Confessions Of A Dark Sorceror

Kuroibunshi: For me at least, humility is an ongoing process, and an absolute state of being I doubt I will ever achieve. As I stagger back and forth between humility and arrogance like a drunkard, however, I think I come to understand each of these things a little better.

Midnight Watchman: Don�t believe anything I post! That doesn�t mean I am lying to you, but it means that you should never assume that I am telling the truth, either. I can tell you I am being honest in my writings here, but that I am also certain that I am a prisoner of illusion.

Who�s to say I�m really honest, anyway? Not me. I catch myself drifting into little deceptions and self-delusions all the time. My little turns of phrase, witticisms, multiple entendres and general literary style might themselves be considered deceptions, albeit benign deceptions designed to inspire thought. Where should I draw the line?

I am certain that I cannot be 100% honest, no matter how hard I try -- and I try very hard, so please bear that in mind. Thus my insistence that you not look to others for truth, but within.

MKULTRA: Thanks for some excellent insights into all this. I agree that what we call �sanity� is somewhat arbitrary at best, and based on a definition founded upon norms derived from rampant mass insanity at worst.

While I do anguish at times over whether I�ve really �lost it�, I become less concerned as I come to see how easily I can slip back into comfortable illusions of normalcy if I ever feel the need.

Thus while I can explore some rather strange places and experiences, it seems unlikely that I will ever become lost in them. That only seems possible if I should ever abandon skepticism in favor of blind faith.

As for seeking power before knowledge, I must still watch myself carefully here. Where you may be drawn more toward a path of light, my propensity seems to be toward darkness. Thus I must always be extremely cautious, since temptation is always with me, and will probably never leave me.

I suppose I could consider my tendency to stray into darkness as a burden, but it is at least one which has already taught me a great deal, and will no doubt continue to teach me in the times ahead. I suppose we�ll see.

As always, thanks one and all for the feedback and advice!

Majic



[edit on 9/17/2004 by Majic]

Reminiscing With An Angel

Last night, as Vanessa and I slowly came closer together, some memories of a lifetime we shared thousands of years ago became clearer. Vanessa and I still have much to work out regarding Yoshiel and that whole adventure -- we have some differing opinions about Yoshiel which must be carefully considered and negotiated over time.

However, that does not preclude our discussing other things, and last night my thoughts turned to a time long ago when I thought of myself as �the music man� and people called me �Tinker�.

Vanessa seems to remember our time spent together in those ancient days as fondly as I do. It was as close to idyllic a life as I have ever known.

With so many lives filled with drama and passion in my mind, a time when I was nothing more than a worker of wood who lived in peace in a place of beauty has much appeal for me these days.

What follows is a small part of what came to mind last night as I though about my days as the �Tinker�.

Visions Of A Simpler Time

My name was �Egmon� (phonetic -- I could not read, write or spell -- and not to be confused with the �Walrus�), and Vanessa�s name was �Imi�. The village where we spent our entire lives was named �Tish�.

I now know the name of our land, it was �Katur� (maybe ancient Qatar?). I got the impression that maybe �Katur� might be a compound word like �South Ur� or maybe �East Ur�. Something like that, perhaps.

Our village was in a flat land of many trees and fields, which farmers tended with oxen. I could see them in the fields, raising grains which looked to me like wheat, although perhaps they were barley or rye. One man would lead the ox while the other rode on the plow to help it dig in.

Whatever the grain was, it was a staple for us, and the women used the stone-ground flour from these grains to make bread. Usually, the bread was made quickly on the hearth stones, flat and unleavened, but as a treat and for festivals, there was a leaven they would use that the village healer used to make.

The loaves made this way were sweet and delicious!

Horn Of Plenty

We ate the meat of sheep, goats, oxen and poultry (chickens I think, but maybe ducks, or both, I can�t quite tell, they hung around the village is what I mainly remember), as well as some small game animals, and fishermen would catch many fish in the wide, slow-moving river nearby using nets.

Meat figured prominently in our diets, we drank the milk of our livestock and made curds and cheeses from it as well.

There was a dish made with meat (lamb was best for this) and a culture like sour cream or yogurt. This dish was so perfected by Imi that she used to make it all the time for special occasions around the village, such as family celebrations.

Imi made this dish better than anyone else -- the name of it is on the tip of my tongue -- and she was always well-rewarded for it in trade. People gave us animals, cream and spices, and we got to keep the leftovers of the animals and what was left in the pots she made her trademark dish in. It was really good.

I never grew tired of this dish, though I must have eaten it thousands of times. Imi was an excellent cook, and taught all the girls in the village. Food was never a problem for us that I can ever remember, even in times of blight and locusts (we ate the locusts). We never went hungry.

There was a cereal she made by soaking whole grain kernels in hot water to soften them and make them swell up, then milk and cream were added, and sometimes honey. I remember being very fond of this dish.

There were vegetables we ate, mostly from gardens tended by the women. I remember peas and beans being common, as well as some sorts of squash or zucchini, I think. We also ate many kinds of seeds, and there were some spices we got in trade.

Village Of Clay

We lived in a house made of large clay bricks that the brick-making family made and sold. They got the clay from the river bank then dried it in wooden molds set out in the sun. Most villagers lived in houses made of these bricks, and some paths were paved with them.

I didn�t make the normal molds, they did that, but I did make molds for them which would make bricks in special shapes, or with carved impressions of things like animals, fish and astrological symbols that would be left on the brick when it dried. Builders placed these bricks in decorative ways among the bricks of our houses.

As with any village, some families were poor, and lived in wooden huts at the edges of town. My sense of them is not that they were necessarily unfortunate, but lazy and unwilling to work very hard.

Most of us spent our days working, and most of us enjoyed our work, but not everyone thought work important, and instead chose to basically live off the land. They were poor because they had nothing worth trading for.

The Matter Of Mats

The roofs of our houses had wooden frames, but the coverings were woven mats made from the stalks of the grains from the field. These mats were well-made by the thatchers and weavers, and were set atop the roof frames of the houses in many layers, which kept the seasonal rains out.

They were expertly tied to the frames so the wind would not blow them off. Some houses and huts had bundles of reeds set on the roof either on top of these mats or in place of them, but most people used the grainstalk mats, which were excellent.

We also used the mats inside our houses to cover some parts of the floor, but rugs and blankets woven from wool were more common for that. What made the mats attractive was that they were relatively cheap - you could get a good-sized mat for a loaf of quickbread, but you might need to trade a good animal or several craft pieces for a rug of the same size.

Maybe a hundred or so of us lived in the village. I never counted them, and there were always many children running around, making counting harder. During festivals, especially at harvest time, those who lived outside but near the village would gather, and it seemed like there were hundreds and hundreds of us.

We/they would set up temporary tents and booths in the fields around the village for people to stay in and for doing trades. Merchants would come to celebrate, buy grain and flour and sell all sorts of things, it seemed like anything we could imagine was for sale at harvest time.

With everyone moving around as we did, both within and outside the village, it was impossible to count our numbers.

Rush Of Remembrance

An amazing amount of detail springs to mind as the words rush from my fingertips. It is clear that this was an especially happy life for me, so tranquil and simple.

There is much, much more, such as memories of my friends, fellow craftsmen, people of the village and some of the more boisterous boys who seemed to be capable of causing mischief in six different places simultaneously -- even while standing in front of you with looks of false innocence on their faces.

But this post is too long as it is, in a thread that is also too long, so I�ll save those things for another time.



[edit on 9/17/2004 by Majic]

I originally sent this by email to the Society of Light, but realized that it might also be fitting to post this here as well. -M

Brothers and Sisters,

I thought it would be good to share where I'm at right now and what I plan to be doing near-term.

The Creator

Some time back I was given an assignment to investigate the means by which Lord Alpha will be summoned to our time and begin a new chapter in the history of our universe. The search led me to some unexpected places, but I do not think it has been fruitless.

I am as sure now of the "Cycles of Existence" model as I am sure about pretty much anything else. The visions have been too intense, and the meanings only solidify with the passage of time. I could be wrong, of course, but if I am, I am wrong about far more than just that.

While I cannot be sure at this time, I speculate that what I call the "Convergence" is in fact the same event Solists refer to as the "Return of Lord Alpha". The parallels are intriguing, but there are still many unresolved issues between these interpretations, including things which do not agree with one another.

I will continue to seek to understand these things better, and try to gain a better comprehension of the mechanics of Creation.

Yoshiel and Prophecies

As I have mentioned, I believe that what is considered "prophecy" is in fact derived from memories of past cycles of existence.

Since Yoshiel split up, prophetic images are more rare to me. I am not concerned about this, however, since I consider them to be fallout more than anything else. I really don't want to know the future, and ever since I came to understand what true knowledge of the future would mean, have not wished to pursue it.

I have also decided that the circumstances under which Yoshiel was formed should not be repeated, at least by me. I would need a damn good reason to ever want to try that again, and the experience remains an issue between Vanessa and me.

While I will be sure to post any other prophecies that may pop into my pointy little noggin, I consider them a sideline. Instead, I seek to understand how we got here in the first place.

Skill Development

I am getting better and gaining confidence in my abilities, but my spiritual sight and sensitivities remain dim and prone to significant error.

While I have enjoyed dabbling with various things such as psi balls and whatnot, it is clear to me that my primary objectives should be to pursue direct personal spiritual knowledge and to cultivate any skills which will aid in doing so.

Other activities are always there for fun and diversion, but if I have a true purpose in life, it is to overcome the chains of ignorance which bind me. Perhaps that is the true purpose of us all.

I am dangerously prone to pursue power before wisdom. Choosing a path devoted to the pursuit of knowledge seems to be a suitable way to respond to this weakness of mine.

Areas Of Interest

The following is a list of topics I consider to be of special interest at this time:

1) Mechanisms of Creation

2) Relationship between Lord Alpha model and Cycles of Existence model

3) The nature of physical and spiritual reality, and their relationship to one another

4) Spiritual memory organization, identification, retrieval and verification

5) Characteristics of the spiritual continuum and discarnate existence

6) How the process of incarnation works (do we choose or are we chosen?)

7) Determining the degree by which a single spirit can modify reality

8) Discernment: Sorting fact from fiction intuitively

9) Radiance exercises (Pump up the volume!)

10) Spiritual awareness and mapping spiritual senses to events in space-time

11) Improving my telepathic abilities and ability to communicate spiritually

12) Spiritual healing techniques

The general plan for all this is to search for answers within myself, through meditation. Of course, I will also look to outside sources, but I am postulating that we must always verify what we learn by confirming it with what exists within all of us.

Item 7 may seem like a back door attempt at studying telekinesis, but I see much more to it than bending spoons, and don't plan to approach it that way. Also, in light of the wise warnings I have received regarding such activities, I plan to study these effects by conspicuously avoiding sorcery or calls upon other spirits, which I deem to be the most common error.

Whatever happens in such cases must be verifiably due only to my own actions. The reason I plan to continue to continue pursuing an understanding of the mechanics of "reality modification" is that I think it goes way, way beyond telekinesis, and leads to states of awareness that will aid in achieving my primary spiritual goals.

If I am at all right, we will all be using such powers extensively, and soon, for a variety of purposes, including healing. Among other things, I see this as a path to being able to create and maintain a Secondary Godhead Sun, for example.

These skills will most likely be needed immediately after Ascension, and some possibly before that, so I may as well get started researching them now.

Teamwork

Vanessa has proven indispensable in many ways, and is an excellent teacher. I will never forget how four decades of fear seemed to melt away after only single night of counseling by "Doctor Vanessa" (I still don't fear death, for example). The results speak for themselves.

There is still spiritual distance between Vanessa and myself in the wake of the Yoshiel trials, so I consider a very important near-term goal to be to change that, and develop a healthy working relationship between us that will improve us both. Wish us luck!

Summary

There are many ways a person can go once a spiritual direction in life has been chosen. While I am sure there will be many detours and setbacks along the way, I see my path as being first and foremost dedicated to the pursuit of spiritual knowledge.

It is not so much that the path of knowledge is itself obvious, but distinguished more by the fact that whenever I stray from it, I seem to go astray in general. So rather than learn by doing, I think it best for me to do by learning.

And of course, through all this, keeping up the radiance!

Warmest regards,

Majic

Today, while searching for something else, I came across a link to Rousseau's pedagogy Emile, or On Education.

My education in this life has been technical in nature and very light on the humanities, so I had never read any Rousseau, and never felt the impulse to do so.

But seeing this link, I decided to have a look, and was immediately stunned by the similarities in our style of writing. I'm still somewhat amazed by it, frankly.

While the reader can, of course, suppose that perhaps I started writing all this with the idea of copying Rousseau's literary style as some sort of ruse, I know that I never had any such thoughts.

To read Rousseau's disclaimers in the preface of Emile is downright eerie. Skeptic that I am, and have been, it is impossible for me to deny that which stares me in the face.

Perhaps my style is simply influenced by Rousseau's impact on Western thought and culture. But if so, it is still an inordinate influence. No one else that I know of writes like I do -- except Rousseau.

Despite the use of different languages and the passage of centuries, even a casual analysis of our styles shows some striking similarities. I think the very first paragraph of the preface to Emile speaks to the matter more eloquently than I do:

I began this disorderly and almost endless collection of scattered thoughts and observations in order to gratify a good mother who knows how to think. At first I had planned a memoir of only a few pages, but my subject carried me along in spite of myself, and imperceptibly the memoir became a kind of treatise, too large indeed for what it contained but too small for the matter with which it deals. For a long time I hesitated whether to publish it or not, and I have often felt while working upon it that writing a few brochures does not teach one how to compose a book. After vain attempts to improve it, I believe I must give it over as it is, since it is important to direct public attention to this subject. And whenever my ideas are bad, if I make others come up with good ones I will not have completely wasted my time. A man who from a solitary retreat casts his writings before the public without any one to advertise them, without any party to defend them, without even knowing what is thought and said about them, need not fear that if he is wrong people will accept his errors without examining them.

If you have the fortitude to read the rest of this preface, you may very well find as I did that the additional paragraphs only seem to bolster my claims of intellectual similarity, although I must assume that at some point I will find significant differences in style or opinion between us.

After all, the Rousseau within me seems very unhappy with most of his work, and considers a lot of it to be self-contradictory. There is a lot more about his life that I have been writing down from my memories but have not posted here, feeling that this thread is too much of a behemoth as it is. Perhaps I will nonetheless footnote those writings as well for reference.

Even allowing for the literary conventions of the time, I am finding it impossible to read Rousseau's words without experiencing a feeling that goes way beyond deja vu.

It is not the choice of words, but the workings of the mind behind them that catches my attention. The similarities are not merely cosmetic. Even allowing for the power of suggestion and Rousseau's indelible contributions to Western thought, the emotions I feel while finally reading some of his words are uncanny, profound and extremely difficult to explain in words.

I think that really could have been me!

Coincidence? You decide.

I, for one, am coming to doubt more and more that there is any such thing as a true coincidence.

Of course, perhaps I am merely deluding myself, but in the end, isn't volition really nothing more than the freedom to choose our own delusions?

Majique


[edit on 10/19/2004 by Majic]

Congrats on the post magic. If this were an album it would be Tirple Platinum. This has be on the top of the list for months

XX_Mouse_XX, that post has just the right number of possible meanings to make me bust out laughing.

Thanks so much!

I ment that in a good way magic, I've been admiring ur posts since i started here. Ur sort of a mentor to me in a way... Keep postin cuz im watching

Well, I wouldn't think worse of you if you considered me to be a raving lunatic. Hmm, I might even think better of you -- and it would ensure that we always agreed on at least one thing.

As it is, I suppose I should just let this poor, weathered but faithful old thread rest in peace and start some new ones if I have so damn much to say. But it's so hard to let go.

After all of this prophecy business -- ever dubious in my sight -- maybe I'm a little gun shy. Uh oh, that might spawn a whole new self-indulgent thread. Help me Obi-Wan!

Must... fight... urge to bloat thread.... gahhhhh!

most excellent thread majic.

[edit on 29-10-2004 by ThePunisher]

Dawn After Darkness

I may or may not have written much about it, but the parting of Vanessa and myself at the end of the �Yoshiel Affair� was extremely traumatic for both of us.

Ever since, I have tried to reach her and reestablish a close relationship, but had been met with only vague glimpses of her -- and they felt so terribly distant, like a light upon a hill far away or a star behind clouds. Though her mood in all of those brief contacts has been loving and not at all bitter, I had felt us somehow driven apart.

Now I know why: it was me. I won�t elaborate on it too much. After all, though this thread may seem to attest otherwise, my life really isn�t an open book. The short story is that it was actually I who had left Vanessa, not the other way around.

But at least now I know that Vanessa had never left, that I had merely turned away from her, thinking falsely that she wished no more to do with me (and other such self-deceptive nonsense born in the darkness of my heart). I suffered much distress because of my own self-delusions about us, but I think I have learned from it. Pain is a teacher.

Yesterday morning, I �saw� her again in meditation, and she is more glorious than ever. I once again feel foolish trying to describe the beauty of her spirit and failing as always. The warmth of her dazzling light, so pure and comforting, tenderly heals the many wounds in my soul.

Since her �return� yesterday, I have felt her with me, by my side. Now I know: she will always, always be by my side, and will never abandon me. She never left me, it was only my inability to sense her presence that has separated us.

I had been deeply troubled by our parting. Now, after so many difficult weeks and long dark nights of the soul, I can finally understand that I need never worry again.

The sun has again risen in my life, and her name is Vanessa.

What Next?

For now, I am content to rejoice that I can sense Vanessa near me again. But of course, whenever you get us together, mischief must inevitably ensue.

I don�t know where this will ultimately lead, and suppose I can take solace in that. Vanessa has made it unmistakably clear that my path is my own to choose, and though she will never leave my side, that necessarily means that she will never seek to step ahead and lead me down the path, either.

I will pause, walk, stumble and fall on my own as I will, and as is given me to do. But now I need never again fear doing so alone.

Majic


P.S. ThePunisher, thanks for the kind words. Don�t forget that the thread would have turned out much different without the excellent contributions of many of our fellow members.


[edit on 10/30/2004 by Majic]

Heya Majic,

So what DOES the Wifey think about you and Vanessa hmm....?

Yes, I am a bastard today, lol.

JK

-ADHDsux4me

Originally posted by ADHDsux4me
So what DOES the Wifey think about you and Vanessa hmm....?

Well, here on Earth, I'm no longer married, so the question is moot.

In a certain sense of the word, Vanessa and I could be considered to be "married", but that term would tend to be very misleading.

For example, it's a "contract" that is binding only as long as both of us consider it to be, which neither of us really does. We just love each other and desire each other's company, and don't see that changing anytime soon over the next several aeons.

Either of us can spiritually join with whomever we please and on Earth (or other "physical" planes) have sex with whomever we please (presumably within the customary restrictions of statutes and decorum, of course), so from that standpoint, it's not a very restrictive "marriage".

I would not, however, pledge myself to another, nor would Vanessa do so either.

Of course, we have been married in two past lives on Earth, and the terms of those marriages were much more restrictive, but ultimately temporary. Spiritual unions are necessarily different from physical unions.

Having said all that, I advise that those who are married on Earth avoid actively pursuing relationships such as the one between myself and Vanessa, because it can definitely complicate things that really don't need complicating.

Overall, an interesting point for consideration.

Looks as if I'll be reading alot tomorrow night... seems I missed a great deal on this thread...

Anyway...

I am married on this physical plane; My wife and I love each other very much, and she does know about (some of) my magical past.

What she doesn't know is that my spiritual self is also... bound?... to another, and that, both in the spiritual sense and physical, our paths have crossed numerous times.

There are no complications in this. Just like with work and private life, I keep my spiritual and... mundane life seperate. Sometimes things cross over, usually because of the darker natures of things I deal/dealt with, but as for the love and sanctity of marriage, there isn't a problem.

I would think the same can be said with Majic's life.

I missed this post the first time around, But after reading Majics current posts, and his great advice he gave on my astral plane question. I at last got around to reading it.

This addresses a very crucial issue in the practice of certain PSI abilitys, I myself have been tempted by the thought of being able to influence people with certain abilitys. Majics shared experience will hopefully save me from a similar fate, and any others who are tempted by this. I think if you apply the same rules that you practice in your everyday life to PSI ability, you will have a long and positive experience with this unique gift.
Parker

I may or may not have written much about it, but the parting of Vanessa and myself at the end of the �Yoshiel Affair� was extremely traumatic for both of us.

I was wondering what stopped you posting in your "I am a prophet" thread. Some interjection of rationality, objectivity, sense and challenge made you realise you were not quite up to it. Good luck with "vanessa"

Indigo_Child, if you have questions or comments about a thread other than this one, please feel free to post them in that thread.

I will try to avoid addressing other thread topics here, since this thread is somewhat long in the tooth as it is.

How did you learn this magic/majic/magick/crapola anyway? I wanna learn! I know I'm paying no attention to your warning but come on I'm 13! Can you blame me?

listen "young one" gota love yoda

Majik is nothing to be played with read this persons posts and you easly learn this. As many know I am only 15 now (well its 3 months) but wanting power, without wisdom will almost always back fire on you. learn slowly and try not to hurt your self. Im learning majik the best i can and finding real spells are hard. This is because of to reasons. People dont give out the ones that they dont like, or like its the ones inbetween (not true for all). Also some people give out fake ones just to make people like us mad

please.... let this thread die.
nothing personal.

Oh Dash It All

I was pulling a quote out of this thread (ironically to get a URL tag for the Yoshiel thread to use as a ref for the Sumatra thread) and accidentally bumped it.

Sorry!

I was wanting to let it rest in peace as much as anyone else.

Oh well.

Again, sorry.

Majic


[edit on 4/13/2005 by Majic]