Yes. This has been going on years, and for the record, since I started meds for "ADD" this year it has increased dramatically. By the way, I am
very sorry if this post is all over the place, my brain just thinks in spurts like this, it takes me too long to connect everything properly... so I
will just leave it as is so I don't drive myself crazy.
I was raised a strict Catholic. At a young age, I questioned. Before I was a teen I declared I was atheist, but I was still forced to attend mass
every sunday until I was eighteen. Years and years, I had to listen priests droning on and on about repentance and how I was a born sinner and if I
did not take Christ as my savior I would be damned to hell. My cat went to hell. The Dalai Lama went to hell. Amazonian tribes? Going to hell. My
innocent, inquisitive mind could not fathom a god that would create beings just to cast them off. So, I rejected Catholicism's (well, Christianity
in general) view of God and I have not looked back since. Blissfully apathetic Agnostic I described myself; I do not know, you do not know, no one
knows, let's not let it interfere with our lives. So many problems caused by difference in religion, it is preposterous!
In the past few years I have just felt something in me. While I did not believe in "God" I still felt an influence of some sort. So recently I
have started to embrace the idea of yin and yang, the balance of male and female energy. I realized, the reason I detest Christianity so much is
because it is misogynistic. God is male, he has a son... the women are only wombs. Where is the feminine spirit whose energy I feel so strongly?
What is it that makes me think and feel so different from men?
I do believe in past life regression. I do believe that in me is something special unknown to me, that I can unlock my mind's potential to do a lot
of good. I am very nurturing, it could have been how I was raised, but I feel such a strong sense of empathy that I sometimes think that my purpose
in my life is to help as many people as I can.
In the past two months, it feels like my life has like started clicking into place.... Things that have happened have finally made sense, showing
their connections.. I have gotten a lot into my astrology, since I am the typical Gemini, I want to make sense of the two sides of myself that I feel
have struggled for so long. I have read tarot a few years, but recently bought a Thoth deck, which just feels RIGHT, I don't know. The same cards
come up often, and I knew their definition, but did not know how to apply them to my life... I visited a lady that read cards.. Happened to have the
same deck, which excited me, but I did not tell her I read at all... The ten cards she pulled were some of the ones familiar to me, and she told me
"You have a struggle going on in your life right now. You have so much masculine energy ruling your life, you need to stop questioning your
intuition and embrace your femininity." It was like someone hit me in the face. That day I looked back at a spread I laid out about a month before
(I had written it down on paper) and looked really in depth at the cards and researched and found that they had exactly told me what was going on. I
began seeing how the universe was giving me signs everywhere, that I wasn't looking hard enough to see the truth.
Then I thought... My aunt gave me a necklace when I turned eighteen.. She had visited a Female Native American Shaman (sorry for lack of true name)
and gotten it from her.. The Shaman had picked out two stones for me.. One Lapis Lazuli, the other Citrine. I knew citrine was one of the stones for
my birth month, but I had never asked my aunt what the woman actually said about why she chose them. I decided to call my aunt and ask. She said "I
do not remember exactly everything, but she said the Lapis was because you are royalty, your being is on a higher path than others." I really hope
to find this woman's address so I can contact her and asks if she remembers, hopefully I will be doing that soon because it would be really really
exciting to hear her wisdom..
In the past year I have had intense, vivid dreams, in places I am familiar with, relationships with people I have never seen, but I feel and I think
and I make decisions... It is so real. This has never happened before... Not this lucid. I would really like to look into past life regression,
because I feel like my third eye is finally opening...
I do not know where I am going with this post, so I will leave it there.. But it truly is a happy feeling being on my path to enlightenment. I feel
like as long as I am going on the good path I am, the truth will reveal itself to me. I do not know my purpose in life, but I know that I will find
it soon. Maybe 2012 I will get healing powers? I can transfer their good energy to others in cookie form
No one is wrong. It is about finding and recognizing what is right for you, not just going en masse! Let's help each other in challenging our minds?
My best to everyone else on the same path... I am an entity unto myself
I think it's wonderful to doubt, it means I am not blind!