon, almost everything that Hollywood and the MSM produces is tainted and toxic. Yet we continue to worship them, we continue to bring them into our children's lives, and we bring them into our homes. It won't stop until we stop.

i wouldn't be shocked... thank you for sharing your stories also, though

originally posted by: TobyFlenderson
a reply to: MRuss

It's only harassment if the advances are unwelcome. It's the quandary of the single man. How do you know it will not be welcome until you try? This of course doesn't go for people in positions of power. For a boss to hit on an employee is harassment. I also think that it must work at least some times otherwise these clowns would develop a different strategy.

no offense, but i really hate this argument. weinstein knew his advances were unwelcome. these creeps know they're pushing someone who is reluctant or outright wants no part of it, and hoping to win by persuasion or wearing them down. if those are the tactics giving single men quandaries, then they are complete morons.

originally posted by: Kali74

originally posted by: NightSkyeB4Dawn

originally posted by: Konduit
Just makes me wonder.

If a 6"3 hulked up mean lookin' muther#er like Terry Crews can get sexually assaulted and forced to take it with a smile and keep his mouth shut... who knows how deep this # goes.

Unfortunately, many men keep as quiet as women about this kind of activity.

The number of men that have been sexually harassed, abused, raped, and have kept quiet, is also startling. Men don't only not talk about it, but are often extremely reluctant to report the assault.

Maybe if more men spoke up, this problem would decrease faster.

Men/boys report sexual assault on a minuscule scale. We really need to make it okay for them to come forward, somehow.

I think Terry Crews has made that extremely possible now.

originally posted by: Blue Shift
Oh, I've given up on that. It was difficult to begin with, and these days the risk to benefit ratio has made it too problematic.

"Come on, dude. Be a man!" Yeah, right.

you guys act like it's so amazingly difficult to use your words.

originally posted by: mazzroth
The problem is bigger than this, as a species we have moved on from just being born, eating, reproducing and dying. The reproducing part has turned into rape when you must consider that it was normal for probably 1 millions years of our evolution to actually rape to reproduce. Some men's minds are still wired for this and I don't have the answer except perhaps there is some use for those robot sex dolls after all.

dude, no. it's normal to poop in the woods and somehow we mostly use toilets just fine. i do not buy 'men are just wired for this'.

a reply to: Kali74
I am seeing an upswing in men and boys coming in for treatment, and prophylactic medications, but very few will report.

Treatment and counseling are available even if the victim chooses not to report the incident to law enforcement.

Oh! I have my share of harvey moments, but here's one that is special.

I am visiting my husband's aunt and her farmer husband and I have two young children I have to run after, as soon as I bend down he sticks his foot deep up my ass, in front of everyone. What the hell is that? Anyway, nobody laughed but him.

a reply to: fiverx313

I agree, but you know what? I listened to that audio yesterday, and a woman was saying "I don't want to go with you. Nooo. You made me uncomfortable yesterday. Nooo, I don't want to go", etc. etc. The exchange went on for several minutes. She was practically cooing "noooo".

How about "you need to keep your filthy hands off me, perv", you are barking up the wrong tree if you think I'm going to quietly let you molest me".

There is a way to say nooo, and then there is a way to say NO. Not that they don't both mean the same thing, they do, but one strictly means business. It's the "polite" thing again, getting in the way. You can't be subtle. You have to be direct, and firm. Even if you don't curse, Curse.

originally posted by: angeldoll
I agree, but you know what? I listened to that audio yesterday, and a woman was saying "I don't want to go with you. Nooo. You made me uncomfortable yesterday. Nooo, I don't want to go", etc. etc. The exchange went on for several minutes. She was practically cooing "noooo".

How about "you need to keep your filthy hands off me, perv", you are barking up the wrong tree if you think I'm going to quietly let you molest me".

There is a way to say nooo, and then there is a way to say NO. Not that they don't both mean the same thing, they do, but one strictly means business. It's the "polite" thing again, getting in the way. You can't be subtle. You have to be direct, and firm. Even if you don't curse, Curse.

i agree with you in general that it's best to be clear and firm, but that may be more difficult for some personalities who have been socialized to not put the man's ego on the line.

it's also definitely difficult in power differential situations where if you piss the guy off, he smashes your job... or your face.

women have been killed for refusing a man's advance... it happens.

a reply to: NightSkyeB4Dawn

I'd agree with that. But much of what the OP explains isn't physical touching. If you read the rest of my post, I agree with your second point as well.

a reply to: angeldoll

Even between co-workers? I know tons of people who have dated co-workers. I agree if it's boss and employee.

a reply to: fiverx313

Okay, but I'm not talking about murderers, okay?

I'm talking about serial molesters who use their positions to molest women.

If you are being actively raped by a stranger, that is a different matter indeed.

a reply to: fiverx313

Weinstein is a creep, no question. I was more addressing the OP.

originally posted by: TobyFlenderson
a reply to: angeldoll

Even between co-workers? I know tons of people who have dated co-workers. I agree if it's boss and employee.

Hey, I married my boss. But nothing happened at work, except some mild flirting with which I was receptive. He asked me out on a date, I went. Our relationship changed, and it was fine with me. I'm talking about when it's not fine.

originally posted by: InTheLight

originally posted by: Kali74

originally posted by: NightSkyeB4Dawn

originally posted by: Konduit
Just makes me wonder.

If a 6"3 hulked up mean lookin' muther#er like Terry Crews can get sexually assaulted and forced to take it with a smile and keep his mouth shut... who knows how deep this # goes.

Unfortunately, many men keep as quiet as women about this kind of activity.

The number of men that have been sexually harassed, abused, raped, and have kept quiet, is also startling. Men don't only not talk about it, but are often extremely reluctant to report the assault.

Maybe if more men spoke up, this problem would decrease faster.

Men/boys report sexual assault on a minuscule scale. We really need to make it okay for them to come forward, somehow.

I think Terry Crews has made that extremely possible now.

I really hope so.