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Emotions are taboo, so shut up and deal with it

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posted on Jul, 26 2014 @ 01:58 AM
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originally posted by: NarcolepticBuddha
a reply to: Biigs

We live in a society where the slightest deviation from what's expected and "normal" is stigmatized as a disorder and a danger. Who sets this standard for normal? Now there's a conspiracy





normal is an illusion

People are not a standard issue human robot, they have opinions, they say and do things out of the excepted standard.

Im glad im not normal, i just hate the fact because people are so blindsided with what is normal it make us freaks.




posted on Jul, 26 2014 @ 02:10 AM
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originally posted by: Biigs

originally posted by: NarcolepticBuddha
a reply to: Biigs

We live in a society where the slightest deviation from what's expected and "normal" is stigmatized as a disorder and a danger. Who sets this standard for normal? Now there's a conspiracy





normal is an illusion

People are not a standard issue human robot, they have opinions, they say and do things out of the excepted standard.

Im glad im not normal, i just hate the fact because people are so blindsided with what is normal it make us freaks.


I am not normal and I am proud of it. The fact is us freaks have minds that are faster and smarter than the norms. Normal people or what I call them, boring people. All live in self made traps. They may look happy but inside they are unhappy and hate themselves. That is why they let themselves fall into the traps. Being pretty, being successful, having more "friends" than everyone else. Being hip to fashion. The list goes on and on. We are the lucky ones.



posted on Jul, 26 2014 @ 02:22 AM
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a reply to: karmicecstasy

agreed.

I live to enjoy life and make it what i make it.

The normal facebook robots are a waste of time, uninteresting, boring - not necessarily idiots, simply misinformed or misguided/directed.

The irony? Most of the leaders and law makers are actually freaks like us, they just hide it better than most. The real creative people run everything, the drones to the work.

I am not a drone and i will not accept being one.



posted on Jul, 26 2014 @ 02:54 AM
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huh, even people who don't like most people can find a way to connect with others, even if it's over how much they don't like other people.


i like to think of normality as an adaptively proven median, some normative values and behaviors become the norm because they work best for the majority of people. i dunno, we've all felt left out, maybe a lot of us have felt that the world is all wrong.

but i think a good rule of thumb is that if you want certain things, like acceptance, friendship, a good career, etc, and you're having trouble obtaining them, holding to the mindset that something is wrong with everyone else in the world is counterproductitious. it's easy comfort to convince yourself that you are better or more exceptional than the people you perceive to be excluding you.

that's also probably not gonna get you where you want to be. anyone can change, but it starts by knowing yourself and adjusting your thoughts and behaviors. just my 2 cents.



posted on Jul, 26 2014 @ 10:21 AM
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a reply to: ATODASO




i hope you have a good weekend, and no offense intended.




no one deserves to be lonely


Yeah I know, the Op just struck home and like I said I am never lonely, always was the lone artist type anyway.
Oh and thanks...:-)

edit on 26-7-2014 by Char-Lee because: (no reason given)



posted on Jul, 26 2014 @ 10:27 AM
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a reply to: Astyanax




Start by being kind to others and refusing to judge them; even that takes courage, as I'm sure you know already.



Well therein lies some of the problem. I am nice, I am nice to everyone, I feel deeply, I care.

You let these people in and what they will do is destroy you...been there....done that, so many trys and retries and take a chance. No I have had enough pain.
As far as judging, who does not? If a guy comes home and beats his wife and kids, do you just say, "well you know Joe thats just his way, but he's a good buddy'? Heck no I say...judge away!



posted on Jul, 26 2014 @ 01:38 PM
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a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha


How exactly do you meet a life partner by sticking to only the superficial and trivial tidbits of conversation? Very intriguing notion!

This response is a symptom of the problem you have. Please understand: too much information kills curiosity and snuffs out desire. Even in a relationship with a life partner, you discover things about each other bit by bit, you don't vomit your guts over each other on your first (or even your tenth) date.

(By the way, I've been married and divorced; my ex-wife and I are still friends. I am now in the tenth year of my second long-term partnership. So I have a tiny bit of experience in these matters.)


I'm sorry but, did you even read all of my post above?

Yes, indeed, I read it. I am taking this conversation very seriously and I am trying my best to help you.


If the only avenue of expression at all is my diary and my sculpture, then what is the point of even going outside my door?

To obtain material for your diary and your sculpture. No, that is not a flip answer. My work is creative; my social life is a source of material for it. But even if your work isn't 'creative', life will feed into it anyway.

Here's the bottom line: other people don't exist to help you share the burdens of your life. It is a profound error to think so, and almost suicidally foolish to act is if it were so.

You're lonely. I understand and, by heaven, I sympathize. But you won't stop being lonely by presenting yourself to others as a needy over-sharer. They'll run a mile — and they will be doing the right thing, too. The only people who will welcome your revelations are emotional vampires who get off on other people's pain and suffering and fear. You don't need those creeps in your life, believe me. Deal with your demons yourself, or get professional help — a priest or a therapist. That's what the rest of us do, and what we expect others to do for us. Nobody loves a loser, so don't present yourself as one.


edit on 26/7/14 by Astyanax because: of typos.



posted on Jul, 26 2014 @ 01:46 PM
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a reply to: Char-Lee


You let these people in and what they will do is destroy you.

Your avatar says it all, as most people's do.

Other people can't destroy you in the way you fear. They can only persuade you to destroy yourself. And even then, it's 99% self-persuasion.

What's with all this 'letting people in'? The OP seems to be concerned about it too.

Children are dependent. Adulthood consists in gaining independence. But maturity consists in achieveing interdependence.

If you skip a stage, you have to go back and repeat it.

My advice to the OP was about achieving independence. I think it would work for you, too. You can think about letting people in once you feel comfortable on your own two feet.


edit on 26/7/14 by Astyanax because: an avatar made me.



posted on Jul, 26 2014 @ 02:06 PM
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a reply to: Astyanax




You can think about letting people in once you feel comfortable on your own two feet.


But I do feel comfortable...others are not comfortable with who I am but I am, and my husband is, and my Kitty is :-)

Thanks for all the thought in your answers clearly you are a concerned and caring person.




Your avatar says it all, as most people's do.

I have not been able to figure what yours says.




But maturity consists in achieving interdependence.


I disagree, I like the old saying, we come into this world alone and will go out alone. Standing on your own without the need to lean or be interdependent to me is true adulthood. I was once very dependent on those around me and the love I thought I had from them, I like it better now.



posted on Jul, 26 2014 @ 02:13 PM
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a reply to: Char-Lee


But I do feel comfortable...others are not comfortable with who I am but I am, and my husband is, and my Kitty is :-)

Are you comfortable about others being uncomfortable with you?

*



I have not been able to figure what yours says.

Well, I just started a thread about my avatars, inspired by my earlier comment to you.

I don't know what my avatar says about me, but I'll tell you what it is. It's a group of South Asian men (I'm not sure from which country) showing off the operation scars from having their kidneys removed and sold to help feed their families. It's a big industry in that part of the world.


edit on 26/7/14 by Astyanax because: oh, the usual.



posted on Jul, 26 2014 @ 03:01 PM
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I get where you are coming from. I'm sitting in the same boat.

I don't think it is so much that emotional expression is taboo then that only certain kinds are accepted and if you deviate from that you'll have people start backing away.

A thought about not caring what others think of you: It is one thing to not care what other think of you and quite another to be put in this box by the people around you time and time again when you were previously JUST thinking that maybe you'd found someone different or maybe you'd finally found that balance. It is...tiring.

I've never been able to wear a mask--not for lack of trying. A lot of times I seriously wish I could. It just seems like it would be easier that way. I know what I really want though is for my real face to be known by myself and be worn proudly.

Does this affect your job/career life as well?
edit on 26-7-2014 by awakendhybrid because: (no reason given)

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edit on 26-7-2014 by awakendhybrid because: (no reason given)



posted on Jul, 26 2014 @ 06:58 PM
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I'm a male version of you. I thought the cycle was hopelessly redundant too. Though I broke the cycle. The things I did to break the cycle.

I stopped associating with the "friends" I was basing most my failure. They knew how I viewed myself and would unknowingly sabotage my attempts at life by informing any new people, even if I introduced them, things to avoid or know about me.

I stopped bringing it up to new outsiders, that I suffered from an unexplainable cycle of nonacceptance. Because they before hand, would not have evaluated me that way. If I did tell them, they validate it.

I lowered my expectations. Not that I mean lowered my expectations of vanity but lowered my seriousness for the need of emotional expression. If I show that being friends or partners is no big deal and I can leave tomorrow and not care, then the other person is much more comfortable with letting it just happen.

I do all I can to express a real smile whenever possible. Fake smiles are your worst enemy.

I stopped fooling myself when seeing others that have what seems to be a quick, easily earned relationship. Those are ALWAYS two people both fooling themselves and living a fantasy while trying to make everyone else believe and getting off on it. As long as they have everyone else believing, they keep it going.

I started aiming to make a friend at a time, instead of trying to merge into a group. When you try to merge with a group, you fall victim to being only judged on their opinions.

A real relationship forms overtime, its not like winning the lottery. I had no actual friends for the first 25 years of my life. The last three I no longer want to just die or disappear. I haven't found the "one" yet but finally I can meet and try without dragging the baggage.

I now have four real friends. We would do anything for each other. It took time, pain, life, acceptance and a lot of work. I can express any emotion of any range to them and not be an outcast for it.

Popularity only brings the neediest, most self delusional people to you. Its a curse to think your for-filled but surrounded by the empty. Be thankful, a good judge of character will be screwed 9/10 times as time goes by. If your not surrounded by needy delusional people and currently are not attached to them, you have a BETTER chance.



posted on Jul, 27 2014 @ 12:23 AM
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originally posted by: Astyanax
a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha
other people don't exist to help you share the burdens of your life

Thank you for confirming what I've already concluded. Heck, it's in my thread title eh? Whether good news or bad news--ain't no one wants to hear about it
..burdens of life? What about sharing the joys of life? That's out too huh?

I guess I better learn to withdraw my interest in other people then.

Hell of a planet we live on. I'm just tickled that you embrace it so; which is weird because you appear to be a very warm and caring person. I don't think I'll ever accept this as gracefully as you do. Thanks for your thoughts on the matter.


edit on 27-7-2014 by NarcolepticBuddha because: (no reason given)



posted on Jul, 27 2014 @ 01:14 AM
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a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha


Thank you for confirming what I've already concluded. Heck, it's in my thread title eh?

Indeed it is. But why do you take it so hard? Why rail against human nature? ’Twas ever thus.


Whether good news or bad news — ain't no one wants to hear about it.

That's not strictly true. They do want to hear about it; they just don't want to have to deal with it.

I don't suppose I'm as 'warm and caring' a person as I appear to you. I anger easily, though I usually control myself quite well, and I am very much an elitist. I've been told more often than I can remember that I appear domineering and arrogant to people who don't know me very well. And I have very little sympathy for those who blame other people, society, the System, the Powers that Be, the Almighty et al. for their own shortcomings or misfortunes.

One reason I was touched by your post was that you didn't do that; in spite of using the phrase 'a society of pointy-eared Vulcans', you were clearly taking responsibility for your own troubles. That already puts you light-years ahead of many of the other troubled souls drawn to Above Top Secret.

I'm sorry I haven't been more helpful, but if you follow the practical steps I suggested in my first post on the thread, you may yet derive some benefit from them.



posted on Jul, 27 2014 @ 02:18 AM
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originally posted by: Astyanax
a reply to: Char-Lee




I don't know what my avatar says about me, but I'll tell you what it is. It's a group of South Asian men (I'm not sure from which country) showing off the operation scars from having their kidneys removed and sold to help feed their families. It's a big industry in that part of the world.


Thanks for the explanation. My first impression was Freddy Mercury in house of mirrors. That's some heavy stuff.



posted on Jul, 28 2014 @ 02:34 AM
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a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

The reason you're having problems is because society is decaying. Tweeting is now an acceptable form of communication. In fact, people would rather tweet, then talk. It sounds like everyone you're meeting is about as interesting as a brick. The problem doesn't lie with you, but with those who you associate.

In fact I think a lot of our communication problems stem from that knee-jerk reaction. As soon as we don't get a positive reaction, we internalize negativity. Some people are the opposite though and blame others for that negativity. A bad look, a sarcastic remark, suggestive body language, all of those things can trigger an internalization of the negative thought: "I did something wrong or offensive". The point is, It's not your fault. You're thinking too much about it. The best way to figure out who you are, is to embrace your proclivities. You know best about what you enjoy and what you don't enjoy. Measure your reactions. You will quickly realize the momentum of your spirit.

When I was younger, I did the whole "LOL" at everything. I got lots of attention, but I was empty. It wasn't until much later in life that I realized that I was going to have to take off the mask, if I ever wanted to feel free - whole. I won't say it's not discouraging when you can't be yourself around people, but eventually you will find someone who just doesn't give a ____ about "normal". Live your life the way you want to, the way you're motivated. There is an inherent motivation in all of us, we just have to listen really close.

People would rather you reassure themselves about their points of view, then hear your own. I remember a co-worker I had a long time ago, who confided in me about his "conquests" and I either nodded or shook my head. That was the extent of our relationship. He was a useless, shallow individual, not worth my time or effort getting to know. These people are everywhere now, the extent of their thought process is "what am I buying next?" or "where's the next party?".

I've found I've had more meaningful relationships online, then I ever did in "real life".
If you ever want to chat (I promise I won't run off) just U2U me.
It's your life, you are you, so don't let anyone dictate or imply otherwise.
The mask is only hiding a light that others are afraid to see.
edit on 28-7-2014 by Aedaeum because: (no reason given)



posted on Jul, 28 2014 @ 02:43 AM
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a reply to: Aedaeum

You describe a defensive and, I feel, rather self-defeating way of coping with the problems of loneliness and emotional isolation. I believe there is a better way. Read my first post in the thread.



posted on Jul, 28 2014 @ 02:58 AM
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a reply to: Astyanax

Umm... I don't see how getting rid of over-thinking and getting in touch with your natural motivations are defensive. Can you explain that?

edit
If you're talking about the fact that I said it's not her problem, then you're projecting. This isn't a "Well it's not my problem so get over it" mentality. I clearly stated my case about how society has changed and thus human interaction has become shallow. People care about themselves primarily. The way she described her fundamental problem, I deduced that she's in the company of mostly people who can't see past the end of their nose.
edit on 28-7-2014 by Aedaeum because: (no reason given)

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edit on 28-7-2014 by Aedaeum because: (no reason given)



posted on Jul, 28 2014 @ 04:19 AM
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a reply to: Aedaeum


Umm... I don't see how getting rid of over-thinking and getting in touch with your natural motivations are defensive. Can you explain that?

The defensive part is blaming society and other people for your difficulties with human interaction. If you have social difficulties, it's nobody else's fault; it's also nobody's problem but yours, and blaming it on external factors is a way of avoiding a confrontation with whatever it is in you that is causing the problem.

'Getting rid of over-thinking and getting in touch with your natural motivations' — What does that actually mean in practice? It means just one thing: ceasing to lie to yourself, consciously or unconsciously. As long as you're blaming 'society' and 'other people' for your social difficulties, you're lying to yourself.

It's not that complicated, really.



posted on Jul, 28 2014 @ 05:21 AM
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a reply to: Astyanax

Did you glance over my edit for some reason?

I directed blame at no one. You seem to have completely misinterpreted what he said. Don't invent a problem that isn't there to begin with.


I'm talking about how when we complain of school, work, and our lives people tell us to "suck it up!"...Or when we have good news to share, they can't really muster much enthusiasm for that either.

I'm speaking about how when we talk about our goals, ambitions, and disappointments people stare wide-eyed as if to say, "Why are you telling me this crap that has nothing to do with me?"...Or when asked, people react like, "This is none of your business."


It's not about blame, it's about understanding the lack of intelligible human communication in this "modern" era that we live in. The problem lies with finding those people who you can have a meaningful relationship with, who aren't attached to their phones and social media, who aren't jaded by the societal norms where a meme is more important then caring for others. If I followed your train of thought, I'd have to relinquish intelligibility/morality for the sake of the dullards. You remind me of those therapists who would rather shove a pill down your throat so you can "accept reality" rather then understand the root of a problem.

All of his concerns are justifiable. Let me give you an example: If you grew up in a starkly Christian society, but you were an Atheist....Would you put fault on yourself or the community for the resistance you would receive? To use your words "It's not that complicated, really". This is, however, not about blame. This is about seeing a problem and moving past it. Blame would be to use society as a scapegoat for not dealing with real problems. In this case, society IS the problem that needs to be overcome. It's just really sad that having a meaningful conversation is now "out of line", when it used to come so naturally.

As a last note to you.... Telling someone to change their colors is what straight people have been telling gay people for a long time now. Because of that, I can't take anything you say seriously. You immediately assume the person having trouble is at fault. Not to mention, I don't know if he caught this, but you implied he was acting like a loser. Who are you to judge? It really saddens me that people like you give others advice... I wish now that I hadn't read any of your previous posts.

edited to 'he'
edit on 28-7-2014 by Aedaeum because: (no reason given)



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