Six Habits of Highly Empathic People

Empathy is the cornerstone of civility. It is imperative, if we want world peace, to develop it as a specie.

I've always been like this: highly concerned with the other person's plight, and willing to listen (hence I got into social work and psychotherapy to try to help)...

but not everyone (especially, as we all know, the Wall Street Wolves and Corporate Vultures like Mitt Romney ) has that ability to 'imagine what it must be like.'

Here is an article about how to develop that trait - if it doesn't come 'naturally' to you -
and, I'm happy to say, it references business leaders as getting 'on board' the empathy and compassion train!
Six Habits of Highly Empathic People

Folks, THIS is what can change the world....please read and comment!

If you think you’re hearing the word “empathy” everywhere, you’re right. It’s now on the lips of scientists and business leaders, education experts and political activists. But there is a vital question that few people ask: How can I expand my own empathic potential? Empathy is not just a way to extend the boundaries of your moral universe. According to new research, it’s a habit we can cultivate to improve the quality of our own lives.

But what is empathy? It’s the ability to step into the shoes of another person, aiming to understand their feelings and perspectives, and to use that understanding to guide our actions. That makes it different from kindness or pity. And don’t confuse it with the Golden Rule, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” As George Bernard Shaw pointed out, “Do not do unto others as you would have them do unto you—they might have different tastes.” Empathy is about discovering those tastes.

The big buzz about empathy stems from a revolutionary shift in the science of how we understand human nature. The old view that we are essentially self-interested creatures is being nudged firmly to one side by evidence that we are also homo empathicus, wired for empathy, social cooperation, and mutual aid.

Mmhm....the (PIC) psychopaths in charge could use some of that 'empathy', eh? (Aka TPTB)

Habit 1: Cultivate curiosity about strangers

Habit 2: Challenge prejudices and discover commonalities

Habit 3: Try another person’s life

Habit 4: Listen hard—and open up

Habit 5: Inspire mass action and social change

Habit 6: Develop an ambitious imagination

The article linked has two videos (I can post them if you all are interested in having them on our site), and lots of detailed info about these six traits.

I HIGHLY RECOMMEND that every man, woman, and child on this planet be taught these strategies.
It is how we will be able to coexist in this new global context.

Now that we are bombarded (or can be, if we're paying attention) by world events and other's points of view on such an all-encompassing scale - we MUST be able to bridge the gaps. Open the dialogues.

LISTEN to each other. FEEL for each other. TALK to each other.

Peace on earth; and goodwill toward men.

Here's a teaser:

Empathy will most likely flower on a collective scale if its seeds are planted in our children. That’s why HEPs support efforts such as Canada’s pioneering Roots of Empathy, the world’s most effective empathy teaching program, which has benefited over half a million school kids. Its unique curriculum centers on an infant, whose development children observe over time in order to learn emotional intelligence—and its results include significant declines in playground bullying and higher levels of academic achievement.

For those of you who haven't noticed (heh), this is what I strive for every day on ATS - and in my life in general.

THIS is what we should be teaching our kids!

The art of empathy is near dead in modern government.....it does not even figure into it.....
The efforts to stamp out any empathy towards fellow humans proceeds apace................

reply to post by stirling


Well that's a particularly dismal outlook.

The point is to change that fact! And, it works! Or, if you'd rather just sit back and allow the psychos to destroy us and the planet, I guess it's a moot point.



Star for participation.

Chin up!! We can do this!!

Great thread.

I think an example of this, may be what I have a problem with.

I cannot watch shows, like the court shows, the bachelor type, or anything where people get "emotionally" hurt or embarrassed.

My husband used to tease me, because I would actually flinch and blush when it happened to someone.

I do believe the world needs more of this.
People really need to "feel" and "understand" another's pain.

reply to post by chiefsmom

I cannot watch shows, like the court shows, the bachelor type, or anything where people get "emotionally" hurt or embarrassed.

I know! Right?

For example - anytime I see an adolescent (or a baby, or a shrieking toddler, or a middle-schooler) being abused by adults (or bullies), I don't just flinch and blush - I CRY!!

I think about my kids....
about how they must feel.

Yeah, yeah, I disclose too much and my heart is on my sleeve for all to see - but, I can't be any other way!!

Thanks for posting

Meditation is also a cornerstone towards developing empathy. As it quiets the mind, all the preconditioned babble of MY WANTS, MY NEEDS, MY DESIRES, gradually drop away.

Along with clarity, advancing in meditation also provides a fundamental awareness of the cause/reaction paradigm of your own situation. You begin to more clearly see the energy you put out into the world and how your actions affect others. Your conscience awakens from the long hibernation of being suppressed under the materialistic egocentric paradigm TPTB foist upon us.

For the most part, people are all generally good at heart. But to reach that heart of gold, first you have to chip away at all the societal programming that above all else strives to keep us disparate, unconnected, and at each others' throats--all fighting with each other to "win" this horrid rat-race labyrinth of this false reality TPTB use to hold us enslaved.

So yeah, meditate daily. And perform other disciplines that quiet the mind like yoga, taiji (tai chi), and Qigong.

TPTB will never help free your mind from the mental cage they've placed you in. To become a better person and help improve humanity, you must put in the hard work to free yourself. It's a long and uphill battle, but the end result is far more rewarding than the money/cash/hoes paradigm TPTB push as the "meaning" of life.

reply to post by therealguyfawkes

To become a better person and help improve humanity, you must put in the hard work to free yourself. It's a long and uphill battle, but the end result is far more rewarding than the money/cash/hoes paradigm TPTB push as the "meaning" of life.

WHISTLE, HOOT, HEAR HEAR!!

Aww, wildtimes....I love the way you think!
Yes, Yesss and YES!
I was born an ultra-empath, and I've raised 3 kids to empathy-adulthood, lol.
I simply cannot comprehend how everyone does not feel like this, as it's all I've ever known.
S&F
jacygirl

reply to post by jacygirl


Hi jacy!!
I just saw you on the other thread .... so glad you chimed in here,
I wish you would post more, girlfriend!

Yeah, my kids are grown now, too - and it was my 'style' since my birth, so I feel I've done a fair job at teaching it to them.

What I see going on around me breaks my heart; and this place is my chosen 'venue' for "squawking" about it.
It ain't much -- but, who knows?

If we can change just one person's trajectory away from self-interest-only and toward empathy, just imagine how nice the world could be!!

(It's kinda painful to be 'afflicted' with this condition, though - isn't it?)
Hug

reply to post by wildtimes


My mother used to tell me that, that I wore my heart on my sleeve. Before I understood it, it always felt like an insult. Even after I understood it, it felt like an insult. Even now, however, I try to see it as my badge of courage.

The only problems I ever had with it were, certain people preyed upon me because of it, and others saw me as weak because of it.

I learned to somewhat cover it up, but I can't hide it. When someone is being treated badly I cannot resist the impulse to step in and become protective, especially if the person is helpless.

If the person seems to be in despair, I lend comfort and emotional aide. If they are uneducated and being preyed upon, I step in and will educate them, wisen them up, give advice to prevent them from being taken.

People laugh at me for being a softie, others get angry that I shelter and protect their vulnerable targets, and empower them.

But, I don't care. I won't ever change, and, the older I get, the more outspoken I get. In particular when it comes to the elderly and children.

It's almost like an instinct, or second nature, to put myself in that persons' position, like I see the event happening from their point if view.

Sometimes, it's very painfull, emotionally. The oddest thing about it all, it's very hard to do all od this for myself. For me, it is always a hindsight type of thing. I always seem to see the event like a movie replaying in my mind, and I become full of coulda, shoulda, woulda.

I cannot settle something with myself until I figure out, and go back and fix the problem, even days later. I will confront the person, in a nice way, and say, "When such and such happened, I felt xyz, and I just wanted to you to know how that action affected me, and I haven't been comfortable, and really wanted to talk this over with you".

The worst part of it all is it makes me prone to emotional outbursts that no one else would ever have. Media allows me, usually, the opportunity to think before I react. Real life, not so much. I have a bad case of foot in mouth syndrome.

Perhaps this was why my mother tried to shame me out of the behaviour.

I dont typically care what anyone thinks.. but at times I do. I guess I can be honest here and see what I get, eh? LOL! I wanted to add some into this. I also want to express my opinion that the world is NOT the place for only one type of person and the future will need those who are not highly empathic/empathetic as well as those who are.

I dont feel the things others describe as empathy. I mean, I have an intellectual understanding and I react or act accordingly, but I dont "feel" those things. I always thought it was people just being melodramatic or something, but over the years Ive discovered that they WERE feeling something I have no concept of. Im not cold, I have feelings, all of that sort of thing, just not this deep empathy thing.
I certainly dont understand it, but I can see how some would be naturally drawn to some sociopathic or psychopathic tendencies feeling.. or having less feeling or none... like me. I am a nutcase concerning self discipline and I make myself aware of circumstances that would make someone feel empathy for another.. so I can do what is called for. It has made me VERY useful in certain circumstances. Highly empathetic folks.. when I see them react... freak me the hell out. My oldest daughter is very empathetic and she truly freaks me out... I cant understand it even with those close to me. Its frightening or bewildering. I cant imagine being under the control of emotions in such a way!

There is a place for ALL of us.

reply to post by wildtimes


*hug* back atcha!

Yes...it's hard to be like this, but it's a natural state for me.
What I can't relate to is the complete LACK of empathy! It's so foreign to me, that I sometimes wonder "Are THEY really aliens?" (lol)

On a positive note, at least we can recognize other empaths, and I've noticed that a LOT of the members that I really like...seem to be empathic in character.

Oh, and the reason I don't 'chime in more', is because....sometimes your threads intimidate me, lol! I think perhaps you are better educated in areas where I am merely...'interested'? I am...well read, but not university educated. (I read all your threads...the ensuing posts....star, flag...and exit! If I can't add anything I just lurk )

jacygirl

Advantage! Hi! Sorry about my 'alien' comment! I just saw your post above mine, and had to edit! Of course I did, hahaha...
Anyways, thank you for chiming in with your perspective. No judgement here...different isn't wrong...it's just different.
I guess the only person whose place I can't empathize with...would be a person with no empathy....? Hmmmm....I wonder if early-childhood experiences have anything to do with creating empaths....? Something to ponder, maybe?

reply to post by Libertygal

But, I don't care. I won't ever change, and, the older I get, the more outspoken I get. In particular when it comes to the elderly and children.

It's almost like an instinct, or second nature, to put myself in that persons' position, like I see the event happening from their point if view.

Exactly.

Sometimes, it's very painfull, emotionally. The oddest thing about it all, it's very hard to do all od this for myself. For me, it is always a hindsight type of thing. I always seem to see the event like a movie replaying in ky mind, and I become full of coulda, shoulda, woulda.

I won't change either.
I'm glad you exist.

Actually, MOST times it's painful - and yeah, my 'open vein' has resulted in me being taken advantage of numerous times.

But I can't stop! My daughter tells me "Mom, you are SO sensitive to your emotions" (and others have told me, like they told you - to 'cowgirl up' and stop being so self-disclosing and such a bleeding heart)...But, as you, I'm always second guessing myself!

My kids' dad used to say he should "get me a whistle" for when I took the kids to the playground; I always made sure all the kids (INCLUDING MY OWN) were being nice (like, not pushing my daughter off the slide ladder...stuff like that).

ETA to change to not just 'other' kids, but my own as well.

Hall monitor! (think "Superstar!")

reply to post by chiefsmom


I'll give you an example from my household. My wife lets my 4 year old watch the "Home Alone" movies, which I think are totally inappropriate for his age, and I am constantly trying to express to him that, even though those are "bad guys" we should not be happy when bad things happen to them and that I feel terrible watching these things happen to those guys. I know it's just a movie, but to get entertainment out of watching a sadistic "good boy" do things to a pair of criminals that in real life would kill them is really sick.

The wife thinks it's no big deal, but if she sees someone kick a dog...

(which I don't condone either btw)

reply to post by jacygirl


We should stop saying how painful it is - or the people who read it thinking they might try it won't give it a try!!

Please, jacy, PLEASE don't ever feel intimidated by me or my posts. Say what you think!!!

reply to post by wildtimes


What a commie! I should break you like a boy. Wait... Hold everything. I know that was wrong. I'm sorry and I won't do it again.
How empathetic was that! Woo hoo! #winning

silliness aside, I believe a vast majority of people have more than enough empathy. It's the corporate programming that is spoofing our perception of that. USA style corporate Fascism completely hijacked religion and short circuits our ability to see others as similar vs different. TPTB don't want large numbers of people agreeing on anything.

Was Ayn Rand even a real person or was she a meme? I really wonder.

reply to post by Advantage

Highly empathetic folks.. when I see them react... freak me the hell out. My oldest daughter is very empathetic and she truly freaks me out... I cant understand it even with those close to me. Its frightening or bewildering. I cant imagine being under the control of emotions in such a way!

Really! Well, thanks for posting.

I guess I "freak people out" too - but - it's an inborn personality trait.

Like I said, my daughter gets alarmed at my sensitivity - all my life I've been told I'm "too sensitive" - has that helped to stop it?

A little. I've learned (finally) to draw boundaries - only took me 45 years to even get remotely good at it....

but - from a person who is painfully empathic, I can tell you for sure -
it CAN change the world.

We are not alone. We are all connected. We need to recognize that.

Thanks for your candid response.

reply to post by InverseLookingGlass

Was Ayn Rand even a real person or was she a meme? I really wonder.

Yeah, not so sure about her.

Psycho/sociopath rings a bell, though.


Thanks for your silliness, ILG! I would love for this thread to be an up-beat, positive, encouraging one.

wildtimes
reply to post by Advantage

 

Highly empathetic folks.. when I see them react... freak me the hell out. My oldest daughter is very empathetic and she truly freaks me out... I cant understand it even with those close to me. Its frightening or bewildering. I cant imagine being under the control of emotions in such a way!

Really! Well, thanks for posting.

I guess I "freak people out" too - but - it's an inborn personality trait.

Like I said, my daughter gets alarmed at my sensitivity - all my life I've been told I'm "too sensitive" - has that helped to stop it?

A little. I've learned (finally) to draw boundaries - only took me 45 years to even get remotely good at it....

but - from a person who is painfully empathic, I can tell you for sure -
it CAN change the world.

We are not alone. We are all connected. We need to recognize that.

Thanks for your candid response.

Oh I know we are connected. Throughout my life its been by watching people like you that teach people like me when and how to react to other people. I mean, its not like I can help the way I am.. but people like you and people like me MUST have a symbiotic relationship. I cant do things you can, and you cant do things I can. I would like to keep the empathic safe in a bubble.. so they can do what they do best when needed. When a person like me doesnt understand their connection to all of the different types and the truly empathic/empathetic... and the absolute need for that other half of the story.. thats when they become sociopaths and psychopaths IMO. For me its not an insincerity... I mean not my reaction to someone.. I just dont FEEL what you guys do. We absolutel need eachother in a very real sense.

Funny thing my oldest once said.. she was crying over some show ( she is 20 now.. and this ws a few years ago) and I said whats wrong. She said it was sad. I asked her what it felt like.. Im watching it too and felt nada... she told me it was like someone was wiggling in her belly and her chest and pulling her into the couch. I cant imagine it to be honest.