Hi Everyone, Happy Holidays.
I was with my partner and Daughter this Xmas and it was beautfiul to watch my Daughter opening presents. She is 2 1/2 and was excited about it all for
the first time; it was awesome watching her eyes light up.
However, though my partner was with me I FELT LONELY ALL CHRISTMAS.
When I talk she is always miles off and if I talk with her about it she shrugs it off refusing to deal with anything of any emotion. I am so tired of
having my feelings rejected out of hand, and soooo bored of feeling LONELY.
It’s so bad that I have stated to question myself, reasoning that it must be because I am boring. The problem is that I know I’m not and I have
never had that problem before with anyone. No one else in my life seems to turn off as soon as I get excited about something. She has so much time and
energy for the kids and so our joint energy with them is off the charts but the second the house quietens for the night, or there is any down time at
all, she switches off and refuses me any kind of audience.
I know she loves me and I do her, but, I feel neglected in favour of giving the kids everything and I don’t think that I healthy. It seems to me
that solid parents, with time and love for each other above everything else, would be the very best example, and that in itself creates an environment
of happiness, but for the parents also, not just the kids. Plus, with stress relief in each other and dealing with stuff together, everything would be
that much easier as a result it seems.
Instead she has chosen the less emotionally taxing (but way more physically draining I think), tactic of ignoring “US”, with total focus on making
the world go round for the kids. While that is indeed physically draining, the kids provide emotional issues such as declaring their dislike of dinner
or having a bath. Putting “US” near the top of the “to do” list would mean emotion, and she seems to be almost running now from anything
emotionally taxing, or positive for that matter, in favour of her damn routines. We have no intimacy, compassion or feelings of worth as they are all
born from embracing love. Emotions are vital to everyone, I am not a bad person for saying, or feeling, that.
When your Mother Skype’s at 10pm on Xmas day from the other side of the world, and the hour spent talking with her was the most connected to another
person you felt all day, there is a REAL BIG problem.
No idea how to approach this anymore at all. LONELY, LONELY, LONELY, LONELY, LONELY.
Oh well, to all those who spent Xmas alone, if you are connected with SELF it doesn't have to mean feeling LONELY. Being ALONE can be liberating and
peaceful, assisting recovery from the stresses of life. It certainly does not have to equate to being LONELY. That’s what I think anyway.
In the same breath, quite perversely, being IN THE COMPANY of someone can prove very LONELY even if, many moons ago, their companionship was to be in
the constant presence of a second, better version, of you. Ugh, that was hard to write. Oh well,
Happy Holidays Everyone.
edit on 26-12-2012 by kaptabs because: (no reason given)