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Alcoholics current and recovering, would you be interested in answering a few Q,s

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posted on Nov, 24 2012 @ 10:32 AM
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I personally never liked alcohol, and I don't drink anymore at all, ever. I do, however, have alcoholics in my family, and was married to one. I ended up leaving him. He found some woman who liked to drink as much as he does. He's dead now, unfortunately. They got into a big drunken fight, and she shot him point-blank with a .44 magnum in the chest. My eldest daughter is fatherless....and she drinks, and it breaks my heart.

When I met my current husband, he had just divorced his wife, who was an alcoholic. She died a few years later, as she had colon cancer, and her kidneys, after years of abuse, couldn't handle the chemo, and she died of kidney failure almost immediately after starting the treatment. She was 52 years old.

Hubby used to drink, he had 3 DUIs to show for it. Every time he would drink, he would act the fool, and do dumb things like get behind the wheel and drive around. My intense disgust and refusal to participate started to wear on him, I guess. He wasn't that far gone that he would sacrifice me for alcohol, so he gave it up. Once in a while, he drinks, but I have strict rules: He has to stay home, cannot drive anywhere, and has to be able to handle his alcohol and not act stupid. It's no fun for him anymore, apparently. That suits me fine. A fourth DUI would mean mandatory jail time. It took us forever to pay off the third one, which he did right before I met him.

Because of that third DUI, he was passed over for many jobs which were very well-paying. It would always show on the background check. It's a shame, because he is a very talented programmer and data base analyst.

As you might have surmised, I detest alcohol. I've known too many people that are totally dependent on it, and they hide behind the "it's legal" argument. Of all the drugs on the planet, they would have to legalize the one that is a toxin and works by killing brain cells, inhibition, and coordination. Figures.




posted on Nov, 24 2012 @ 10:57 AM
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Originally posted by feelingconnected
I realize this can be a touchy or highly personal subject matter. And I'm not sure I've put this in the right forum. I feel like having a rant, but no not this thread.. If anyone is willing or interested in answering a few questions on this topic, Id love to hear from you.

OK, so where to start, well what I'm wanting to ask is -During your alcoholism be it current or past, did you or do you know you had/have a problem with drinking? I'm really interested in this question.
How did you respond to loved ones broaching the subject, if anyone did? or did you honestly believe there to be no real problem? And anyone who suggested your problem, was the problem.

To the recovering, what was your turning point? If your willing to share that is. Was it something major, external, internal? I guess I know there will be many different answers depending on the person.
Lastly, did you find it easy to turn the blame of your drinking toward an innocent person or situation? Or did you even know you were doing this?
Ok, one more. How do you find recovery? Is it working for you and do you believe its possible eventually?

I would like to thank you if you've read and answered any of my questions.

ETA sorry for such a downer thread
edit on 24-11-2012 by feelingconnected because: (no reason given)


Much better....
I'd like to start off by saying that I am 11 years sober, an still going strong. I believe that a lifetime of sobriety is absolutely an achievable goal, so long as it is truly desired.

Personally, I always knew that I had a problem with the bottle. My main issue was that I had severe anxiety and would have panic attacks on a daily basis. When I drank, all of my anxiety seemed to disappear. Eventually booze became the source of my anxiety, and it took a long time to realize that it was actually making it worse. By then it was too late. I was drinking up to three pints of whiskey a day. I was quite literally never sober. I lived with my alcoholic grandmother and my mother who was far too timid and afraid of losing her relationship with me to take any real action for ten years. I won't even start on how jacked up her mentality was.
And all of my friends were boozers. I was never really confronted about it by anyone except my boyfriend, who is now my husband. And I lied my ass off to keep his questions and fears at bay.

All of the talk about how you have to hit rock bottom before you can lift yourself up and out of it is true to an extent. It was true for me, though someone who I was once close with has hit rock bottom, grabbed the sledge hammer and shovel, and continued his descent. You also have to want it. You HAVE to be ready and really WANT to be sober, or you will backslide. That's just the way it is. Forced rehab rarely works. Interventions, where you family and friends come in and lay down ultimatums, will rarely work unless you are truly ready to let go of your addiction and get past it. I did two stints in rehab, and only came back to drink more...and more....and more.

I was very lucky. I didn't drive until after I got sober, so there was never any DUI's, or, God forbid, accidents. I never had an incident with police, never went to jail or detox....until the night I took my very last drink. The cops were called because apparently (and I still don't remember) I had threatened to physically harm my grandmother, whom I loved and love with all of my heart and soul. Most people have a mom and dad. I have a mom and a mother.
The domestic violence unit of the Lakewood Police Department showed up while I was passed out on a neighbors couch. They woke me up and confronted me with this, and I was very combative and would not cooperate. Then, out of the blue, my cousin showed up. His presence is what actually snapped me into reality, and I suddenly had this "moment of clarity". Cliche, yes. But very real.
Again, I have to say, I was very lucky. My mother had already had a restraining order taken out on me. These cops, God Bless them, gave my family a choice. They would take me to jail unless someone would stand up, give me a place to sleep and a second chance. My mother cried and my neighbor stood up and said that I could stay with her. I did not go to jail. And I never took another sip of alcohol.

Something one MUST have is a solid support system. My boyfriend never had a problem with alcohol, but he quit drinking to support me in my sobriety. I moved in with him and his grandmother, who fed me meat and potatoes for weeks on end until I had put some weight on my 98lb frame. If I hadn't had the unconditional love and support of my family, my now husband and his wonderful family, I honestly believe I would not be here today to make this reply.

It is not an easy thing to do. It takes constant dedication. And self control. But it is absolutely possible to get sober and stay that way! (And be happy!)




posted on Nov, 24 2012 @ 11:17 AM
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Originally posted by FissionSurplus

Hubby used to drink, he had 3 DUIs to show for it. Every time he would drink, he would act the fool, and do dumb things like get behind the wheel and drive around. My intense disgust and refusal to participate started to wear on him, I guess. He wasn't that far gone that he would sacrifice me for alcohol, so he gave it up. Once in a while, he drinks, but I have strict rules: He has to stay home, cannot drive anywhere, and has to be able to handle his alcohol and not act stupid. It's no fun for him anymore, apparently. That suits me fine. A fourth DUI would mean mandatory jail time. It took us forever to pay off the third one, which he did right before I met him.

Because of that third DUI, he was passed over for many jobs which were very well-paying. It would always show on the background check. It's a shame, because he is a very talented programmer and data base analyst.

A


I never understood this. Even in my worst days of drinking I NEVER once got behind the wheel of a car.Not once.Never got a DUI,in fact I think I was the only one when I was in rehab who didn't.They were all surprised that I was there on my own choice.I suppose I was one of the lucky ones.



posted on Nov, 24 2012 @ 03:36 PM
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I have a 2 and 5 year old. I work a corporate job 45 hours a week.

Nights and week-ends I consider myself an extremely heavy drinker. I plan my drinking. If I don't have to drive anywhere at night, I'm drinking. I drink to substain a "buzz". That "buzz" doesn't come 'round much anymore. I continue to drink. I am poisoning my body. I know this. I know I am. But it feels too good to not poison my body. This will make sense to some people; and it doesn't need rock bottom to understand.

I hope anyone does not need to feel this, ever in their life. But it is real.

If it didn't make me feel so great, I'd say alcohol sucks.
edit on 24-11-2012 by UFO1414 because: (no reason given)



posted on Nov, 24 2012 @ 03:52 PM
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When you say "loved one" would you consider you are equal in the relationship?

Dependency tends to result in you being their hostage i.e. they isolate you and become your master, or their hostage-taker i.e. you become their carer, enabler.

You may be being taken advantage of by, or taking advantage of the partner.

Both of which are not entirely healthy.

Al-anon may give you insight into the illness.



posted on Nov, 24 2012 @ 05:16 PM
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Before I quit, I knew I had some kind of problem because I could never keep my drinking moderate but I wasn't sure I was an alcoholic yet.

When loved ones broached the subject, I felt bad and guilty and ashamed, but I never thought it was their problem.

My turning point was meeting this guy who was an alcoholic and told me I was. He explained to me the different behavior traits of an alcoholic. So no, I didn't have to drink every day to be an alcoholic. It was the WAY I drank. As soon as I figured that out, I wanted to stop. So I did.

I never blamed anyone for my drinking. I always knew it was me doing it, no one else.

My life improved drastically after I quit. What I found that I did not want to do however is go to AA every week. I'm not saying it isn't a great program for a lot of people. But for me, it was something that I very quickly decided was not for me. I did not want to define all my behavior, all my emotions and my identity as that of 'an alcoholic' for the rest of my life.

I don't like the word 'recovery' either. Again, that's just me. The whole idea that if you don't fix certain personality traits, even if you don't drink anymore, that you're not "recovering properly" is ridiculous. There are many non-alcoholics and people all over with all kinds of personality problems, as we all have, and I prefer to deal with them as problems, not "problems of a recovering alcoholic."

That's my two cents.



posted on Nov, 24 2012 @ 05:26 PM
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reply to post by feelingconnected
 


Don't know how to help and am starting to realise I probably can't until they help themselves.

It's a very difficult path, for the drinker and the concerned.

You are correct, you can't "help" anyone if they are closed off to help or criticism. What you can do, is set your own personal boundaries, and let them know that if they are going to continue, when you are with them (in their company) you will take charge of your own response to it, and judge whether or not to leave the situation.

If you live with this person, then let them know how you feel about it. But don't nag.

Nagging
DOES
NOT
WORK.

Good luck to you. I suggest you might seek counseling for yourself with a therapist who specializes in ADDICTION and FAMILY SYSTEMS.

You have to look at the big picture; step out of the frame, in order to see the best route to take.
Some people decide to tolerate it, others decide to distance themselves. But you can't "change" the loved one.

Interview some therapists and find one that is aware of addiction and family systems; I would recommend a Clinical Social Worker (as opposed to psychologist, psychiatrist, clergy, or AA). Spend some time sharing your concerns, your history, your background, etc......do some work with them to help you understand all the dynamics involved (and there are several).

Best of luck to you.



posted on Nov, 24 2012 @ 05:29 PM
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reply to post by feelingconnected
 

This is my first Post ever due to the fact i was constantly loaded with alcohol but that has all changed this last week since i stopped all the abuse. I did not like the person i was, the arguments, waking up feeling older than my Forty three years,neglecting my Family,being lazy and hibernating from life, i just had enough.
I stopped first the Habit of timing,you do a hard days work have a beer, end of the working week load up on scotch (Three bottles) in the end i realized i actually did not enjoy the taste or the feeling of non-control
over your body. I could see the aging process speeding up, the bloating of the stomach, skin problems, irregular bowel movements and so on.

First i changed how i used my time and this is important!, Instead of coming straight home and get on it as most Australian's do,i would go for a walk with my ipod for an hour then go home, now it was hard the first time dont get me wrong, i would then sip water from my same scotch glass or fill it with ice tea this would trick my brain into thinking i was still having a drink, i could manage and this gave me more strength also i changed my diet, started to eat salads when ever the urge comes or exercise or any productive tasks that did not piss me off, i found the benefits from not drinking to be a real turning point in developing a defensive barrier, i would now see mowed lawns, those jobs around the house were now complete, happier
wife and kids, workmates would be saying how good i was looking, my memory improved, fitness was better and so on.

I also stopped smoking at the same time as they both complimented each other, so far so good, it is still early days for me as it has only been a week but getting stronger everyday i will always be a alcoholic and i am not ashamed to admit it.
edit on 24-11-2012 by wilbur1969 because: mistake



posted on Nov, 24 2012 @ 05:39 PM
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Hi,

would be happy to:

1.)i didnt think i had a problem.

2.)if loved ones touched on it would just laugh it off or get defensive but they didnt often.

3.)honestly did not believe i had a problem.

4.)turning point was a final incident which made me feel bad for the last time.

5.) mind slipping away and i was noticing it, no longer happy and i noticed it, and physically feeling sh1t£ therefore internal in mind and external.

6.) didnt blame anyone.

7.) recovery is fine and normal now - i am 4 1/2 month clean and very happy. Having said that the first 3 months were very tough.

8.) yes its working/worked for me and will never drink a drop again

Hope this helps whatever it is you after looking for.



posted on Nov, 24 2012 @ 06:01 PM
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Originally posted by feelingconnected
I realize this can be a touchy or highly personal subject matter. And I'm not sure I've put this in the right forum. I feel like having a rant, but no not this thread.. If anyone is willing or interested in answering a few questions on this topic, Id love to hear from you.

OK, so where to start, well what I'm wanting to ask is -During your alcoholism be it current or past, did you or do you know you had/have a problem with drinking? I'm really interested in this question.
How did you respond to loved ones broaching the subject, if anyone did? or did you honestly believe there to be no real problem? And anyone who suggested your problem, was the problem.

To the recovering, what was your turning point? If your willing to share that is. Was it something major, external, internal? I guess I know there will be many different answers depending on the person.
Lastly, did you find it easy to turn the blame of your drinking toward an innocent person or situation? Or did you even know you were doing this?
Ok, one more. How do you find recovery? Is it working for you and do you believe its possible eventually?

I would like to thank you if you've read and answered any of my questions.

ETA sorry for such a downer thread
edit on 24-11-2012 by feelingconnected because: (no reason given)
i am a recovering alcoholic, and i knew 100% that i was. anytime my wife brought up the fact that i drank everyday i would immediately dismiss the subject as how the thought of not having alcohol in my life terrified me.

i was a functioning alcoholic, and i started drinking as soon as i woke up. so the change felt impossible to make and i accepted the fact that i would die young. ( i've been sober for almost a year and i'm about to turn 27.) i didn't blame anyone for the drinking, but it was a way to not deal with life's problems and, for the most part, to feel nothing.

i found recovery mainly from within. after my health started taking a continual downward spiral the light bulb went off for me that i did not have to, and did not deserve to live my life like i was. i went through at least 18 beers a day and a 1/5 of vodka everyday for several years, and abused alcohol (not as bad) years prior.

i now attend celebrate recovery every week, and have found peace and happiness due to the love of God.

i have found freedom.



posted on Nov, 24 2012 @ 06:15 PM
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Originally posted by feelingconnected
Thank you all for sharing you personal story, I have a loved one that is yet to admit a problem and although I don't want to make it about me. It's god dam driving me crazy, I'm at a loss. Don't know how to help and am starting to realise I probably can't until they help themselves. They have also shown early signs of medical problems. Thank you again.
edit on 24-11-2012 by feelingconnected because: (no reason given)
I'm telling you this to help, not to be a jerk. You are showing classic signs of codependency, which can control your life and make it miserable.



posted on Nov, 24 2012 @ 06:15 PM
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reply to post by feelingconnected
 

Hello Feelingconnected

My story, I knew early on I had a problem 16-17 years old. Just knew I drank different from others, couldn't stop after starting with just one. My Dad was an alcoholic, recovered.
Avoided any conversation from loved ones about anyone drinking too much, thought they would finally put two and two together and see me as the problem I was.
Had a girlfriend (serious) once say I drank too much, I broke up with her.
Got married years later, only slowed down for a while. Picked it back up. My wife finally fed up with me gave me an ultimatum.
I knew AA had a finality to it, I just wanted to slow down so avoided that as long as I could, I knew once there I could never drink again, that scared the # out of me, didn't think I would want to live nor felt I wouldn't have a good life.
This is the most important part that your loved one needs to know (my perspective) , ready, life is really pretty damn good without it. I was 40 yrs old when I quit, 12 + years ago, I can't believe how much I was wrong about quitting. I am soooo glad I quit. It wasn't easy at first but life is great without it. I don't miss the drink at all but it is a day-to-day thing, just much easier now. .
I am the perpetual designated driver now and I don't mind one bit.
The only thing I would suggest is have someone who has quit and has been sober for awhile talk with your loved one, the first step is admitting it.
Once again, if there is one thing I could share with your loved one is, LIFE IS GREAT EVEN WITHOUT IT.
Good luck
Peace to you



posted on Nov, 24 2012 @ 06:17 PM
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Perfect timing on the thread for me!


I am 4 years sober.

Yes, I knew I was addicted to alcohol and could stop on my own.

I got tired of the lies and what it was doing to my family. (Wife and kids).

I do not want to elaborate at this momment, since I've got my whole family around me right now wanting my attention!


Fantastic!



posted on Nov, 24 2012 @ 06:27 PM
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reply to post by feelingconnected
 


I'll be glad to comment, I am a recovering alcoholic, actually I'm a anything that would change the way I feel "holic". What you are feeling is totally typical of our condition, we are the center of the universe and it's never our fault because we are perfect, an ego out of control and self will run riot! Now I know you probably don't see it that way right at the moment but if you recover you will...trust me, now you see I was a "golden child", spoiled to the core and as I grew older I made the fatal mistake at being extremely successful or so I thought.

I based success on how much money I made and all the material things I could buy, even though my drinking and using had long been out of control, society said "I had arrived, I'm the %&#@", because I fit the bs of what society says is success.

Now as to what happened.......our using never get's better or less, only more untill I lost my family, home, business, everything, but I still had my pride, my ego and it kept me blaming all my problem's on everyone else untill I finally had a major heart attack at 43 followed by a overdose that put me in a coma for 3 day's that the Dr. told my family that they were unsure if I would come out of it and if I did I may have brain damage.

Well I must have a purpose unfufilled here because I did make it with no brain damage (other than what I already had) and I told myself it's time to quit.....see I "told"..the ego, what I had to finally learn was that I had to get my ego totally squashed and be willing to stop whining about my situation and start doing for other's, there is a program I joined that I'll not mention as I don't know if it violate's TOS.

I have been a long time lurker but I felt complelled to reply, I want to say this in closing, I have never had it so good, all the pain, misery, humbling that I had to go through brought about a spiritual awakening that has to be experienced to be beleived.

Reach out, let go and be ready for the ride of a lifetime, I stand ready to help you in any way I can! I've never had it so good! Hope this made some sense as I tried to let it flow from the heart.



posted on Nov, 24 2012 @ 06:46 PM
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i could but not on a public forum and saying what and how i not stoped but now only socialy drink will get me banned for breaching t&c's
plus if its you whom is ill realising this is the first step of recovery,pm me if you want to know how i dealt with/not cure but controled feel free,take care
edit on 24-11-2012 by haven123 because: (no reason given)



posted on Nov, 24 2012 @ 06:53 PM
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reply to post by feelingconnected
 
Just a little more info for you, I started drinking at age 13, not much just sneaking a bit when we could but at 16 years old I was madly in love with a girl of 15 who happen to have a father who loved to drink rum every night, being the mature 16 year old I was he loved for me to drink with him.

I should have realized that something was wrong when I would drink with him drink for drink and he would pass out around 10 p.m and I was still able to now go love my girl, walk and talk, then drive home. I was called a power drinker by my peer's, something I was proud of btw, but even as I grew older, had a few black out's, did and said thing's I couldn't or didn't want to remember I never ever thought I had a problem because................remember I was successful, made lot's of money, so society, friend's and family alway's had me on a pedestal.

I'm told and have come to believe that over any given period of time we get worse, never better. I had a few relapse's in my early recovery and to my amazement not only did I pick up where I left off but it was on a scale worse....this is also what I have witnessed of the many who relapse



posted on Nov, 24 2012 @ 07:02 PM
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Wow, thank you all for you honest & heartfelt replies. Firstly well done to all that have managed to stop, turn their lives around and survive in the process. I truly hope your life continues to improve.

I had always heard alcohol to be one of the most destructive drugs, infact was told at an early age to be mindful & respect it as there are many alcoholics in my family. Maybe to be correct my extended family has a history of addicted personalities if that can even be possible!

However this situation is not a blood relation as someone asked, it's my equal & partner. Many of your stories sound familiar it honestly scary. I have an extremely high functioning alcoholic ( at this stage anyway). I think because of this aspect it's hard for him to see a real problem.

I think I am developing a major co-dependency with this situation. In the past I've never been one to 'nag' therefore feel when I rarely bring up the topic with the reactions I get, I feel like the blaming begins. I'm sure this is just how I feel not what is happening.

I do however feel that many or any situation is used as an excuses to drink, therefore try to control to many situations that I really can't adding to my stress levels. I am a logical and reasonable person and know its wreaking me & changing who I am.

Your replies have confirmed a few things for me, some have given me hope for our future not destroyed, some well my biggest nightmare & I guess I'll just have to deal with that if it comes. I do realise now that I need help for myself if I'm to continue being supportive or even if I can't

Thank you very much again for your insights and personal stories. I know ats is a consperiousy place firstly, but also a great place to open up, talk when you feel alone. To know your not alone
to all involved in my thread.



posted on Nov, 24 2012 @ 07:04 PM
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I recently quit drinking (at least for the foreseeable future) just after my 26th birthday November 2nd.


Throughout college I was the type to drink as much as possible, as often as possible and consume as many other substances as my body could handle. There are very few drugs I have not tried, though I can't get in to any specifics without violating T&C.


After several years of being a blackout drunk and drug abuser - and graduating from college - my worst was this past summer in which I was going through a handle of vodka every two days, whether I had someone to drink with or not never really mattered (I'm an only child and used to doing everything myself).


It took a serious relationship with someone who actually cares about me to change my perspective on my substance abuse. A few weeks ago she found my stash of empty bottles in the apartment we share and asked me if I was able to admit I had a problem and what I was going to do about it.


I've always readily admitted to my substance abuse issues because I'm a realist and am comfortable with my shortcomings and flaws as a human being. I was also a high functioning alcoholic so admitting it didn't seem so bad when I had a college degree and a steady job. So when she asked what I was going to do about it, I told her I was going to quit drinking anything for two weeks.

Well, the two week goal turned in to a month, turned in to New Year's, turned in to "I'm not sure I'm going to drink again" and I feel great right now, although I must admit there is still a natural substance I use daily.

The worst was always worrying if I had hurt someone else while wasted. I never really worried about myself at all, but felt awful if I thought I had negatively affected others.

So far I don't miss running around to different bars/clubs, sleeping in strange places, forgetting half my experiences, strange bruises I don't remember, etc. etc.

And holy crap do I have a LOT of extra money now!



posted on Nov, 24 2012 @ 07:10 PM
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reply to post by feelingconnected
 


After looking over your posts and those of other members, I think I have a couple of things to add and I am a recovering alcoholic/addict.

1. Yes it is very common (almost obligatory) for addicts to "drink/use" at people, places and things. It's an example of trying to hurt another by hurting oneself and is crazy and a great sign of Alcoholic Insanity.

2. You need help just as much if not more - seek out Alanon Family Groups for friends and family of Alcoholics in your local area.

3. You really can't do anything about another's using/drinking and the sooner you accept it, the better off you will be. This is the disease of Co-Dependence.

I wish you the best of luck - the odds are not good. Let go of this friend, you could even be making it worse by 'trying to help' and take care of yourself.



posted on Nov, 24 2012 @ 07:11 PM
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reply to post by feelingconnected
 
please do get help for the co-dependency issue's, also a support group would be great because you are in a "enabler" position.....it sound's like he may be somewhat like me in that he is very functional, it's hard for us to think we have a problem when we are functional but it is insidious and sneak's up.

Some proven facts: alcoholism is hereditary, if one parent is alcoholic, a child is 4 time's as likely to be, both parent's alky's and the child is 8 x






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