Six Habits of Highly Empathic People

reply to post by webedoomed

Do you get that as well? Where the empathy is like turned up to max for an instance, and you get completely overwhelmed?

Yep. Sure do!
That's why I had to stop working as a one-on-one helper - it was too hard for me to 'leave it at work'.

reply to post by jacygirl

I also am completely comfortable with people on every level of the socio-economic scale...from homeless to CEO. I can find common ground with everyone. (That's an attribute that I'm grateful for!)

Same here. It's a bizarro kind of thing, I guess - but yeah, me, too.

Unfortunately I have a harder time on ATS than I do in person! But that's what keeps me coming back. All I have to go on is what people type and disclose; it's not the same as sitting next to someone on a train, or on a park bench, or at a cocktail party.
Context is so important. Plus, I need to see people's eyes to really get them.

reply to post by webedoomed


webedoomed...thank you! Great info! (more to ponder, lol)

As for, can we tune it down at times?
I cannot.
It's always there. I can actually touch a person physically and feel their emotions, but that's probably another thread, haha.
I have been this way since my earliest memory....as a very young child. Being aware of it is a huge help though!

I am loving this thread...lots of great ideas going back and forth!
jacygirl

reply to post by wildtimes

"empathy" vs "sympathy"

Yes i was thinking about that.

I have people close to me that show little to no sympathy.

Once when I was sick someone very close to me said he wish I would just hurry up and die, and he meant it.

Wonderful thread. We are programmed with media, schools and even religions, and political and scientific ideologies from cradle to grave, with a good dose of trauma's thrown on that seem to feed our negative beliefs. One has to work at uncovering their empathy and love, and keeping that alive.

reply to post by jacygirl

I'm wondering if anyone here believes that early childhood experiences lead to being overly empathic...or overly NON-empathic?

Yes.

I think everyone is empathetic to a degree, save for perhaps some autistics. I've watched somewhere's a study with children: Toddlers display fear, laughter and sadness when the people around them display these emotions. But one can learn to suppress or contribute to the emotions and reactive responses that correlate with these situations over time or with practice and repetition. Somewhere along the lines the empathy is lost.

I think much of this thread is confusing empathy with intuition. Getting "vibes" isn't empathy; "vibes" are emotional responses to various sensual cues, and not necessarily anything to do with rational thought. A fish intuitively goes for a fish lure because of the "vibe" it gets. Empathy involves learning, and sometimes the avoidance of intuition, so as to remove one's preconceived notions about whatever it is that he is being empathetic towards, in an attempt to learn the truth, and if the truth is worthy of our empathy.

reply to post by Aphorism

confusing empathy with intuition

That's a good point, all a person has to do is take one look at me and I can tell there is a problem.

And even out in public some stranger will start a conversation with me to talk about their problems, very strange.

reply to post by Aphorism

I think much of this thread is confusing empathy with intuition. Getting "vibes" isn't empathy; "vibes" are emotional responses to various sensual cues, and not necessarily anything to do with rational thought.

I disagree.
Your use of the term "vibes" is different from mine. "Vibes" are about sensitivity. "Intuition" is a gut-feeling. When you talk about a fish drawn to a lure, that is neither "vibes", nor "intuition" - it is instinct.

You can think whatever you like; for my part, I am not confusing "vibes" with "empathy."

Those of us who possess the ability to 'feel' what another is projecting (whether they are consciously projecting it nor not) AND put our understanding of humanity to work to 'get to the source of it' and feel not just what they are projecting, but the deeper intention or cause for their attitude - are not using 'intuition'.

We know how to ask questions about the person (whether to their face or while contemplating outside of their presence), how to examine patterns of behavior and fill in the blanks - we can tell even when it's subtle and snide; whether by noticing a one-off glance from one person to another in a crowd, or a choice of written words - or whether it's genuine. We are able to 'read between the lines,' even if the person or persons we are observing are unaware of our presence or attention.

Empathy is not 'intuition' - it is attention and careful thought - being able to feel the other person's/non-human animal's feelings - and think outside of one's own frame of reference and about the other's circumstances, outlook, personality, and motives. Even if one does not share those circumstances, that outlook or personality, we can often understand it and discern the 'motive' and 'feelings' that the other has.

wildtimes
reply to post by Aphorism

 

I think much of this thread is confusing empathy with intuition. Getting "vibes" isn't empathy; "vibes" are emotional responses to various sensual cues, and not necessarily anything to do with rational thought.

I disagree.
Your use of the term "vibes" is different from mine. "Vibes" are about sensitivity. "Intuition" is a gut-feeling. When you talk about a fish drawn to a lure, that is neither "vibes", nor "intuition" - it is instinct.

You can think whatever you like; for my part, I am not confusing "vibes" with "empathy.".......

Empathy is not 'intuition' - it is attention and careful thought - being able to feel the other person's/non-human animal's feelings - and think outside of one's own frame of reference and about the other's circumstances, outlook, personality, and motives. Even if one does not share those circumstances, that outlook or personality, we can often understand it and discern the 'motive' and 'feelings' that the other has.

I agree with everything you wrote, just shortened the quote for posting purposes.
Not sure how I feel about the word 'vibe'.
If we are all energetic beings vibrating at certain frequencies...then perhaps picking up on another person's 'vibe' is not completely inaccurate?
I can be in a room full of people, and instantly tell if someone is feeling uncomfortable about the topic of discussion. I just 'feel' it.
Strangers will tell me very personal information, as if they can sense that I'm a good choice, lol.

I wanted to delve into STS vs STO (Service to Self vs Service to Others) but my back is out, and I can't get comfortable enough to write much at the moment! (will continue that thought soon).

jacygirl

reply to post by wildtimes

"Vibes" are about sensitivity. "Intuition"

but you could have sensitivity vibes, that increase intuition, it could all be one.

We were programed a specific way and many are now losing natural instinct, it is all about survival.

reply to post by Stormdancer777

but you could have sensitivity vibes, that increase intuition, it could all be one.

Yes, at some level, it is 'all one.'

Some prefer a 'rational, objective' outlook; others of us don't have a 'choice' about it - we feel what we feel.
It's possible to 'repress' it - but impossible to completely 'turn it off.' It's how we're hard-wired, so to speak.

reply to post by jacygirl

I can be in a room full of people, and instantly tell if someone is feeling uncomfortable about the topic of discussion. I just 'feel' it.
Strangers will tell me very personal information, as if they can sense that I'm a good choice, lol.

Right. That's what I'm saying.



I can tell in less than a heartbeat when someone is getting rattled - if they are upset, calm, angry, spiteful - I know some others can sense it in me, also - but they are fewer and farther between.

reply to post by wildtimes


I am or once was a nervous wreck anxiety and all that, I truly believe this come along with all these over active senses.

Instinct that are a throw back to when we needed these senses to survive.

reply to post by wildtimes

getting rattled - if they are upset, calm, angry, spiteful -

Me too and sometimes, I can tell that they can tell that I can tell.

and at times it makes them more uncomfortable because they feel I am reading them.

And seldom does someone pull the wool over my eyes, I can see right through it, and they know it, then they avoid me.

reply to post by Stormdancer777

I can tell that they can tell that I can tell.

I know! And when they know that you know that they know that you know, it gets trickier.
Right?? LOL!!

reply to post by wildtimes


Earlier in the thread you implied I wasn't empathetic for whatever reason. What sort of empathy was used in this reasoning? It is an irrational knee-jerk reaction, just like assuming that CEOs are without empathy and psychotic. That isn't empathy whatsoever. That is the opposite of empathy, and dare I say ignorance.

Those of us who possess the ability to 'feel' what another is projecting (whether they are consciously projecting it nor not) AND put our understanding of humanity to work to 'get to the source of it' and feel not just what they are projecting, but the deeper intention or cause for their attitude - are not using 'intuition'.

intuition |ˌint(y)o͞oˈiSHən|
noun
the ability to understand something immediately, without the need for conscious reasoning: we shall allow our intuition to guide us.
• a thing that one knows or considers likely from instinctive feeling rather than conscious reasoning: your insights and intuitions as a native speaker are positively sought.

vibe |vīb|
noun informal
1 (usu. vibes) a person's emotional state or the atmosphere of a place as communicated to and felt by others: a lot of moody people giving off bad vibes.[abbreviation of vibrations.]
2 (vibes) another term for vibraphone.

They sound pretty much the same to me. The article claims we should learn about another, "walk a mile in their shoes", consider their point of view, their life, their experience, not pick up on vibes and react to them. Reacting to vibes is considering one's own views and no one else's.

Stormdancer777
reply to post by wildtimes

 

I am or once was a nervous wreck anxiety and all that, I truly believe this come along with all these over active senses.

Instinct that are a throw back to when we needed these senses to survive.

Same here, Stormdancer777!
But I believe that I needed these senses to survive my childhood!
My earliest memory is of my parents fighting (verbally). My father had a vicious mouth, and spewed his venom towards my mother and myself. (only child, no siblings, no relatives)
My mother was a nervous wreck, very needy. By age 12 I felt like SHE was the child and I was the parent.
I was 'burdened' with feeling that I was responsible for her happiness. Could be why I put everyone else's feelings ahead of my own?
I became hyper-aware of everything. I learned how to TRY to maintain the status quo, especially between the two of them.
Part of me questions whether or not my empath abilities were learned?

jacygirl

Just would like to add…

Do you apologize because you are truly sorry or just to save face? Do you feel bad about transgressing against another person and seek to apologize because you're supposed to or because of that feeling in your stomach (your soul)?

I see people react to situations and I can read their emotions right away, sometimes with the littlest suggestion or body english on their part. How others react to someone stumbling or falling is a good tell how they are predisposed. Some rush to help. Others stare. Some laugh… at others pain or misfortune.

Some delight in causing others pain.

I was raised by selfish, self centered parents and I hate that part of me. Its not the real me. I try not to let it control me and my actions. I need a visual on people to determine their state.

Part of what troubles me about the Internet is I can't see what others are thinking thru a screen. I don't really know if they are genuine or not until they prove out over time.

reply to post by Aphorism

Earlier in the thread you implied I wasn't empathetic for whatever reason.

Can you please show me where I did that?

I will say, yes, I think you are more into 'rational' than 'emotional' responses to the world. You are a guy.
I am not. I don't know what your background is - but I do know that you are trying to shut me down.

Can you explain why that is??

wildtimes
reply to post by Stormdancer777

 

I can tell that they can tell that I can tell.

I know! And when they know that you know that they know that you know, it gets trickier.
Right??

LOL. right, this is fun.


I remember once a friend started dating this guy, she introduced us, after they left I look at my daughter and said that's a con man, a few months later he was arrested for fraudulently asking for donations claiming to be a police officer.

This happens all the time, but if I warn people they usually discount it, or they will get angry, yea its complicated.

To speak up or not to speak up