How To Treat Your Significant Other

How To Treat Your Significant Other

This may all sound like just common sense, but with the rash of break-ups, divorce and criminal domestic violence in the world, perhaps it is not so common after all.

As nice and kind as you are to strangers, be more so to the one you love.

Never stop being polite.

Just because you “CAN” say a thing does not mean you “SHOULD” or “NEED” to say a thing.

If you don’t have something nice to say, just don’t say anything.

Remember, words can hurt and take longer to heal than even broken bones.

The one you love is the greatest treasure in your life, treat them as such.

Always take responsibility for anything that goes wrong so they never feel guilty. (Whether you did it or not)

Tell them you love them at least once each day.

TALK TALK TALK TALK. Don’t argue, talk. That means watch your tone and remember the one you are talking to is the one you love and who loves you.

When your partner wants to talk about something that happened to them; LISTEN. Don’t always try and fix their problems as they may not want you to fix anything. They may just want to talk it out.

Always put them first in your life and you second.

Everyday try and do at least one thing special for them. Love does take work.

Tell them about how you are feeling, even if it is embarrassing. Trust them.

Always kiss them goodnight.

Always tell them you love them before they leave for work.

Above all….. LOVE THEM.

I know all of you have heard all of this before but maybe a reminder is on order. Also it really never hurts to refresh ourselves from time to time.

If you have any points to add, please feel free.

Semper

We live in a world where people are no longer committed to getting through the hard patches of a relationship.

I think this is because the soaps and other 'throwaway' lifestyle promoted through the media promote this sort of plastic behaviour. I also think it requires a good degree of emotional intelligence to combat the difficult times in a relationship. Emotional intelligence is certainly not something promoted to today's younger people.

Maybe people are devolving to a point in which being single is more favoured, hence the reason people can't hold down relationships?

a reply to: and14263

I guess growing up dirt poor on a farm in West Virginia, I learned to fix things and not just throw them away and replace them..

Seems like a better system to me..

Perhaps you are right.. Sad really..

The benefits to treating your partner with love are AWESOME...

You are absolutely spot on Semperfortis.

We are supposed to treat our spouses/so's exactly like we would want to be treated. For some reason a lot of folks quit trying when they have gotten married, or gotten serious. We get careless and we take them for granted knowing full well that isn't the way any of us would want to be treated.

Another thing IMO that is important is... Just because you fight, it doesn't mean you don't love each other and just because you don't, well... It doesn't mean that you do either. Marriage/life isn't a fairy tale. It takes work and anything worth having is absolutely worth working for.

Sometimes it is a struggle and if you are expecting smooth sailing at all times... You're in for a rude awakening. You are joining lives, not forfeiting one for another. Don't stomp the life/differences out of the other and learn to appreciate them.

Anyway... Excellent advice from you as usual.

It certainly isn't always sunshine and lollipops. Sometimes you have to get down in the trenches. If you can stick with it, you have a love that is generally forged in a fire that nothing can put asunder unless you allow it to.

a reply to: Kangaruex4Ewe

VERY Well Said..

a reply to: and14263

I think that has a lot to do with it. I also think that tv/fairy tales have most kids growing up thinking that couples that love each other never fight. They never have disagreements, they never hit rough patches. Everything is supposed to be storybook and the first time it isn't, they are shocked and assume they aren't supposed to stay if it isn't that way.

Parents hide all of their fighting from their children. And while you shouldn't go full on in front of your children, it does help them to see that people can disagree and argue without the whole marriage going into the crapper. It shows them that struggle is acceptable and sometimes even helps things in the end.

Vows and one's word is also something that seems to have lost value among many people these days.

Nothing worthwhile generally falls into one's lap... To make it so your children think otherwise is doing them a tremendously great disservice IMO.

a reply to: semperfortis

I agree 100% and many of these things that should be in a relationship are why Im getting divorced because they are not reciprocated. Marriage takes two, not one, same with any relationship and unless you are BOTH willing to work on it it won't work.

Great advice Semper and this is how a relationship should be!

Just because you “CAN” say a thing does not mean you “SHOULD” or “NEED” to say a thing.

this comes to my mind, there seem to be a few variations of it, but i'm sure you will appreciate it:

Before you speak, let your words pass through three gates.
At the first gate, ask yourself, ‘Is it true?’
At the second ask, ‘Is it necessary?’
At the third gate ask ‘Is it kind?

As for me and my relationships, i've treated ever woman i've loved like a goddess, if she deserves it, of course.
And growing up, gaining experience, i am noticing how much damage an unjust treatment leaves behind, how women carry the scars and the pains with them on the relationships that follow, so then i find myself not just working on that relationship but fixing up the damage caused by some random jerk that came before me.
It hurts her, and makes the job more difficult for the person that comes after.
Basically nobody wins

originally posted by: semperfortis

If you don’t have something nice to say, just don’t say anything.

Silence can be the most painful thing in the world sometimes.

If something that needs to be said is not a nice thing then at least saying it honestly without adding insult to injury is a positive thing as things can at least progress. The feeling of hitting a brick wall of silence is incredibly painful.

Also...applying your rules to a relationship where one person gives continuously while the other has an easy life is how some peoples lives are completely destroyed by someone who cannot, will not, doesn't care and gets an easy ride at the expense of a person with morals, accountability and responsibility.

I've been there.....never again will I give give give and be seen as a push over and a source of energy for someone else at my own expense. It drove me mad, literally.

Applying your rules to BOTH parties is the only way this could work long term imo, but that is a rare thing in a world with so much insecurity.

a reply to: semperfortis

Nice post. I agree with almost everything you said but this: "Always take responsibility for anything that goes wrong so they never feel guilty. (Whether you did it or not)"

NO.

a reply to: Wide-Eyes

The only thing that taking responsibility could possibly hurt is one's pride... I find it completely unnecessary to act or be prideful around my spouse. I have pride of course, but not at the detriment of how she feels. I am proud of my wife, not what I can get over on her, or that I discovered she made a mistake.

a reply to: Kangaruex4Ewe

I grew up watching my parents fight a lot, it's a prominent part of my memories. My husband never saw his parents fight, so needless to say, his expectations were a bit off. At one point he thought he should leave, because we argued too much, which wasn't much at all. He didn't think it was normal to have disagreements occasionally. It was not a fun time, trying to help him see that what he grew up with the exception, not the rule.

our kids do see us banter, but I won't get heated in front of my kids. I remember well listening to my parents yell and how unstable I felt, I try to keep my children from feeling that way. But I have explained that it's ok for mom and dad to not agree on everything and that just because of that, she shouldn't worry.

a reply to: nerbot

Exactly. These are great rules for a healthy relationship, but not if you're in love with a sociopathic narcissist.
If you've been treating your partner like this for a long time without getting the same treatment in return, it's likely that you never will.
Some people are only in a relationship because they like the way it feels to be loved, but they can't or won't return the love.

a reply to: semperfortis

Most people don't TELL the other person they love them....they TEXT them that they love them.

This is all part of dis-communication between couples and why breakups happen...there is no physical & emotional communication of love these days.

Reminds me of this picture in that to avoid saying something bad but making a nice short text instead...leads to this:



Because the understanding or the lack of willingness to understand what one's point of view is...leads to emotional arguments...and not factual ones. Personal things are said which may or may have not been meant...this leads to frustration, anger and distancing oneself from the other.

I wish more people would really LISTEN to why someone feels the way they do without judgement. We strive to be perfect for others even though we do not like being criticized for something we said or do or look like.

Just don't get it. Love is all within us. Maybe we should take a nature walk and listen to the birds once in a while....

I've heard it said, "Treat your woman like Morgan treats Garcia." Criminal Minds fans will get the reference.

Thank you for this important reminder Semperfortis.

It saddens me to see so many people viewing partnerships these days as little more than "achievement unlocked" scenarios and completely neglecting and invalidating the importance of true human relationships.

Come March, I will have been married six amazing years to my best friend of over twenty.

I can't imagine life without him.

As he so sweetly put it the other day:

"I know I'm not the most romantic guy in the world, but I want you to know you're the last thing on my mind when I go to sleep and the first thing on my mind when I wake up."

To think that he and I have known one another as long as we have, been through so many varieties of experiences over that period of time and still find comfort with one another is the greatest gift I could ever hope to achieve in this lifetime.

Everyone who is able to maintain and nurture a loving relationship despite the odds has my undying respect and admiration.

*hugs to all*

Very well said, but Andy Gibb stated it in a few less words. "If you give a little more than your asking for, your love will turn the key".

If every stinking human did that, especially the ones that seem to be more self centered, and selfish, the Aliens may actually come down and stay for awhile.

I think that the important thing to remember is that your partner is the person you* sink or swim with.

When people have a hard day and take it out on their partner or they start taking each other for granted - that's the time to remember the above.

If both partners put the other first then each of them will always have their turn at being first and that's fair. A lot of problems arise when one of them starts putting themselves first leaving the other to always be in second place.

*generic you.

a reply to: semperfortis

I am literally employing this advice *in real time* as I type this. (We're talking via Instant Messages at the moment.)

So plainly written and simple to follow, thanks SO much for this thread.... It's actually dissolving the issue (which is really my tendency to get kinda "edgy" with her and tell her that her thinking is wrong.) Every single step is invaluable, and I'm going to memorize this and make every effort to do these things every day.

Thanks again for this, sincerely!

Excellent thread.

Unfortunately common sense seems to be lacking these days, and stonewalling is prevalent, instead of open communication.

Maybe we should teach and learn how to communicate, at all levels of education, and make it mandatory.

People think or assume they know how to communicate, but many times they really don't.

s+f

originally posted by: semperfortis
This may all sound like just common sense