Alcoholics current and recovering, would you be interested in answering a few Q,s

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posted on Nov, 25 2012 @ 03:57 PM
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reply to post by feelingconnected
 


Maybe to be correct my extended family has a history of addicted personalities if that can even be possible!

It is absolutely possible, and very real.

Some personalities are just wired that way....high-strung, anxious, perhaps depressive. Alcohol is self-medication. Addiction is an escape. Like the above poster said, "IF [one] can find a replacement" is the key.

It's important to be able to look at family patterns and inherited personality traits (the older I get, the more resemblance I see between relatives' personalities; one of my brothers is almost IDENTICAL in personality to one of my uncles, the other, while scrupulously over-achieving and proud, is an anxious mess). I see personality traits that were inherited by my own two kids as well;

traits of mine that are very much part of my son's personality, other traits that my daughter mirrors. And their dad in both of them, too. It's fascinating.

So, yes, the use/abuse of alcohol is a "family pattern" in many cases. Personalities are family-based.
I hope you've found some strength and focus from posting your thread. Remember also that people as adults (just like children), go through developmental and hormonal/chemical changes as life progresses...we may look like "grown-ups", but we are all still defining who we are.

Again, best wishes for you. It's a wonderful journey to get into counseling and/or support groups, to explore the issues that lie beneath or behind the patterns of substance use. CoDA (codependents anonymous) helped me a great deal as I came to realize some of my own behavioral issues, but private therapy was necessary for me to see the whole picture and get more objective. I later became a therapist myself; and have also experienced periods of heavy use as well as longer, extended periods of total sobriety.

Remember also that alcohol abuse is in some cases a physical addiction, but in others it is a behavioral/coping mechanism. Without a thorough knowledge and overall view of your partner's background, physical make-up, and emotionality it will be impossible to determine the best method of treatment.

Hang in there! Life's a roller-coaster ride....be thankful for every day, and good on you for seeking support!




posted on Nov, 25 2012 @ 04:52 PM
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reply to post by looming
 

Yeah, I am sensitive too, I also have anxiety, but I feel the best thing to do is confront it, I call it a voice, It's not, it's my subconscious, I often tell it to f**K off, it's the type of voice that says things like: "You're not good enough, people will stare at you, what's the point", it likes to make me feel inferior, so now, I tell it to f**ck off, it works, crazy, but it does. I also found that I would often reward myself with alcohol without realizing it, after a week of work, my reward was drink, If I accomplished something difficult, I would drink, one must replace these rewards for accomplishment with something positive or less harmful. So after working out at the gym, you should have an ice cream or buy a new outfit, you know, treat yourself, besides the money is going to something tangible, something that will last, unlike alcohol.

Hang in there, you deserve to be loved, you are worthy of it, don't convince yourself you are not, but you have to first learn to love yourself. There is only one you in the world, there is no one else like you, you have a right to exist and to live and do the things you want to do, alcohol is a monkey that sits upon one's back trying to convince one that they are not worthy of life nor the company of others, it's BS, everyone deserves to be happy. The one thing I have learned is to take each day as it comes, the past is gone and it can't be changed, the future is not here so why worry about it, the only thing I can do is worry about today, the present.


If one puts aside the frivolous and focuses on the important things, you will realize how lucky you are. SO much of life is BS, don't judge yourself on what you don't have, be thankful for what you do have and take comfort in the fact that you may one day attain more, life is short, don't let others judge you, they have no right too. Once you stop drinking the negative voices get quieter, you learn to laugh at your mistakes and the stupid things you did while drunk. It just takes time, the hardest part is stopping for that first day, but once you do it, you'll be glad, focus on the day, stop today, then the next day, then the next, before you know it, you'll be sober for quite sometime, but it always starts with that first day.



posted on Nov, 25 2012 @ 07:11 PM
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Just wanted each and everyone of you who have replied to this thread, I have read every reply. I am very thankful for your input. I don't want this to be weird but you're all amazing to share your stories of sorrow, hardship and/or success in dealing with alcoholism.

I am overwhelmed with the responses and a little bit speechless. I have taken away some great insight into what I'm dealing with. Such a tough road ahead.



posted on Nov, 25 2012 @ 08:56 PM
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I like being able to answer these questions, this is mostly anonymous, the way it should be.

I never, ever wanted to believe that drinking was a problem, regardless of consequences (which I saw as circumstances, not consequences of my drinking). Even after drinking wasn't any fun anymore, I didn't want to give it up. Hiding is easier than dealing with things.

For a long time none of my family talked about my drinking. It wasn't until the end that anyone said anything to me about it. I didn't have any friends any more, all I did was drink. And work whatever I could to earn money to drink.

My turning point was the last (hopefully!) time I was in detox, sitting on the bed with my broken hand -- I broke it when I got pissed off that my Mom accused me of being drunk
and I smashed it into an oak end table. Truth hurts lol. Sitting on that bed getting ready to barf into a pan, and as I did, this orderly walks in. After I puke I look up at him looking at me and he says "Well, John, it just doesn't get any better than this.".

That was the third time I was absolutely floored by the truth. And immediately after that I told myself "F**k this".

I'd spent a good number of years in and out of detox and treatment programs by then. I'd been put in the hopeless outreach category. I talked them into letting me do outpatient treatment again. I had to go to 1 AA meeting a day every day or my treatment would be terminated. I didn't miss one god damn*d AA meeting in over 2 years.

I talk too much, and I'm full of sh*t, so my counselor made another condition: you can only say this at the meetings: Hi, my name is John, I'm an alcoholic, and I need to listen.

How do I find recovery?

Let me tell you, the first 2 and a half years were pure SH*T! I hated sobriety, I wanted to get f*cked up every d*mned day, I felt horrible, I didn't enjoy anything. I didn't like anything. Wanna know what kept me going?

I wanted to prove all those bastards wrong who said I could never be sober. I was staying sober out of spite.

Then one day after about 2.5 years, I woke up one morning and felt GOOD! It was unreal. I felt fantastic for no reason other than getting up out of bed. At that point a switch had been thrown and I felt like wow so this is what being sober is all about.

I love having myself back, and I love being able to make choices, and I love that I am not hurting myself or my loved ones anymore. I can't think of anything better than this.

Ah man flashbacks early on in this recovery I had freaking worksheet assignments to do basic things like brush my teeth and eat something green every day -- man! Checklists for things you should just be able to do you know?

So many embarrassing things.

Rehabilitation can be a real bitch.

But worth every effort it has been.



posted on Nov, 25 2012 @ 10:30 PM
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reply to post by feelingconnected
 


The way I see it, grown adults should be able to do whatever they want with their own body. And everyone has their vice. Some people drink too much caffeine. Other people work too much. Some people are drama queens. Others are constantly negative. Some like to smoke cigarettes. Whatever it may be, every adult person on this planet has their vice.

I honestly don't think it's anyone's business (including family) but your own. If you want to change whatever it is that you think is negative, then only you can change that aspect of yourself. No amount of family intervention, AA meetings, helpful advice or whatever else is going to change that. And that's all that really needs to be said.



posted on Nov, 25 2012 @ 11:39 PM
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Originally posted by shelookslikeone
reply to post by feelingconnected
 


The way I see it, grown adults should be able to do whatever they want with their own body. And everyone has their vice. Some people drink too much caffeine. Other people work too much. Some people are drama queens. Others are constantly negative. Some like to smoke cigarettes. Whatever it may be, every adult person on this planet has their vice.

I honestly don't think it's anyone's business (including family) but your own. If you want to change whatever it is that you think is negative, then only you can change that aspect of yourself. No amount of family intervention, AA meetings, helpful advice or whatever else is going to change that. And that's all that really needs to be said.


Thank you for your input and your opinion is welcome. However I disagree with you. Alcoholism is a soul destroying addiction and a home wreaking problem. It is not JUST a vice. It is destroying my husband and our marriage not to mention his developing health problems.

I made this thread to try and get ideas and a insight from those that have been there in the hope that at the very least understand from an alcoholics point what's happening. Which it has.

I would only hope if I was to develop an addiction as strong as alcohol that someone would love me enough to make it their business to stop me from wrecking my life. In the end I don't see this as just a ' vice' and I'm sure many that have to deal and live with this day in and day out don't either. Maybe nothing can be done, but something must be tried. I did not marry an alcoholic plan & simple.
edit on 25-11-2012 by feelingconnected because: (no reason given)



posted on Nov, 25 2012 @ 11:51 PM
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reply to post by feelingconnected
 


As someone that does drink on a daily basis, I can tell you that it is a vice. People drink because they want to drink. It helps us escape whatever it is that's screwed up in life. But nobody holds a gun to my head and forces me to take a swig. Different people deal with problems in different ways.

Don't take this the wrong way, but drinking alcohol is a reaction to a problem, not the problem itself. Find the real problem and the reason why your husband drinks and worry about fixing that.

I wish you all the best.



posted on Nov, 26 2012 @ 12:30 AM
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reply to post by shelookslikeone
 


Thank you for your insight, as I said you opinion is most welcome. And another insight as to how an drinker thinks. There are under lying issues that we both know has not helped, he knows he drinks too much. I believe he doesn't know how much. Hense my questions and his drinking is escalating dramaticly. I can only go by my observation, I don't think he enjoys it. I may be wrong. Surely after an 18yr relationship I owe it to him to be there for him if he needs.

Eta: I agree with you that people should be able to do what they want. Except if it effects people they want in their life negativly. I'm not ready for giving him the easy way out yet or making him choose between me and kids and the drink. With this thread I have gained an insight into how he 'may' be seeing things. Maybe not.
edit on 26-11-2012 by feelingconnected because: (no reason given)



posted on Nov, 26 2012 @ 01:27 AM
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reply to post by feelingconnected
 


To be honest, I'd like to know what your problem is with people that drink? It seems like you like to put us into some group of lesser people or something, but maybe I'm just getting the wrong vibe. I'm hardly the one to take offense, but not everything in this world is sunshine and rainbows.

As someone that chooses to drink, I don't find the terms "illness" or "disease" as something that pertains to me. Nobody says a word to the guy that works 60 hours a week, smokes 3 packs a day, or chugs Coca Cola on a daily basis, but God help those that choose to have a few drinks after a long day at work. At some point, this turns into what society think is appropriate or not.

Now, on the other hand, if there is abuse due to your husband drinking, then that is an entirely different story. I don't know exactly what the situation is, but I do know that drinking stems from a bigger problem and that by saying things like "I didn't marry an alcoholic" makes it seem like you just have an issue with him doing something you don't approve of.

I'm just reading this how I see it, and honestly trying to help. I'm trying to be honest, but If I'm wrong, which is absolutely possible, then so be it. I think you really need to talk to him about what's bothering him more than even bringing up the drinking.



posted on Nov, 26 2012 @ 03:26 AM
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Originally posted by shelookslikeone
reply to post by feelingconnected
 


To be honest, I'd like to know what your problem is with people that drink? It seems like you like to put us into some group of lesser people or something, but maybe I'm just getting the wrong vibe. I'm hardly the one to take offense, but not everything in this world is sunshine and rainbows.

As someone that chooses to drink, I don't find the terms "illness" or "disease" as something that pertains to me. Nobody says a word to the guy that works 60 hours a week, smokes 3 packs a day, or chugs Coca Cola on a daily basis, but God help those that choose to have a few drinks after a long day at work. At some point, this turns into what society think is appropriate or not.

Now, on the other hand, if there is abuse due to your husband drinking, then that is an entirely different story. I don't know exactly what the situation is, but I do know that drinking stems from a bigger problem and that by saying things like "I didn't marry an alcoholic" makes it seem like you just have an issue with him doing something you don't approve of.

I'm just reading this how I see it, and honestly trying to help. I'm trying to be honest, but If I'm wrong, which is absolutely possible, then so be it. I think you really need to talk to him about what's bothering him more than even bringing up the drinking.


There is a big difference between "someone who has a few drinks" and a real alcoholic. An alcoholic in your house IS a big problem, especially when there are children involved.
Every clinic you go to will say that alcoholism is an illnes, not just a bad habit...



posted on Nov, 26 2012 @ 04:19 AM
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I am a recovering alcoholic. Not to get overly wrapped up in symantics and definitions I'd be happy to express my beliefs and current opinions on the matter.

First I believe addictions of all kinds to be somewhat the same in nature whether it be alcohol, drugs, food, sex, or internet related (porn or facebook and gaming). It all is related to a behavior pattern where the individual can't sort out insecurities so we partake in an activity that brings us relief (real or perceived). In essence it is self medicating. Alcohol and drugs are powerful intoxicants and forge very strong neural pathways in our brains and thus alter brain chemistry. I equated alcoholism with the dude under the bridge sipping from a bottle concealed in a paper bag. This is probably the most extreme form on the spectrum but it seems to be what many would define an alcoholic. Keep in mind, no one plans on becoming alcoholic, but it is a long journey from the casual weekend party binge to under the bridge - but for some it is there journey.

My opinion is this. If you can't stop after a drink or two and need to get drunk when you drink - there is a strong possibility that you are alcoholic. At the end of the day you can't make some one change - it is a choice they make for them self. I had to lose a good job in my 30s working for someone I really respected, to wake me up, and sometimes the only thing you can do for someone you care about is step back and let them hit rock bottom. Let them find there own way.

Remember it is always darkest before the dawn. I'll send some positive vibes your way feelingconnected - I hope you can find some hope and lightness, good luck.



posted on Nov, 26 2012 @ 04:37 AM
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Originally posted by feelingconnected
Again, thank you all for more honest & personal posts. I can only imagin how you go about re-calling the memory of such a tought time in your lives. These posts really do mean a lot to me. The insights & realisations I've gained from the thread will hopefully help me and maybe help me help my partner. Who knows! Obviously the out come of my situation is the great un known.

The first thing I've come out with is to help myself and until I get to this point anything I say and do maybe hindering instead of helping. To reply to a few of you who mentioned meeting the love of your life, helped you turn your life around. That's got to be one of the most positive out comes or turning point. I would love to think my partner has met the love of his life and would help himself because I mean the world to him. I guess the alcohol call is stronger at this point.
edit on 25-11-2012 by feelingconnected because: Spelling


If my girlfriend told me right now that I had to pick alcohol or her, there would be no choice.. She already made me quit smoking cigs.. That's been something like 2 years now huh... It is easier quitting smoking 2 packs a day than to quit drinking though..

I wouldn't bring that up as an ultimatim (sp?) but as time goes on you can push in that direction.

By the way the call for alcohol for me is stronger than Food, Sleep, and Sex... Lucky for me my girl is being patient with me, and she's actually proud of my meager progress. She's not forcing the issue, but every time she notices that I ahvn't drank that day or I only had like 4-6 beers she tells me it makes her happy.

I used to always rely on beer as my backup because no matter how my life was going or how my day was going beer always made me feel good. Now it's more like beer is part of my day and the be all end all is my baby gurl. Take my beer away and I'll be depressed, anxious and pissed off for a month or two. Take away my baby and I'll just die.

Time does need to pass though. This isn't something I would rush.



posted on Nov, 26 2012 @ 04:46 AM
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reply to post by shelookslikeone
 


Take it from someone who has never attacked anyone, never started any fight, and never really did anything bad on alcohol but lose too much sleep...

You don't have to hurt other people to be an alcoholic.

Sometimes however, it does take a long time to realize you ARE hurting yourself. Take it in the most basic form. If you waste time drinking you are not using time growing.

Odds are in my opinion that if you are having problems with the OP, you may not be as fine as you think.



posted on Nov, 26 2012 @ 05:24 AM
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reply to post by Dustytoad
 


I'm not having problems with the OP. And I know I'm hurting myself when I drink. But I'm also a grown adult and I can make my own decisions.

Let me be clear. I have no issue at all with the op. I made an assessment given the information she gave me, and honestly tried to help her.



posted on Nov, 26 2012 @ 05:50 AM
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Originally posted by shelookslikeone
reply to post by feelingconnected
 


To be honest, I'd like to know what your problem is with people that drink? It seems like you like to put us into some group of lesser people or something, but maybe I'm just getting the wrong vibe. I'm hardly the one to take offense, but not everything in this world is sunshine and rainbows.

As someone that chooses to drink, I don't find the terms "illness" or "disease" as something that pertains to me. Nobody says a word to the guy that works 60 hours a week, smokes 3 packs a day, or chugs Coca Cola on a daily basis, but God help those that choose to have a few drinks after a long day at work. At some point, this turns into what society think is appropriate or not.



Now, on the other hand, if there is abuse due to your husband drinking, then that is an entirely different story. I don't know exactly what the situation is, but I do know that drinking stems from a bigger problem and that by saying things like "I didn't marry an alcoholic" makes it seem like you just have an issue with him doing something you don't approve of.

I'm just reading this how I see it, and honestly trying to help. I'm trying to be honest, but If I'm wrong, which is absolutely possible, then so be it. I think you really need to talk to him about what's bothering him more than even bringing up the drinking.


Well to be quiet honest I DON'T have any problem with people that drink and if that is what you've taken away from fully reading this thread then I can't change that. In my country drinking is a huge part of our lives, enjoyed by most I know including me. I love a drink in social settings.

What I am struggling with is that my husband although has along with me enjoyed social drinking, yes to the point of extreme in yrs past. But it has never been a problem up until about 2 yrs ago when he used medication to stop smoking, developed a depression, started medication for the depression and now drinks himself to sleep most nights before our 3 under school age children's bedtime...

I know he's not happy with what's happening and wants to be a good husband & father and for the most is. What I am really concerned about mainly is that he has had medical tests that show his liver is in trouble. He is not 40 yet. How's your liver still holding up strong?

I am worried about being a widow before 40, I'm worried about our kids being fatherless. I am trying to find a way to him if I can. Do you really think I'm a bad person for loving my husband?? He has done this much damage to his liver in such short time frame.

I absolutely don't class people with medical problems a what do you say 'a lesser people' and I certainly do not judge anyone wanting to drink. I think there is a fine line between wanting to drink and not being able to control it. We obviously disagree on wether its a medical problem and that's fine.

But do not assume things about me or what I think, the wrong vibe you have. Me saying I didn't marry an alcoholic, well that was my way of saying I hope he finds his way back. Thanks again for your contribution.



posted on Nov, 26 2012 @ 06:09 AM
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reply to post by feelingconnected
 


Are you talking about chantix??

I know some horror stories personally. One of my bosses almost died one day.

I know I can't really say this, but if it's just a needing to escape thing there are other things you can smoke or whatever that won't kill your liver... It's something I must recommend over death. If alcohol is the only "pain reliever" then look into ways to purify the liver/kidneys...

I can give you another reason to get someone off alcohol...

My memory is non-existent. I re-read every post I write over and over to re-remember what my points are, and not rarely I cannot figure out what I meant after a couple sentences... Alcohol = bad in many cases...
edit on 11/26/2012 by Dustytoad because: (no reason given)



posted on Nov, 26 2012 @ 06:14 AM
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reply to post by Dustytoad
 


Thanks for your reply, you are so right. You don't have to physically hurt someone else to be an alcoholic. Hurting yourself hurts your loved ones. This is what I am witnessing. It's painful to watch your partner go through it. I don't understand why and maybe never will. But will not give up easily. Thanks again

Eta: yes I am talking about that drug. It and we both feel this is the cause of this whole mess
. I still don't think he realises yet how bad his drinking is. Which was why I was asking the questions. To see if its common to not think you have a drinking problem. Or wether you just know but don't want to know.
edit on 26-11-2012 by feelingconnected because: (no reason given)



posted on Nov, 26 2012 @ 06:32 AM
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Originally posted by feelingconnected
reply to post by Dustytoad
 


I still don't think he realises yet how bad his drinking is. Which was why I was asking the questions. To see if its common to not think you have a drinking problem. Or wether you just know but don't want to know.
edit on 26-11-2012 by feelingconnected because: (no reason given)


Insanely common. I'm a prime example. "I can drink so much, and still go to work everyday." I used to say...

It took me YEARS to realize..

I guess I have been drinking for about 10 years now. Only in the last 1 or maybe 2 (but more like 1) have I noticed negative consequences besides the regular hangover mornings. I am an open explorative person who started drinking after seeing both parents completely fall into alcoholism.

I always thought I was different..
I always thought I could control it...

I am writing this post on about 5 beers, and my typing is much faster than if I was sober... I think clearer after 2 beers.. These are really bad signs for how dependent my body has become, but also for the insidiousness of alcohol..

When you are addicted alcohol is the problem, but as you try to quit it becomes the only solution too..

And to anyone reading this Stay AWAY from chantix.
edit on 11/26/2012 by Dustytoad because: (no reason given)



posted on Nov, 26 2012 @ 06:35 AM
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reply to post by Dustytoad
 


When you are addicted alcohol is the problem, but as you try to quit it becomes the only solution too..

That makes so much sense, thanks again for replying



posted on Nov, 26 2012 @ 06:37 AM
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reply to post by feelingconnected
 


I don't know if you have already, but I think you should tell him everything that you just told me in your last post. Just be open and honest with him, but you do need to find the root of what's causing this. He might open up a bit more when you confront him on these issues... kinda like I just did to you. No offense, but people seem to open up a bit more when confronted directly. Please don't take it personal.

I do sincerely wish you both the best. And I hope I helped.





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