I've lost my daughter.

a reply to: bally001

When we open ourselves up so much in a public arena sometimes others are unable to fully consider what we are trying to convey, much like what I am typing now. Our thoughts and innermost feelings can be translated but, only as much as the receiver can comprehend from their own life experiences (my opinion only) and couple that with personalities and delivery methods and well, I'm hoping you understand what I'm getting at.
Occasionally responses may seem harsh and that may not be what we are needing at that moment.
People come about things in their own time, you and your daughter included and it sounds as if you are doing all that you can and so is she.

Stay the course.

Without getting all spiritual on you...folks thought I was lost for some years. I think I just took a different path for awhile. I certainly didn't think I was unretrievable and couldn't fathom sometimes what everyone else's problem was. Looking back now I believe it was to make me a stronger woman, for all of the trials that I would face later, to be a better mom to the daughters I had yet to have but were destined to be born. There's some saying about folks we meet and experiences we have being lessons. I sort of believe that. This may be her lesson, and yours...

I may be wrong and although the words may have been harsh from the poster above, I took it as an attempt to bring you strength. It just may not reflect your situation properly or be what you were/are needing at the moment.

Perhaps a different way to look at it.

Either way, I'm still thinking positive thoughts for you and your family. I'm glad that you continue to check in, for what that's worth and I am still hoping for a good outcome. Stay aware that it could take much time and there will be rocky roads. It will be worth it in the end for both of you. No matter the outcome, live with no regrets.

We're here.

originally posted by: WeAreAWAKE

originally posted by: bally001
G'day, sad day for me. Simply put, my youngest lady out of 7 children has decided to live within a house where drugs, meth, acid, coke and smoke are dealt from.

She is only 16. I have sincerely asked her siblings to contact her and come to her senses before she is entirely lost. But reality tends to lend itself to my senses that she is gone. Sadly it is like a death to me and her mother and siblings. No contact and of course authorities say that she is over 16 and has the right to choose her life.

As a father I feel I have failed. My spouse (mother) feels the same. Dammit@!!! I hate this feeling. So I have quickly,,,penciled a verse to get it off my chest and post it here to my ATS family.

"Hi! 16 and my life is wasted.
Only 16 years and the drugs have won.
What I was given and tasted,
means my happy life is gone.

I hate my mum
and despise my dad,
My sisters are worthless pieces of crap
and my brothers are simply maple sap.

See you, you, you stupid stupid parents,
No more useless tyrants.
I went my own ways, always, you are to blame you pricks.
Call me priceless, instead of princess.

You, you useless grownup,
Fancy telling me what to do,
Makes me,
want to throw up.

"f" you.
hate you.
You effn "Cs"
It's your fault I'm dying,
Soon I'll be flying.

My choice,
My voice,
hate you lot,
now I've lost my young life.
Wear these colors with pride,
It'll be all you got.

Kind regards,

rather sad presently,

bally and partner.

Feel free to ignore me if you wish, and this is going to sound a bit rude to begin with...but...what kind of Father are you to give up on your Daughter that easily? Simply put...how dare you!

I have two Daughters in their late teens, one of which spent a year in a "bad place" and I had to deal with pretty much the same thing you are describing. But no matter what she decides, no matter what she is doing...she is your Daughter! You are not ALLOWED to give up on her. I don't care if she is selling her body, telling you she wants you dead or is cursing God...YOU are her Father and YOU MUST be there for her always and forever.

Because...there will come a day where she needs you and if you aren't there, then you will be the cause of her demise. You Fathered her...now Father her. THAT is your responsibility and it doesn't matter how hard it may be...you must be there for her. If her actions are hurting your family...fine. Distance your family from her but don't you dare...ever, write her off.

Look, she may go to her grave without asking you for anything...she may spend every waking moment hating you...she may spend every day causing you pain. But allowing her to throw herself away, deciding you won't be there for her...someday...is worse than killing her. I know your pain...I'VE BEEN THERE. I know how it eats away at your soul. TOUGH CRAP! It is your job, your Daughter and only YOU can be there for her at that one moment...maybe that one second when she decides that her choices may be wrong and reaches out....unless there is no one to reach out to. THAT is why you must be there...for that one second of contemplation tomorrow, or years from now.

Your Daughter is falling...be there to catch her by being there, forever.

Mate,,., I will always be there for my daughter. I'm expressing my grief, sorry and apologies if you have taken it the wrong way,

bally

a reply to: TNMockingbird

Whoa, you express what I am. Except i respect and will answer to someone who perhaps may have the wrong idea about where I am in my hurt.

I love my young lady. She can hurt me all she wants. I am impervious to that. She is nothing but a 'kid'. If persay she was 25 or older I would have to adjust my feelings.

My beautiful young lady needs to mature. I and her lovely mother have tried our best. If she doesn't respond then it can be conceived it is her choice. But, we still have a guilt feeling. (where did we fail)

And some may say, "it's not your fault" but my young lady is an individual and regardless of our love towards her we accept that.

I wish for her she might simply accept guidance until she matures.

Finding it hard. Wish there was no internet. (haha),

This weekend will see her ability to deny influences,

but in this respect I will be ready.

kind regards,

bally

originally posted by: TNMockingbird
a reply to: bally001

When we open ourselves up so much in a public arena sometimes others are unable to fully consider what we are trying to convey, much like what I am typing now. Our thoughts and innermost feelings can be translated but, only as much as the receiver can comprehend from their own life experiences (my opinion only) and couple that with personalities and delivery methods and well, I'm hoping you understand what I'm getting at.
Occasionally responses may seem harsh and that may not be what we are needing at that moment.
People come about things in their own time, you and your daughter included and it sounds as if you are doing all that you can and so is she.

Stay the course.

Without getting all spiritual on you...folks thought I was lost for some years. I think I just took a different path for awhile. I certainly didn't think I was unretrievable and couldn't fathom sometimes what everyone else's problem was. Looking back now I believe it was to make me a stronger woman, for all of the trials that I would face later, to be a better mom to the daughters I had yet to have but were destined to be born. There's some saying about folks we meet and experiences we have being lessons. I sort of believe that. This may be her lesson, and yours...

I may be wrong and although the words may have been harsh from the poster above, I took it as an attempt to bring you strength. It just may not reflect your situation properly or be what you were/are needing at the moment.

Perhaps a different way to look at it.

Either way, I'm still thinking positive thoughts for you and your family. I'm glad that you continue to check in, for what that's worth and I am still hoping for a good outcome. Stay aware that it could take much time and there will be rocky roads. It will be worth it in the end for both of you. No matter the outcome, live with no regrets.

We're here.

And I know you are there for me and my family. Gives me an extra kevlar skin.

Cheers as always,

bally

Hi to all following this thread. My young lady is at home albeit has a virus and a minor injury. She is being polite now "daddy". Sorry but i have some indifferent feelings after seeing her mother sob.

We have the weekend coming up. I have anxiety that she will slip out. I will be there this time.

I have seen some posts here in the discussion where perhaps I am not doing the right thing. I respect this because we come from all walks of life's experiences.

I wish to say I regard all posts on this thread with absolute sincerity. While I find it difficult to answer some posters, I do regard any input as an integral part of assisting in solving my dilemma. I really do.

I am trying my absolute best to assist my lovely daughter. She has always been my favorite. Perhaps that was my mistake and if i could i would amend that course. In short, out of all my 7 children who call me 'dad;, this lovely lady calls me 'daddy'. Always has and still does. Very, very hard for me to accept what is happening in her life.

I can only assist her in doing the right thing.

We have experiences in our lives that have a bearing on our future. I trust this lady will experience these moments in her growing up and use them to enhance her growth towards maturity,

We will support her but I can't at this juncture support drugs Sorry, but that is the line in the sand. I have planned lately to annul this but I apologise if I pussy about. I need to do it with the best intentions and legally.

Then, I can create another thread, "I have my daughter back". Could be a good lesson.

I forward my regards to those who have followed and replied,

bally

a reply to: WeAreAWAKE

I never ignore anyone my friend. I take your advice.

kind regards,

bally

a reply to: bally001

Then, I can create another thread, "I have my daughter back". Could be a good lesson.

Looking forward to that thread .

a reply to: hutch622

Thanks mate. I'm all over the place at present. Can't focus on perspective. Hence apologies'

I want to see from you a thread titled "How I caught crabs in South Australia".

bally

a reply to: bally001



Soon hopefully . And this time hopefully i wont get bitten .

a reply to: hutch622

Crikey!!! you must have a huge pubis bush!

bally

a reply to: bally001

Just one i flicked out . lol

a reply to: hutch622

Lol, cheers mate, I need a laugh. I'd eat/swallow that.

Coming your way. SA it is except a win in cricket.

bally

a reply to: bally001

Glad to know shes at least safe at the moment.

I wish you every possible success in whatever follows!

a reply to: TrueBrit

Thanks,

Doing all we can.

16 old is difficult for all of us especially the young woman,

bally

a reply to: bally001

You're not getting it. Your struggle with your daughter is not with her, its with the drugs.

An addict is no longer in the driving seat, just along for the ride. If that makes any sense. The addict is in the passenger seat being driven where the drugs take them. As long as shes hooked she will find a way to get away and go use.

Its not her that is behaving this way its her under the influence.

I can't recommend this strongly enough, you need to seek outside help that understands the addict and addiction cycle, otherwise and I say this carefully, you are just aiding and abetting the continuation of the abuse cycle. It can only get worse if you keep on this path of rescuing her.

Until and unless she willingly submits to her own treatment and recovery she will not stop. You have to have what they call a drug intervention, there are agencies here in the states, Narcotics Anonymous and Alanon, for loved ones who are trying to help family members. I don't know what the equivalent is there where you are.

Just swallow your pride, demonstrate you love and take it to the next step. Call them up, admit you're powerless and ask for advice. They will now exactly what steps to take.

a reply to: intrptr

Cheers. I am doing what I can at present. I know what you are saying.

bally

a reply to: bally001

You haven't lost her.

Remember, you're at war with a drug.

You are exactly where you are supposed to be right now. This is a common occurrence, so many going through the exact same thing, there are people who can help. Don't isolate yourself, trying to win the battle alone.

google search, scroll down for australian resources

a reply to: bally001

I appreciate your point about obtainin warrants, placing the residence under surveillance etc...that is correct in the sense of a tip off.

I was suggesting a call that implies an imminent threat, one as outlandish as possible, which would see the police arrive in numbers, and hopefully see the drug paraphernalia a which would then enable a full search.

Even if they didn't find any drugs lying the heat would force amy rational person to move on quick or stop their illegal activities.

I know it isn't necessarily a practical solution, I just wanted to add my twopence worth and offer a supportive message.

Whatever the situation, and it seems from some newer posts things improved (maybe?) or at the very least didn't decline further, I wish you luck.

It is a very special and incalculable pain one feels when their child is involved...best wishes.

a reply to: bally001

We will support her but I can't at this juncture support drugs Sorry, but that is the line in the sand. I have planned lately to annul this but I apologise if I pussy about. I need to do it with the best intentions and legally.

Why Intelligent People use more Drugs

You're making a mountain out of a mole hill.

The stigma associated with all chemicals that have been placed under the umbrella of "drugs" is ridiculous. You can't claim that THC, dimethyltryptamine, lysergic acid diethylamide, and heroine are all the same thing. It's like comparing sugar, salt, and bleach and acting like they're equally dangerous.

Humans are chemical beings. Many of these chemicals are going to be absolutely necessary to us, as scientific knowledge grows, and new insights into consciousness require tools for exploration.

Education is key.

Your daughter has autonomy. She has the right to make her own choices to learn and grow. Humans can't learn and grow with overly-stifling parents sticking them inside a box "for their own good." On the one hand are the parents who simply ignore their kids, and then their is the opposite extreme--those parents who make their children dependent upon them. Both extremes are negative. There is balance in the middle.

Personally, I would ignore the posters telling you to run to the Police. That is the world-view of small-minded, authoritarian soccer moms with low intelligence.

a reply to: bally001
I hope that things are continuing on a positive path for you Bally. Still sending you positive thoughts and prayers. This will be a long fight I'm afraid but each day that she is down the hall in bed is a small battle won.