I'm coming out today.....

Some of the most important people in my life are/were gay. I learned as a child that being gay made no difference in loving the person. I have heard many times the international struggle they go through. It would break my heart to see them in such pain. I wear my heart on my sleeve so, I can hardly imagine how it would feel to hide a part of who I am. I accept people for who they are, always have. I see the good inside people. When I talk to a stranger I am talking to who I truly see they are.
I have a good friend who is too afriad to come out fully. Because of this, he is stuck in life constantly cycling in very unhealthy patterns. The stigma that is placed on being gay or just being different is destraying many individuals.

reply to post by Doodle19815


CraP! I was just getting the nerve to ask you out to help me buy some new cloths and get my hair styled (different) I guess I'll just wing it.

We are all human and should love one another. Have a very Merry CHRISTmas and a happy New Year!

So many good replies to this thread! I really am warmed by how this thread has turned out. Thank you ATS members for letting me vent and teaching me that there still some good ones out there.

I am enjoying the touching stories and support that I have seen. Perhaps someday we can all stand together and realize that we are not that different after all.

My oldest son is gay, and it was causing him great consternation when he was around 15. He felt "different", and was fully aware (internally) that he was gay. But he also worried about reprisals, etc.

One day everything came to a head, with deteriorating behavior So the wife and I dragged it out of him. It was a turning point for him, so to speak, as he found that his parents basically already knew, and were already standing by him.

A friend of mine and my wifes....he wasn't so lucky. When he "came out" he was in his 20's, and his father shunned him. He killed himself a few years ago. That experience taught us that our sons happiness was far, far more important than us having a grandchild or something.

Doodle19815


I am enjoying the touching stories and support that I have seen. Perhaps someday we can all stand together and realize that we are not that different after all.

Then let me suggest that we start by defending our gay friends on ATS by speaking out on the increasing homophobic, gay bashing, threads that are becoming increasingly popular on a site that claims to want to "deny ignorance"

Like these....

www.abovetopsecret.com...

www.abovetopsecret.com...

www.abovetopsecret.com...

Besides gays there seems to be a hate fest against minorities as well. I find this trend very disturbing!!

My, my, my. What a love-fest we have going on here!

Help me understand something here, people. Is your soft-hearted approach to life what keeps you from engaging on those other ATS threads? Is it that you run and hide every time someone disagrees with you? If this is the case then it's more than likely the reason you haven't made that much of an impression on anyone. Reading this thread is like getting a dead fish, limp wristed handshake.

I've added my two cents worth to those gosh-awful, mean spirited, iky-poo threads which I doubt anyone in this one would appreciate but if you had a half ounce of gumption in any of you you might find out the Phil Robertsons in this world are better friends than you might think.

I've had relatives on both sides of the family that are/were "of that persuation" and it didn't change the fact that I loved them just the same. Did we disagree - hell yes! But we still could come together as a family - at least on my Mom's side. The other one on my Dad's side, a cousin, I only suspect to be homosexual but he's dropped off the face of the map somewhere in Austin, appropriately enough, and never gave us the chance to accept him one way or the other. Either that or someone took him out due to his gambling debts. Regardless, though, of what he is I'd still like to have the chance to shake his hand and hug a cousin's neck one more time.

There is NOTHING that anyone can do to change your mind if that's the way you want to live - and that's as it should be! What SHOULDN'T happen, though, is for those that can't accept it to have it shoved in their face like some tattooed fiend on speed. A church should not be threatended and cajoled in to holding same-sex wedding ceremonies if their faith tells them it isn't supposed to be. This is why I quit supporting any organized religion long ago. "Everything's a business model", as George Ure says, and that's what most of the churches are today IMHO.

So SUCK - IT - UP and get out there, engage and take the chance that someone just might be able to supply you with a reason to change your mind, even just a little bit, instead of fawning all over each other like a bunch of idiots in a San Francisco bath house! There are very good reasons for being afraid of the homosexual lifestyle, you can call it "gay" if you want to, but I'm sure you've put those reasons in some deep, dark corner of your mind that you're afraid to look in to most of the time.

kinda glad i never watched that show

bigfatfurrytexan
My oldest son is gay, and it was causing him great consternation when he was around 15. He felt "different", and was fully aware (internally) that he was gay. But he also worried about reprisals, etc.

One day everything came to a head, with deteriorating behavior So the wife and I dragged it out of him. It was a turning point for him, so to speak, as he found that his parents basically already knew, and were already standing by him.

A friend of mine and my wifes....he wasn't so lucky. When he "came out" he was in his 20's, and his father shunned him. He killed himself a few years ago. That experience taught us that our sons happiness was far, far more important than us having a grandchild or something.

edit on 22-12-2013 by bigfatfurrytexan because: (no reason given)

edit on 22-12-2013 by bigfatfurrytexan because: (no reason given)

I think you and your wife did right. I think *most* parents know, and I think when they do know and let the other person believe they do not it is a travesty. The child fears coming out and the parents do not intervene because they would rather ignore it (maybe it will go away).

I am not sure how anyone can have a child and not love them unconditionally. To be turned away by the very people who are supposed to die to protect you has to be a pain most can't even conceive of.

My parents don't like all of my life decisions (just like everyone else's) but they love me. Every child should know the same is true and when parents refuse to provide that.... they don't deserve children at all IMO.

reply to post by olaru12


Awesome point! We should take a stand!

reply to post by Ollie769


You are entitled to your opinion. Don't you love that about ATS!

I have made it a point to not mention the Duck Dynasty scandal, and I won't go into that now either.

I don't feel that this thread is shoving anything down anyone's throat. I'm not church bashing either.

And my whole point is/was that I really wish the fear of coming out didn't exist. I understand it is a real thing. What I don't understand is why it has to be this way.

I like being fawned on like I'm in a San Francisco bath house BTW. Who doesn't?

I'm not sure how to take your post. Sometimes things don't always come across the way you mean them to in writing.....

reply to post by Kangaruex4Ewe


My personal favorite from family or friends....."it's just a phase, they'll grow out of it".

Wait.....what......why would they grow out of it?

reply to post by Doodle19815


yeah it's not like i grew out of cunnilingus as a phase

Hey Doodle. Trust me, I meant it in the nicest backhanded complementary way you thought I did! For the most part I come to ATS to read things like the thread on the Three Wise Men and obscure archaeology threads like Stryker or whatever his name is but this subject always gets me going, too.

You are entitled to your opinion. Don't you love that about ATS!

Yes, I do love that about ATS and, while venting, I enjoy someone slapping a few hard balls back my direction, too. I usually don't have the time to totally keep up with the threads as they unfold but by the time I got through 3 pages of everybody agreeing that they were the sweetest people in the world I figured someone ought to do a cannonball right about now.

I don't feel that this thread is shoving anything down anyone's throat...

No, it's not, it's a very cloistered affair, this thread. But the thing is every contributor is voicing the same question: "why can't we all just get along?". You're not going to get an answer by going off in your own little corner and talking to only those that agree with you. You're going to have to be brave enough to take the chance that someone out there will talk straight with you (no pun intended) and you might actually learn something - like I'm offering both you, your contributors and myself right now.

Why does "coming out" have to be a scary thing? It's not just peoples' fear of the unknown - it's fear of the known as well. As I stated there are a few very real areas to be afraid of in the homosexual lifestyle. The male hs. aspect anyway. Whether you, through better judgement I pray, don't engage in such things doesn't change the fact that they exist and are enthusiastically promoted by the more radical parts of the homosexual community. The bath house reference was one of them. They were shut down back in the 70's, I think, for being one of the worst sources of STD transmission in SF. Don't know if they're back in business but that bit of history stands by itself as testamony to Man's inability to govern ourselves. When the public first became aware of the AIDS epidemic - and its source - it was like the polio epidemic of a previous generation. An incurable disease is a very scary thing. Especially when something as simple as self control could keep it at bay. The last thing the hs. community seem to be looking for when they're out on the street protesting is self-control. The last thing I heard a while back was that HIV/AIDS was back on the rise in the mega-cities of America like New York.

I have a friend that I knew as a young man in my late teens through twenties that is dying of the disease now. His sister is homosexual, too, but I think in a "committed relationship". From what I understand he, as a music teacher in his church has an incredible singing voice which makes his eventual loss even more of a tragedy. His family won't consider his involvement in contracting the disease which mirrors the whole conversation about it when it appears in the larger public discourse - the media. People at some level I guess have just come to say "that's just too bad" and go on their way.

So why fear coming out? Because the ones you're coming out to, your family and true friends, may very well be in fear of saying goodbye to you way too early! And that's not considering turning the whole male/female relationship paradigm on its head!

Doodle19815
reply to post by olaru12

 

Awesome point! We should take a stand!

Be careful. You absolutely should always stand for the downtrodden, the discriminated against, the underdog. Just don't become worse than that which you stand against in the process.

If i see a thread pop up related to homosexuality, i head on in ready to raise hell. I don't always follow my own advice. But i am passionate about it.

reply to post by olaru12


That's why I choose to avoid the Duck Dynasty flap altogether.

Seriously, it's just everyone making a mountain out of a molehill at this point.

reply to post by Ollie769


I'll hopefully remember to come back and reply to the rest of your post later. (There is a lot in there that are good points).

But for now, while I'm in a hurry, all I see is AIDS/ HIV.

Yes, it is a nasty disease that has higher transfer numbers (in America), in the gay community. It is like any STD however and can be prevented. Being gay doesn't make one go out and have unprotected sex with strangers. Being stupid does cause this action though. Perhaps you should find the stupid people hate group and join them with the HIV rant.

I also get your point that this does seem a little bit like a love fest. But in a world where all I was hearing was bad about the gay community, I needed my "little love fest". I get enough of the cruel real world on a daily basis.

Thanks for your reply.

Oh, if you feel like you wasted your time reading my three pages and should have spent it reading one of Slayers threads, why didn't you?

reply to post by bigfatfurrytexan


I don't plan to start loading the machine gun.... Yet

But, several times I have read a comment or left a conversation because I didn't like the tone. I honestly felt like it isn't my battle because I'm not gay. That they didn't need me to fight their battle for them. Now I think I'll educate people the best I can. I'm not much of a fighter at heart so I doubt I'll start any wars, but I can educate people.

My friend had to take me out to lunch he was so nervous. It was awkward, because I knew he was gay, I didnt bring it up. So we are sitting there, and finaly he is like "Im gay".

Im like I knew it, no big deal, lets get another plate of food (we were at a buffet). The look on his face was priceless. It was a mixture of reliefe and him being happy, he looked like he wanted to cry.

I told him "hey, i knew all along, I was just waiting for you to tell me. Its no big deal, you are still the same old Mat."

He now has a great partner who loves him, and is very happy right now.