What is HOME to you?

reply to post by Itisnowagain


Well, my negative thoughts are along the lines of, "If I died, everything would be better."

So, I will not let that be.

I have already broken twice in my life, where my happiest thought of the day was, "Maybe I will die today!" and that made me feel better.

So. I will not take your advice. I am sorry, I know you have the best intent, but that will not work for me.

I have already said that I refuse to end my life because of my emotions, even though that is what they lean toward.

I am in incredible pain, and letting it be overwhelms me. I can only take so much at a time.

The only way I am able to balance it out is by reminding myself of the good things of life, the positive things of life.

Today I am designing a meaningful tattoo I wish to get in a spot where I will be able to look at it any time I feel upset. It will remind me of why I am here and that I am loved and I am strong.

Thank you for the comment, though.

I have move many times and have come to understand home is the refuge place you make for yourself where ever you are. Now home is where my couch and bed are...where I can just be. Ultimately my hope is home will be a spiritual one with God and all my family in heaven.

Originally posted by ottobot
What happened to the girl?

If you thought you were soulmates, why would aliens being involved matter? Just because your dream said they brought her to you doesn't mean that you weren't meant to be brought together anyway. How can you be certain that the two of you wouldn't have met up at some point, regardless?

And, what is the book? I am very interested in reading more about this type of experience.

She didn't think we were 'soulmates' after a while and it was hard for me to get over her lol.

I know that she was the classical fit to a real 'abductee' or 'contactee.' For one she only told me because of the dream and she has only told one other person in her life - her best friend. The thing that people don't know is that abductees do wake up with physical evidence. I know for a fact because it happened before I learned that it happened to a very small percentage in the world. There is no other way to have so many experiences and learn about them after they occur in real life.

It was to experience profound love, as a human is capable. A strange true fact is that whoever aliens are, they were going around the world and searching for 'mates' that would be a 'magical' match for this girl. This is known to research also from the 80s but I am an example of it happening.

The building blocks to this setup were as I said, a very rare occurence. Abductees are said to become psychic. She told me things about myself and had dreams of my reality. The rest of the story did fulfill this book (I have still not read it) - evelorgen.com.... It was just a shock, the second I saw the book all the pieces of a 3 year puzzle were layed out perfectly in one instant.

Originally posted by FlyersFan

What is HOME to you

No place that has to do with my soul being stuck in this 'useless transport vehicle'. (body)
HOME is someplace else. I'm just stuck here for a while.

Me too! Hang in there, hopefully we can get the hell out of here very soon!

Now.

reply to post by ottobot


It sounds like you want to die. You say wanting to die is a negative thought, and also a happy thought, isn't that strange? I totally understand where you are coming from because years ago sometimes it was my happiest thought! It was my comfort when when life was really bad, I would think, if it gets much worse i will kill myself and i would feel in control, i suppose.

reply to post by Itisnowagain


The funny and sad thing is that I do not want to die.

It just seems like being alive causes suffering for the handful of people that I consider to be my loved ones. Anything I do to take steps toward becoming the me that I want to be just hurts them all.

I would like to live and be happy to be alive, always. It is just difficult for me.

How did you get out of that place in your life, Itisnowagain?

Originally posted by greyer
It was to experience profound love, as a human is capable.

So, let me ask you this:

Is it better to have loved and to have lost than to have never loved at all?

A strange true fact is that whoever aliens are, they were going around the world and searching for 'mates' that would be a 'magical' match for this girl. This is known to research also from the 80s but I am an example of it happening.

What is the point of that? To just observe the relationship?

Magical in what way, like some specific chemical reaction, or a mental connection that would only be possible between certain types of people?

So, if the two of you were a "magical" match, how was it possible to sever that connection? I mean, do you believe the aliens did it on purpose, or did her body/mind/soul change somehow so that the two of you were no longer a match?

Please elaborate...

Hi Ottobot

for me...home is a peaceful content place...it is a state of mind/being. I could be anywhere but still have that feeling.

reply to post by ottobot


It is your pain and your suffering that you feel. Your 'loved ones' don't feel better for your suffering. You have to know that nothing matters more than finding peace for you.
You do not have to take any steps to become you because you are already you. Stay exactly where you are but recognize that you are.
The content of life, the life situation is not you. You are present always for every event, recognize that. You are the space in which all things arise.

I found that i am not my thoughts, not my life situation, not my body, not my future, not my past and am none of these 'things', i am not content.
I am the 'space' through which all 'things' pass.

There is nothing but space with colors and patterns appearing and disappearing, I am that space.
That space is eternal, it is the patterns that change. The patterns are noisey and distracting but the space is still, oh so still. From this stillness i see all.

Whoops, double post.

I would like to help you find home.
I recommend this series of videos;
youtu.be...

Originally posted by ottobot
So, let me ask you this:

Is it better to have loved and to have lost than to have never loved at all?

Yes because it is all a learning process. The knowledge given is better, but knowing the opposite of love isn't 'better' when you are witnessing it lol. In my experience I was in deep love for 2 months out of 30 years. It gave me the understanding of love that it is just one thing, and it can be literally bottled up like a narcotic

posted by greyer ... This is known to research also from the 80s but I am an example of it happening.

posted by ottobot
What is the point of that? To just observe the relationship?

Even though I have such a high level of certainty they exist I still have not determined if they are physical, ghosts, demons, or what they appear to be - creatures from outer space who are so mentally advanced they can 'go' or exist in the next dimension (which also leaves us guessing their physicality). I happened to be a match result of what I see as a side product to their overall program, which again is fearful. Not many people are aware that they did a complete study of the earth in 100 years, I am not sure they left anything out.

They are interested in relationships because they were unfamiliar with emotions, they were very interested in the parts of us that they don't have.

Magical in what way, like some specific chemical reaction, or a mental connection that would only be possible between certain types of people?

I meant actual magic, like witchcraft.

*Telling me about my personality traits before she knew them

*Seeing my reality in her dreams

*Appearing in my mind when thinking of me

Hopefully we can have some leniency for pagan card practices and occult views. It just turns out that these beings like paganism from my evidence. I don't know if we have gathered enough wisdom to know if magic is all 'bad.' There has been no evidence that the beings are opposed to believing in Jesus which she didn't have the same faith I had. Magic is probably higher realm and appears to be evil just because it is so powerful, but I personaly don't like the chance we could be dealing with a nature that is not good.

So, if the two of you were a "magical" match, how was it possible to sever that connection? I mean, do you believe the aliens did it on purpose, or did her body/mind/soul change somehow so that the two of you were no longer a match?

I was the most ignorant guy when it came to a relationship, hadn't been in one before. I made wrong actions and there was a lot involved, her son got very jealous of us. It's amazing to me, I can still see what a perfect deep connection we had. Your question is good because I am a case of two people who did have a 'soul match.' These were special things, things that seem like they were planned at birth or even before, to make us believe we were destined for each other. However we only knew each other for a couple of years. I guess it just shows the world is too fast and complex sometimes. I don't know how anything that magical can happen again, I guess I need to learn real magic.

I have some evidence that the aliens were going to do things in their power to get me out and I just made it very easy for them. Abduction researchers say that occasionally two abductees will met in real life and have a strong sense of familiarity (we called each other 'familiar soul'). So I hope I am not an abductee but just someone they came across. Overall research says that the beings can store or bottle up emotions coming from these events so it is a study. You are reminding me that ever since then I have been looking for what I lost, and I have not found it even close. Before then I didn't even believe.

home is where the heart is ..

short message but the only answer i ve

NW

Originally posted by Itisnowagain
It is your pain and your suffering that you feel. Your 'loved ones' don't feel better for your suffering. You have to know that nothing matters more than finding peace for you.

I'll be honest with you here: I don't know how to be selfish. Not to say that finding peace "for me" is an all-together selfish endeavor... but, in some ways it is. To find absolute peace for me, I would probably need to become a hermit high on a mountaintop, living off the land, and passing through life unknown. As that is not a realistic choice for me since I do not feel that ditching my kids in pursuit of inner peace is appropriate, I have to work with what I've got.

It has taken me a long time to realize that I need to be able to be peaceful for me and not others. Frankly, I feel very sad thinking about it in those terms.

I do not want to be sad about finding peacefulness for myself.

You do not have to take any steps to become you because you are already you. Stay exactly where you are but recognize that you are.

Well, what I meant is that I have suppressed "me" for a very long time. By bringing "me" to the forefront, I change the dynamics of my life, and by extension the life of my family members. I'm not going to run off to "find myself", it is just not in my nature. But the fact of the matter is: while I have always been me, me has almost always been hidden.

The content of life, the life situation is not you. You are present always for every event, recognize that. You are the space in which all things arise.

Yes, I have come to realize this. My understanding is not quite the same as yours, though. My existence is intertwined with the existences of several other people. If all things arise in my space, they are tempered and weighted by the overlapping spaces of these others. I am learning to be present at all times, yes.

I found that i am not my thoughts, not my life situation, not my body, not my future, not my past and am none of these 'things', i am not content.
I am the 'space' through which all 'things' pass.

So the question I have for you, then:

Do you ever get lonely? If everything passes through you, everything passes by you without interference... are you always alone in your life?

There is nothing but space with colors and patterns appearing and disappearing, I am that space.
That space is eternal, it is the patterns that change. The patterns are noisey and distracting but the space is still, oh so still. From this stillness i see all.

You know what is interesting? That is how my mind works, except it does that pattern recognition many time simultaneously about different subjects and timelines and thought processes. This is why it has been so difficult for me to master mindfulness - my mind is not only one stream that can be easily dammed.

But, I do understand what you mean. I have found that stillness on occasion, and it is what I strive to find in consistency.

reply to post by ottobot


Itisnowagain always has some great wisdom and I'm sure he/she will reply. But I would just like to add something to this discussion quickly. To clarify what or who the self is, is the most selfless thing that can be done. It does not matter how much charity or volunteering you do, if it is done from a place of darkness (a state of ignorance of self) all of it will have been a shot in the dark; you may hit your target or you may hurt the person you're trying to protect. This is why our society is as it is right now. There is no shortage of charities, social programs, politicians, money, ideas... but there is a shortage, or rather an ignorance, of self knowledge. We are effectively digging our grave with the notion that we are building a better world.

Also, you do not need to become a hermit or monk to find the peace you are searching for. You could travel to Jupiter or Pluto to find peace but you will only find the same confusion and chaos there as you do here because you will have brought these things with you. Clarify who it is that is seeking peace, who it is that believes peace can only be found in great amounts on a mountain top in the Himalayas, and who it is that says it is not already here. That is all.

Peace.

I think what I really meant to say is that home is a state of mind. I was homeless for a while and yet I still felt at home and now that I have rainment and all the material stuff..I actually find myself wishing to be free of it and daydream about my homeless days.

strange but true.

reply to post by ottobot


Mindfulness is not about analyzing each thought, it is about watching the thoughts pass by. The colors and patterns are just colors and patterns but humans make 'things' out of the patterns and try and solve it. Nothing needs to be solved, it just wants to be seen as it is without words and labels attatched.
I am not lonely because i am never separate from the present experience that is happening, i am present with what is. People feel lonely even when they have families and friends around them, loneliness is not about how many people you have in your life, it is about feeling separate.
It is because people feel desparately separate (lonely) that they are so needy, this neediness brings manipulation and control and humans call it love.
When you realize that you are not separate from your experience, that you actually are your present experience and NOT your thoughts and memories, the loneliness, the incompleteness disappears. The fear of life is gone.
When you are selfish enough to put your peace and happiness first you will change the world.

reply to post by ottobot


You do not have to build a dam to stop the mind, in fact it is dam building that causes the problem. Your mind is like a stream, take down the dam and let it run smoothly, climb out of the stream and sit by the side of the stream and be the silent watcher.
You are not trapped in the mind unless you are inside the mind. The mind is noisey but it is not you. You are the one that HEARS the noise of the mind. Just listen and you are free of the mind, outside of the mind.
If you 'think' you are the mind then you will never be at peace.

reply to post by LifeIsEnergy


Well you have a point, I do agree that it's pointless to do charity work just for the sake of doing it.I have never seen a point of doing something just so others can see that I'm doing it.

Incidentally, I don't do charity work. Sure, I give away my surplus stuff... but only because I like to share and I see that there are other people who could benefit from my surplus items which will just be wasted otherwise.

Honestly, I am saying that I would like to be a hermit. Not because I will "magically find peace" as a hermit, but because I don't particularly like people and I would actually like to be a hermit.

I understand that the peace I seek is already in me. As I have stated, I have found that peace on occasion. The issue is that even while I can pretend that nothing affects me and that I have no effect on the moment, it is a lie.

No matter how much of my own noise I can block out, there will always be the noise of the others around me to seep in.

I cannot stop thinking, stop doing, stop existing in all times because there are other people who depend on me for their very lives. Their present only exists because of choices I made in my past. Their future only exists because of choices I make in my present.

I have been given children to care for, and I must care for them until they can care for themselves.

So, as I said, I do have to work within the confines of this life which I currently exist in, whether I want to or not.