Staying in the Light

a reply to: Kandinsky

I don't know if I have ADD or what's wrong with me, but I never stay down or up for a very long time.
All I wanted to point out is rage has its right to exist too and if you force yourself to stay happy and positive all the time it can be just as damaging.
Go with the flow, balance is a thin line... You know what I mean

a reply to: SLAYER69


What a refreshing post.

A few years ago I had lost my job of 8 years, my car was snatched back, my home was being repossessed, I was being evicted and faced homelessness. I struggled to find another job, being in my mid to late 50's I found that employers tended to favour the younger and fitter applicants. Having no car meant I was limited in my job searches, public transport is so expensive. I tried so hard for months to keep my home, the stress and anxious sleepless nights ground me down so far I could barely function. The strain was so bad I even considered suicide to escape it, that's how utterly unbearable it became and I couldn't see any other way to relieve it.

The absolute despair I was in became a turning point for me. It happened in a click of a finger. I resigned myself to accepting that whatever happens to me it can't be any more stressful than it is right now, I mean, what's worse than contemplating suicide, right? I've lived through some of the worst months of my life and i'm still here. I looked around me at my home and the things in it and suddenly saw it all differently.

I saw just 'stuff'. Inanimate, meaningless, unimportant, different shaped 'stuff'. And 'stuff' had led me to this point in my life - to the brink of suicide. How? Why?

Because I let it.

My attitude changed in a New York minute. Screw the house, they can have it. Screw them. Screw this. Screw that. Screw it all. I don't need 'stuff' to live. I don't 'need' to actually own the roof over my head. None of that had made my life better, just worry every month the mortgage was due, upkeep and maintenance etc. It brought me to my knees, in every sense. Truly.



The decision to stop hanging on to what is just 'stuff' lifted the weight of the world off my shoulders. I felt what was like rays of sunshine inside me. They can take my stuff but they can't take my life. If I have no 'stuff' then no-one can try to control me or make my life a misery with it. It caused more pain trying to hold on to possessions, and I found letting go brought relief.

Now? I have no job and not particularly worried about it. I don't claim benefits, I don't want them. I do a bit of crafting and sell it to cover my frugal living costs, no profits. I rent a small 1 bedroom house. Having nothing more than I 'need' means i'm not always frantically chasing the next quid just to keep a hold on 'stuff'. I earn only what I need when I need it, no more. I have time for walks in the woods. I appreciate the rain and the grass and the weeds and the critters that crawl amongst them, all gathering only what they need to live and nothing more. They're 'free', they don't own stuff either.

Yesterday has gone never to be seen again, tomorrow isn't here yet and never will be, so live for now. Hanging on to 'stuff', or the past, or grudges, often does more harm than letting go.

My love to you all. Sincerely.

a reply to: SLAYER69

Hey there, Howdy Slayer. Great Thread! This from You, "Today, I choose to stay in the light, The Past, I cannot change but learn from, The Future, is a fantasy that I can only imagine and make some plans for but it's not real yet, It's the present I have control over and so today I say

I love you.

Today, is a good day to live....." is Beautiful. I Love You too My ATS Brother. I Love all People, to different degree's sure, But Love none the less.

I am layed back and don't hold grudges. I too thought, a long time ago, that life is way too short to hold on to fuel for arguments. Such a waste of time, and emotions.

As I am only Human, there may be a thing or two that I have not forgotten about where someone has slighted Me, but I don't think of it to the point that I get riled up. Well not too riled up anyway...

Anymore I think that the only things that piss Me off, are how the elite are given passes to crimes that Me or You would have been tried, found guilty, and imprisoned for. THAT pisses Me off...

to The Light!!! Syx

originally posted by: SLAYER69
a reply to: Peeple

In order to truly appreciate a 'High" one would have to know how bad a 'Low' could be?

Everyones bottom is different.

What difference does it make how the lesson is learned as long as the change is made?

Everyone's high is even more different.

I look for a high that is clearly far beyond what you are satisfied with....therefore I do not take delight in trying to love every little thing around and see the good in all, all of the time.

This place is deliberate , controlled, and arranged, all extremely limited forms of love, and light.

The light, is just another part of the shadows.

a reply to: ParasuvO

That's pretty assumptive of some here to assume they know what highs and lows some have had in their lives. Which is really quite sad considering what the topic of this thread was truly about and that was one, me, sharing some thoughts and how I had make a choice in my life on how to handle from now on certain aspect I no longer feel for me, no one else, just for me, were not going to dominate or dictate my behaviors as they had in the past.


There was no preaching to others on how they should feel, act, react or interact. i was speaking for myself, no one else.


But feel free to sit there and judge another persons life, one which you haven't lived nor have had my shared experiences both high and low.

I'll take the higher road and sty in the light

a reply to: SLAYER69

What about the anger you have towards someone who is physically, emotionally, & and mentally harming your child?

My daughter is 24 and is in an abusive relationship. He has beat her up 3 times that we know of, as I'm sure there are many more times that we're not aware of.

I hate this guy. I realize she's making the choice to stay with him, which is also very frustrating.

But you just can't live this human experience without feeling anger. It's part of the human condition.
I can't feel any type of compassion or understanding towards this jerk.

All this forgive, have empathy, compassion, & love is just not realistic.

It's a nice thought, truly it is, but just not realistic as long as evil exists.

a reply to: Mjab6910

I appreciate what you've shared.

This isn't about "not getting angry" it's about what to do with anger and resentments that no longer serve a purpose. If someone were to hurt my child, I'd throttle them accordingly, But, I don't want to let that anger and resentment fester and eat at me for 20 or 30 years after the fact.

Learning how to dispense with it after it has served it's purpose, not let it eat at me. Many resentments people have are based delusional self absorbed creations from ones own ego and pride.

If people want to be anger and resentful, then by all means feel free to do so, No one is threatening to take away their self inflected anguish and suffering from holding onto anger and resentments.

Enjoy.

originally posted by: Mjab6910
All this forgive, have empathy, compassion, & love is just not realistic.

It's a nice thought, truly it is, but just not realistic as long as evil exists.

You've never forgiven?

You've never had empathy?

You've never been compassionate?

You've never loved?

If you can sit there and honestly say you've never felt or done any of the above towards others then I agree, from your prospective it's not realistic. However, let's check the mirror

Has anyone ever forgiven you?

Has anyone ever empathized with you?

Has anyone ever been compassionate towards you?

Has anyone ever loved you?

ETA: I'm sorry to hear about your daughters situation, as you said she has chosen to stay in the relationship. Sad but true, no one is telling you, you have to feel this or that way towards him. That's your choice, your right to feel the way you do. But it's not your life, it's her, isnt it? She is making her own choices based on what she values.

That's part of what I meant when I wrote, "I'm just me" I'm not responsible for others actions or reactions. we can't control people, places, situations or things beyond our control.

I guess thats where a certain level of acceptance comes in, whether we like it or not, we have to accept that a daughter has chosen to stick with it for whatever reason

No?

a reply to: SLAYER69

Yes I have forgiven, and been forgiven.

But a jerk beats up my child, and there isn't anything I can do to stop it, unless I had no conscious and didn't mind life in prison.

I don't live in constant anger over the bad situation she's in, however when I do think about him, I'm angered.

Is that not a normal human emotion to feel that way in a situation like this?

So I'm just supposed to forgive and accept him for being the woman beating jerk he is?

Or am I to just forgive and allow him to beat up my daughter and be understanding as to why he does it, from his perspective?

He also smoked crack with his pregnant sister, and she ended up being addicted. Resulting in the baby being born a crack baby.

Yes, I'll just let alloyds that go, and start to feel all warm and fuzzy for him because it's not good to be angry.

IMHO, I believe no emotion is bad per say, because our creator made each emotion and we are wired to feel a huge variety of emotions throughout our lives.

It's our reactions to those emotions that causes the problem.

I've chosen to step back and have nothing to do with my daughter or her boyfriend. Because it's not healthy for ME.

She knows that she is always welcome to come home if she ever gets tired of being pounded on.
But other than that, I'm pissed off at the whole situation and I choose to pull away until she asks me for my help.

originally posted by: SLAYER69


ETA: I'm sorry to hear about your daughters situation, as you said she has chosen to stay in the relationship. Sad but true, no one is telling you, you have to feel this or that way towards him. That's your choice, your right to feel the way you do. But it's not your life, it's her, isnt it? She is making her own choices based on what she values.

That's part of what I meant when I wrote, "I'm just me" I'm not responsible for others actions or reactions. we can't control people, places, situations or things beyond our control.

I guess thats where a certain level of acceptance comes in, whether we like it or not, we have to accept that a daughter has chosen to stick with it for whatever reason

No?

I agree with that. But I do not have to like or accept the guy.
But like I said, yes it's her decision to stay, so I have chosen to emotionally disengage, so I can keep some peace and sanity in my own life.

a reply to: SLAYER69

As a neuroscientist who studies the biology and interpersonal psychodynamics of development, people are always going to stay loyal to the ideas, concepts and feelings that bring about their enlivenment.

It's wisdom to know what is good for you and for all of us, and care, compassion, understanding - i.e. not being a retarded, incoherently self-organizing hypocrite - are the terms we apply to those feelings which "generate us".

It's perfectly explicable in biophysical terms nowadays, even if theres a deeper quantum reality (say, the quantum vacuum) is what allows it, we must understand that what we feel from one moment to the next radiates from our expressive body, and interacts with the electromagnetic field of Other body's.

It'll be understood and explored more deeply soon enough the way mirror neurons in the brain translate and amplify the affective and intentional properties moving between us, and hence the typical claim of most clairvoyants/mystics who say they need to be in the presence of a person to more properly 'know' what is happening within their being.

So, to recap, the physiological reality is, whether people like it or not:

We are bound by an electromagnetic field to one another - this may be the "nefesh" of the Kabbalah and the "chi" or "prana" of Eastern traditions. Furthermore, these are "gross" energies i.e. the actual field which moves through the physical matter of our bodies, whereas our thinking and feeling - what happens within our head - "in-forms" the quality of the electromagnetic flows moving through our body i.e. the "chi".

It makes most sense to situate the being of the Organism in the heart - given the hearts electromagnetic "oomph" throughout the organism, making the brain little more than an interpretive and perceptual system fundamentally integrated with the vital core of the heart beat i.e. the magnetic wave it generates that is 5000 times larger than that produced by the brain.

So, its not "unrealistic" to live in a world where people care and treat one another with love and respect. Did Gandhi not say "be the change you want to see"? Yes, he did. And does this not correspond to what is actually phenomenologically (consciously) possible? Of course.

This means that choice, is always present, and that we can either accept the knowledge of our own obligation to act coherently with Others and ourselves, or, we can do the opposite, be stubborn, be egotistical, and put ourselves in conflict with the nature of existence, which to me doesn't seem like a sane way to be and live.

originally posted by: Mjab6910
So I'm just supposed to forgive and accept him for being the woman beating jerk he is?

Has anyone here told you that's what you should do?

I didn't. I shared how for me the outdated anger and resentments that no longer served a purpose, or one which never really had a purpose that they weren't going to hold me in their grips anymore.

What gets you angry in this case seems legit, no one here is telling you not to be angry or that you don't have a right to feel such.

But will you let that fester 20 or 30 years from now, after say they make it as a couple and there is no longer abusive behavior or he gets locked up over it?

Again, no one is saying you can't get angry, but will you let it dominate your whole life day after day, week after week, year in and year out after he is eithr locked up or they make it?

a reply to: SLAYER69

BTW Slayer, a star and flag for your post. I understand exactly what you're saying, and I so wish I could attain that state of being, but at this time, I just can't let go of the anger I have for this jerk who has beat my daughter up on 3 KNOWN occasions. The last time was in July. He beat her face so badly she had black eyes and he chocked her until she began to lose consciousness.
I live in Charleston SC, here the police arrest both parties in a domestic violence situation, so since she doesn't wanna go to jail, she won't press charges. Also I worry because currently, South Carolina is #1 for a woman being killed at the hands of her abusive male significant other. So that weighs on my mind heavily as well.

originally posted by: SLAYER69

originally posted by: Mjab6910
So I'm just supposed to forgive and accept him for being the woman beating jerk he is?

Has anyone here told you that's what you should do?

I didn't. I shared how for me the outdated anger and resentments that no longer served a purpose, or one which never really had a purpose that they weren't going to hold me in their grips anymore.

What gets you angry in this case seems legit, no one here is telling you not to be angry or that you don't have a right to feel such.

But will you let that fester 20 or 30 years from now, after say they make it as a couple and there is no longer abusive behavior or he gets locked up over it?

Again, no one is saying you can't get angry, but will you let it dominate your whole life day after day, week after week, year in and year out after he is eithr locked up or they make it?

Of course not. But I pray he gets locked up. I pray that eventually justice will be served. Then I'll feel more at peace.

a reply to: ParasuvO

I look for a high that is clearly far beyond what you are satisfied with....therefore I do not take delight in trying to love every little thing around and see the good in all, all of the time.

So, more generally, are you capable of bringing suffering to another because you're uncomfortable with the nature of reality? Existential angst - hatred for "good" because it seems like were living in a "controlled reality" - this can preoccupy the mind to the point that the consciousness begins to assume an incoherent philosophy.

This place is deliberate , controlled, and arranged, all extremely limited forms of love, and light.

Yes, it's controlled in a brilliantly ecological way. Do you hate the way everything affects everything else? Are you trying to escape the experience of "being affected" - even if you get good and comfort from Others? Even if, indeed, the emergence of your brain over evolutionary history is a result of the neurogenic enlivenment of positive affects coming from Others?

I see this sort of thinking as the same sort of feelings that animated Nietzsche and other 'gnostic' sort of thinkers. They're fighting within themselves - and then project their issues into public discourse, forcing others into the same sort of inner-conflict. Nothing we say or do is our own, but is shareable and transmittable simply in our speaking.

That said, I will never forget how Nietzsches sensitive and spiritually alive sister took his broken mind and body in after he began to succumb to the (sexually transmitted) syphilis that deranged his consciousness. Nietzsche's excess - his confusion, the battles he fought within himself between good and evil, and ultimately opting for a position "beyond good and evil", never sat well with his sister, who, if she had taken a note from Nietzsche, would have abandoned his decrepit body and left him for the lunatic that he had become.

Are we completely limited by love? Is love masochism? It can be. I am not a "bleeding heart" that will sacrifice my own wellbeing to the Other. But I am, and will always remain, a person who negotiates with Others so that I can live in harmony with them.

a reply to: Mjab6910


You have every reason to feel angry

a reply to: SLAYER69

I believe so as well. But as you stated, I am not allowing it to consume me and allow the anger to eat me up inside.
I realize that's only hurting myself, while her and him both are living their dysfunctional lives without giving me or her dad's feelings a second thought.

Peace & Light to you my friend.

i often wonder what really 'matters' in the universe...

when we die do we take the space and time that in the universe signifies our existence?

if we lived rough and burned alot of bridges, is that now a gap of anti-matter; we become both space and time others have now and yet to bridge the gap...

bridging the gaps in our relationships seems so much wreckage in the wakes, getting harder each time when we reach for them...

when we no longer reach for them, then they don't matter...a huge gap for others to fill...
and so just to reach someone that matters-so that I will matter too.

everyone wants to matter to someone
you're someone that matters to me
and I thank you

a reply to: Peeple

Fear of not being a part of the Light is what brought me into the light. The light itself is reward enough to remain in the light.

I rage everyday. I rage against the leaders of the world for the direction they have lead the world. Rage is necessary to enact change in a world devoid of love. But rage isn't a necessary component in finding the light or remaining in it.

I am at peace with myself because I do what little I can, and live as an example for others.

I rage against the world because it's philosophies give rise to Narcissistic Sociopaths.

Do I rage against the world because of the Light, or is it simply a freewill choice to obtain knowledge that leads to rage? I can't really say.

It can be said everything that was created is necessary, because it should be assumed anything unnecessary to creation would not have been created. So yes rage is a necessary component but we must not act like barbarians any longer.

originally posted by: Mjab6910
a reply to: SLAYER69

BTW Slayer, a star and flag for your post. I understand exactly what you're saying, and I so wish I could attain that state of being, but at this time, I just can't let go of the anger I have for this jerk who has beat my daughter up on 3 KNOWN occasions. The last time was in July. He beat her face so badly she had black eyes and he chocked her until she began to lose consciousness.
I live in Charleston SC, here the police arrest both parties in a domestic violence situation, so since she doesn't wanna go to jail, she won't press charges. Also I worry because currently, South Carolina is #1 for a woman being killed at the hands of her abusive male significant other. So that weighs on my mind heavily as well.

You can't forgive a criminal until he stops committing the crime.

You are right to be angry, how can you forgive him when you don't believe he will stop?

When your daughter is safe again you will naturally be in the light where you will be able to forgive. You are right to feel like you are being dragged through hell right now.