Hello again preppers and survivalist. Life changing reality.

reply to post by angryamerican


Glad to see you back and posting. Hang in there. Things have a way of working themselves out in the long run. I know you can pull through this.

I see so many people sending me u2u about my new view on life I have no new view on life I am just trying to do what is right for my son please remember that. He at the moment and probably forever is all I have left. I have started therapy To hopefully help with the ghost of the poor sols I have killed in the past. Its so easy at the time look thru a scope pretend its a game and end a life. then when you get older you relies those poor sols had no reset button and they wont get up and go home. some one loved theme too and I took them from there loved ones. that my friend is what survival truly is. if you are not strong enough for the future of your actions you will not survive

reply to post by angryamerican

That was quite a sobering post. It does make one think. Life isn't a video game, you can just turn your feelings and thoughts off.

I meant to say you can't turn your thoughts and feeling off. Take care.

reply to post by angryamerican


You know me, and you know I've been there, you let me stay with you and your family for a while when I was going through it.
I buried myself in books and PC games and I worked temp jobs and day labor to survive. It does get better, even though I can't say I'm back yet, I can say I'm getting better, been a loooooong hard road (over 12 years now).

You might want to find a new doctor and get your meds checked, as I know epilepsy runs in your family, your mother's sister has it, not saying you do, just to get another opinion.

Btw, I had to laugh out loud when I read where you had to do the dishes, I remember in Cali, a time when you would throw them away before you would wash them (and I'm not talking about paper plates).

Praying for you, get right with God, get better, keep fighting the good fight, and the only way you loose is suicide.
always a friend
Redmoon

i had forgotten all about throwing those dishes out

I told my new counselor I wanted my life and smile back. he put me on new meds. How can I have a life When I sleep 16 hours a day?

reply to post by RedParrotHead


change your name to happy american!! LOL that is really funny. thank you Red Parrot Head. I love it

reply to post by angryamerican


well, i would say that rest is important. i know when i am stressed i don't sleep. i toss and turn and think about THINGS all too much. Nothing gets solved and nothing gets better, it is just going around in a circle. Sleep will let your unconscious mind handle all those things that your subconscious mind thinks about. A way to cope i think i read somewhere.

like if you dream about tornadoes then your life is out of control and your mind trys to deal with it while you sleep.

so maybe sleeping isn't a bad thing? and this of course is just my opinion.

and you feel your son should be in your life? does your new counselor agree?

Originally posted by dmonkey
reply to post by angryamerican

well, i would say that rest is important. i know when i am stressed i don't sleep. i toss and turn and think about THINGS all too much. Nothing gets solved and nothing gets better, it is just going around in a circle. Sleep will let your unconscious mind handle all those things that your subconscious mind thinks about. A way to cope i think i read somewhere.

It is true that sleep is importon for working out problems but not during the day when life happens

and you feel your son should be in your life? does your new counselor agree?

of course he does. the fight was a big misunderstanding caused by me running into the kitchen instead of calming walking. He thought I was after his mother and I thought the same about him we both learned a lesson. all I know is I want my smile back. Survival teaches us lessons us in all forms we just have to listen and learn.

i can see that makes you happy. glad to know that it was a misunderstanding. i see brighter sunny days ahead. is the sleepy part a side effect of the meds till you get used to them? i know they do funny things to you chemical wise in the brain.

reply to post by dmonkey


I don't know about brighter sunny days ahead it is a start. just like with drugs and alcohol you have to admit you have a problem and I have a big one

Hey AA, still here and thinking about you.
Have you got your new toy up and running yet,
maybe it would help to take your mind off things once in a while.
Stay strong my friend....Peace.

reply to post by angryamerican


Glad to see you posting.

Glad for the clarification about the turmoil.

Glad you are in therapy.

If the therapist is not a good match--search until you find one who is.

Exercise whatever choices in therapy feel fitting for you. No need to swallow everything the therapist says hook line and sinker.

Blessings,

reply to post by angryamerican


just checking in... wondered how your getting along.

Hi AA, just thought i'd pop my head round the door, to see that your still ok.
I hope everthing is getting better for you.

Don't know if any body is keeping up on this thread any more or not but just in case I am checking in. I am still in a state of limbo waiting for some thing to happen. Haven't heard the OK to move in yet they are taking there time. but I do have a lot packed. I am moving into a different county so I have to switch counselors, so I am waiting for a legal address for that so no counseling either.

I have just been sitting around still and quite afraid to say any thing afraid not to. I have noticed a growing resentment that gets stronger every day. I don't want that, there so I have to figure out how to get it to go away. Time may heal things but that is one thing I want gone now not in the future. A thing like that can color all decisions badly.

Still with me to is the feeling of disbelief That can go away as well. I have to believe it. Its here dead in my face Raw and live.

reply to post by angryamerican



PLEASE find a counselor who matches your personality, goals, methods etc. and who's skilled at practical working through stuff in tangible effective ways and degrees.

It's OK to ask counselors about themselves, their methods, success rates etc.

reply to post by angryamerican



Forgiveness and letting go are for you.

The person(s) being forgiven may or may not care about you or your forgiveness.

However, the alternative is a corrosive poison that eats your life out from within.

You NOR YOUR SON NEED THAT.

Forgiveness is MOSTLY A DECISION.

It may have to be a repeated decision many dozen times a day for several days or even weeks . . . to

DECLARE that you forgive the other person and yourself . . . and

TO REFUSE to dwell mentally on the unforgiveness etc.

Repeatedly making that choice does drain off the poison and translate into authentic emotionally felt forgiveness at some point.

Forgiveness also

means you have to

RESIGN

as ALL KNOWING DETECTIVE, PROSECUTING ATNY, JUDGE, JURY AND EXECUTIONER.

Only God is perfect enough to manage that kind of judgment and mete out the proper consequences. Besides,

HE DECLARES it is HIS TURF.

So, our ownly mentally and spiritually healthy option is TO LET IT ALL GO--INTO HIS HANDS--HOWEVER, WHATEVER--LET IT GO.

Interestingly, I've observed in life, that when I've done that--then God is somehow freer to work in the other person's life to bring a fitting learning and adjustment.


Praying for you, pulling for you.

Just checking in on you. I tried to send a U2U but I don't know if it went through. When I sent send I got the "flood control" message. It's the only message I've sent in a month or more so not sure why I got it.

Just wanted to make sure you're OK. You haven't been on in a while.