I've lost my daughter.

originally posted by: bally001
a reply to: intrptr

Maybe because I've never had an addiction of sorts I don't understand.

Thats one aspect. Addiction to drugs may seem like the primary problem, often times its just a symptom. Most dddicts get high to forget, covering up pain behind some trauma they received while still very young. Often times they may have suppressed the memory of some childhood abuse. Either, physical, sexual, mental or all three.

Obviously shes trying to 'escape' something. Her environment, her past or her own inability to cope with 'real' life. Drugs are just the surface manifestation, the real problem lies beneath.

Once addicted the drugs become the problem of course, leading to worse problems, like jails, institutions and death. She 'sounds like' she has a full blown addiction to something. You can't 'rescue her' if she doesn't want to be rescued. You can't keep her from escaping. The hardest thing you'll have to cope with is the decision to let go of her, quit supporting her by giving her a place to stay. Tell her if she runs off again she can't come back. And if she stays she has to check into a drug rehab facility.

It presents you both wth a choice for her that includes getting professional help. Not saying you aren't good parents but drug addiction is something you say you aren't familiar with, you can't help her with that. It takes former addicts to help addicts.

Difficult choices I know. You can't keep going on like this, as long as you do she will too. You may have been in denial some to this point about the problem, now its a habit and harder to break. Shes still quite young, the sooner the better.

I'm sorry for you daughter and the family. You all will be in my prayers. I work as a psych nurse, and we just watched the video called Healing Neen. I don't know anything about your daughters history, but if she has any trauma issues in her past it could be affecting her decisions now. Drugs and that lifestyle are often a symptom of this issue. I would like to see more prisons and drug programs deal with the issues of underlying trauma.

Here's the short video on Neen. I have to give a warning that if you do have past trauma this video can trigger emotions. It did in me, but it was well worth the watch.

a reply to: intrptr

What a thoughtful and informative reply, very factual in my opinion.

I agree and as I stated in my previous posts, she may escape and return several times before the spell is broken and the addiction can be faced along with the cause.

She may be suppressing things (past traumas, etc) that her parents may not be able to fathom. She may never be able to tell them. They may have to face years of not knowing, never knowing.

Drug addiction (of all the addictions one can succumb to and sometimes there are many) is so scary for most parents
(I think) because they may not understand it. Escapism and addiction are such a dangerous and potentially deadly combination.

I, too, hope they find the professional help they need as it is very difficult (almost impossible) to be successful on one's own.

a reply to: bally001

You're daughter is in a prime mode to actually get some psych help. I would find one that deals with trauma therapy.

a reply to: bally001

Duplicate post

great video on kids in drugs and why

a reply to: TNMockingbird

I've been through that ringer. Nothing like a safe recovery environment with other same minded individuals to struggle through the withdrawal, become clean and maybe find the truth about oneself.

If only I'd had the chance to do that whilst still young... lots easier to break the bonds then. The longer the delay the more firmly entrenched the drug 'habit'.

I am not being flippant, but could you not find a way to get your daughter to meet you, maybe tell her you just want to give her some money for food and what not, then once she turns up get a third party to ring the police and say they have weapons, drugs, and possibly sex slaves, at the property in question, and then let the police burst in and scoop the occupants up, finding the drugs in the process and shutting the whole operation down?

I didn't catch your country of origin, but if it's the U.S, or any place the police are armed, you could say all manner of crazy stuff to get the police to turn up guns drawn and at the ready...they might even inadvertently execute the vermin.

They will grab the human garbage that have their grubby hands on your daugher and she'll either come home or go somewhere safer.

Practical solutions are needed.

Make the call and see what happens...and good luck.

a reply to: Godabove09

I appreciate the thought you've put into your reply.

Currently she is at home and the police have been notified. I guess policing is different here. For example, a 16 old is considered a ward of the state and has rights. In this context he/she or a 3rd party acting on her behalf can make anything up and have the matter before the court perhaps in an Apprehended Order restricting the parents or carers ability to contact the child.

The evidence in this case can be presumptive, not actually factual and even based on the child's feelings.

With regards having the police raid the place. The location I can complain about drugs, whatever but before the police undertake a raid there there has to be evidence, factual and signed declarations whereupon this is overseen by a high ranking officer before being placed before a chamber magistrate who may/may not issue a warrant to enter the premises.

So my daughter denies drugs and mum and dad are making all of this up. She is asked/advised to take out an 'Apprehended Order' restricting mum and dad's behavior and they are placed before the court. Mum and Dad may argue their case but as I've mentioned, hearsay evidence is accepted in these matters and the magistrate/judge can make a determination on the weight of the complaint and not the defense. I cannot even say I feel angry as that would add weight to an application of this sort.

I could go on but I hope this may have explained why it's hard to control those over the age of 16. The state police in Australia cannot undertake a raid on just my say so/words alone. We are not allowed to restrict my daughters behavior, just try and guide her in the right path.

Only took her to the pharmacist this morning as she has a severe throat infection. Another consequence of being under 'state' protection.

My kind regards,

bally

a reply to: intrptr

Thank you for your feelings in this matter. Conversely I feel very supported here with instructions such as yours and others.

She is at home again and I took her to the pharmacist for a severe throat infection she contracted while away.

After a verbal fight with her mother we still care, regardless of her not talking to us without some form of venom hence when she showed me her throat it was straight to the chemist for some immediate relief.

Kind regards,

bally

a reply to: UnifiedSerenity

Much appreciated. It was a good insight.

Cheers,

bally

a reply to: UnifiedSerenity

I have actually in the past offered to speak with my daughter when she has exhibited similar disorders. Anything. Now I want to approach her to seek some form of counselling or help.

I will wait until she is more communicative, amicable and make an appointment.

Kind regards,

bally

a reply to: TNMockingbird

You're a very thoughtful person TNM. My regards and thanks for your advice.

bally

a reply to: bally001

On a positive note , sort of , at least if she is unwell she might not be so much of a flight risk . Hopefully she realises that the people in the place she was staying might not have been sympathetic . One can only hope .

Still here and keeping an eye on this thread. Still wishing for the best for your Daughter and your family!

a reply to: bally001

Best wishes resolving 'her' problem for her.

a reply to: TNMockingbird
Very well said. Hopefully the parents re read that as many times as it takes to sink in.

Addiction cycles are difficult to break, but the highest priority before any recovery can begin.

Parents are in a difficult spot. They feel guilty because on some level they blame themselves and desperately struggle to fix it. They are out of their league and should seek outside help.

a reply to: Night Star

Thanks night star,

Bit more talkative this morning. Made her lunch, made sure she took some medication for her throat and she's on her way to school on the bus with her younger brother. I wanted to talk to her last night but she was non committal. Didn't push it.

regards for your concern.

bally

a reply to: intrptr

Regards for your thoughts,

As in my reply Nightstar, seems settled.

See what happens when the weekend approaches. Another concern I do have is that if she organises another lift and or drop off late at night or early hours and the driver is affected by alcohol/drugs there is a higher risk of an accident due to the narrow winding gravel road, many kangaroos and forest trees along the sides.

I'll keep an eye on it and ring the police directly if she is missing. Will also wait at the gate for her to return all hours. Gets the specs of the vehicle and hopefully get to talk to the driver. I'll have an idea from where we live as to the direction the driver goes and hopefully the police may catch the driver upon return to the main town. 45 minutes drive.

bally

a reply to: hutch622

Yeah Hutch, that is a thought I've had but I worry if she needs to return for whatever, once shes over her illness and injury to her ankle (which seems much better now) she may take off again.

I have found out it isn't a guy who is at the helm of her need to leave home. It's a young lass with a group of guys and girls who keeps contacting her and seems to organise her lifts.

Getting my head around it.

bally