Originally posted by mattdel
Thanks for the sentiment.
I am alone this year, as well as the foreseeable years ahead. I don't choose to be, but life hasn't seen fit to bless me with the things I want
most, like a family or real friends. I've spent the better part of 2 hours today wallowing in self pity and tears, and I plan to recommence that
activity once my ass starts to hurt from this chair. No need to pity me though, I do enough. 29 years of isolation from anything resembling a
connection with another human has given me a very cynical view of the world, but for some reason the holidays make me weep because I can actually feel
the love in the air, and I know none of it is for me.
edit on 24-12-2012 by mattdel because: (no reason given)
I weep for you my friend,
I only wish I had it as easy this holiday season. I am alone too, but the family that
I feel had done a terrible job of preparing me for living on my own as an adult,
has paid me a visit and brought me gifts. They even invited me to dinner tonight. Except
I got really angry and started raising my voice and swearing and commanding them
to bring me food.
Ir was terrible. I feel terrible for hurting these people's feelings. I don't know
if I can consider them friends or family, because I don't have any friends or family
to talk with any of my problems about, or a therapist, and when a therapist listens,
she just tells you that you should tell your family how you feel in a calm and relaxing manner,
but I freak out.
I know I am so lucky, I just don't know what to talk about with
these people because I understand how everything is connected, so
when I begin ranting about politics or economics etc, they immediately
shut it out and go "I don't want to talk about that!"
So the cycle continues until I am forcibly removed from their home.