I personally never liked alcohol, and I don't drink anymore at all, ever. I do, however, have alcoholics in my family, and was married to one. I ended up leaving him. He found some woman who liked to drink as much as he does. He's dead now, unfortunately. They got into a big drunken fight, and she shot him point-blank with a .44 magnum in the chest. My eldest daughter is fatherless....and she drinks, and it breaks my heart.

When I met my current husband, he had just divorced his wife, who was an alcoholic. She died a few years later, as she had colon cancer, and her kidneys, after years of abuse, couldn't handle the chemo, and she died of kidney failure almost immediately after starting the treatment. She was 52 years old.

Hubby used to drink, he had 3 DUIs to show for it. Every time he would drink, he would act the fool, and do dumb things like get behind the wheel and drive around. My intense disgust and refusal to participate started to wear on him, I guess. He wasn't that far gone that he would sacrifice me for alcohol, so he gave it up. Once in a while, he drinks, but I have strict rules: He has to stay home, cannot drive anywhere, and has to be able to handle his alcohol and not act stupid. It's no fun for him anymore, apparently. That suits me fine. A fourth DUI would mean mandatory jail time. It took us forever to pay off the third one, which he did right before I met him.

Because of that third DUI, he was passed over for many jobs which were very well-paying. It would always show on the background check. It's a shame, because he is a very talented programmer and data base analyst.

As you might have surmised, I detest alcohol. I've known too many people that are totally dependent on it, and they hide behind the "it's legal" argument. Of all the drugs on the planet, they would have to legalize the one that is a toxin and works by killing brain cells, inhibition, and coordination. Figures.

Originally posted by feelingconnected
I realize this can be a touchy or highly personal subject matter. And I'm not sure I've put this in the right forum. I feel like having a rant, but no not this thread.. If anyone is willing or interested in answering a few questions on this topic, Id love to hear from you.

OK, so where to start, well what I'm wanting to ask is -During your alcoholism be it current or past, did you or do you know you had/have a problem with drinking? I'm really interested in this question.
How did you respond to loved ones broaching the subject, if anyone did? or did you honestly believe there to be no real problem? And anyone who suggested your problem, was the problem.

To the recovering, what was your turning point? If your willing to share that is. Was it something major, external, internal? I guess I know there will be many different answers depending on the person.
Lastly, did you find it easy to turn the blame of your drinking toward an innocent person or situation? Or did you even know you were doing this?
Ok, one more. How do you find recovery? Is it working for you and do you believe its possible eventually?

I would like to thank you if you've read and answered any of my questions.

ETA sorry for such a downer thread

edit on 24-11-2012 by feelingconnected because: (no reason given)

Much better....
I'd like to start off by saying that I am 11 years sober, an still going strong. I believe that a lifetime of sobriety is absolutely an achievable goal, so long as it is truly desired.

Personally, I always knew that I had a problem with the bottle. My main issue was that I had severe anxiety and would have panic attacks on a daily basis. When I drank, all of my anxiety seemed to disappear. Eventually booze became the source of my anxiety, and it took a long time to realize that it was actually making it worse. By then it was too late. I was drinking up to three pints of whiskey a day. I was quite literally never sober. I lived with my alcoholic grandmother and my mother who was far too timid and afraid of losing her relationship with me to take any real action for ten years. I won't even start on how jacked up her mentality was.
And all of my friends were boozers. I was never really confronted about it by anyone except my boyfriend, who is now my husband. And I lied my ass off to keep his questions and fears at bay.

All of the talk about how you have to hit rock bottom before you can lift yourself up and out of it is true to an extent. It was true for me, though someone who I was once close with has hit rock bottom, grabbed the sledge hammer and shovel, and continued his descent. You also have to want it. You HAVE to be ready and really WANT to be sober, or you will backslide. That's just the way it is. Forced rehab rarely works. Interventions, where you family and friends come in and lay down ultimatums, will rarely work unless you are truly ready to let go of your addiction and get past it. I did two stints in rehab, and only came back to drink more...and more....and more.

I was very lucky. I didn't drive until after I got sober, so there was never any DUI's, or, God forbid, accidents. I never had an incident with police, never went to jail or detox....until the night I took my very last drink. The cops were called because apparently (and I still don't remember) I had threatened to physically harm my grandmother, whom I loved and love with all of my heart and soul. Most people have a mom and dad. I have a mom and a mother.
The domestic violence unit of the Lakewood Police Department showed up while I was passed out on a neighbors couch. They woke me up and confronted me with this, and I was very combative and would not cooperate. Then, out of the blue, my cousin showed up. His presence is what actually snapped me into reality, and I suddenly had this "moment of clarity". Cliche, yes. But very real.
Again, I have to say, I was very lucky. My mother had already had a restraining order taken out on me. These cops, God Bless them, gave my family a choice. They would take me to jail unless someone would stand up, give me a place to sleep and a second chance. My mother cried and my neighbor stood up and said that I could stay with her. I did not go to jail. And I never took another sip of alcohol.

Something one MUST have is a solid support system. My boyfriend never had a problem with alcohol, but he quit drinking to support me in my sobriety. I moved in with him and his grandmother, who fed me meat and potatoes for weeks on end until I had put some weight on my 98lb frame. If I hadn't had the unconditional love and support of my family, my now husband and his wonderful family, I honestly believe I would not be here today to make this reply.

It is not an easy thing to do. It takes constant dedication. And self control. But it is absolutely possible to get sober and stay that way! (And be happy!)

Originally posted by FissionSurplus

Hubby used to drink, he had 3 DUIs to show for it. Every time he would drink, he would act the fool, and do dumb things like get behind the wheel and drive around. My intense disgust and refusal to participate started to wear on him, I guess. He wasn't that far gone that he would sacrifice me for alcohol, so he gave it up. Once in a while, he drinks, but I have strict rules: He has to stay home, cannot drive anywhere, and has to be able to handle his alcohol and not act stupid. It's no fun for him anymore, apparently. That suits me fine. A fourth DUI would mean mandatory jail time. It took us forever to pay off the third one, which he did right before I met him.

Because of that third DUI, he was passed over for many jobs which were very well-paying. It would always show on the background check. It's a shame, because he is a very talented programmer and data base analyst.

A

I never understood this. Even in my worst days of drinking I NEVER once got behind the wheel of a car.Not once.Never got a DUI,in fact I think I was the only one when I was in rehab who didn't.They were all surprised that I was there on my own choice.I suppose I was one of the lucky ones.

I have a 2 and 5 year old. I work a corporate job 45 hours a week.

Nights and week-ends I consider myself an extremely heavy drinker. I plan my drinking. If I don't have to drive anywhere at night, I'm drinking. I drink to substain a "buzz". That "buzz" doesn't come 'round much anymore. I continue to drink. I am poisoning my body. I know this. I know I am. But it feels too good to not poison my body. This will make sense to some people; and it doesn't need rock bottom to understand.

I hope anyone does not need to feel this, ever in their life. But it is real.

If it didn't make me feel so great, I'd say alcohol sucks.

When you say "loved one" would you consider you are equal in the relationship?

Dependency tends to result in you being their hostage i.e. they isolate you and become your master, or their hostage-taker i.e. you become their carer, enabler.

You may be being taken advantage of by, or taking advantage of the partner.

Both of which are not entirely healthy.

Al-anon may give you insight into the illness.

Before I quit, I knew I had some kind of problem because I could never keep my drinking moderate but I wasn't sure I was an alcoholic yet.

When loved ones broached the subject, I felt bad and guilty and ashamed, but I never thought it was their problem.

My turning point was meeting this guy who was an alcoholic and told me I was. He explained to me the different behavior traits of an alcoholic. So no, I didn't have to drink every day to be an alcoholic. It was the WAY I drank. As soon as I figured that out, I wanted to stop. So I did.

I never blamed anyone for my drinking. I always knew it was me doing it, no one else.

My life improved drastically after I quit. What I found that I did not want to do however is go to AA every week. I'm not saying it isn't a great program for a lot of people. But for me, it was something that I very quickly decided was not for me. I did not want to define all my behavior, all my emotions and my identity as that of 'an alcoholic' for the rest of my life.

I don't like the word 'recovery' either. Again, that's just me. The whole idea that if you don't fix certain personality traits, even if you don't drink anymore, that you're not "recovering properly" is ridiculous. There are many non-alcoholics and people all over with all kinds of personality problems, as we all have, and I prefer to deal with them as problems, not "problems of a recovering alcoholic."

That's my two cents.

Hi,

would be happy to:

1.)i didnt think i had a problem.

2.)if loved ones touched on it would just laugh it off or get defensive but they didnt often.

3.)honestly did not believe i had a problem.

4.)turning point was a final incident which made me feel bad for the last time.

5.) mind slipping away and i was noticing it, no longer happy and i noticed it, and physically feeling sh1t£ therefore internal in mind and external.

6.) didnt blame anyone.

7.) recovery is fine and normal now - i am 4 1/2 month clean and very happy. Having said that the first 3 months were very tough.

8.) yes its working/worked for me and will never drink a drop again

Hope this helps whatever it is you after looking for.

Originally posted by feelingconnected
I realize this can be a touchy or highly personal subject matter. And I'm not sure I've put this in the right forum. I feel like having a rant, but no not this thread.. If anyone is willing or interested in answering a few questions on this topic, Id love to hear from you.

OK, so where to start, well what I'm wanting to ask is -During your alcoholism be it current or past, did you or do you know you had/have a problem with drinking? I'm really interested in this question.
How did you respond to loved ones broaching the subject, if anyone did? or did you honestly believe there to be no real problem? And anyone who suggested your problem, was the problem.

To the recovering, what was your turning point? If your willing to share that is. Was it something major, external, internal? I guess I know there will be many different answers depending on the person.
Lastly, did you find it easy to turn the blame of your drinking toward an innocent person or situation? Or did you even know you were doing this?
Ok, one more. How do you find recovery? Is it working for you and do you believe its possible eventually?

I would like to thank you if you've read and answered any of my questions.

ETA sorry for such a downer thread

edit on 24-11-2012 by feelingconnected because: (no reason given)

i am a recovering alcoholic, and i knew 100% that i was. anytime my wife brought up the fact that i drank everyday i would immediately dismiss the subject as how the thought of not having alcohol in my life terrified me.

i was a functioning alcoholic, and i started drinking as soon as i woke up. so the change felt impossible to make and i accepted the fact that i would die young. ( i've been sober for almost a year and i'm about to turn 27.) i didn't blame anyone for the drinking, but it was a way to not deal with life's problems and, for the most part, to feel nothing.

i found recovery mainly from within. after my health started taking a continual downward spiral the light bulb went off for me that i did not have to, and did not deserve to live my life like i was. i went through at least 18 beers a day and a 1/5 of vodka everyday for several years, and abused alcohol (not as bad) years prior.

i now attend celebrate recovery every week, and have found peace and happiness due to the love of God.

i have found freedom.

Originally posted by feelingconnected
Thank you all for sharing you personal story, I have a loved one that is yet to admit a problem and although I don't want to make it about me. It's god dam driving me crazy, I'm at a loss. Don't know how to help and am starting to realise I probably can't until they help themselves. They have also shown early signs of medical problems. Thank you again.

edit on 24-11-2012 by feelingconnected because: (no reason given)

I'm telling you this to help, not to be a jerk. You are showing classic signs of codependency, which can control your life and make it miserable.

Perfect timing on the thread for me!

I am 4 years sober.

Yes, I knew I was addicted to alcohol and could stop on my own.

I got tired of the lies and what it was doing to my family. (Wife and kids).

I do not want to elaborate at this momment, since I've got my whole family around me right now wanting my attention!

Fantastic!

i could but not on a public forum and saying what and how i not stoped but now only socialy drink will get me banned for breaching t&c's
plus if its you whom is ill realising this is the first step of recovery,pm me if you want to know how i dealt with/not cure but controled feel free,take care

Wow, thank you all for you honest & heartfelt replies. Firstly well done to all that have managed to stop, turn their lives around and survive in the process. I truly hope your life continues to improve.

I had always heard alcohol to be one of the most destructive drugs, infact was told at an early age to be mindful & respect it as there are many alcoholics in my family. Maybe to be correct my extended family has a history of addicted personalities if that can even be possible!

However this situation is not a blood relation as someone asked, it's my equal & partner. Many of your stories sound familiar it honestly scary. I have an extremely high functioning alcoholic ( at this stage anyway). I think because of this aspect it's hard for him to see a real problem.

I think I am developing a major co-dependency with this situation. In the past I've never been one to 'nag' therefore feel when I rarely bring up the topic with the reactions I get, I feel like the blaming begins. I'm sure this is just how I feel not what is happening.

I do however feel that many or any situation is used as an excuses to drink, therefore try to control to many situations that I really can't adding to my stress levels. I am a logical and reasonable person and know its wreaking me & changing who I am.

Your replies have confirmed a few things for me, some have given me hope for our future not destroyed, some well my biggest nightmare & I guess I'll just have to deal with that if it comes. I do realise now that I need help for myself if I'm to continue being supportive or even if I can't

Thank you very much again for your insights and personal stories. I know ats is a consperiousy place firstly, but also a great place to open up, talk when you feel alone. To know your not alone to all involved in my thread.

I recently quit drinking (at least for the foreseeable future) just after my 26th birthday November 2nd.


Throughout college I was the type to drink as much as possible, as often as possible and consume as many other substances as my body could handle. There are very few drugs I have not tried, though I can't get in to any specifics without violating T&C.


After several years of being a blackout drunk and drug abuser - and graduating from college - my worst was this past summer in which I was going through a handle of vodka every two days, whether I had someone to drink with or not never really mattered (I'm an only child and used to doing everything myself).


It took a serious relationship with someone who actually cares about me to change my perspective on my substance abuse. A few weeks ago she found my stash of empty bottles in the apartment we share and asked me if I was able to admit I had a problem and what I was going to do about it.


I've always readily admitted to my substance abuse issues because I'm a realist and am comfortable with my shortcomings and flaws as a human being. I was also a high functioning alcoholic so admitting it didn't seem so bad when I had a college degree and a steady job. So when she asked what I was going to do about it, I told her I was going to quit drinking anything for two weeks.

Well, the two week goal turned in to a month, turned in to New Year's, turned in to "I'm not sure I'm going to drink again" and I feel great right now, although I must admit there is still a natural substance I use daily.

The worst was always worrying if I had hurt someone else while wasted. I never really worried about myself at all, but felt awful if I thought I had negatively affected others.

So far I don't miss running around to different bars/clubs, sleeping in strange places, forgetting half my experiences, strange bruises I don't remember, etc. etc.

And holy crap do I have a LOT of extra money now!