Not having anything in common with anyone almost ever

originally posted by: putnam6

originally posted by: ancientlight
Can anyone relate?
Looking back at my life , I feel so alienated from everyone.

It's just so depressing and feels more depressing the older I get!
I feel invisible , I feel alien, I feel alone , I feel old

I feel I'm ugly and just ugh . I don't know just needing to reflect as this site is the only social media site where I post anything at all ever.
At times I don't feel human, why am I so awkward in social situations?
I sound silly for someone my age, but my life also hasn't changed in more than a decade.
I'm at a standstill and a dead end.

I have nothing in common with anyone I know , except my ex but that's not very useful.
I don't have pet though I'd love to get some fancy rats again

circumstances have prevented me so far.

I don't know , just another lonely weekend ,fading away.
blah.

Here I feel I can be myself at least. Elsewhere I'd put up a front but here I feel accepted

It's boredom, isn't it?

Look at it as another day you do what you want to do. From perspective, there are probably millions of people who you would love to have their social lives, yet they would kill to have the solace and the time for just themselves that you have.

Im not a loner I enjoy my friends and family,

but I can be perfectly fine by myself too. Hell, I probably prefer it, it's about occupying your time. Not gonna lie one place COVID stuff helped me cause I obviously was too immersed in work, taking that away helped me rediscover time occupiers I hadn't really used since the 80s.

"Don't let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy" I believe were the thoughtful words of Professor Glen Frey and Jackson Brown

Don't obsess with your position in life, find things that are immersive, and take your maximum concentration and/or physical effort.

I love reading find something to get lost in, find a long book series to read, there have got to be some great works of literature you haven't read yet. Movies? binge-watch a season of TV shows. But do something that exhausts you, if not mentally just from the sheer time you spent doing it.

More of a physical person, find a project to improve your living space, even if it's really just cleaning and organizing stuff. LOL clean your windows I spent a day and a half cleaning my windows during COVID and it's made me feel better every time I looked out of them.

LOL, Some adults will enjoy spending the whole weekend working on a LEGO STARWARS project, and that's perfectly fine, it's why they are called pastimes for a reason. There has got to be something that you can throw yourself into and power through the boredom.

Most importantly don't overthink stuff either, pardon the pun, you aren't alone in feeling this way.

Why else would I be up at 5 on Saturday morning and be on a message board?

Because let's face it some people would say spending so much time on message board is ridiculous, but for me, it's a timewaster and mind occupier

Boredom definitely plays a role. I was looking at meetup.com to see if there are any groups that I'd want to join. Mostly I will be the quiet one but that's okay. Also there's nothing wrong with playing with LEGOs as a adult Also maybe part of why I feel so alienated, quite a childlike mind still

originally posted by: nugget1
I have always been socially awkward. To this day, I have a difficult time carrying on a conversation with someone I've just met. One trick I learned while researching solutions on the net was to get them talking about themselves. Works like a charm, and you sometimes discover you have a thing or two in common!

During my working years I had to pretend to be 'normal'; no off-the-wall conversations like we have on ATS. That scares the poo out of people!

I suffered from some pretty dark depression in my younger years, and learned some valuable things through research and determination.

In order to have a happy relationship, you have to be happy with yourself first. No one else can 'make' me happy, and if I'm not happy with who I am, I can't expect to create a happy relationship with anyone else. 'It's better to be alone and lonely than with someone and lonely' is a lesson learned the hard way.

Another thing I finally figured out: happiness is a choice , and I am the only one responsible for my own happiness. If I'm unhappy, I need to figure out why and work on changing it.

On days that weren't great, I'd go to work and fake being in a good mood. No reason to drag others down, I thought. I discovered an important fact: I can be in total control of my thoughts and emotions. If I'm determined to have a good day, I usually will. If I let piddly things upset me, I probably won't. My choice.

'No matter how bad things are they can always get worse, and no matter how good things are, they can always get better' is an adage I remind myself of if the universe tries to rain on my day.

There is always something to be grateful for each day, even if it's just hearing a bird chirp! It's a lot easier for me to be happy when I have a thankful heart. I am very mindful of my internal dialog; when one has a history of depression, allowing negative thoughts to remain for log can start a downward spiral that can be hard to get out of. 'Where attention goes, energy flows' comes to mind. I found feeding the 'happy' part of my brain makes for a better outcome.

Laugh. Laugh a lot! Then laugh some more. Watching a funny movie works really great to get me out of my head, and the feel-good chemicals it creates in the brain are free! (And legal. lol)

An active life sure helps; there's always a need for volunteers, everywhere we look. I can no longer be around people, so I keep busy doing what I can. I made masks for all the kids in school and anybody who wanted one. I make 'fidget guilts' for patients with dementia, wheelchair quilts and covers for bedrails for people in assisted living. That's about all I can do to stay relevant in this world, and I'm so thankful I have that!

I learned not to compare myself to others. There will always be people far greater than me, and people far less than I would want to be. I learned to accept myself for who I am, warts and all; I have the option of learning how to change anything about me I don't like, and a computer that's more than willing to tell me how to do it! lol

Research 'how to be happy' and you'll find unlimited reading material. I hope you create your 'happy place' in life; it sucks when everything seems so dismal. I'm rooting for team Ancientlight!

Yes, I always do this too. Ask people about themselves and they will talk & talk. Talking about myself makes me uncomfortable anyway (except here :love. I have no problems not being in a relationship, I have accepted that I'll be alone the rest of my days ,easier that way. Also, I know I have to create my own happiness no man would certainly be able to do that. But this wasn't about relationships with men, actually more with friends. Just yesterday I met a friend of a friend and we played cards . Again I realized how much more adjusted she is , how much more mature , more outgoing blah blah . Yes I was comparing myself to her in a bad light. My bad. I do accept myself as I am and wouldn't change myself for anyone , but it does make me feel more socially awkward at times.
Thanks for the long well thought out reply.

a reply to: ancientlight

Just saw this, didn't read other responses and had to write before reading what others wrote.

You are not alone. Many people feel like this. Probably nearly everyone at one time or another feels like this.

I feel like this sometimes especially when I am alone. In bed is the worst, I torture myself there mentally over my failings and so have to get out of bed to stop it in the mornings.

I have identified things for me that I like to do and then go do them, it really helps me.

If there is a senior center near you, they have all kinds of activities you can do or learn with others, and for me focusing on what I am doing with others and talking about everyday things, forms bonds of connection over the activity. Volunteering doing something you are able to do ends up forming the most unlikely friendships sometimes. At least these things help me personally.

The person who has become my best friend is politically polar opposite from me, we met at church 9 years ago, and found that while we both believe in God we are a little quirky. We have bonded over talking about our grandchildren, going to lunch regularly, and other non-political things. We have a pact not to talk politics, we don't even talk about religion, we mostly talk about mundane everyday things and laugh a lot over our foibles that become jokes we tell each other. Like the time I badly scratched my outer car mirror and tried to hide it from my hubby, the "touch up" I did actually looked worse than the scratch (my hubby never noticed the whole incident over 2 days). I was so upset and went to the dealer sure I'd have to fess up to my hubby (he is a nice guy, but we'd just repaired my bumper from a big scratch and I was mortified). I asked how long it would take to fix and the dealer said, oh you just scratched a plastic piece, we have it here and can snap yours off and a new one on. My BFF and I had a good laugh over what for me was a super embarrassing and stomach twisting minor accident. I finally fessed up to my hubby who laughed like I was Lucy.

I joined a quilting group, we do assembly line type quilting and other sewing projects for groups like the local foster child camp, a drug rehab place for women, etc. Sometimes I don't feel like going, like I have nothing in common with the others. But once there we end up laughing over common jokes, like our latest Senior moments, and laugh over our foibles. I always feel better after that.

I go to a Senior citizen Sunday School class and have for the past 11 years, we are really old farts now. Some are raving liberals, some stick up the ... conservatives, some like me quirky former hippy liberal turned conservative with a very "interesting" past. I have nothing really in common with many of them, except our faith, and we are all at different levels there too with differing ideas. But I know they would be there for me and I would be there, and have been there for them, without question. To the point where one woman I struggle with sometimes, calling me when she couldn't get her compression hose off. I drove over to help her as they were painful and she is single and has cancer and is in treatment. It was embarrassing for her, and I wondered why I went so quickly to help "her", but you know what, we connected at that moment and it was nice.

Anyway, I don't mean to try and minimize your feelings at all. These are just the things that help me. I am no saint by any means and have to push myself sometimes, but these things help me. I'm not saying you should do them, just saying what helps me.

Also, a little bit of anti-depressant medication helps too. I am on a low dose.

Being an older person who is invisible to the world does get depressing. So I guess we have to fight to make ourselves visible in a good way, and it is tough sometimes when you have quirky ideas like I do and sounds like you do too.

originally posted by: CJCrawley
a reply to: ancientlight

I have nothing in common with anyone I know

Oh, I've had that all my life.

Someone you've known a long time will suddenly do or say something that just doesn't make sense. This tells you that the person you thought you knew is different from the reality.

Parents are dead, rejected by my siblings apart from one sister who emails me at Christmas and birthdays.

To top it all, the cherry atop the # sandwich, I'm now forced to work my final years before retirement with foreigners. All I hear are indecipherable African voices.

The cosmic jester's final middle finger.

That's such a betrayal of those who should be loyal and unconditionally loving and understanding towards you. I'm so sorry . You can message me and I will message you back more than just your birthday and Christmas

originally posted by: TDDAgain
a reply to: nugget1

What a beautiful post

You wrote a lot I agree with, but the part that rang true with me the most was: Learning to love oneself. It's important to treat oneself good. The soul and the body. I do believe it also changes our chemistry, as in, hormones that other's can subliminal smell.

It's visible in the eyes, because once we stop looking inside, stopping to deal with things we do not like about ourselves, stopping getting distracted by oneself... we can focus 100% onto the outside world and receive all the input. It comes down to awareness a lot.

In terms of relationships, or finding one, we could walk past the perfect soul mate every day but not notice! Sometimes we also just need to grab our heart and do it, speak to a total stranger.

Like for example, a few weeks ago I was buying groceries. There was that guy, mid 20s probably. We had the same pace during shopping, so while we progressed through the store, he was always around me, or I was around him. Waiting for each other to leave the spot so the other one can get there. Probably just by chance. Always looking into my direction and when I picked it up, he looked down. So I just waited for the next eye contact, smiled, walked by, turned around a few meters later and saw him watching me again. I nodded, laughed about the stupid situation and said like "See you at the frozen goods!".

There, he just approached me, said hi and we had a small conversation. Just casual. Turns out we've seen each during from training a few years back, but never talked.

Was it awkward first? Hell yes! I see him now there, sometimes. He's still watching me, so that means he might have interest getting me to know better.

If I wasn't aware about my surrounding, this conversation would never have started. Like for example if I'd just do my thing and mind my own, I would not have noticed him.

'Where attention goes, energy flows' comes to mind.

Love that sentence! It's speaking out of my heart, so true about so many things in life.

You always sound so wise and grounded. Thank you for that interesting story and more insight

originally posted by: Night Star
a reply to: ancientlight

Many people feel as you do, so you are not completely alone.
If you can't have your rats right now, how about a beautiful betta fish? Cheap and easy to care for. Get plants to nurture.
How about a hobby to keep busy with? There are tons of inspirational vids on youtube for crafts, gardening etc. There are also some fascinating documentaries and movies and books to take you away to different times and places.

You are a unique being in all the world. Never compare yourself to others or feel less than you truly are. Shine that little light of yours out into the world and embrace your uniqueness.

If all else fails...ride dragons.

Thank you Love the little cute rattie And yes I do embrace my uniqueness even if it doesn't sound like I do . I was just having a bit of rant/complain

Off course I wouldn't mind meeting a male version of me

originally posted by: Onlyyouknow
a reply to: ancientlight

I’m glad that you are you Ancientlight. I have nothing to add because everyone already said things far more eloquently than I could have.

I am sending you love for you to have a wonderful day.

❤️

Thank you , you too I don't know how to do this little heart

originally posted by: Grenade
a reply to: ancientlight

I think we all share your pain in some way or another, the only person you can ever fully understand is yourself.

True. Also the one person who can fully accept myself is me. Thanks

originally posted by: RAY1990
a reply to: ancientlight

I'm guessing most people can relate I question if they would though! Lol

Some awesome advice so far. We can control our emotions and I'd like to think it's easier if you live in the present, living in the past or the future rarely ever affects the present in a positive way.

What age group are you?

Why do you feel like you're awkward in social situations?

Most people aren't really, it's usually the shameless and the bumbling buffoons that's problematic and the latter are often loved especially the authentic ones. Communication is a practiced art though. Having social anxiety problems when I was younger I was often observant which helped in the realisation that most idle chat with strangers is mind numbingly boring anyways, the reason is probably everyone has a bit of social anxiety.

Contentedness is super important in life, it brings stability that'll reflect onto all aspects of your life. Not saying you should love yourself but you should probably love something you do.

Or to put it another way. Do what you do with love and you'll soon love what you do... Start a hobby maybe? Somebody mentioned volunteering... Both can put you into social groups that tend to be friendly to newcomers.

I definitely don't get the "menace of society" vibe from you so I think you'll do ok! Lol. We have comfort zones for a reason but we can stagnate if we don't push the boundaries now and then. Social interaction is pretty damn important for mental health and general well-being, those anxieties, social cues and awkwardness are 100% human and there's natural desire to express.

There's probably support groups etc in your area too, no shame in using them if needs be. Don't deny yourself life.

I will be 50 this year Probably not helpful in any way , even though it's part of all our lives.
I have joined meetup.com and will find some interest groups to join.
Yes, I probably need to push some boundaries as my life is a bit stagnate
Thanks for the reply and insight.

a reply to: ancientlight

Have you ever been the recipient of a random act of kindness?

If so, you know how it can brighten the day of both the giver and the receiver,
Sometimes it's something as simple as an honest compliment to a stranger.
Or a surprisingly generous tip to someone serving you your meal.

Being an 'angel unaware' to someone in need is one of the highest callings we can do in this world...and is rewarding in exponential ways.

originally posted by: seattlerat
Adopt rats! An appreciation of rodents means that you have something in common with quite a few people. Perhaps volunteer at an animal shelter or rescue organization. You will soon find that there are people out there that share your interests- all you have to do is put yourself in a situation where that is possible.

I might get some soon. My son will live with me again soon so that could be a good time.
I do worry about when I need to travel and where to let them free roam. Because they want out of their enclosure at all times I remember vividly from past ratties

Once you go rat you don't go back

originally posted by: The2Billies
a reply to: ancientlight

Just saw this, didn't read other responses and had to write before reading what others wrote.

You are not alone. Many people feel like this. Probably nearly everyone at one time or another feels like this.

I feel like this sometimes especially when I am alone. In bed is the worst, I torture myself there mentally over my failings and so have to get out of bed to stop it in the mornings.

I have identified things for me that I like to do and then go do them, it really helps me.

If there is a senior center near you, they have all kinds of activities you can do or learn with others, and for me focusing on what I am doing with others and talking about everyday things, forms bonds of connection over the activity. Volunteering doing something you are able to do ends up forming the most unlikely friendships sometimes. At least these things help me personally.

The person who has become my best friend is politically polar opposite from me, we met at church 9 years ago, and found that while we both believe in God we are a little quirky. We have bonded over talking about our grandchildren, going to lunch regularly, and other non-political things. We have a pact not to talk politics, we don't even talk about religion, we mostly talk about mundane everyday things and laugh a lot over our foibles that become jokes we tell each other. Like the time I badly scratched my outer car mirror and tried to hide it from my hubby, the "touch up" I did actually looked worse than the scratch (my hubby never noticed the whole incident over 2 days). I was so upset and went to the dealer sure I'd have to fess up to my hubby (he is a nice guy, but we'd just repaired my bumper from a big scratch and I was mortified). I asked how long it would take to fix and the dealer said, oh you just scratched a plastic piece, we have it here and can snap yours off and a new one on. My BFF and I had a good laugh over what for me was a super embarrassing and stomach twisting minor accident. I finally fessed up to my hubby who laughed like I was Lucy.

I joined a quilting group, we do assembly line type quilting and other sewing projects for groups like the local foster child camp, a drug rehab place for women, etc. Sometimes I don't feel like going, like I have nothing in common with the others. But once there we end up laughing over common jokes, like our latest Senior moments, and laugh over our foibles. I always feel better after that.

I go to a Senior citizen Sunday School class and have for the past 11 years, we are really old farts now. Some are raving liberals, some stick up the ... conservatives, some like me quirky former hippy liberal turned conservative with a very "interesting" past. I have nothing really in common with many of them, except our faith, and we are all at different levels there too with differing ideas. But I know they would be there for me and I would be there, and have been there for them, without question. To the point where one woman I struggle with sometimes, calling me when she couldn't get her compression hose off. I drove over to help her as they were painful and she is single and has cancer and is in treatment. It was embarrassing for her, and I wondered why I went so quickly to help "her", but you know what, we connected at that moment and it was nice.

Anyway, I don't mean to try and minimize your feelings at all. These are just the things that help me. I am no saint by any means and have to push myself sometimes, but these things help me. I'm not saying you should do them, just saying what helps me.

Also, a little bit of anti-depressant medication helps too. I am on a low dose.

Being an older person who is invisible to the world does get depressing. So I guess we have to fight to make ourselves visible in a good way, and it is tough sometimes when you have quirky ideas like I do and sounds like you do too.

That sounds impressive a friendship with a liberal I'm not sure I could do that atm with all that's going on. Thank you for your reply , more to think about and ideas to push myself

Don't Feel left out.
I have been what most around here call a Loner.
Don't like being around a lot of people.
I can enjoy the Quiet.
I'm not lonely being around a lot of people anymore because so many
are Idiots and are clueless talking nonsense constantly.
A lot Can't see the Forest for the Trees.
So being away from the Craziness actually helps.
at least for me it does.

originally posted by: ancientlight
Can anyone relate?
Looking back at my life , I feel so alienated from everyone.

It's just so depressing and feels more depressing the older I get!
I feel invisible , I feel alien, I feel alone , I feel old

I feel I'm ugly and just ugh . I don't know just needing to reflect as this site is the only social media site where I post anything at all ever.
At times I don't feel human, why am I so awkward in social situations?
I sound silly for someone my age, but my life also hasn't changed in more than a decade.
I'm at a standstill and a dead end.

I have nothing in common with anyone I know , except my ex but that's not very useful.
I don't have pet though I'd love to get some fancy rats again

circumstances have prevented me so far.

I don't know , just another lonely weekend ,fading away.
blah.

Here I feel I can be myself at least. Elsewhere I'd put up a front but here I feel accepted

a reply to: ancientlight

Another lonely soul here as well.

I haven't read through the thread fully yet but wondering if it might be ptsd from the pandemic measures as opposed to simply a mind that doesn't fit the mold and suffering for it.

I've always been a loner, though there were times I wanted to join in and managed to, I always felt ill at ease unless alone. During the pandemic, the division created had me shunned by family, friends, media, boss so badly that the rift is still there in my heart. The world seems to be moving on but I feel damaged by what happened. The isolation and abuse went beyond what I ever could have imagined. I'm left feeling no one really understands or cares, that I can't trust anyone beyond day to day niceties.

Wasn't wanting to make this about me just that I suspect there are many others out there who will suffer from this for a long time. If this is the case for you, then I think time heals especially as most people are just beginning to realize the damage done. ATS has been a lifeline for me in being at least among people who know there were opposing voices to the covid narrative even if they were unaffected themselves.

I've very much liked your posts and, like so many others on here, wish I knew you in person. It would be great to have a real community of good hearted, intelligent, informed people.

a reply to: ancientlight

Me too, there isn't anything wrong with any hobby as long as it is not all-consuming and isn't hurting anybody else. You have to say that these days. But exactly who cares what you do as a pastime. We used to run around in the wood shooting paintballs at each other in our 40s and 50s, and would now if we could, as well as more adults play video games now than children, none of that is any different.

a reply to: ancientlight


Ummm...it sounds to me as if you're really uncomfortable...with yourself...in your skin...

Learn to love yourself...be content with who and what you are...and everything else will fall into line...





YouSir

a reply to: pfishy

I am obsessive compulsive and often do not have things in common with others. I tend to think things over and make rational decisions instead of just doing something on a whim without thinking about it. My youngest daughter takes after me, allowable risk is the only risk that is worthy, evaluate everything at all times. Sure she has a good job, she is pretty much a computer nurd and she can probably run a big company if she wanted to....she like I did owns her own business plus works as a subcontractor for some Hospital in Maine I think.

I probably have more in common with a mouse than with most humans. But I have found others like me over the years, evaluators of everything. I feel since I am like this I am not normal, I can act though, so I can appear that I fit in but most often I really do not.

That is my life, I am smart enough to hide my true OCD behavior

I also have no desire to change, I have learned so much in my life, from the good and from the bad, that I would never wish to change anything in my past.

a reply to: ancientlight

Just yesterday I met a friend of a friend and we played cards . Again I realized how much more adjusted she is , how much more mature , more outgoing blah blah . Yes I was comparing myself to her in a bad light.

Ahh, the old self-esteem issues! I think those are maybe the most difficult to deal with, perhaps because our internal dialog often goes back to our early years. I knew changing my internal dialog was going to be extremely challenging, but a must if I hoped to rid myself of these self-defeating feelings.

I try really hard not to compare myself to others, because I will usually come up short. I wonder if they ever feel that way about me? lol I just think about the positive- how fortunate I am to be able to spend time with them, and how- if I pay close enough attention- I might be able to foster some of those qualities in myself.

Focusing my attention on others and how great they were never felt very uplifting. I began to focus on myself to identify any attributes I have and develop them.

"Energy flows where attention goes." I can't stress that enough, because it's truly is life-changing when one changes their internal dialog!

Not everybody is 'born' happy. Not everybody lives a magical life where hard time never touch them. Some of us have to do a lot of hard work to learn how to be a happy person, and unlearn all the things preventing that outcome.

Just know you are not alone; probably more of us are or have gone trough similar, and we're all pulling for you!