Ladies of ATS, your honest opinion please. Why am I single?

reply to post by signalfire


You see I'm tired of the games though. This whole I like you, and you like me, but we can't tell each other game is a load of crap. Yes my generation is much more open about it. I do not lie, to me it seems ignorant. I am myself whoever I am around.

reply to post by Partygirl


See that's biased not all men just want sex. Personally I want a woman that I can have an intelligent conversation with more than sex. Yes I do have my faults, I'm idealistic about the future, forgetful, and I smoke those are my bad traits. I don't lie about myself, I try to be as open as I can to get the best picture. I use a rational means to portray myself, because without data how is one to make an inference.

Originally posted by KwisatzHaderach
reply to post by Thurisaz

 

Ok that's a stereotype, not all of us have diseases. I am quite careful about who I sleep with, and get tested.

Try telling that to the girls you're asking out.

I'm a male by the way.

You live in NW Ark. and if memory serves me correctly there are no big towns in NW. Ark.

You're openly bi-sexual in a small town in...........NW Ark.

You wear bell bottoms.............Should I go on?

Geography, your sexual lifestyle, and fashion is why you're single.

You're 19 and if you're asking out girls in your own age group where you live you're probably never going to stand a chance of getting a date with a girl. And if you keep it up the boys might start looking away from you because they may think you want to bat for the othe team full time.

All of those personal characteristics you pointed out about being a nice guy, easy to talk to, a sense of humor, etc......they don't mean anything to a girl your age when you're openly bisexual and wear bell bottoms. I never had your problem, but it seems to me that that is where your problem lies.

If you really do live in a small town, remember where you live buddy.

I am a women so here's my take

if indeed there is nothing physically icky about you( Bad hygiene /oily hair etc.)
then it is because you are bi or you don't have enough money.

do you live with your parents? do you drive a crappy car? do you have a car? what's your job?
women want a guy who has treasure,not just that, we won't love you for your treasure, but we won't at all love you without it

reply to post by DaughterOfARevolver


Thank you, I try not to tell people I'm bi, but in my small town word travels fast. I'm not even going to get into my sexual dievency, a little light BDSM is on the vanilla side for me. The only real major hobby I have is writing.

reply to post by AnotherHumanBeing


No I'm bi I like both, how hard is this for people to understand. I'm not bi-curious, I've had more MM sex than FM sex, but I prefer women. This whole Idea that you have to be straight or gay is getting annoying.

Bell bottoms? I'd probably trade them in for some normal jeans.

Also, there's no need to declare a sexual preference to a potential date. If you're talking to a guy who's giving you the signals, there's no need to tell him you like women, the same as you wouldn't tell a woman you were chatting up that you like men too.
You're more than welcome to have more than one sexual preference, but do you not think one a relationship is established that you would be in a heterosexual or a homosexual relationship, rather than a bi man with a straight woman?

Stupidly, on my part, I've been in relationships with three bi sexual men, which all have ended badly because though boundaries can be set, it's much less hurtful to establish the tone of a relationship. Either you're with me as a straight man or you're not with me at all. You don't want to deny who you are and that's fair enough.

And I hate to say it, but everyone goes through a stage of thinking they are bi-sexual, some move on from it, some don't.

Others have said it, you're still young. Don't look for it, it will find you.

try dating yourself. find out what you like and don't like about yourself. CHANGE THOSE THINGS.

then you'll get a date

reply to post by ltinycdancerg


Lol thank you your post made me laugh. Also I'm not trying to lose my virginity, lost that when i was ten. Lol my friends are all married except the Wiccan, didn't go to college and don't really want a sorority skank anyway. I would actually love to learn ballet, and I participate in martial arts, also I write. I constantly try to better my mind and body. Thank you you basically told me I'm on the right track.

Don't tell a girl you are bisexual unless she asks. She probably won't ever ask. She'll just assume your're straight.

Maybe go for women significantly older than you.

reply to post by Taupin Desciple


Ya that is definantly part of it but once I have enough money i plan on moving back to the West coast were my family comes from.

reply to post by KwisatzHaderach


Given your personal description have you ever considered you may be more a attractive to guys. (Not me however) Could be the solution to your problem. Just a thought.

reply to post by MrsBlonde


I live with my grandparents, at this time drive a 99 blazer, and work at a gas station. Yet if that's all women want is money than they can screw off.

reply to post by KwisatzHaderach


Most women go for smooth talking men that make money, lots of money or at least enough to give them physical "security".

They also go for a man that thinks he is God's gift to the planet, some call it "self confidence".

Beware.

Marriage, children - Once you put that ring on her finger, she owns you. Once you give her your seed and create a new life, 50% of your bloodline, she will own your baby.

My oldest son got married to a beautiful "show piece", he didn't think with the head on his shoulders (most men don't).

For 8 almost 9 years we have fought just for the privilege to be semi-included in our grand daughter's life.

My son gained weight and became undesirable to his ex wife, she took off and hid with our grand daughter for three months, then filed for divorce and has played nasty games using our grand daughter as a pawn ever since to get back at my son. She is a tortured soul, having come from a sad and unloving family background.

Kidnapping, no, the child according to the laws in our state belongs to the mother. Only in very rare cases does the court ever allow the child to remain with the father.

Sadly enough, many young men tell me, they wish I were 40 years younger, and I'm not a beauty anymore.

My second son watched his older brother go through a divorce from hell and us shell out $28,000 in order to just be able to see our grand daughter and decided to "swear off women" forever, he has ceased dating.

Now that being said, not all women are bad. I would suggest meeting one either at school, work or some group and not a bar. A bar is the last place to meet a woman, (in my humble opinion).

Maybe volunteer at a homeless shelter, a library, some kind of charity work?

Funny, a rock star with a drug habit and attitude of a jerk or old, wrinkled billionaire has more chance of landing not only a beautiful but even a nice wife (look at Valerie Bertinelli) than a nice regular, good young man like you.

I have been married for 38 years to a really super, wonderful, honest, nice, gentleman. What are the three qualities I looked for? (My grand daughter asked me this question, "Why did you marry grandpa?)"

I replied, "He was honest, intelligent and kind"...................those were the three qualities I would not compromise on. Looks are so not important, you can always see a plastic surgeon. My husband just happened as luck would have it to be tall, thin and quite handsome with eyes the color of a summer blue sky..............he is now 67 and aging very well, still even more handsome than the day I met him.

I met him the first day we moved to a new city (I was living with friends after suffering years of abuse by my sister and her husband's family).

When I met my husband, he helped me move my furniture into our apartment. Afterwards he invited me out for pizza and we talked about where we came from and were we were headed, what we both wanted out of life.

After that first night, after he walked me home and said good bye - I knew, if he had came back and asked me to follow him to the ends of the earth or beyond, I would have.

We started living together two weeks later, and I never was like that with any other man, ever.

If and when you meet that special someone, a someone that you know is honest, good and kind - don't hesitate, don't let them slip though your fingers.

The next morning J came back and told me he really liked me a lot, maybe even loved me because I was "special". I told him that I never felt this way about any other man before, I was scared and confused. He said, "We'll give it as much time as we need but I feel the same way too."

He is not the most romantic person, doesn't talk much, doesn't have to. He treats me like Cleopatra, even after 38 years, 3 sons, weight gain, weight loss, I'm cranky, not the easiest person to live with but I'm honest, loyal, hard working and compromise.

Why are you single?

Possibly you aren't getting out enough.

My husband met me because he heard his friends (we were in a small commune) moving to his city and he came to welcome us and help us move in.....................he and I met and that was it.

He was college educated, very intelligent, not a smooth talker but HONEST TO A FAULT, a really honorable person. I think he is handsome, my girlfriends say he looks a little like Prince Charles

Our society here in America (only country I can speak about) is raising a bunch of princesses, girls that want to be like Hilary Duff and Britney Spears.

They look for guys like the vampire or werewolf in Twilight.

Not realizing they are passing up the quiet, shy, nice guys..............their loss.

My husband said he wasn't much in demand, few women found him desirable - again their loss and my gain Because my husband at 67 could still out do many men in their 20's - he is still quite full of energy, still intelligent, still honest.

Be choosy, don't fall for anyone less than someone who will stick with you through thick and thin, who is honest, kind and loyal.

Safe journey.

reply to post by CaLyps0


I am not starring your reply, it did not add to the opening post, you simply kicked someone that already was down instead of helping them up.

Don't like that kind of person.

The reason our world is in such bad shape is there are so many mean people, you're just another one, one of way too many.

reply to post by ofhumandescent


Thank you mam, I understand what you mean, your sons ex wife sounds like my mother. probably why I believe in pair bonding rather than marriage. Also kids ugh never going to happen, I've had enough of raising kids with my sister and cousins.

reply to post by KwisatzHaderach


I note you said you are bisexual.

Maybe you are possibly gay but cannot admit it because you fear rejection by your family????

My husband and I didn't have that question, we are both very heterosexual.

But, our youngest son is homosexual, knew this at age 7 and we raised our 3 sons as boys, in a very normal, traditional way.

We however, when he told us at age 19, accepted him, love him and told him that one's sexuality is nobody's business except those that he/she decides to be intimate with.

There are all kinds of relationships and I am not going to judge, except to say, nobody has the right to involve a child or a person against their will.

Harm none.

With that in mind, again I can only speak for myself. For my husband and I it was easy, we are both heterosexual and agreed to a traditional closed marriage (him and me only).

You need to decide exactly what you are looking for in a mate.

Do you want just one mate or more than one?

Male, female or both?

What qualities are important to you personality wise?

You sound young.

When you are young (at least when I was) sex was VERY IMPORTANT.

Now, with age, it's still nice, but time has a way of making you appreciate additional qualities in people.

When my husband and I first began being intimate, he told me, after the first time - "I only want you, only you, only you, forever.".....................and remember from my last post, he's not much of a talker usually but that statement cinched it for me because I felt the same.

Do you want a traditional one on one or multiple partners?

You need to decide and get to know and like yourself first and foremost.

Then when you do date, you do need to spell out in plain language, very clearly and honestly what you are looking for.

Maybe most women are not looking for what you need?

I wish you luck.

Many people know now have decided to not marry, to not commit to one person.

Again, nobody should judge anyone else but them self.

But, above all, be honest with both yourself and those you go out with.

Always be honest, because no relationship can be built on a foundation of lies.

A foundation built on lies is like a house built on a bad foundation. It will eventually crumble and fall.

Honesty is always the best policy, both with yourself and those you deal with.

reply to post by KwisatzHaderach

I live with my grandparents, at this time drive a 99 blazer, and work at a gas station. Yet if that's all women want is money than they can screw off.

I can only speak for myself.

At the time I met my husband he was living in his mom's basement after having gone through a divorce with no children involved (she cheated on him/why I don't know because my husband could handle six women and keep them happy, I've all I can do to keep up with the old bugger )

But, he had a college education (degree in Math, minor in Psychology from a good University), he drove a brand new Mazda and was a computer programmer, had a bright future. I also had two years of college, (nursing) and have always held a good paying job since 10 (at 10 I cleaned 3 houses on Saturday/orphaned had to bring in money)

We both wanted children, a house, a traditional life we were taught was "the good right way to live".

Most women, I think, still when they are dating are looking for a potential mate, someone to share their DNA with.

A man that lives with his grandparents, drives a old car and has a dead end, low paying job has less of a choice of potential mates.

Sorry, you probably are a very nice person. At least you work and earn your money honestly.

But, women do seek security.

While we are pregnant, there is a period where we are needed to give birth and be with or make sure that our baby is taken care of, that unfortunately costs money.

Working at a gas station, while it is good honest work, sadly will not be enough to afford even a modest apartment, diapers, formula, a crib and all the other "material stuff" that a baby will need and most women still want a baby and to give that new young life a good start.

Now if you are 20 - well, maybe go back to school, get a degree or learn a trade like car mechanics, bus / jet mechanics, plumbing, construction, etc..............

There are some very nice young women out there but now it takes two halfway decent incomes to support a family and I think (I'm not sure, I'm sort of getting old and maybe out of the stream of what people now days want), I still think most women want a man that at least can bring home 1/2 of what is needed to support a family.

I don't know what you want out of life or how old you are.

My guess is you are young and have your whole life ahead of you but I don't know your family situation.

Most women are looking for a partner, someone who can stand on their own two feet and make enough to at least assist operating a family financially.

Your reply sounded like you have been hurt and are mad.

Some people choose to have a life where they work a low paying job, go out and party on the weekends and that is their life.

If you are on ATS my guess is your smart, you are at least questioning what is going on and why.

Your final statement, "screw them" I will chalk up to having been hurt and lashing out from having been hurt.

Different people need and want different things.

By your final statement, I suspect you want more than to work at a gas station and live with your grandparents.

If you are living rent free, save your money, go back to school, or learn a trade, working at a gas station, while honest work, is still very low paying and yes a woman that is looking at having a nice life (not luxurious) at least wants a potential partner that can pull his weight.

Up until five years ago, I always brought in pretty much almost half of what my husband did.

I sincerely wish you well.

reply to post by CaptainNemo


I disagree.

These type of things in a relationship should be discussed and discussed honestly.

Omission of a truth is the same as a lie.

The reason many relationships fall apart is because they were originally based on lies.

Also, a bisexual man could be a carrier of HIV/AIDS unless he has always practiced safe sex and even then, there is a chance a woman should or should not be aware of and allowed to decide.

First order of business is to always be honest with both yourself and those you become intimate with unless you treat sex as a pleasurable past time like playing video games, racing cars or sailing.

All real good relationships are based on trust and honesty.

Anything less is not honorable in my opinion.

reply to post by KwisatzHaderach


Have you asked for a date? If you don't make any calls you wont make any sales.