Emotions are taboo, so shut up and deal with it

a reply to: Aedaeum

Don't worry about explaining yourself. I totally get what you're saying. I agree for the most part. Communication is a two-way street; no single person is to blame. I can't help but wonder if the people who take issue with my assertion and point of view are uneasy because they see it as an indictment that's a little too close for comfort.

I'll just have to find someone who is on the same wavelength as I.

Thanks for your encouragement.

By the way, I'm a he. Common mistake, no worries

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

Sorry about that, I thought I saw someone say "she" earlier, my bad.
And I'm glad you understand

originally posted by: Aedaeum
a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

I thought I saw someone say "she" earlier

You are correct ha! As I said, common mistake. I just send off that vibe I guess. No problem.

And I'm glad you understand

I'm glad you seem to get where I'm coming from. Thanks for your examples of certain groups (religious affiliation, sexual orientation, etc.) pretty much being told to shut up and blend in. I hadn't really considered it that way, but you're right, that's exactly what it feels like--being shunned and vilified for just being the only way I know how to be. We get called all kinds of things I suppose, introverts, antisocials, dweebs, whatever the term du jour is.

I understand things are the way they are. I know things change, people change, and generational attitudes change (even in response to new communication tech.) And I'm usually very good at moving with the changes and going with the flow. But I still have to question it, "Just because it is this way, does that mean it should be this way? Does it have to stay this way? Can it be better than what it is?"

The more I look, I can't help but wonder if people aren't living up to their potential (myself included.) Do people become more "closed off" as they "plug in?"

I guess I'm still stuck on this old-fashioned attitude of community. Maybe our individualistic society is bordering on narcissistic with the help of modern tech (smart phones, social media / networking, etc.) And yes I'm aware of the irony because I do spend a fair amount of hours on ATS communicating and expressing ideas; I'm not exempt. But I am questioning it, and am seeking a more satisfying outlet. I get no satisfaction from the shallowness of many day-to-day interactions whether online or offline.

Again, it is my hope that I'll meet someone who is on the same page as me, because obviously I have very different expectations than most

Reply to: Aedaeum

Did you glance over my edit for some reason? I directed blame at no one.

But didn't you post this? It's still there on the page, edit or no edit.

The reason you're having problems is because society is decaying.

That is encouraging NB to blame somebody else for his or her problems.

I'm talking about how when we complain of school, work, and our lives people tell us to "suck it up!"...Or when we have good news to share, they can't really muster much enthusiasm for that either.

I'm speaking about how when we talk about our goals, ambitions, and disappointments people stare wide-eyed as if to say, "Why are you telling me this crap that has nothing to do with me?"...Or when asked, people react like, "This is none of your business."

Who are these people? Why do you demand that they invest emotionally in your life? They have their own lives.

It's about understanding the lack of intelligible human communication in this "modern" era that we live in.

Oh, what nonsense. People in Western societies have been moaning about social isolation for generations. Living in cities, educational and vocational specialization, the growth of suburbia, TV, the death of religion and just about everything else has been blamed in its turn. You're complaining about mobile devices and social media, but what do people do on their mobile devices and social media? They communicate with other people, that's what.

The problem lies with finding those people who you can have a meaningful relationship.

Precisely. And this has nothing to do with the decay of society, or the fact that people use mobile devices a lot. It is a question of compatibility between individuals, just as it always has been.

If you grew up in a starkly Christian society, but you were an Atheist....Would you put fault on yourself or the community for the resistance you would receive?

I would understand that my intelligent options were either to keep my head down, or leave. It's hard to explain that to an adolescent, admittedly, but we can't be adolescents all our lives.

Telling someone to change their colors is what straight people have been telling gay people for a long time now.

Are you gay? Then you will certainly have experienced trouble with social acceptance. That has nothing to do with mobile devices or social media or the 'decay' of society. It is because some people are gay and others are homophobic, and most human communities tolerate homophobia better than they tolerate homosexuality. We can hope to change that situation, but that is a completely different kettle of fish from the psychological maladaptation of an individual. You are making a very dangerous error by confusing the two.

You immediately assume the person having trouble is at fault. Not to mention, I don't know if he caught this, but you implied he was acting like a loser. Who are you to judge? It really saddens me that people like you give others advice... I wish now that I hadn't read any of your previous posts.

Thank you for reading my posts. Could you point out, please, where I said that anyone was at fault in this situation? Yes, I implied that the OP was presenting themselves as a loser. That is not the same thing as implying that he or she is a loser.

Kindly don't try to beat me over the head with the chip on your shoulder. The OP's problems are not yours.

originally posted by: Astyanax
Reply to: Aedaeum
That is encouraging NB to blame somebody else for his or her problems.

I accept my fair share of the blame. I think I've made that clear. But I'm not prepared to say that the social atmosphere of society isn't without any faults.

However, I do realize that regardless of where the blame lies, it's entirely up to me to make the changes for myself. That's where I'm headed next.

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

What a great post.

But I'm not prepared to say that the social atmosphere of society isn't without any faults.

Neither am I. Neither is anyone; the shortcomings of society are evident to all, though we may not all agree on what they are. Before we can hope to change society, though, we need to acquire the confidence and the resilience to take up that challenge.

It's entirely up to me to make the changes for myself. That's where I'm headed next.

You're on the right track. Good luck and be well.

I'm just the other way around - I started life out as an introvert, and still am, at the core of myself. I put on the mask of an extrovert early on for social interactions, but seem to have done it imperfectly in some ways - while appearing "extroverted", I'm also often thought of as either "antisocial" or just plain "outrageous", in that I say what I mean and mean what I say, and let the chips fall where they may... I've been told that I seem not to care what i say, or who I say it to, which is true for the most part. I'm not in it to win any popularity contests. Folks can either like it or lump it, but they never have to guess where I stand on anything.

Still, most folks never, ever, know "me" - they only know the mask. That's led to outright disbelief when I tell folks that I'm really an introvert. The general reaction is "You? An introvert?" followed by loud, raucous laughter.

Still yet, if they only knew...

If they only knew...

I don't see any particular reason to make folks happy - their happiness is on them, not me. If they don't like me, they can move on to the next, and no harm done.

The key, I think, is to recognize that, while others are responsible for their own happiness, and are not allowed to foist that responsibility off onto YOU, by the same token, that applies to each of us, ourselves. we have to be happy with ourselves, comfortable in our own skin, and it is us alone who are responsible for that, not "society" or any particular individual outside ourselves.

Be happy with yourself, and if someone else, or everyone else, doesn't like that, eff 'em - they can just move on to the next.