Six Habits of Highly Empathic People

reply to post by wildtimes


great thread

unfortunately emphatic people in this current world are usually used and tossed aside

empathy is fading fast in this me me world

i know mine has been used against me more than once

and will probable happen again sooner than i would like

ive often tried to hardened my heart and become one of the masses

but i just cant

feels to wrong ,makes me cringe

s/f for maybe getting someone to wake up the the pain they cause

reply to post by Advantage

Oh I know we are connected. Throughout my life its been by watching people like you that teach people like me when and how to react to other people. I mean, its not like I can help the way I am.. but people like you and people like me MUST have a symbiotic relationship. I cant do things you can, and you cant do things I can.

Exactly!

We aren't all 'the same', but we need each other to help us keep balanced.

There's a song by Sarah McLachlan that says:

Every time I look at you the world just melts away
All my troubles all my fears dissolve in your affections
You've seen me at my weakest but you take me as I am
And when I fall you offer me a softer place to land

You stay the course you hold the line you keep it all together
You're the one true thing I know I can believe in
You're all the things that I desire, you save me, you complete me
You're the one true thing I know I can believe

I get mad so easy but you give me room to breathe
No matter what I say or do 'cause you're to good to fight about it
Even when I have to push just to see how far you'll go
You wont stoop down to battle but you never turn to go

You stay the course you hold the line you keep it all together
You're the one true thing I know I can believe in
You're all the things that I desire, you save me, you complete me
You're the one true thing I know I can believe

Your love is just the antidote when nothing else can cure me
There are times I can't decide when I can't tell up from down
You make me feel less crazy when otherwise I'd drown
But you pick me up and brush me off and tell me I'm okay
Sometimes thats just what we need to get us through the day

You stay the course you hold the line you keep it all together
You're the one true thing I know I can believe in
You're all the things that I desire, you save me, you complete me
You're the one true thing I know I can believe

You stay the course you hold the line you keep it all together
You're the one true thing I know I can believe in

Fist bump, Advantage

reply to post by Another_Nut

unfortunately emphatic people in this current world are usually used and tossed aside

empathy is fading fast in this me me world

Ya know, Another_Nut, I think we always have been. I've occasionally referred to myself as 'damaged goods' due to my total openness and having allowed people to take advantage of me.

Insensitive people don't like to be 'shown' - or 'learn' - how others feel, or how they are hurtful.

But, like you, I hope the thread will open even just one eyelid one slit, and get those people to think.

And also demonstrate that we are out here, and paying attention!!!!

I appreciate Advantage being honest about how she(?) feels. I have suffered much at the hands of predators who pretended to be 'like me' in the beginning of the relationship. When their true colours were shown, it was obvious that I was dealing with a different kind of person. I would much prefer if someone was open and honest about their feelings, or lack thereof.

Over the years, I've learned to control my emotions to a certain extent. I'm aware of what I'm feeling...and whether or not it is my issue or someone else's. Still can't get past putting everyone else's feelings/needs ahead of my own though. Balance. It's a work in progress, lol.

jacygirl

reply to post by wildtimes

sorry cant post the pic
hope this works

damaged goods we are

damaged goods we will stay

for good reason

scontent-b-dfw.xx.fbcdn.net...

reply to post by wildtimes

Well, the painful aspect is certainly a real, and unfortunate aspect, the emotional benefit of being able to aide someone far outweighs the pain that I may encounter. Keep in mind, though, the pain that empaths feel is largely self inflicted, simply because they have the ability to place themselves in the other persons' position, but because they see the whole picture.

They see it from the other persons' perspective, but from theirs, as well. They can envision the whole picture, the outcome, the events unfold, like a movie playing out in their mind, in a number of different scenarios all at once. It is like an instant movie, and with that, is a flood of emotion. So many what if's, so many outcomes. That is what spurs them into action.

Some may be aware of this mini movie, as it were, and some may not, they just feel the flood or rush of emotion. Some may only realize the final outcome, like seeing a final snapshot of the end of the story. The 'This is it' moment.

Regardless of how they experience it, the end result is, they are spurred to take an action, and the outcome is changed. The emotional reward far outweighs whatever emotional expense was expended.

But, that's not what provokes them to act. It's prevention of the bad outcome. That is the motivation, preventing the victim from becoming the victim, and instead, empowering them, or changing the course of things where the bad things aren't going to happen.

As I said, it's just their nature, like a second nature, and the impulse to act is almost irresistable, in fact, most of the time, it is.

Painful has many perspectives, so it really shouldn't deter anyone. It is not painful in the physical sense, but the emotional sense, because not only do you almost literally experience their emotions, but all of yours too, the ones involved in the whole experience. It's a lot at once.

The flood usually hits when it's over, for me. After the fact. The main emotions are putting myself in that persons' position, the final picture,then I am spurred to act.

Later, I break down, and then I am fine. Like I said, the reward is knowing that I prevented the "final outcome", but I never think that beforehand. It's always an afterthought. The reward is not my motive, in otherwords. Helping, simply helping, is.

Hope this makes sense to any "non-empaths". Hard to know!

reply to post by wildtimes

but not everyone (especially, as we all know, the Wall Street Wolves and Corporate Vultures like Mitt Romney ) has that ability to 'imagine what it must be like.'

Mmhm....the (PIC) psychopaths in charge could use some of that 'empathy', eh? (Aka TPTB)

Hopefully one can also muster the empathy for these people, the 'psychopaths', the 'wolves' and 'vultures', which some are often too quick to throw under a bus. Empathy isn't reserved for the few.

I watched a group of bearded wonders trying to interfere with our political system's candidate selection because they considered their religion had been insulted by a selected candidate. What hit me was their grim determination that only their view would be followed. It got me thinking that empathy for the religious-minded simply does not exist.

If empathy, which I view as one of the highest human attributions, is subject to censorship due to so-called higher principles, then we can be subjected to rules that we never signed up for. Without empathy for other people's views and freedoms we might as well live in a Gulag.

I posted to FB that being empathetic is not always a good thing. I can literally feel the pain of other people, or the anger. I can immediately sense when something is wrong, or someone doesn't like me. My brother lost his 15 year old daughter when hit by a truck when on vacation. It is so difficult to be around him and his wife. My chest feels so heavy and I can ''t breath.

reply to post by Shiloh7

Without empathy for other people's views and freedoms we might as well live in a Gulag.

Precisely. No matter who they are.

reply to post by dsp1993

posted to FB that being empathetic is not always a good thing. I can literally feel the pain of other people, or the anger. I can immediately sense when something is wrong, or someone doesn't like me. My brother lost his 15 year old daughter when hit by a truck when on vacation. It is so difficult to be around him and his wife. My chest feels so heavy and I can ''t breath.

Oh, wow.

I know what you mean - instantly feeling there is 'something amiss' ...
I totally get it.

How awful about your niece. Sheesh.

They need you, though. But, yeah, it's painful.

reply to post by Aphorism

Hopefully one can also muster the empathy for these people, the 'psychopaths', the 'wolves' and 'vultures',

That is the 'difficult' thing as a counselor - we're trained to do that. Like "FBI profilers"....

but, some people are just not capable of it. And so, we have 'lame' people trying to counsel; some people who are 'trained' (like, for example, people reading the article but unable to wrap their head around the concept) but lack the life experience and '6th sense' of empathy.

To help someone, one must actually imagine being in their position - it's crucially necessary if one is to successfully suggest ways to go forward for that person.

Empathy isn't reserved for the few.

Nope, it isn't. An empathic person feels the "vibes" regardless of the character of the person with whom one is interacting.

I can't help myself - psycho or martyr, child or adult, peasant or lord, I can't keep myself from "responding empathically."

You should try it.

reply to post by Another_Nut


Here's your pic.



I get what you're saying. What about those of us who are actually 'drawn' to people like that?

Perhaps we notice each other's broken wings.
Thanks for posting that.

When you say "for good reason", what do you mean?
I have all kinds of 'ideas' in mind about what you mean, but I'd like to hear yours. (karma?)

wildtimes
Empathy is not just a way to extend the boundaries of your moral universe. According to new research, it’s a habit we can cultivate to improve the quality of our own lives.

That is the part that the conservatives are missing. That is why I am not scared of things like helping the poor. I know that anything I do that increases my empathy also increases the quality of my life. I didn't always used to understand this and I certainly run into danger of falling back into "lazy" but less quality days.

Trust me, though, if someone is prodding you and forcing you to be empathetic, that means your life is about to improve

reply to post by darkbake

That is the part that the conservatives are missing. That is why I am not scared of things like helping the poor. I know that anything I do that increases my empathy also increases the quality of my life.

Yep. Although it's occasionally very stressful and saddening...
the reward far surpasses "pay."

I have a saying that,
If people would think about everybody else, no one would need to think only about themselves.

Sounds simple on paper, but it can't become reality if empathy is not in the hearts of people.

Nice thread!
Although empathy is often said to be weak, I believe that empathy is a strength that can bring forward many positive and actions.

I am Empathic.
if I see some one who is in pain,
suffering, scared or embarrassment.
I feel it to. even if I just think they do.
it hurts! to much some times.

Solders dont have any empathy.
thats the way they train them.
so they can kill with no feelings.
but it does not always work.
some kill them selves.

I wish Ever one had full empathy.
they can train them selves to it.
after years of it. it will be a part of them.
I hope.

reply to post by wildtimes


There are no conservative empaths?
what?

It was probably inevitable that the trend in this thread would eventually go towards the idea that empathetic people are good and wonderful and conservatives are foul. You see that in some of the posts above. But this idea that liberals are far more understanding of suffering doesn't pan out when you look at the statistics.

The bottom line is that conservatives donate more of their income, which is slightly lower than liberals on average, give more blood than liberals, and give more time to philanthropic activities. So why you all are patting yourselves on your back about what good people you are, conservatives are out their putting their money (and their blood) where your mouths are.

When an empirical study of the actual behavior of American conservatives and liberals was published in 2006, it turned out that conservatives donated a larger amount of money, and a higher percentage of their incomes (which were slightly lower than liberal incomes) to philanthropic activities.

Conservatives also donated more of their time to philanthropic activities and donated far more blood than liberals. What is most remarkable about this study are not just its results. What is even more remarkable is how long it took before anyone even bothered to ask the questions. It was just assumed, for centuries, that the left was more compassionate.

One of many different sources

Am I saying you self-described empaths are NOT empathetic? NO. Of course not. My problem is when your self-aggrandizement turns into unfounded criticisms of conservatives, who on the whole do a lot better job of than you do.

Awesome thread WT!

I'm an empath too. We rock! It is a difficult thing to navigate but so worth it. I can't imagine how boring life must be if you can't feel for others, even if it sucks, even if it brings you to your knees at times... how can anything change if we don't feel others suffering? And how do you enjoy others love, joy... the good stuff?