Six Habits of Highly Empathic People

Empathy. My parents long ago taught me the valuble lessons of empathy toward your fellow man. I can remember being around 9 or 10 and my mom asking me about some toys I no longer played with. Asked me if I wanted to give them to a kid who maybe did'nt have any toys to play with. At first I said no. Then she let me know, even though we were'nt rich or anything that they were others who had way less. I gave my toys away the next day. I would mow my elderly neighbors yard for free. My parents taught me about empathy. All parents should teach these lessons. I guess it's why I wear my emotions on my sleeve and do some of the things I do. Empathy... towards your fellow man. To some it's a far out concept. To me it's just being normal.

Not having the type of empathy that is being spoken of here doesn't mean that one cant feel love, joy, etc. Weird to claim that it does... or little to no understanding of empathy, or the type of empathy that causes one to feel pain themselves due to someone else's pain.
This whole "feeling empathy" seems to be turning into a little club of those enlightened folk who can look down on those who arent like them.. particularly those dastardly conservatives. Too bad. I was expecting a real conversation on this subject.

reply to post by Advantage

This whole "feeling empathy" seems to be turning into a little club of those enlightened folk who can look down on those who arent like them.. particularly those dastardly conservatives. Too bad. I was expecting a real conversation on this subject.

What?

It's not a "club". I already told you I appreciated your candor, and the response you gave. I'm very aware that not everyone is as sensitive to others' 'vibes.' You described it, and that helps other people to understand.

I'm not looking down on anyone here!!! I will say I'm glad to see members who understand the premise -

but, Advantage, that in no way reflects on you!

It's very important that we all understand the other's pov. You have offered yours, and I would like to know more about what it's like to be 'you' and get bewildered/frightened by others showing excessive emotional reactions.

reply to post by Stormdancer777

There are no conservative empaths?
what?

What???

What are you talking about?? If you somehow got that out of my posts, it was entirely not my premise.

There are lots of people who feel the pain/angst of others. It has nothing to do with 'conservative' or 'liberal.'

Forgive me if I missed your point and how you got to it, but, honestly, I don't know what you mean.



EDIT: OH! I see, it was something darkbake said, to which I responded.

reply to post by Aphorism


Both empathetic and compassionate

Nice post

Not so easy for most of us to pull off

reply to post by schuyler

Am I saying you self-described empaths are NOT empathetic? NO. Of course not. My problem is when your self-aggrandizement turns into unfounded criticisms of conservatives, who on the whole do a lot better job of than you do.

sigh

schuyler, please.

I am now being attacked for something that darkbake said, and with which I agreed as a generalization.

Now you folks are trying to turn it into some nefarious, sinister, subtle 'attack' on conservatives!!

I understand that charity is widespread, and that 'conservatives' are very generous. (I've participated in fund-raisers and worked for agencies that held 'gala's for the purpose; I also took a course on 'grant-writing'.)

Please, don't try to make this into a partisan issue.

It's a HUMANITY issue. We need to care about, and learn to understand each other; your post is an example of the knee-jerk gag that happens when we (any of us, including me!) see a post that 'rubs us the wrong way' - that 'goes against the grain'.

We have to learn to listen, and refrain from judging based on self-proclaimed or media- or consensus- or ANYTHING-proclaimed labels.

I'm not a hater. I'm a worker.

reply to post by Advantage

Too bad. I was expecting a real conversation on this subject.

It's a a very interesting subject - and I thought your first and second posts in this thread were so revealing

Most of this thread has been friendly and nonjudgmental - don't let one or two opinions chase you away. I'd hate to see this turn into just another partisan cage match

There is some evidence turning up these days that suggests that there are some real differences in the ways different types of people think that go beyond belief, philosophy, culture, politics - or whatever

You have no idea how interesting that is to me

I think the mistake we all tend to make is that we put a value on our thinking, believing that our way is superior. We don't see that it's just different - not better or worse. The differences might be important to our survival

I've always believed that it takes different kinds of people to create a functioning, balanced, thriving community

That means liberals and conservatives (if we want to limit ourselves to only the two) living and working together

wildtimes




The big buzz about empathy stems from a revolutionary shift in the science of how we understand human nature. The old view that we are essentially self-interested creatures is being nudged firmly to one side by evidence that we are also homo empathicus, wired for empathy, social cooperation, and mutual aid.

Mmhm....the (PIC) psychopaths in charge could use some of that 'empathy', eh? (Aka TPTB)

Habit 1: Cultivate curiosity about strangers

Habit 2: Challenge prejudices and discover commonalities

Habit 3: Try another person’s life

Habit 4: Listen hard—and open up

Habit 5: Inspire mass action and social change

Habit 6: Develop an ambitious imagination

I HIGHLY RECOMMEND that every man, woman, and child on this planet be taught these strategies.
It is how we will be able to coexist in this new global context.







Why don't we all hug a tree too while we are at it.

The thing that makes the human race so extraordinary is the VARIETY of personalities and differences and difference in perspective.

Even the bad around us is needed in order to spurn the good in people. (might not make sense to you)

Empathy is overrated. It's a propaganda tool used to blind people out of succeeding in life. It makes you question rational and logical decisions.

I will take logic over empathy all day long, at least logic has a mathematical reasoning to its use.

So please keep your recommendation for those who wish to dwell upon life instead of seizing it. All you need in life is right and wrong.....and the ability to make rational decisions based upon fact, evidence to hand. Empathy is merely a luxury, like a handbag.

reply to post by projectbane

The thing that makes the human race so extraordinary is the VARIETY of personalities and differences and difference in perspective.

Correct.


Quite.

That's why it's important to be able to put oneself in the position of the other - to help understand the mindset, motives, sensibilities, goals, ideas, etc.

reply to post by wildtimes


it can be taught..to a point

but possessing the gift is quite rare.. and will break you like nothing ever has. To be allowed to see someone else's life broken down into shattered pieces without them even telling you is something no one really wants. Because it taxes the emotions to a point of burn out, sleep deprivation among some of the traits of the gift; which is the sacrifice that has to be made.

But, as in all sacrifices, gifts & blessings are returned in kind for a few moments of deep concern for human beings plight in life and it is the glory of a person to conceal a matter; even to the grave.

Pretty sure I don't qualify as an empath, but seem to have started out highly sensitive and compassionate. I'm a bit of a composite personality at this point.

Have had times where I needed to harden up for the situation at hand, and that tends to stick in the psyche for later use when need be.

Over the years, I've been called pretty much everything derogatory, ranging from girly, to cold :: autistic savant, to psycho freak.

There are times when I crave empathic people, but some times I'm burned out and need to dial it down and go into research mode.

I get the "vibe" thing, but have learned to turn it off on the fly. I tend to feel the vibe of a room in an instant, then shut it off until I meet someone interesting.

Think I could be thought of as bordering dyssocial behavior, but am almost never malevolent.. at most a little trollish when frustrated.

I may have developed into an empath in a different setting over the years. As is, I'm not all too definable. Am okay with this.

reply to post by Komodo

To be allowed to see someone else's life broken down into shattered pieces without them even telling you is something no one really wants. Because it taxes the emotions to a point of burn out, sleep deprivation among some of the traits of the gift; which is the sacrifice that has to be made.

Yes, it does lead to burn out....takes the attention away from the people one is closest to - that's why I had to retire. I couldn't balance it. It sucked me dry - like 'emotional vampirism' or something. Very painful.

Thanks for your comment.

reply to post by webedoomed

There are times when I crave empathic people, but some times I'm burned out and need to dial it down and go into research mode.

I get the "vibe" thing, but have learned to turn it off on the fly.

Good for you!!

I still have trouble 'turning it off.' But, yeah - going into 'research mode' helps.

reply to post by wildtimes


Thanks. I'd be absolutley insane if I couldn't turn it off. The ability was thrust on me in order to survive.

I'm curious, what's your take on sympathy, considering you describe empathy as having a core emotional component?

I always thought empathy was a cognitive function related to imagination, where as sympathy was where the actual feelings come from.

Empathy imagines another's POV, where as sympathy gives you the depth of feeling to relate back on an emotional level. If you combine the two, compassion results. You act on your empathy+sympathy and are compelled to help out.

Just as I can shut if off in an instant, I can also turn it on in an instant. It's all situational, but I'll still do things that "highly empathic" people would tend to do. It's just that I no longer allow myself to fall ill because of it, unless I feel it's a good enough cause. I also feel it's best to completely shut off in order to understand those without empathy, and gain a more objective view of the parasite world.

It was a fascinating insight to realize that the parasites believe they do good-work thorugh their deeds. In a sense, they are needed, and do keep us sharp. It was needed for me to remain compassionate towards the species.

What's your take on the difference between empathy and sympathy? I've heard a lot of variations.

wildtimes
Empathy is the cornerstone of civility. It is imperative, if we want world peace, to develop it as a specie.

I've always been like this: highly concerned with the other person's plight, and willing to listen (hence I got into social work and psychotherapy to try to help)...

but not everyone (especially, as we all know, the Wall Street Wolves and Corporate Vultures like Mitt Romney

) has that ability to 'imagine what it must be like.'

Here is an article about how to develop that trait - if it doesn't come 'naturally' to you -
and, I'm happy to say, it references business leaders as getting 'on board' the empathy and compassion train!
Six Habits of Highly Empathic People

Folks, THIS is what can change the world....please read and comment!

If you think you’re hearing the word “empathy” everywhere, you’re right. It’s now on the lips of scientists and business leaders, education experts and political activists. But there is a vital question that few people ask: How can I expand my own empathic potential? Empathy is not just a way to extend the boundaries of your moral universe. According to new research, it’s a habit we can cultivate to improve the quality of our own lives.

But what is empathy? It’s the ability to step into the shoes of another person, aiming to understand their feelings and perspectives, and to use that understanding to guide our actions. That makes it different from kindness or pity. And don’t confuse it with the Golden Rule, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” As George Bernard Shaw pointed out, “Do not do unto others as you would have them do unto you—they might have different tastes.” Empathy is about discovering those tastes.

The big buzz about empathy stems from a revolutionary shift in the science of how we understand human nature. The old view that we are essentially self-interested creatures is being nudged firmly to one side by evidence that we are also homo empathicus, wired for empathy, social cooperation, and mutual aid.

Mmhm....the (PIC) psychopaths in charge could use some of that 'empathy', eh? (Aka TPTB)

Habit 1: Cultivate curiosity about strangers

Habit 2: Challenge prejudices and discover commonalities

Habit 3: Try another person’s life

Habit 4: Listen hard—and open up

Habit 5: Inspire mass action and social change

Habit 6: Develop an ambitious imagination

The article linked has two videos (I can post them if you all are interested in having them on our site), and lots of detailed info about these six traits.

I HIGHLY RECOMMEND that every man, woman, and child on this planet be taught these strategies.
It is how we will be able to coexist in this new global context.

Now that we are bombarded (or can be, if we're paying attention) by world events and other's points of view on such an all-encompassing scale - we MUST be able to bridge the gaps. Open the dialogues.

LISTEN to each other. FEEL for each other. TALK to each other.

Peace on earth; and goodwill toward men.

edit on 1/30/14 by wildtimes because: (no reason given)

Not everyone has empathy. Empathy is not a problem in today's society. It is the power structure. Centralized power will always attract the monsters in society, or those with the least amount of empathy. To become powerful in any civilized society, one usually has to hurt others in some way, or be more aggressive than say the general population. Will there be some good people? Sure. Will they be the majority? No.

You can take shots at people like ayn rand and romney, but they are not the problem, nor do I think they lack empathy. Just because one goes around and says they care about people and attends fundraisers does not necessarily equate empathy. That describes everyone in Washington.

If you want peace on earth, teach people to learn to accept or be tolerant of things they do not agree with. In many of today's societies we have majorities wanting to force their will or "change","social change" on minority groups through governments. Its easy to find things one agrees on and celebrate it, it is a more difficult task on the other hand to discover differences and accept those differences for what they are, without a force of change. This idea we are group creatures is nonsense, it is tyrannical in nature.

reply to post by wildtimes


Ah, you hit a nerve with that term, "emotional vampirism". Being empathic definitely opens one up to be victimized in that way. It is certainly a skill to refine, that one must work consciously on, to avoid that and prevent it from happening.

Few people I have met use that term, or know it, but I can definitely relate to the ones that do.

Not becoming a victim of it, while being empathic, is tricky, and took me many years, and almost cost me a loss of my sensitivity. I am glad, however, I was able to recognize it when I came across it, and rather than attempt to deal with those types now, I simply avoid them. I must.

I have one person in my life, now, that I relate as such, and dealing with them is only easier because I recognize it for what it is, as well as having long distance to my benefit. If I did not have the distance, I don't know if I could have that confidence.

im very emphatic.


Unfortunately i use my powers to get what i want and to tease others for my amusement, im not a very nice person if im truly honest, people who cross me tend not to fair to well.

But its all empathy at the end of the day and im one of those that can read a mind instantly, but i usually abuse it.

I'm also very empathetic. I remember once discussing it with a counsellor when I was going through a bad spell. I had an aggressive father who could fly off the handle at a moment’s notice. Whilst my mother was passive but sensitive, through reading my mother and father, I knew when my dad was in a particular mood that would make him prone to angry outbursts and would just stay the hell out of dodge and when to console my mother. I believe thats where my need for empathy started. As I got older being able to read moods meant I always felt awkward so maths and science became interesting to me as it was an escape. Now it just means I’m capable of using both empathy and logic to understand other people…which has just compounded the social issues. I can be a very sociable person but only if I can switch it off and when I can’t everything is just awkward. It’s turned me into an unpredictable person because I jump from one end of the spectrum to another, some days I’m extroverted and others I avoid all social interaction. Sometimes I think ignorance would be bliss. I find myself not talking to people because I don’t want to know the details of their life, as I know I’ll be compelled to help them.

When a movie like "Hunger Games" is the biggest film of the year you know we're in deep trouble. The entertainment industry is particularly responsible for a plethora of shows and movies that not only highlight the difficulties of others but actually encourage us to participate in mockery and criticism of them.

Those without empathy will not aid others in trouble. This makes us easier to rule and target troublesome individuals such as Ron Paul for example without generating undue response. What is promoted is a victim mentality where our problems are the fault of others and the role of government is to aid those victimized. Society becomes the predator and government the protector - terrorism being the most extreme example.

jacygirl
Aww, wildtimes....I love the way you think!
Yes, Yesss and YES!
I was born an ultra-empath, and I've raised 3 kids to empathy-adulthood, lol.
I simply cannot comprehend how everyone does not feel like this, as it's all I've ever known.
S&F
jacygirl

careful, jacygirl....there are people out there that would love nothing better than to turn you to the dark side, especially if they can take advantage of it for their own personal gain. been there, done that, it has made me a very cautious person.