reply to post by feelingconnected
As an alcoholic, I can honestly say I refused to admit I had a problem until I lost everything, I lost my job, finances, I was a binge drinker, so I
could not control it, I would often pass out, I would not remember the previous night, yet it became a repetitive cycle for me, I only drank on the
weekends, it was a reward. My job allowed for me to travel, yet it became a problem, I stayed in hotels, so a bar was in the lobby and I drank out of
boredom. Away from family, I had no support, I was my own worst enemy. I had no friends, they were co-workers, they did not have my best interests at
heart, they preyed on the fact I was an alcoholic, they thoroughly enjoyed watching me self-destruct. As my life spun out of control, they tore away
what little confidence I had with each and every day. Each day I worked, it became a day closer to death and another day I turned to drink. I was
crying out for help, but they just laughed, they were alcoholics too, but they could control it, and my downward spiral allowed for them to say, "
look at him, at least I am not that bad". They were very cruel, yet alcohol made it worse, it makes one extremely sensitive and susceptible to a lot.
I never drank while working. Getting let go from that job was the best thing that could have ever happened to me, it saved my life, I lost everything,
I'm still picking up the pieces.
I wish I could have had someone tell me I had a problem other than family, it seemed everyone is their favorite person, it seems others may take some
pleasure in seeing others self-destruct, I don't know, I hope not, my family knew I had a problem, but I refused to listen to them, I wish I had, I
really do, rather than end up in a job away from them where others could care less. The funny thing was, I didn't seek help until I met my
ex-girlfriend in a bar of all places, I was there getting drunk, dreading another week with the jerks I worked with, she was there with some friends,
she was sober, I was astonished by this, I had never been able to go out and have fun sober, yet she was there sober, I knew because she refused my
offer to buy her a drink. I was fascinated by this, I guess I always lacked confidence while sober, so I felt I had to be drunk, others wouldn't like
me if I was sober, that's why I did it, I was wrong, but I thought that's why. She was in AA, she saw how I was fascinated that she was sober, she
latter told me she saw that I wanted to be sober, I m glad she did, we exchanged numbers.
Later in the week she texted me and we corresponded for awhile, my luck would have it, I was called back from the state I met her. I finally found a
friend, yet I had to leave. I vowed to stay sober and attend AA. When I got back, I was let go, and had a series of bad events, I lapsed, I was
arrested. Once I was arrested, that was the motivating reason for me to stay sober, it was a real wake up, I was glad I was let go from my job, but
being arrested was humiliating, I had never been arrested. From that day forward, I vowed to remain sober, I have. I have had set backs, I wasn't
given a job because of the arrest, stuff like that, but I'm sober.
If you or someone else decides to get help, I can't tell you how important AA is, it helped a lot. When first getting sober, go to a meeting, it's
humbling when you hear others who had worse experiences than your own, also, it's good to be around others with a similar problem. Once sober, it
will come over you like a wave and when it does go to a meeting, it's comforting. It's like Johnny Cash said, the urge to drink comes over you like
a wave, but once sober, the longer you are, the easier and better it becomes to resist. It takes time, it's worth it, just take it one day at a time,
before you know it time is on your side. I wish I could drink responsibly, I can't, I never will, if I do, I'll probably die, some can drink, to
each their own, I can't.
Well, I hope this helps, best of luck to you and yours, have faith in yourself, family, and a Higher Power because when it comes down to it that's
all we have. Look at your life too, change that which causes you to drink, for me it was my career, it can be hard depending on one's circumstances,
however, have faith, take it slow, you can change it. Material wealth is destined to fade, life is short, enjoy it sober, besides it's great to never
have to wake up hungover ever again. Remember, if you still go out with others who drink, the only one who knows your drunk is you, heck, you can
pretend to drink, or get a coke, if you do something stupid, say you were drunk, besides, it's a riot to watch others and the best thing is you get
to remember, just take it easy on others, a lot of them are better off not knowing, but you can smile because you were sober.